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Thread: Quitting/Tapering Thread.

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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Sustanon about to read all you post. Will now add - top post and great advice. No I told my boyfriend I probably will use again. But Ive spent a couple of grand this week on it. I need to focus on my family. I have 2 young kids and need just to be a better fucking person. I work full time etc but what kid needs a mum smoking meth. My parents were awesome. I want to be to. Only 80% awes at the moment ;-)
    Last edited by popeyes mate; 17-10-2012 at 15:34.
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    I am very lucky I don't have a heap of friends who use. Only one really who I occasionally see. My boyfriend likes it occasionally but has never bought it. That would be my worst nightmare, both wanting to use. My focus will be my health and kids. Getting outdoors more with them etc.
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Footscrazy.. The crave, how would that feel for you? Its not like I just HAVE to use, and if no dealer or supply Im fine. But the thought of it is never far away I just dont act on it.

    For some can it get to the stage (with meth) where they are going to score on that day no matter what?
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    Bluelight Crew footscrazy's Avatar
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    ^ For me it was a very physical feeling as well as the mental aspect, an adrenaline response...pretty much the same physical reaction you get from being on it. Racing heart, shakes, sweats, intense adrenaline. It's hard for me to explain in words just how incapacitating the feeling was. I definitely felt I had to use, going to my dealers was extremely uncomfortable as I just had to have a puff straight away, I couldn't talk first and any delay was ubelievably unbearable to me. I knew I was being rude but the feeling was just so unbearable and I just couldn't live within my skin. The smallest things would set the craving off too, the most fleeting thought would incur that icy hot wave of adrenaline.

    I did a test once when I was hooked up to a heart monitor, I focused on craving and my heart rate went upto 140 beats per min and set off the alarm on the machine (it was already over 100 bpm, I was there from puffing too much). Just from me thinking about it! Those cravings were such a bad feeling and ultimately one of the main reasons I quit, because I just couldn't bear the feeling of craving anymore, and I realised the only way to get rid of it was to stop, because it got to the point I pretty much craved as soon as I put the pipe down. I still do get the feeling sometimes, but nowhere near as intense as back then.

    Quote Originally Posted by popeyes mate
    compared to opiates I know this is easier, but still hard all the same.
    I'm not sure that that's a golden rule, I think it depends on the person. For me personally I've found meth an order of magnitude harder to quit than anything else, including opioids. Nothing else has come close to the psychological hold that had on me.
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Thanks so much for sharing that, it is the type of insite I needed. I am thankful I am not experiencing that kind of physical need to use, but I always wonder if it could be just at the end of the next bag, or week of daily use away. Your discription of visits to your dealer is a powerful insentive for me to really keep my use in check.

    I feel at present I am making just really bad choices and having bad will power. To know that a day could come that my body also starts to make the call as to if I use or not is a path I dont wish to go down.

    Well the boyfriend has hidden my bank card tonight at my reqest and will give me money as needed - empty jesture handing over the card since I have drained the account and got a decent suppy, But it had to be done.
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    Popeye, addiction isn't anything but your immune / gial system fcked up. in fact it's suggested early childhood truma is to blame for the setting up of your gial signalling issues.

    it's not your fault you want to use. the lack of drugs and simulation results in your brain in getting sick. hence the withdrawals and long term desire.

    your job is to manage yourself, functional drug use is possible. find yourself some ritilian. there is always despozpridal (sorry shit spelling look at the thread I made about two years ago). extremely long lived simulant. it should knock your cravings right down.

    I'm a functional poly drug user. this year my addiction is opiates. I'm using bupe to, an extremely long lived synthetic opiate to cut my urges down and keep my bank account alive.

    don't be afraid to admit that your brain wants meth. the sane part of you knows you should the biological sick part of you needs it.
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    Bluelight Crew footscrazy's Avatar
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    ^ When I was addicted to meth I tried to get some sort of stimulant prescribed. I took part in the clinical trial for modafinil for meth withdrawal. I have to say though, IMO, prescription stimulants are a terrible idea for meth addiction. I don't have a lot of time right now, but in my experience, in this respect, opioids and meth are quite different.

