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Thread: Embarassing sex stories...

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    #76
    Bluelighter ez_555's Avatar
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    this is just one of the many stories that happened to a friend of mine who always tries kinky shit with her boyfriend.
    one night they were getting a bit tired of the usual fucking and so the boyfriend goes into the kitchen in search for vegies. he finds a cucumber in the fridge but thinks that it will be too cold and hurt his girlfriend- or atleast be uncomfortable. he puts it in the microwave for afew minutes and heads proudly back in to bed. he shoves the cucmber up her pussy and then my friend lets out an almighty scream as the cucumber bursts, releasing hot, bubbling and burning cucumber juice. she cried non stop for houuuurrs.
    another time the same couple were "experimenting" with a mobile phone on vibrate and a pencil. they think they hear the guys mum coming down the hallway and my firned jumps up. the pencil gets stuck and she searches for it for 1/2 hour until she finally pulls it out.
    oh brother..
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    #77
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    One time I got a serious charlie horse in my leg while giving my last girlfriend a good pounding.
    I had to roll off of her.
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    #78
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    About 2 years ago my then girlfriend and I had been out drinking at the bar. We get home and start going at it. Now we are both totally shitfaced by now, to the point where neither of us can stand or walk very well. We decide we want to get a little freaky so we break out the handcuffs. I handcuff both her hands to the top of my bedpost. So I go down on her and the next thing I remember is the sun shining in the windows and my back being really sore. I look up and low and behold there’s my ex girlfriend still naked, and still handcuffed to the bedpost. She had finally fallen asleep sitting up. Turns out my back was so sore from her kicking me for about five hours straight before she finally gave up . I’m a really sound sleeper especially when I have been drinking. There’s no waking me up until I’m ready to get up. We didn’t see much of each other after that.
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    #79
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    My wife and I are visiting grand parents at an old folks condo. We decide to stop the elevator between floors so we can get kinky and have a little sex in the only place with any privacy. With both of our pants around our ankles and her mouth sucking my throbbing cock, all of a sudden the elevator doors open and a bunch of old people gasp in horror at the sight of us and they all just stare and watch as I try to fold and stuff an erect penis back into my pants and as my wife bends over shooting them all a full asshole and beaver shot as she bends over to pull up her pants.
    It seems that we didn't actually stop the elevator between floors, but rather had stopped at a floor, and had simply pushed a button that kept the door closed. Those that are still alive are probly still talking about us.
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    #80
    Wink
    Being caught in the act is bad , but at least it carries some kudos with it. There was a girl that I'd fancied for a long time, and we finally decided to have sex (my first time). When it came down to it though, i couldn't get out of my head the story that my friend had told me about not being able to get it up. Sure enough, I flopped. There was much despair, and I ended up going to see the school councillor. Somehow the girl came back to my house the next weekend, and having been psyching myself up for a week, I was petrified of the same thing happening. So when I got an erection I was delighted, and was only concerned with keeping it. As I got into position, finally about to lose my virginity, the goal in site...Oh dear - just couldn't control myself and ended up all over her before she'd even touched me.
    I think I win.
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    #81
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    ok this one time i was having sex w/ my ex had so many diffrent things happen it was just horrible ok.....
    first off when we start out he cant stay hard b/c of the affects of some drugs he had taken earlier finally that problem got solved the this much older guy walks in us and just starts to carry on a conversation w/ my man who is basically just say yeah uh huh ok to the guy so i tried to stop so they could talk or whaever but my guy grabs my hips and makes me stay put so this entire time his buddy is getting a great show (i'm really shy so this was mortifying), so the friend leaves then all his buddies in the living room peek through the door to watch.. i wanted to knock them all out so my guy yells at them enough that they finally go away the his little sister walked in , i was kinda friends w/ her and she has never looked at me the same again, then out of the blue some guy that reminded me of a rapist just sits up on the other bed i freaked b/c i had no idea he was there, then finally when we were done i queefed and it wasnt just a suddle kinda thing it was really bad, so then the next morning i wake up and walk in the living room and all the guys start talking about how i fuck and stuff since they watched me... it was so horrible
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    #82
    Bluelighter smart-e's Avatar
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    I was on my first date with my boyfriend and we had come back to my house after watching a movie. We were lying on my bed kissing and touching when he came in his pants. He was so embarresed and he had to drive back to his house which is a 2 hour drive in my elmo boxers.
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    #83
    Bluelighter mini sari's Avatar
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    I lost my virginity to my friend. Now one of our friends was drunk as fuck, And passed out on the other side of the bed (uh oh) before we even started anything (this all was really random). Well things started up, We ended up having sex - The other friend woke up and just staired us in the face (he had on face paint because he had got drunk at a halloween party). Poor guy..

