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    Embarassing sex stories... 
    #1
    Bluelighter
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    So now is the time to dish. What are your most embarassing sex stories?
    I was going down on my ex one time when upon closer inspection I realized that he had not wiped properly in the bathroom when he had last visited. Thankfully I don't tongue the bung, so I was in the clear. But I was still pretty put off by it. Needless to say, that ruined the mood for me. Blech...
    I know a guy that dove right into a tampon string, his girlfriend was drunk and had forgetten to inform him that she was on her period. Ooops.
    Anyone care to share?
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    #2
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    Not really embarassing, but funny.
    My girlfriend and I were just getting hot and heavy :-) when I slipped out of her with a load "popping" sound. Like the the sound you make with your finger and inner cheek. A second later she farted, but not from the bum. We both collapsed in heap laughing and couldn't have sex after that.
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    #3
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    queefing is by far the most embarrassing thing that has happened to me during anything sexual. this has happened both in oral sex and regular sex, and once i even felt it coming on during him fingering me! it is soooo freakin' embarrassing, especially when his face is right there!
    another time that sticks out in my mind is when i was getting freaky in a storage closet at the Bellagio Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas. some maintenance men walked in right as the clothes were getting ready to come off! eeee!
    ~
    me
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    #4
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    I think the most embarassing thiing that has happened to me would be his mother walking in. We were in the 'act' having a great time. Neither of us heard the knock, all we saw were her walking in and her jaw dropping to the ground in shock!! I didnt go back there for a few weeks, then she sent me flowers.
    Another things that is really embarrassing is the noises from sex, if you know what I mean!![code]
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    #5
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    Her 3 year old daughter walked in.
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    #6
    Bluelighter nowonmai's Avatar
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    I had the daughter walk in too... while mum was getting a little spank for being naughty
    and I've gone down on a girl who was on, and didn't tell me... the following morning, walked into the kitchen to get some juice, and everyone just STARED at me.. I was clueless until I looked in the mirror.. not pretty
    [ 26 June 2002: Message edited by: nowonmai ]
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    #7
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    Ok then - maybe a long one, so bear with me:

    Picture the scene: A sunny day like any other, the location Farnborough College of technology, England, the year 1993
    Our hero (me - well duh) is a 17 year old, fresh faced naive little fella, doing his best to consume all the drugs he can get his grubby hands on and find as many women as possible who are willing to get naked for him. (I guess somethings never change - even 9 years down the line eh )

    Having spent a happy couple of hours bunking double Chemistry with a young lady who (due to excessive alcohol consumption) seems to be coming more and more willing to let me snog and grope her, the decision is made to take a stroll in the grounds and enjoy a spliff or 4.

    <fast forward 1 hour>

    A cloud of smoke and a burst of giggling come from behind a tree - our hero and his latest moll are very stoned and pissed (Make that VERY stoned and pissed) and have made their way to the local park and, after much searching and deliberation have found - what they foolishly think to be - a secluded spot beind a large Oak. By this time our intrepid duo are pretty much naked - there is sucking and fingering and juices and tits everywhere.

    All of a sudden, a shadow falls across the copulating couple - an oddly policeman-shaped shadow....."Right you two, get your clothes on - You're nicked! I am arresting you for Outrage of public decency - please come with me"

    Panic. Clothes go on and, hanging heads in shame we are escorted round the tree and on to the rather large footpath cutting through the park that in our inebriated state, we failed to notice.

    As Sarah (for that was her name) discreetly throws our lump of hash down behind the tree and squeezes her ample charms back into her bra, we overhear the bobby saying "god knows wht you two thought you were up to - did you not know that that (here, he points at a very large municiple looking building not 50 yards from our impromptu hot-bed of passion) is the police station? we have had a steady stream of complaints for the last hour from various old ladies, dog walkers and other people using the park about you two shagging in full view of everyone?"

    Cue simultaneuos "Doh" from the pair of us.