    With opioids, I find even a small amount, not enough to get me high, will provide relief if I'm in withdrawal, but I found the opposite with meth - using a little bit kicked the cravings into overdrive and set my mind on one task only - get more. I think that with a drug that is so psychologically addictive as meth, that the mindstate required to quit can simply never be achieved whilst one is on even a tiny bit of a stimulant. That's just my experience...but I feel sure that if I'd been succesful in getting a stim prescription, I wouldn't be off now.

    I believe there is very much a physical, biological side of addiction - that there are changes in your brain once you're addicted that make it harder to stop. I don't think that means you can't consciously override that though.
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Thanks for that advice Chugs. I think my use has reached this point I am at due to having 10 months off work over the last year - whilst on full pay. It had been creeping up prior to that but not to this extent. Sitting at home watching movies with a dealer only a few minutes away just made it too easy to endulge.

    I actually want to take this opportunity to take an overall look at what I put into my body, food and grog included.. shit to be honest I am not a BIG drinker - but do enjoy a beer in the sun, beam when its cold, wine with dinner.. grog might be the tricky one here!
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    Bluelighter
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    I have decided to call it quits on the dexies, tripping hard and was reading PIHKAL and something caught my eye "any person anywhere who experiments on himself, or on another human being, with any of the drugs described herin, without being familiar with that drug's action and aware of the physical and/or mental disturbance or harm it might cause, is acting irresponsibly and immorally, whether or not he is doing so within the bounds of the law. -- Alexander T. Shulgin"

    I been dosing 50mg daily for about 6 months, reading up on dexie withdraw sounds horrid, should I try taper down and eventually stop, or just suck it up buttercup, I hear Tyrosine can help.

    Anyone been in my situation? I think a taper would be hard as I'm definitely the guy who cant stop at one.
    Last edited by 88brenno; 18-10-2012 at 22:05.
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    If you can taper go with that for sure brenno. Even if it means going to a chemist and asking them to dispense your doses every x number of days - whatever will help you taper and not tempt you to top--up with extra. A friend who was addicted to pain pills didn't even tell his doctor about it, just wrote up a little contract saying something like - 'endone taper plan for mr smith' - 'Reduce dose by 1 tablet every three weeks' 'dispense daily, but allow 3 takeaway doses each week'. He also added something saying 'ring doctor to confirm if I attempt to change the taper plan or increase dose' - he didn't want his doc to know so used this as something that kept him on the plan.

    That might be too much of a hassle or unrealistic. Tapering will help but for most people on stimulants it just would never happen, easier to quit outright.


    Dexxie withdrawals aren't much fun but they aren't like opiate withdrawals luckily Six months isn't that long. You'll just feel tired, lazy and bored I think. Maybe talk to your psychiatrist about it, he might be able to prescribe something to help ease the WDs (although this isn't common for stim wd I've found psychiatrists to be pretty outside the box thinking)

    Reading online reports of stuff is rarely a good idea when it comes to withdrawal. So much of it is our built up anticipation and ideas on how horrible it's going to be.
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    Bluelighter Ashley's Avatar
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    Why does the local heroin get REALLY good, right when I'm trying to take a break?
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    Bluelighter cassandragemini's Avatar
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    Ash from what ive gathered from your posts you seem like a real good dude and I'm sure the rest of us BLers think the same. I agree with you on the sudden rise in quality, it's been the same down in melbs from what I've heard, it's making staying clean that little bit tougher. Sigh.
    Last edited by footscrazy; 21-10-2012 at 02:45.
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Day one of making a change and have smoked the last of the meth I had. I had put aside a solid little nugget thinking Id save it for the weekend but decided Id then just think about it for 5 days (if I could wait that long) and only postpone my begining. So I came home at lunch time and smashed it into bits have just finished it, bleached the pipe (dont plan on never ever smoking again) and secured all my glass bits and pieces in a box I tagged with 'this box was sealed on 23.10.2012 in the best interest of my family'. A reminder and reason not to open it any time soon.

