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Thread: Did you get fucked up at fifteen? . . . ( not really a roll call )

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    #26
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    I hear ya.
    Know what I do usually at parties or gatherings of any sort. I tend to be somewhat personable, but all the while inside I am intent and focused on the events of the people around me. I guess you could say that I'm just an observer, as many of us are. Not unique in that aspect.
    Sounds like a lot of people who search for direction turn to drugs. For some reason this makes me cautious. Perhaps the drugs do not offer anything important beyond insight. What you get out of the drugs, you give to yourself. The drugs offer up, and you either take or ignore or don't even see. Maybe we exonerate the drugs too much, maybe we should point toward ourselves more often.
    Pyro
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    Frequency. Music. Sound. Imagination. Reality. Worlds. Hope. Love. Communication. Common Sense. Community.
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    #27
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    I know exactly what you mean about being focused on the people and events surrounding you.
    I can't speak for everyone but by taking different substances in my search for whatever I'm looking for offered me a certain view I never allowed myself to see before. It's sort of like if you had blinders on your entire life and they were suddenly removed. Your peripheral vision isn't impared and you can see much, much more of the whole picture.
    I do believe that what you get out of drugs you give to yourself, but in the long run it isn't about the drugs. Drugs are temporary, but the connection made deeper into yourself through them lasts forever. When the effects of whatever substance wear off, I still retain all the knowledge I learned. It's something that no one could ever take away.
    Finder
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    #28
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    I remember being 12 going through my mothers Liquor cabinet tasting all the varieties of alcohol she had to offer. I puked my brain out that night and decided it was evil. When I was 14 I was straight edge most of the year. By the end of the year i grew bored and started smoking weed. I always promised myself that i'd never do anything else. When i was 15, i had a friend whose mom was addicted to crack. We were curious so we stole some and tried it. The next day my mother tells me she wants me drug tested. I searched all over the fuckin internet and couldn't find out anywhere how long it would stay in my system. When I was 16 I heard about ecstacy and decided I wanted to tried it. The next day I was still feeling some effects and freaked out and tried to find some info on it on the web. Still couldn't find shit. Then about a month or 2 ago, i read time magazine that had an article about Dancesafe.com in it. FINALLY! Some information I so much craved. I am so thankful to Dancesafe and Bluelight for giving me the info i need instead of putting me down. Knowledge is they key )
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    #29
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    First I must tell you all, esp. Ashke for starting this thread....you are beautiful. In every word that I have read on this post I have felt pangs of both joy and pain, that there is someone else who feels/felt the exact same way that I did at one point....and here I thought that I was the only freak around.
    I think that one of the hardest things about growing up, is the ALONENESS. Thinking about the scared, lonely girl that I was at that age literally brings tears to my eyes...to have the burden of self-discovery and finding a niche (and usually, any niche will do) while fending off "drugs" cuz your parents tell you they are bad....it is a wonder and a miracle that any of us survived.
    Drugs were bad until I was 16 and on a ski trip, I had snuck some of my Dad's Coors Lights into my duffel bag, and that night, a girl that I was kinda friends with split 4 with me......four beers and I thought that I was fucked up. I couldn't get over the sensation of being loosened....it was all downhill from there. I drank whenever I could get some, day, night, school, work, who cared....I felt better. Then the mj came....started with loveboat (poor dumb girl) and that became my "drug of choice". Luckily I met my best friend in the whole world (and probably the best person in the whole world) and she turned me around without even knowing it. She was anti-abuse and without making me feel like an asshole, she made me see why that wasn't the way to go. Being with her made me feel better than any drink or smoke did. She was a godsend (if there is a god) and there isn't a day that goes by that I am not grateful to her. I definitely wouldn't have graduated from high school, and I would probably have a child right now.......whoah.
    Today I am 22...I do E about once a month with my best friends (she moved to NJ but we are still tight)....I drink occasionally, but do detest that loss of control when extremely intoxicated, and the barfing thing absolutely blows. I experimented with coke and shrooms in college...they didn't take.
    I guess that what I am trying to add to this post is this:
    It doesn't matter how young or old you are when you do drugs.....what matters is why, and understanding why. So many people find out the hard way.....a life ruined simply because no one offers help, solace or simply INFORMATION, it angers me...because it is so simple to help someone, simply through words....and that is what this site brings to the world....a means of therapy, anonymous and safe.
    Thank you, and remember, you rarely know what you have until it is gone....that is why god made E.
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    #30
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    Definitely some intense thinking here people. Guess I'll add my two cents.