    It was more funny than embaressing though. Poor kid:P
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    #84
    Bluelighter dazedraver's Avatar
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    Originally posted by PsychoKitten
    This from a few months ago would have embarrassed the hell out of most ppl. It turned me on something fierce tho.
    I'm out for drink with my then partner. We end up at one of my fave places - this really cosy bar with old fashioned booths. So we're sitting there n playing footsie and I decide to umm "slip under the table".
    So I'm under there, with my mouth busy and his friends walk into the place, spot him and come over to sit down. Note: I am still under the table. They stayed for ages, while I played him like a bloody violin. They stayed so long that in the end I had no choice but to finish him off and pop up back into my seat.
    Classy huh, you should have seen the faces on those guys. Figuing i was in for it, i decided to make the most of it and I looked each one in the eye as i wiped my bottom lip with my finger, licked it clean then calmly replaced my lipstick.
    ahem... so will you marry me?
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    #85
    Smile
    Well, me and the guy were fucking... picture this... he was sitting on the floor leaning against something, me on top, our legs open, in front of a ceiling-to-floor mirror. It was quite porno style actually, there was a really good view of everything.

    Now i was having a jolly good time bouncing.. but one time as i came down on him, he farted.
    Now i am not one to be freaked by a fart, but it was HILARIOUS. Even moreso in that you SAW him fart.. ie. asshole opening

    Needless to say, we were rolling around on the floor laughing and were unable to finish having sex. Kinda ruined the moment
    Not embarrassing for me, but he was embarrassed.
    Last edited by shoe; 19-03-2003 at 18:11.
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    #86
    This is horrible.

    My ex, "E" had cheated on me and we had broken up two weeks prior to this incident. One afternoon he called me just to hook up. So i went over there and we were having the most amazing sex ever. I have a big anal fetish so we decided to go for "door number two" i was on my back legs over his shoulders. . .well he pulled out really quickly and low and behold i shit, right there on his bed, and i didn't know at first, he kept going. after we finished i had realized what had happened, and jumped in the shower. It said it was his fault and not to worry about it. Jumped out of the shower, got dressed and began to left. When i left there was still shit on the sheets of his bed. As i was leaving wet hair and all, his new G/F was comming in the front door, i made my way out waved to her and left. . . .he then had to explain why there was shit on his bed and why i was there. haven't talked to him since. o well. i am sure he had to deal with the mess he caused, both in the bed and with his new G/F.
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    #87
    Bluelighter PsychoKitten's Avatar
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    Originally posted by dazedraver
    ahem... so will you marry me?
    Willing to fight Spencer for me honey?

    Kitty
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    #88
    Bluelighter Cohaagen's Avatar
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    a very messy one...

    pulling off a condom too fast, realising what i'd done a split second too late, then me and her being showered with a collection of sticky and messy fluids... ewwwww!

    i just hope i can get a few more of these stories for here... meh.



    Cohaa.
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    #89
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    ^^^ i think the thread meant embarrassing stories, not yucky stories.
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    #90
    Bluelighter dazedraver's Avatar
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    Originally posted by PsychoKitten
    Willing to fight Spencer for me honey?