    I have no ability to get cash out, and my partner will give me money in small installments at my request. He has been so tollerant of me! I gave him heaps to smoke on the weekend just to be done with it really. Have to say he has no idea Ive smoked every day for at least the last 10 days.. Could be more.

    The middle of the week will be interesting.. Thats when the 'chronic fatigue' will kick in and Id ususlly get more to just get things done.

    Ive had a really scattered day doing really stupid things, most recent using the wrong password to log on here, and I use the same password for nearly everything! This change is just in time maybe haha.
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    Bluelighter bunnymunro's Avatar
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    Wow! that is a massive undertaking. I am sitting here wondering what to say that won't trivialise your courage and dedication, but I fail. Nothing that you don't already know anyways,,, that it will get easier in time, that you may fall off the wagon from time time, but don't let that stop you...
    I am sure you have looked into this and are not going in blindly.
    All I can say is, good luck, and kia kaha, will be thinking of you and looking forward to your post saying that you are glad you decided to stop..
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Thanks Bunnymunro appreciate the encouragement. I know there will be moments of wanting to score, but not being able just go to the atm in these tough early stages just puts an end to it.
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Been catching up on a lot of sleep! Crazy just how tired I have been. Tues I still would have had stuff in my system but every day since been in bed before 9, which for me is unheard of. Struggled at work to stay awake too. Next week should be easier with energy levels but the thoughts may filter in.

    Today it was good to know I had enough cash to buy a couple of points, but went grocery shopping instead. It wasnt even a hard choice, but I guess if my habit had REALLY taken hold, it might not have been so obvious what to do.

    Still a long long way to go to not using as I was, but Im on my way
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Next time the office staff are discussing how long its been since their last cigarette, would love to drop into the conversation with 'yep well its been 7 days since I picked up my meth pipe' just to see their reaction...
    Last edited by popeyes mate; 29-10-2012 at 14:48.
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    My boyfriend gave cash last night to pay some bills today... Cant say thought of scoring were not entertained, but every cent went where it needed to go - not on half a gram.

    Ok so I used $20 to layby a pair of pants ;-)
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    Greenlighter 5ativ4's Avatar
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    one more posty for me.

    had my first physical dependance recently..(opitez)

    My advice, if serious, is cut all ties with your using buddies. SEVERE the ties to your source..(I find tick'n up heaps and not paying works)
    and cave on for a month or so. You WILL get depressed and you WILL have silly thoughts.
    If this no work 4 you you may need to leave town. Drastic I know but it works.

    Your only problem is yourself then. These drugs aren't going to leave the planet for you. They will ALWAYS be about. There will always be an enabler.
    The fight is up to you. Will power and being a better person. thats what its all about.

    Not hurting the ones you love cause your all single track minded on getting whats good for you..
    I have a funny relation ship with the drugs.

    I binge and pig out..

    I respect them and their abilities..

    And i use them to "enhance" whats ALREADY there.
    I dont think drugs should be used to make a shit circumstance magically great. The circumstance is still there (unless it was one of scoring)

    I think what Im trying to get at is..Look after yourselves and your body. You only ever get 1 body per life. You may as well look after it. Taking drugs is not that damaging. (differs greatly) and you can fix it as you go.

    Take supplements after stims!
    Buy/eat food before said 'junk'
    Always drink plenty of water.
    Have a bender - But then have a rest for at least 5-10 times as long as said bender went for, Ie 4days 3 nights up? no more drugs for a minimum of 20 days. (I should practice what I preach - and I try too.)

    And forgod sake have some brain about shit. Dont buy crap drugs from random shit heads on a friday night, Put some effort and time to source the good/stuff..It may be More Expensive, or smaller or whatever.. What it is going to be is better for you. More pure. Only the actual active compounds rather than the unburnt precurser or the gnarly cut or the random shit that "low level" dealers put in to fluff product and get more return.

    Like jesse wanting to add chili in breaking bad. Like WTF.
    I've put a lot of yucky things in my arm..Not any more. Only ever the poo'iest meth, Decent gear and some coke everynow n then.
    IF IT DOESNT MIX UP CLEAN I REFUSE TO GO THAT ROUTE!