    It all started when I was about 14. I had my first drink, and coincidently my first drunk at homecoming. The frequency was definitely in moderation, though I can't say the quantity was.

    Things were slow until the next year, where I worked at a pharmacy along with some casual high school drug users. During the year that I worked there I got introduced to weed seriously for the first time, but only smoked a few times. It was all about experimentation. As the son of two alcoholic parents, I've learned over the years that I need to watch myself.

    Then, months after the weed, came the acid. That all died off for a while once I quit that job, with only a few random bouts of weed smoking. My next job was working for a guy hooked on coke, but suprisingly that didn't really affect me and I still made good choices. This was the time where I started partying a little harder with alochol, but still only every other weekend or so.
    Summer between Junior/Senior year was a tough time for me.

    Getting over a girlfriend at the start of the summer, which seemed to be an annual thing for me, basically kept me locked inside my house for the summer. Suprisingly, I turned to things other than drugs to keep my busy, such as my computer and the occasional party.

    It wasn't until just a few months ago that I tried rolling for the first time. Actually, coincidently it was the first time I went to a party. I was invited by Ebow who had been to a party or two before and I was interested when I heard about his experiences. I was the one sitting in the middle of the floor at Whistle blown out of his mind. (I'm sure that really narrows it down) It was truly wonderful, all of the feelings that I keep bottled up inside me came out. I only knew a couple people there, so I didn't share them much, but I definitely realized some good things about myself and my friends.

    Since then I have rolled three times with my girlfriend, and have been to one more party. We tried it two days in a row while on vacation at the beach(stupid), getting very little out of it the second day anyway, but the first day was truly amazing. We are both semi-shy people and the e truly gave us the ability to communicate a lot of feelings that we hadn't previously had the guts to share with each other. That was definitely one of the best nights of my life. It wasn't about sex, wasn't even on our minds, it was all about love.

    Thinking about my last two months the only thing I regret is not doing more research about the things I have done in the past. It turns out that what I've done hasn't been too bad at all, but I've also realized a lot of what the dangers of the drug world are now.

    What I don't regret is taking a look at the whole rave scene. While I'm not currently, and never have been much of a dancer, I do enjoy music, friends, and some kick ass lighting. Maybe that makes me one of those "kids who goes just for the drugs". Thats not the way I look at it.

    Not really sure how to finish this off, guess I just ran out of stuff to say. I don't really expect any of you to read all this, but if you did thanks I guess. Just sharing my thougts...
    ------------------
    -Chris
    Last edited by PsychoKitten; 07-01-2004 at 04:13.
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    #31
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    It's interesting reading all these stories I feel like i should add my bit
    My 17th is in bout 3 weeks. I'm to young for this shit but I gain far to much to stop
    I always felt compelled to try weed. The two most popular guys in my primary school (one i wsa best friends with) always bragged about "smoking cones".
    I got to high school and became a computer addict....Man do you have any good warez leech's? I got about 10 cd's full of warez games I've never played Anyways, I had my first real experience with weed in new years between yr 10 and 11 (one and a half years ago), absolutely loved it. Such a good night Those holidays got me into weed a little bit, only in very small does though. Then i got to school and in physics sat next to a friendly guy that was a fairly regular stoner. This lead to the friday night session, the satur*day* session then the sat night session. Along with a good solid year of drinking almost every weekend. Sort of a neutral drug for me, not good not bad. Anyways, then one day my mum comes in and says "I've got cancer in my breast, I'm going into hospital in 2 days"....wtf?!?
    This lead me to unconciously smoke alot more weed. Not so much smoke alot more but just become dependant on it. It's got better and worse ( to the point of smoking every night ). I'm just coming out of being dependant on it. And now i still smoke quite a bit but i know that i don't need to,,,if i don't hook up i don't worry about it at all, i just stay straight. The thing that managed to get me to stop was ecstasy. I was coming down and asked myself if i smoked for the wrong reasons,,for the first time i said "yes". I'm young, to young for mj and esspecially ecstasy. I'm to young physically, my body is still developing. And fuck, I am way to young mentally! But if it wasn't for that guy who said "do you wanna buy and pills" i'd probably be smoking at least once a day which i don't want to do. Catch 22,,,wish I hadn't found ecstasy,,,but damn glad it did Oh yeh, first roll was the start of this year. I'm mature in the use of my drugs now. I can honestly say i'm totally in control of my drug use. I *love* rolling and smoking but somehow don't feel the need to do it anymore.
    Does this relate to the original topic?
    ah well
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    #32
    Bluelighter
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    Smile