    A formal caution was our punishment that day - the arresting officer was remarkably cool about the whole thing and in fact, seemed to find it reasonable amusing - especially locking us in (sperate) cells for 3 hours (because they were ttoo under-staffed to deal with us straight away), before proceeding to take our statements along with a lengthy taped interveiw for prosterity.
    Needless to say, me and Sarah tended to aviod each other around college after that.
    [ 26 June 2002: Message edited by: Sleeper Service ]
    Last edited by PsychoKitten; 07-01-2004 at 09:40.
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    #8
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    The first time my ex and I were having sex. We were on my bed, all hot and bothered. We were just about at the point of penetration when I was on top. Then all of a sudden, I began having a severe nose bleed. It was all over the place, including on her face.
    Luckily she didnt freak out, although I did.
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    #9
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    ^^^ Hahaha i just got the funniest vision after reading that!
    I havent got a really embarassing story, apart from one time when my ex and i were getting all hot and he started to finger me to warm me up. Next thing he held his finger out in front of me, and there was blood all over it! My period had decided to come right at that time! Ugh.. i was pretty damn embarassed as it was the second time we were to ever have sex with eahcother and it was still at that "inpressing your new b/f" stage ya know... hehe. Damn. We managed to laugh it off though.
    But a friend of mine told me of a time when she picked up this gorgeous guy and took him back to her place to bang him, and during the deed her little puppy jumped up and bit him on the arse!!
    Hahaha... i hit the floor when she told me that!
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    #10
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    This isn't my story, but I thought it was pretty funny . . .
    My friend's gf's parents went away for the weekend so they decided to get a little freaky deaky in the living room. They sex eventually moved to anal and they were really getting into it when the front door opened and her parents walked in the house.
    My friend jumped up and ran out the back door but as he did he pulled out so fast that his gf ended up crappin on the floor. You could imagine her parent's reaction upon walkin in to the room and seein their daughter on all fours, neckid, with a pile of shit between her legs. LOL!
    Needless to say, by friend was never allowed to see that girl again.
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    #11
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    ^^^ That is one of those stories that is so fucked up, it's GOT to be real.
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    #12
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    A friend told me this story last nite, and i can't resist posting it, it is so hilarious.
    He and his girlfriend were in a hotel room, getting freaky with all different foods. they had bought these HUGE strawberries - real big and juicy ones - and he was doing things like pushing them inside her then taking a bite. she was lying on her back, loving it so much that she wanted to get up and have a look. the moment she sat up, the strawberry that he was using at the time got sucked up inside her! it was so big that he couldn't fit his fingers inside her to get it out so there was a general panic going on for about 10 minutes! She was absolutely freaking out about a strawberry being stuck inside her, and he was looking around the hotel room in all the drawers, trying to find something to help him out.
    He eventually found a pair of chopsticks in one of the kitchenette drawers and ended up telling her to hold real still while he stabbed the strawberry with a chopstick and slowly dragged it out!
    They were both absolutely freaking out at the time, but its something they both laugh about now.
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    #13
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    It would have to be when I came in like 10 seconds. Thank God those days are behind me...
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    #14
    Bluelighter
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    I think i told that one be4.
    one night i stayed at my ex's place and we generally were still on fucking terms back then. Anyways I had to get up early so i popped a rohypnol to help me sleep. but I got horny so we started making out and whatnot, all was good.
    Back then I had a problem in that i lasted to long most times, but not on this occasion.
    we started getting into it, but i came after 3 minutes. now that in it self would be somewhat embarrising but it was really topped off, by me falling asleep rite there inside her 5 sec. after orgasm.
    was quite funny... maybe not for her, but it was for me.
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    #15
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    Actually, i have two more that are super hilarious.
    Me and a certain girlfriend had been fighting for a couple days and ended up hanging out again.
    So of course we have sex, and she starts blowing me.
    Keep in mind at the time i wasn't masturbating, so i hadn't had an orgasm in about a week, and for some reason my semen builds up or some shit and i end up shooting like a gallon.
    So the time comes, and i tell her she should maybe not swallow this time because it's gonna be a lot, and she says "you don't have to worry about that, now do you?"
    So i was just like "ok"
    And BAM, a big huge drop of semen flies out of her nose onto her upper lip.
    The worst part was, she sniffed it back up and swallowed it.
    From then on i just couldn't look at her the same way.
    The other one is, me and a girl i was fucking were hanging out at her house after i brought her home, and things start getting crazy, so we're just screwing like mad, and I'm looking at myself in the mirror and thinking "damn i'm a hot sexy man".
    That day i ended up having anal sex for the first time.
    So I finish and i smoke my cigarette and get up and start walking out of the room while I'm all sweaty, and on the way out of the door I say "So can i wash my dick off somewhere in this house?"
    And her dad, who had just gotten home says "Yeah, there's a rest room right there."
    I decided to use the one at the gas station instead.
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    #16
    Bluelighter Sllip's Avatar