    Just a rule I'm keen to stick by.
    Better be off..I hear the birds starting to awake


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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Great post 5ativ4. A lot of valuable information there.

    Quote Originally Posted by 5ative4
    ..(I find tick'n up heaps and not paying works)
    Funny I like that ! :-) but Could end badly I presume so not quite HR. Shame my dealer knows where I live, work, shop, oh and doest often give tick!!

    Mentioned to my dealer a couple of weeks ago that Id been scoring from him for about 6 years. He was even blown away that he'd been in the game for that long.

    Drugs give us a good time, but seem to steal a lot of time from us in so many ways.

    Do the good times really out weigh time lost while:

    Thinking about getting on
    Time spent waiting to hear back from your dealer, driving around just to get on
    Time lost while we are behind closed doors getting on
    Time sleeping off a bender (however this is my fave time waster)
    Time spent in rehab trying to get off
    Time incarcerated due to choices made while on
    And the years of life sadly taken from those who OD.. While on.

    I personally can't say the brilliant times I have had with friends or at concerts/festivals outweighs the time I have spent watching puddles dry.
    Last edited by popeyes mate; 01-11-2012 at 06:45.
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Well.. Pretty ashamed to say I only went 10 days and used again. It wasnt because the cravings were too overwhelming.. My willpower was just weak.

    I can acknowledge that a 10 day break is better than none, but pretty lame all the same.

    We are a working household but only just keeping on top of the bills. To think I could have serviced my car and done the Xmas shopping with what Ive spent in the last month makes me so ashamed.

    So I reused on 1st Nov, and have a couple of points now being 1st Dec. Just deleted my dealers number (for now). I have his email but at least thats harder to make impulsive arrangements with. I have asked him not to contact me til after Xmas at least. Id never just rock up to his door unannounced either so should be ok for a month this time.

    So glad its just my brain saying use.. If my body was screaming for it too my battle would be harder.

    So gonna enjoy the first day of Summer getting on it, then try again. Like they say "If at first you dont succeed.."
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    Bluelight Crew footscrazy's Avatar
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    Don't be too hard on yourself popeye, meth is a fucking tough one. I reckon 10 days is awesome. I really do think the more times you quit, the better you get at it too - because you can learn something every time. It's easy to get down on yourself and think, oh I've never been able to stay off, but I think if you treat each time you stop as a learning experience, you can get used to the feelings that arise when you stop and learn how you can best deal with them. All the best
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Appreciate the support Footscrazy. I guess at least now I have a record of 10 days to beat.

    On the positive I got outside and did a heap of work in the garden (bit of a fire hazard out there).. So achieved something, but now trying to rehydrate as I have a killer headache.

    Warm days and physical exhursion are not my thing.. :-S
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    Putting at least a few weeks between my meth use has been harder than I thought it would be.

    Its suprising me just how little will power I actually have.

    I read on here something about a test of your addiction is could you board a plane to another country, no DOC available and be ok.. Well I know I could. Recently went away (granted only for a few days) and I knew it was not an issue.

    The issue is I am spending too much of our surplus funds, I can hardly afford a flight to Tassie.

    Its not useful either when I go to get 2 points and get given 4 and told I can sort it later. My mate who is my dealer, appears to be adopting more 'dealer' traits than 'mate' traits.

    I will keep putting things in place, and hope for some success eventually.

    Just adding.. Called the bank and put in place both myself and my boyfriend need to sign to withdraw from our main account. I have been draining the homeloan surplus (which I pay anyway) and allowing us to only scrape by from pay to pay. It feels weird to have to use these methods, but I figure I need to keep putting hurdles in my own way.
    Last edited by popeyes mate; 12-01-2013 at 02:58.
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    Bluelighter popeyes mate's Avatar
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    12 days without picking up the pipe... AND counting.

    Wish I could say its due to my strong will, mainly due to unavailability. Its funny when your at the stage I am at, NOT being able to score is kinda bitter sweet.
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