    I think I'm quite happy that I discovered drugs as late as it was - I was 21 or so before I was doing them seriously.
    I think that all those insecurities that youth has to offer make you more perceptible to doing all the wrong things drugs can bring along.
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    ... Puma
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    #33
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    i don't exactly have my own personal journey to share. i have never been hooked on anything - not even cigarettes. i've tried a few things & enjoy taking e or loui about once a month but i'm never ever hanging for it. i really like my life & i really enjoy being straight & luckily that has been enough to keep me from forming any habits.
    my ex-boyfriend, however, is an entirely different kettle of fish. he still has my heart (& probably always will) & it hurts everytime i think about him (which is a lot - too much). he has experimented a lot with drugs but for reasons of cost & accessibility has kept alcohol & mull as the substances of choice - pretty much every day since the age of 12 (now 22).
    please don't anyone try & tell me they are not real drugs. he is such a beautiful person & has (or had) the potential to achieve anything he puts his mind to. sadly, i don't think he has a mind left to put to anything - it has been sucked away by years of disuse. i know he's not happy with the way his life is but instead of doing something about it (which i know he can) he just tries to drown it & cover it with smoke because that is the only way has ever known how to deal with shit.
    i know it's easy for me to say all this when i'm not the one with the problems. i don't need to be reminded of that - i can see how hard it is for him & i really feel for him. i've tried (after being asked) to help him sort his shit out but i can't. i've tried to just be there for him but i can't do that either. instead of leaning towards me for support, he pulls away because i remind him of things he doesn't want to face.
    i want, more than anything, to be able to make things easier for him but it's too fucking hard to always be second, after drugs, to the person you are in love with. i wish i was stronger & i wish didn't take it personally & i wish i knew what else to do - it hurts so much to see him in pain & be not be able help him. but i'm slowly learning - i have to.
    my love & hugs to everyone who has shared on this thread.
    my thanks to anyone who took the time to read this.
    my apologies to my sweet ex-boyfriend who i couldn't help.
    ------------------
    to the crazy person, the normal one is insane
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    #34
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    its so awesome to read all your thoughts like this, and see that you guys all think the same thoughts as i do. except i got one problem, i'm only 17, and i think about all this stuff all the time.
    you guys, with exceptions, are all experienced campaigners who have been there, done that. and you come out at the other end thinking all this stuff, stuff that i think about, and i DONT WANT TO YET !
    like finder, i think way too much, and i think about all the same things, over and over again. i think about my friends, i think about school, and i cant stop stressing over them. i never used to stress, i dont know why i do now. i used to just be a guy who went out and did stupid shit with his buddies and smoked weed and drank and stuff. except i cant get that freedom back into my head. i never just let go anymore, i'm always thinking.
    the only time i just relax and chill out is when i drink, or when i go rolling. xcept the last time i went rolling i was still stressing, so i had an average time.
    why does all this shit bug me all the time? i shouldnt let it get to me, but i do. and i know i should just relax, but i'm always tense and edgy.
    so i'm not entirely clear myself what i'm getting at, i'm just writing all this down, i have no idea if neone can relate or knows what i mean.
    i give myself too much time to think, i spend hours on buses most days, which doesnt help. i listen to my walkman, but i cant even concentrate on that nemore, i just stress about things, a girl, a friend, school. and i'm lazy, i dont get up when i wake up, i just lay there and think. i dont go to sleep when i go to bed, i lay there and think.
    so.. yeah.. i got no idea if this relates to the thread. i just read all your stories and told mine. about the mature age thing, i started weed at 15, acid at 15, and e & speed at 17. when i think about all that acid, i think i was way too young. the first time i dropped acid, i drank beer and smoked way too much weed as well and ended up barfing everywhere. not a good thing when you are tripping off your head. i did heaps of stupid stuff back then, but now i use BL to its full potential, all the tricks of the trade, harm minimisation, all the benefits, and all of your experience. at the time i thought i could handle acid and i probably did ok, but i wouldnt recommend someone else start that early. make sense?
    so much respect to all you peeps, who have my thoughts, and concerns, and insecurities. hope all you stuff goes well. cheers to neone who read this far.
    ashke - love your work. save the children
    ------------------
    let me take you high with the breaks, and low with the bass.
    [This message has been edited by fat tony (edited 16 July 2000).]
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    #35
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    i AM 15 rite now, and the things i use are limited, what i use i kno everything about, i tripped my frist time at 14, (i studied LSD for like 4 months before trying it) i dunno drugs just facinate me.
    but yea, i started doing everything after i was dumped by that senior chic when i was a freshman...it tore the shit out of me, and so i got into drugs...not as an escape... but for some reason i felt like finding out what acid did to you...crazy huh?
    i never really over did it, too badly, i knew my source yada yada...and now ive moved onto E, ill roll every three weeks MAYBE, i dont take drugs often. but those are the illegal ones, i dont smoke pot, and i dont drink.
    I'll do muscle relaxers now, condone, oxycontin, my father has scripts...but the things i do are in moderation...just like ashke i am wayy too old for my age.
    *shrug* thats me.
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    #36
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    I've only skimmed the responses and already I feel their powerfulness challenging me. I am Ashke's "ideal bluelighter." (I loved your autobiography by the way). I tried E when I was 18 and in college. I had really cool friends who were honest with their experiences, nonjudgemental, and yet conservative with their drugs who advised me about the experience. Ultimately, it was me who went back for more though.
    The ironic thing is E is the first illegal drug I ever used. Not pot the so-called "gateway drug." I smoked pot much later, partially b/c I found my hypocrisy towards it ridiculous. "You won't smoke weed, but you'll roll?" were the incredulous replies and smirks I got from people. I think I'm in control of my E usage. I'm educated and still educating myself about it. I've never dropped more than one roll or rolled more than once in a 2 week period. What does this make me? No better than you, and I'm not likely to be selected as Good Citizen of the Year either. It makes me relieved, except for the fact that there is a curiosity to kill about other drugs. It's like being morbidly obsessed with death, I am fascinated by Ecstasy, which some would argue leads to the ultimate death of my mind. But right now I am expanding and grasping, I just hope I don't reach beyond my grasp. Much love~~ ~~
    ------------------
    Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television. Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electric tin openers. (Irvine Welsh).
    [This message has been edited by Cloud9tE (edited 18 July 2000).]
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    #37
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    i hear ya, i'm 16, and i started when i was about 15.
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    #38
    Bluelighter applesbliss's Avatar
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    I was always impressed and fascinated by my friends who did/do drugs.