    Kitty
    well seeing as kimmy and i will both go after him if necc...


    ahh damnit i can't take out the left coast half of me.

    oh well...

    so do u have a sister just like you?

    Jj
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    And in a different Vein 
    #91
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    Well this one isn't my own story, but of course if it had happened to me then I'd pretend it happened to someone else... draw your own conclusions.

    A friend of mine Tom had been going out with his girlfriend Amy for about 2 years and considered himself quite well versed in the sexual arts.

    Sadly all of this came crashing down on him one day. He and Amy are in bed one morning and Tom decides to, I quote, 'Give her the gift of oral sex'. He dissapears under the bedsheets and is giving her what he considered to be one of the best lickings of her life, using every trick in the book, ever correct carress, every single thing that turns her on.

    10 minutes later he emerges from under the covers, a proud grin creeping across his face.

    In the time that he's been down there Amy has braided her hair into two perfectly formed pigtails and greets him with 'Do you think I should wear my hair like this?....

    The guy must be hung like a donkey because they're together to this day....
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    #92
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    Originally posted by Tasty Mushroom
    errrr, probably the time that i was having sex with my girlfriend in my room. We were getting rather enthusiastic and pretty vocal. So vocal that we didnt realise how loud the bed was bashing into the wall. (sound travels pretty well in this house)
    What we didn't realise was that my parents were having a family lunch downstairs with close to ten people.
    All of a sudden we could hear fits of laughter and my brother in law and uncle shouting 'GO GO GO! while clapping in time to us thumping against the wall.
    we decided we weren't hungry.
    [ 02 July 2002: Message edited by: Tasty Mushroom ]
    baahahahahahaha!!! that's great.
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    #93
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    we were at the supermarket when i picked up one of those spray cans of whipped cream and held it up to my new bf, winked and said what do u think about having some fun with this? he replied alright lets go...we get home we get naked and i strategically and artistically proceed to cover his naked body with whipped cream.....i followed this with about 30mins of licking and slurping it off of his body (of course paying extra attention to the good bits) well he WAS impressed. ok, my turn so i lay down and he leaves no pink bit uncovered, right down to swirly bits on my nipples he creates a masterpiece! he puts the can down leans toward me takes one lick and says YUK how can you eat that its horrible! and there i was left laying in a bed of cream with no one to lick it off me
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    The Devirginator: Reverse Period 
    #94
    Picture this. 16 years old predatory female type (me) finally convinces nice Christian schoolboy type (ex-bf) to:

    A) try weed for the first time, and
    B) surrender his virginity (due largely to the effects of A)

    while my mother was at work during school holidays. Of course we chose Mother's large comfy double bed over my one with the teddy bear sheets. So there we are, fornicating like the sinners we were, when he lets out a pained yelp and withdraws immediately. Feeling a warm stickiness on my legs, I sigh disappointedly, before realising that the offending matter is blood and not post-coital goo.

    As he runs screaming from my mother's pink and white decored bedroom to the toilet, leaving a trail of blood behind him, I am left to wonder at the source, and sheer volume, of blood spilt. He emerges sheepishly with a large wad of tissue paper around his wang and remarks "I think I broke it".

    So my newly deflowered and soon to be ex-boyfriend drove while rather stoned (for the first time, remember) to his very devout, and VERY disapproving, family doctor. Turns out that his erstwhile virginal frenum had a small flaw caused by a clumsy circumcision (i.e. an additional string to his banjo). This TORE upon coitus, resulting in (doctor's words) "significant blood loss". He was fine six weeks later, but wore the nickname "RP" (Reverse Period) for many years to come.

    As a conclusion...My mother returned home that evening and enquired why her bedsheets were soaking in bleach. I claimed that I had been reading on her bed with a coffee and fallen asleep, resulting in spillage. She believed me.