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    Bit's have fallen of my bed, twice.
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    #17
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    This is an embarrasing story on behave of the dude I was with:
    He wanted to go down on me, but I was on my rag. I told him, and said that I had a tampon in so it was up to him if he still wanted to go down or not. So he decided to go down and while he's there he looks up at me all disgusted and said "You have something stuck inside you..."
    ??????? and if that's not bad enough.....
    We decided to have sex (with a towel underneath us) and when we were done and I got off of him, he looks down at his dick and says, "Oh shit you're bleeding!!"
    wtf???? I told this dude I had my period!! All I could say to him was, "your mom didn't teach you about these things did she??"
    Another embarrassing story on my behave is that I tried (so hard!!) to have sex twice before I could actually get a dick inside me. It was just really frustrating trying so hard to lose my virginity
    --DnkHrb (too lazy to get my password)
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    #18
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    well i got a couple lil embaressing things. well the whole vaginal fart thing is always funny but ruins the mood. One time me and my bf were on his bed doin it doggie style and like two min. after we started it was so loud. I hate doin it doggie style cuz of the whole vaginal fart thing. All i can do is roll over laughing i cant help it!
    Another story is when he was givin me oral and we were in his room but naked. A couple min. afterward his whole family must of showed up or sumthin. Like uncles, aunts, grandparents, etc. So noone knocked or anything and his grandma and mom walked in. They just stood there as i rustled to get some coverage over my body. he just stood up and was like "can you knock". i was so embaressed! We went out to the living room cuz it was his cousins bday. I got so many weird looks but i stayed there. They talked to me but they knew what went on. Well they say first impressions are everything. i wonder what they thought of me? hehe
    one more i got for yall. Well i was with my two good friends and we ended up having a threesome. Me and the two guys i was scared. So i get on my knees start givin a blowjob to one while im gettin it doggie style. The whole fart thing starts and the motion of me giving head and me gettin fucked is really messin me up. It was really hard. So it got so annoying i just started laughin and that was the end of it. Also the dog started to bother us and it licked my boob. it was funny and gross!
    thats it!
    peace~amber
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    #19
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    i want more embarresing stories to read i like this post.
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    #20
    Bluelighter
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    you LET your cat suck on your nipple?
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    #21
    Red face
    errrr, probably the time that i was having sex with my girlfriend in my room. We were getting rather enthusiastic and pretty vocal. So vocal that we didnt realise how loud the bed was bashing into the wall. (sound travels pretty well in this house)
    What we didn't realise was that my parents were having a family lunch downstairs with close to ten people.
    All of a sudden we could hear fits of laughter and my brother in law and uncle shouting 'GO GO GO! while clapping in time to us thumping against the wall.
    we decided we weren't hungry.
    [ 02 July 2002: Message edited by: Tasty Mushroom ]
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    #22
    Bluelighter Bi KaNd*E* RaVeR's Avatar
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    **bwahahahahahahah* i really love this thread!!
    i wish i had sumthing to share.. ugh.. i need to get out more!.. lol
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    #23
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    So my friend tells me this story about one of his friends going down on his girlfriend slipping up and ending up tongeing her ass. I tell him this is complete bullshit...I mean how can you miss and end up in the ass?
    Fast forward a couple months to trying to go at 69 in the dark guess what I did :-).
    It is kinky if you mean to do it but when you aren't expecting their ass it is quite a surprise.
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    #24
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    most embarrassing thing - i was 17 and very new to sex esp head. i was seeing this 21 yr old guy, someone i was totally infatuated with. after going out to dinner, we went back to his place and i went down on him. i didn't realize my gag reflex was so sensitive and i threw up all over his lap without warning. i ran to the bathroom ashamed. after i cleaned up i came back out and saw that he had cleaned himself up. then he said something that even 7yrs later i still don't know if he was joking. he said, i think somethings wrong with me, this has never happened to me before. i sat there for a few minutes and i finally said something like i'm sorry i got sick. to make matters worse he said it was time for me to go home and on the drive home he was laughing.
    on the vaginal farts - i get a little embarrassed but my b/f moans and gets excited. i think that he kinda takes it as i'm relaxing and he's turning me on. i love him for that.
    [ 02 July 2002: Message edited by: jujube02 ]
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    #25
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    so we're all at this party-- back in high school. not one sober person in the house. my best friend (not at the time) decides her drunk ass is going to lose her virginity in the danky cold basement of the raging house. as her and the dude are getting all freaky.. he says "Oh shit.. the condom broke" the broken rubber gets discarded into a half empty beer bottle. fast forward 2 hours. a nother guy friend walks down into the dark basement, sits down next to the de-flowered girl and tries hitting on her. too bad she's completely passed out. eh, whatever, he shrugs it off and to his surprise finds a half full beer bottle!! "Didnt think there was any beer left!" he exclaims and merrily chug-a-lug-a-lugs it down. he stumbles out of the danky dark basement and finds another girl who lures his drunk arse upstairs. he's going down on her and she's a bloody girl and guess what..... RALPH RALPH RALPH into her cooch. vomit in da hole.
    *the end*
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