    14-17: It didn't occur to me to try drugs, any drug.
    I flirted with it during those timespans, and it didn't really mean anything. I bought some marijuanna from a friend at school in 10th grade. For 10 $, it came in a cute plastic case, with a few rolling papers, and a tiny amount of weed(Now I would say 2 grams or so). I tried smoking it, but I couldn't. For the life of me I just could not figure out how. Ain't I bright I ended up eating the remainder, to savor the experiance.(This was while visiting for the weekend at my dads place while he was out)

    I had also tried, smoking a pixie stick that year. Also tried drinking some liquor in the cabinet tring to be daring, well it ended up burning my tongue and I stopped right there .

    Somewhere in the duration of my 10th grade year, a person my age who I was living with brought me behind a church near where we use to live. And we lit up a tobacco cigarrette. I still remember the buzz from that cigarrette. It kicked my ass, and I coughed, and got dizzy and I think my head hurt. Now the year before at school, between portables(At school), some friends were smoking a cigarrette, I think I remember just hitting it quickly.
    Life was so incrediable at that age.

    I moved back to my hometown after my 10th grade year. And new friends gravitated to me, I had developed a structure that was anti-structure, and beyond goth. Many of my new friends, did drugs. I would eventually change persona again, the outlook of my circle of friends changed with this. I was living on this surge of beauty and observation. I accepted everything for the beauty it was, and began fathoming balances.

    I was always offered drugs, when one of my best friends moved out on his own, and I would go chill at the complex he was staying at. There was this dood, named Carlos, who always said "Fuck Mickey Mouse", and he smoked crack, and the other neighbors did lots of weed. I was always offered. Friends I was with offered me whatever was there, and some other friends tried to protect me(Mostly female friends, who knew I never did any drugs) from tring anything. I always thought, that I wanted to wait to smoke pot until I could see a friend from tenth grade who I really missed, who was into party and drugs.