    I have more if anyone is keen to hear them. Shan't be a post whore.
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    #95
    Not embarassing 'cause of mdma but .. i drop some out with a particular girl after over 1 month of overtures in leadup. When we get home, it turns turns out that the parents are still up with a friend. They see us slammed .. whatever .. they're pretty OK like that... BUT, then the girl and I have shower together and are going upstairs to get busy when I have an idea - it's her 1st time on MDMA, and only my 3rd. The 'rents (who have no idea about effects of MDxx) have vacated the building but are sitting outside on the balcony. When I run upstairs, I make a bit much noise and they turn around and see me running along with this stupdi grin and a massive selection of different fruits, thinking "GEE! WE HAVE A KINKY SON!"

    I heard them burst out laughing but never heard anything of it afterwards
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    #96
    Damn this thread was so funny....
    Here is my contribution.

    During my late teens, I was working in a hospital during the
    summer. I was taking the patients from their rooms and pushing
    their wheelchair/stretcher all the way to their next examination
    appointment.

    So one day I get this guy on a stretcher, he was quite confused
    by all the medications he was on. I get in the elevator, heading
    for the X-ray room. After a few levels, I sense a certain unease
    in the air. I look at the other people in the elevator and they were
    all staring at the same thing....

    The guy had pulled down his blanket and was furiously jacking off.
    For a few second I was shocked, didn't know what to do. So I
    thought: yeah I'll pull his blanket up. Just as I was about to cover
    him, there he goes: sending thick loads of cum in the air that landed
    on an old granny in a wheelchair beside the stretcher! I was stunned but relieved when I figured out she didn't even notice . Luckily the next stop
    was my level and I quickly got off the elevator and parked the stretcher
    right in front of the x-ray department.

    I laughed my ass off every 5 minutes for the rest of the day (and still is).
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    #97
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    i was so crazy and spaced out that when i looked down i saw her fucking me... laugh laugh laugh and back to the dancefloor!
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    #98
    Bluelighter TheBoss's Avatar
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    an ex and I were on the good foot doin the bad thing (pffft... who says its bad!) completely buck naked in a caravan on holidays, when my 9 year old sister, her three friends and two of my friends all walk into the caravan to see whats going on -we kinda forgot that when in a caravan, the whole thing shakes like a mofo when walking around in it... so imagine seeing it bucking around like crazy!!! Truely the reason we had those unexpected visitors...
    I don't think my face has ever been redder lol
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    #99
    Bluelighter MOTOMAN's Avatar
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    Dislocating my shoulder during sex and my g/f seeing it pop out in front of her face.

    She was turned off a little but I didn't let it get in the way of finishing myself that's for sure!
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    Ninja
    I'll add my two nuts worth.

    My girlfriend and I were screwing in an abandoned kitchen in college on a counter when the security guard walked in. We screamed and grabbed our clothes and ran for the door. Later my advisor gave me a great speech in his haughty English. "Now see ear you. We don't segregate the dormrooms, we don't tell students what to do or how to do it.... so can't you please at least have sex in your own room?" We didn't get busted. This was our closest call, which was pretty cool because we had sex every single place in that university including during class, I would go down on her in this one lecture hall, behind the stage curtain. Janitors closets, outdoors, library, park. In the bushes. In fact, after we broke up she ended up dating a guy who had watched us fucking in the bushes. It's the subject that brought them together.

    Not embarrasing sort of. But I used to fuck this woman who I didn't like. Understand that I was hard up and not gettin da kine. One night we were screwing at Zuma and there was a weird configuration of the heavens whereby one could see the beautiful Northern Lights. She was on top and I was laying back watching the lights and the breeze was blowing and it was beautiful, except I didn't like her.

    Another time, when I was fifteen I went to some lectures and a 48 year old woman drove me to and from. We became friends and one night we looked at each other for a while, and then I snuck her into my bedroom like she was a teenager and we fucked for a really long time. I remember her being on top and her wet pussy feeling really really good, and hearing my sisters and their friends in the next room in the jacuzzi. Then I had to sneak her back out after. She might have been embarrased. It's hard to say.

    Oh well, not much to say really.
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