    The main reason I didn't wanna try drugs, was because I didn't want my perception tampered with. I was writing alot of music, and poetry, and didn't want ANYTHING to disrupt that.

    Then came twelth grade, I sort of morphed into a hippie, with my long hair, very romantic towards all.

    After I graduated, I had my car, I said goodbye, and moved to the area where I lived in 10th grade. Met up with old friends, made new friends. Crashed with a friend's fiancee, where I would first smoke generous amounts of pot(With the person I wanted to). The people I was staying with were evicted from their house. They didn't pay rent(They smoked alot), so I rented a place where we both could crash with money I saved up.

    Then moved back to my hometown, to share a house in the middle of nowhere with about 8 really good friends. It was dubbed "The house that never sleeps"(Original huh)(Parties EVERY day and night), we wrote all over the walls, had a toilet in the living room, a few couches, some cats, and two bedrooms.
    I watched them do massive amounts of coke, no-doz, 'script drugs, duster, nitrous, pot, alcohol, E, acid, and shrooms. What I did was: alcohol and pot. I didn't have any desire to try anything else.(It didn't even cross my mind)

    Upon moving to Daytona, with a heavy toker friend I had met through another friend. And with a few rascels from the old place. I did uh more pot, alcohol, and tried poppers.

    In mid-July tried E, with friends(Who I had met in Daytona). What an increadable experiance from so many fronts. It concluded with a afterglow lasting two months.

    Four months later I decided to move out on my own. Became fairly deepressed ... between landlord, ...work. Friends I had met in Daytona, moved to other cities.(I was asked if I wanted to move to Georgia, but decided to stay). Plus I lost contact with hometown friends around this time.

    Very hard time, winter was starting, and I was just having a nervous breakdown.

    I did make good friends with a older lady who had the same job as me. She lived up the street, and I had gone to parties at her house, then begun hanging out. She drank, smoked, rolled, tripped so on. She lived with cool people(Her son, and others). I evenutally decided to move into the same apartment complex. I rolled with them a few times, and tried other things.

    Two weeks later, I met up with bluelighters, After extensive ongoing research, and new interests being sparked. I had tried, G, K, nitrous, foxy, many legal drugs/suppliments, Salvia, acid, various others, and, and, and vicks
    applesbliss
    [This message has been edited by applesbliss (edited 19 July 2000).]
    Last edited by PsychoKitten; 07-01-2004 at 04:14.
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    #39
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    hRmmm...
    AsHke u've inspired me 2 share with the rest of the group...
    My drug usage/whatever u wanna call it began in the 7th grade. I think I was like 13 err sumtin i dunno. I smoked bud with my best friend Mary... I liked it LoL who doesn't at first?? ne ways we were smokin partners. Well at first it was a every 1ce inna while thing, then more often. I moved away from the old hood and in2 another. That's when things went 2 hell inna handbasket basically. The pot-smoking became way more regular then a new friend introduced me 2 prescription drugs. FUCK BUD at this point in time. I was 15. I didn't realize it at the time, but my dad had a shitload of goodies in the medicine cabinet Darvocetts(he's a parkinson's patient), flexiril(moms) and whatever else I could get my hands on, white crosses whatever... ne ways my tolerance grew really fast, 5 darvocetts 2 get a decent high... well 1 night I got this super bright idea that I was gonna take 5 darvocetts and drink a bottle of robitussin... well I did OMFG! talk about hearing shit that wasnt there whoa... I was outta my mind! I ended up hurlin well I didnt go 2 bed at all I went 2 school the next day still fucked up. That totally scared me. So I made a promise 2 myself no more pain pils muscle relaxers or speed. I went back 2 mah Bud. I turned in2 a burnout rahter quickly I must say. I made a new friend who was a pot head 2. Jennifer!! I REALLY HATE 2 admit this but I know none of u will judge me for it, we started 2 huff 2gether as well(FREON, gas) Well 2 make it short. I stole my moms atm card and got caught, and got my ass thrown inna juvenile level 6 REHAB for 9 months. i turned 16 2 weeks after i went 2 detox (for those of u who dont know u detox b4 u go 2 rehab) Well i got out may of last year. I did really good my first 2 months home I managed 2 stay away from my brother(pothead) long enough 2 get off of probation and pass the piss tests that come with it. I started smoking Bud again (not for long). Then I started drinking a lot. Well I completly overdid it 1 night and ended up down in the er about 2 get my stomach pumped thank god I came 2. I cut that shit out for a while and didn't really do ne thing til Oct. that's when I took my first hit of acid(17) I liked it LOL I tripped a couple more times. Then came the beans in Jan. I totally loved my experience! Let's just say it's the best high i've ever had. And I haven't really messed with ne other drugs since. I mean I love 2 blaze when i roll and every 1ce inna BLUE MOON i'll drink but NO PILLS!! I'll be turning 18 in august and now that I look back on things I think 2 myself damn I've GROWN UP FAST! Sometimes i regret it, but i don't. u know? I know my limits now. I'm not the naive lil shit I was when I first started messing with all of this shit. And I've got 2 say i've learned a lotta things about myself. And u know, i'm kinda glad I went 2 rehab because i was really onna path of SELF deSTRUction-not only that I learned a shitload from that place.Most of all I learned a shitload about MYSELF! I just wanted 2 thank all of you who shared your stories... It brought back mad memories of the friends I made in and out of rehab. and it takes mad guts 2 just let shit like that out on the real. I give all of u mad props n MAD LOVE!! and thank u ashke RAVE ON
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    #40
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    used to smoke pot and drink but didn't touch any pills until later on
    ------------------
    Nuff sed
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    #41
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    at the age of 15 I was doing pot and acid. I was huffin and I think thats it. My brain's memory is so fuct up I cant remember half the shiet I did.
    skubie dew
    ------------------
    Puff Puff give! You fuc*in up the rotation!
    [This message has been edited by skuby dew (edited 20 July 2000).]
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    #42
    Ninja
    Fat Tony -
    Hey, I just wanted to post that I know exactly what you're talking about. Your post made a lot of sense to me. Feel free to email me about anything, anytime.
    finder@(deletethis).chocobo.org
    Finder
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    #43
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    by the age of fifteen i was drinking smoking and tripping..even though i started young i think i handled myself pretty well i always put school as my first priority..
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    #44
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    Wow, I can really relate with a lot of the things you all are experiencing and feeling.
    There comes a point in time where you actually take a minute to do a spot check of yourself (this usually occurs when you're riding a killer buzz). You try really fucking hard to figure everything out (what have you done, what are you doing, what will you do, and WHY). But you keep hearing this voice in the background, it's that Pink Floyd voice yelling, "Welcome to the machine!" over and over again.
    This is when you come to the realization that you don't have a whole lot of control over the mystical questions, "where, when, why?" There is some other ultimate reality behind all of it, glimpses of it I can obtain, but an understanding of it I will never.
    extahsee
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    #45
    Angry
    Started drinking a lot at about 12 - started lighter gas about 13 - started grass & shrooms at 15 - started NO2 and LSD and speed about 16 - started E and coke about 18 - *tried* H at later date.
    Think that's about it.
    The only thing I regret is doing too much drinking my whole life - for most of us this is the most harmful drug (and the one that's got me in the most trouble with the law etc)
    ------------------
    {DBM}DoubleDove -You know it!-
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    #46
    Bluelighter
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    I've moved this from the Chill Out Room, which will soon be extinct. Everyone wave g'bye to it now! *waves*
    ~*~ Ashke ~*~
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    #47
    Bluelighter
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    Being 15 myself, I decided to reply . Drugs......hmmm. This is a very difficult topic in my opinion, because people are so different from each other. To better explain myself-- Everyone is different, the way we feel, think, see things, have opinions, ect. So with everything else people are going to be different with drugs. Although I am only 15, I have seen people twice my age completely lose everything to drugs-but-I have seen people my age lose control also. I will agree with a lot of people that it is a good idea to wait till you are 18 and up to use drugs. I agree with this not really because of responsiblity issues, but of issues with devolpment. As far as I know, most people do not fully devolp until around 18, and sometimes even older than that. On the other hand though with responsibilty issues, I think it depends on soley on the individual. I know some 15 year olds for sure could not handle drugs because their lack of caring for themselves or what they do. I know some 15 year olds who could not handle drugs because of thier addictive personality and other thigns also. This also applys to older people I know of, not just personally but of course celebrities and such. I think it all depends on the person. Some people do drugs for the wrong reasons. Yes, I have tried things, yes I will probably continue to experiment for I am a curious person. I feel that I do them responsibly, if there really is such a thing and not to escape from things in my life. That is one of the worst reasons to do a drug in my opinion. There would be no point, yeah your having a shitty time in your life and things are getting hard to deal with. Drugs aren't going to help this, the problems and discomforts of life will be there just as you left them before you got messed up. Only, now depending on what you took the problem probably seems worse because after many drugs their is a comedown and is usually not a real pleasant thing so it can make things seem worse than they are. I have used drugs to not conceal myself from unpleasnat things in my life, but to experience and realize the GOOD THINGS in life. A lot of people seem to focus on the bad things more then the good. I don't drink, I don't smoke weed barely ever at all. No cigarettes...I have rolled two times, last time I rolled was 3 months ago, and if I do decide to do it again it probably will not be for another 3 months. I strongly believe in moderation and education. I think no matter what your age you should use moderation and be educated on what you do. I have tried other drugs also. Moderation I think is extremely important. It saddens me to hear people talking about losing the magic of E due to long term use, or too much use. So that is one reason for moderation....without moderation you will most likely build up a tolerance. Also doing things in moderation makes you appreciate them more. I am for the most part a very happy person, and can have fubn without being messed up-I don't need drugs, just sometimes it is fun to experience different things in life. I may be only 15, but I think I can handle experiencing drugs. I have very good grades and intend to keep them that way. I have read everything I can about any drug I can, pre-cautions, I pre-load, post-load, anything I can do to be as safe as possible. Maybe I am wrong for doing drugs, but maybe everyone else is wrong too.
    People can flame me if they choose for all of this is completely my opinion on this subject and anyone who wants to differ you are more the welcome. I would love to hear people's opinions on what I had to say. I take opinions as education, you can learn from what other people think and expand your thinking also.
    ~Loves and Hugs always!~Erin
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    #48
    Bluelighter
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    I started smoking weed, drinking and using tobacco at 13.
    15-16 were my hardcore acid years, I have a lot of really fond memories from back then.
    Anyway I totally agree, if someone is asking about drugs they have already made the decision to do them, and there is nothing your're going to say to change their mind.
    I doubt most people who waited untill they were 18 to try drugs waited that long on purpose anyway. More likely, they were scared because they believed all the biased drug information in the media.
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    #49
    Bluelighter Cyc's Avatar
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    That took almost an hour to read dammit!

    Drugs, drugs, drugs,

    Well, let's kick it off..

    Through school I was pretty hyper, had a Ritilin prescription at the age of 8, lucky me, (I endearingly call them my 'guinea pig months') which turned me into quite the vegtable in contrast, much to the delight of my teachers. Well, my mother, caring person that she is, observed my total inhibition towards life and took me off the medication post haste. I can honestly say I have very few memories from that time in my life.

    As I developed, I had little problems with the intellectual workload and thus curbed my efforts towards wreaking havok. With no adverse Ritilan affects, I was full of questions towards life and attempted my first cigarette at 9. *puke, gag*

    I trudged through middle school as a 'floater.' I really had no need for most people, they didn't share my enthusiasm and therefore didn't exist. I found the world of fantasty through that time and had much imagination and energy to work with (not to mention time) so I breezed through life with the happy-go-lucky air of the truly delusional. It wasn't until freshman High School that I realized, "shit, I've just shot up about 6 inches and lost 30 pounds" and girls took an interest, Cha-ching, I was in business. I discovered a world of friends and drugs came with the territory. Funny enough, my years of imaginary solitude had lent me perspectives that were somehow warmly welcomed by people. I surrounded myself with girlfriends, who were easier for me to relate with, and joined football, watching my grades slip to 60-75% averages. Pot came easy for me, it was there, it was free and it was fun. I started at 14 and we were choking down 5'vers of lube during the week. I always had a friend in every crowd, made sure I wasn't popular, just accepted. This carried on through a myriad of thoughts, bonds, girls, classes, life.

    My experimentation with alcohol came about at 16, and was added with moderate buddha smoking and made for some interesting occasions. Shrooms were tried at 16 as well, producing an amazing experience last day of school, Grade 11 with some good friends. Life moved on and so did I, keeping fairly clean. Through that time, I was still largely engrossed with fantasy and scheduled myself towards this hobby, venting it through creative writing, poetry and the like and incorporating it with a love for my early taste in electronic music and computers.
    I dropped my first xtc tab at the age of 19 and fell in love with how it vividly swept me to the distant castles that I'd been harbouring in my mind from childhood. It was beautfiful and horrible at the same time. Inhibitions fell away like so many dark memories and I could focus on expression, 'infinite expression, my new obsession.' la ti da... ahem. I coasted ever so easily into a gutter since then and I'm not sure why.. Things have changed, friends have changed, and life... well life will always be what you make of it, that I've learned. Still, I quest to this day to broaden my perspective and learn. I'm now 20 and getting back on my feet again.

    Drugs have taught me much, allowed me to open myself to infinite possibilites. The most important thing I've learned to this date is that I still have much more to take in; But I can see it now, the landscape perhaps, it's obscure but visible and may such noble quests such as life, lead us to clarification.

    Kyk.
    [This message has been edited by Kyk (edited 30 October 2000).]
    Last edited by PsychoKitten; 07-01-2004 at 04:15.
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    #50
    Bluelighter
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    Wow, there are some really moving stories on here...this is awesome.

    I kinda wish I *did* get fucked up at fifteen. But I didn't, I was brought up in a strictly Christian household and sent to an all-girls' private school with an obsession for academic excellence. Doubtless to say, I was the perfect Christian daughter who got her straight A's and made Mommy and Daddy oh-so-proud. I had my little rebellions every once in awhile, but never had the guts to think for myself for too long....too stressful, ya know.

    At 18 I thought I had life perfectly figured out. I knew everything. I was an active member of my church and I was dating a 26 year old guy who I planned on marrying. I truly shudder now, to think of how narrow my mind was back then, how blind and naive I really was, and how fucked-up my whole outlook on life was without my even realizing it. The girl that I am today has nothing in common with that girl of 2 years ago, it's hard to believe we are even the same person.

    Thankfully, my bubble was burst by events in my life beyond my control...which left all my supposed unbreakable beliefs just...well...broken. So I had to start again. I never got to grow up when I should have been growing up, so when everyone else was getting through adolescence and finally finding out who they were...I was just beginning.

    Except I didn't have the luxury of progressing naturally and slowly, advancing to the next stage once I had graduated from the last. Nope, I decided to do it all at once. What most people do in years, I made up for in months. And then added a little extra, just for good measure. Left without an identity, I latched onto the first thing I found, which was raving. My new identity: raver girl. E? What's that? Who cares...give me some!! Wow, this is a rave? I love it...I'm gonna go every weekend.

    Said I would never do crystal.

    Said I would never do coke.

    Said I would never get addicted.

    Ok I'll try crystal...ok I'll try coke...but only ONCE. (*ahem* Ashke, Pyro...sound familiar?)

    Ok I'll do it at parties, but never during the week. Never to get through the day.

    Ok I'll do it on weekends and on Mondays...come on, Mondays are hard. And sometimes Tuesdays, and Wednesdays, and...well ya know how it goes.

    But I'm not an *addict*. Addicts shoot up heroin and smoke crack...right? If it feels this good, it can't be bad...right?

    I can't remember when I started to hate myself. Probably all my life, it was just now that I allowed myself to realize it. I had the unfortunate advantage of being old enough to know what I was doing...I wasn't some naive fucked-up 15 year old who thought she knew everything...I wished I was...I wished I didn't have to watch myself fucking up, falling deeper and deeper into this hole. And still, I kept doing it. Because I just didn't care.

    Flux: I don't know what to say, your story really moved me, it makes so much sense to me. Really, it becomes an obsession, the whole hating yourself thing. It's a game you play with yourself, see how far you can fall, how-much-you-can-take-before-you-break kinda thing. I lost so much weight that you could count my ribs, except that was a good thing, because food was evil and made you fat and ugly. Even now, every time I eat, I feel like I'm going to puke, I feel so guilty.

    I feel like I'm still growing up, still finding myself. But I'm trying to be done with hating myself, trying to pick myself up again and stop the fall. This story isn't years old, it's months old. And it's all a little too recent for me to tell with perfect accuracy. I admit to everything, and I admit to nothing. Hopefully I'm learning something useful that I can one day share with someone else.

    Maybe. We'll see.

    All because I wasn't fucked-up at 15.
    ~kimmy.
    [This message has been edited by *SWeeT-e* (edited 30 October 2000).]
    Last edited by PsychoKitten; 07-01-2004 at 04:16.
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