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    I think i'm cursed- i need help 
    #1
    I really don't know what has happened to me, but i really think i'm cursed. I have the worst luck in the world, and things never seem to get better. Financial disasters, people constantly hating me for no reason at all, my car always breaking down, girls treating me like i'm the ugliest, most worthless piece of shit they've ever seen, horrible tourettes/tics that plague me 24/7 that i cannot get ahold of to save the life of me, health problems, and severe depression that will not leave me even though i'm trying hard to get rid of it.

    I really thought that my bad luck was just a phase that i was going through, but after over 13 years now of severe bad luck i'm now starting to realize that something serious is going on. It first started when i was 15, when i had some serious shit happen to me and i attempted suicide. After that, i realized that i couldn't let my family suffer for something so horrible like that so i have been trying real hard to make my life better and make a life for myself. Well, things didn't get better and all throughout high school and college i got rejected by every girl i ever tried for and pretty much got made fun of by every one i knew for no reason at all except for the fact that they had something against me that i had no idea about. Everywhere i go people show signs of aggression towards me, and anytime i try to get a girl to like me they go completely overboard, making me feel like an idiot for even trying and straight up calling me a loser, or mocking me, or laughing in my face. I didn't lose my virginity and get my first girlfriend until i was 24, and it didn't take long for her to realize she had no interest in me. Since then i have gotten the same treatment and everywhere i go girls treat me like i'm the biggest peice of shit on the planet and they won't even give me the time of day.

    I'm 28 now and little things keep happening over and over to me that has made me realize that i need to look into this. I lost all my friends, i keep having random bad things happen that costs me a ton of money, i cant make new friends because people always blow me off, girls reject me and slam me hard anytime i even try to just say hi, and i cannot get rid of my anxiousness/depression no matter how hard i try even if i ignore all the things that have happened to me in the past. Seriously, drugs have been the only thing that can get my mind in the right place to feel somewhat normal and happy again, but that only happened a few times and now they don't even work at all. I lost the magic with mdma after only rolling 8 times total (in a span of about a year, so it was spaced out but now it doesnt work at all). I traveled to south america to do ayahuasca because i thought that could show me some spiritual signs that i needed to fix my life, but it didn't even do anything at all. Nothing. I did 3 ceremonies with a shaman and i felt nothing. On the 4th ceremony i took 3 times the dose of everyone else and i barely even felt the effects. All the other people in the ceremony only did 1 cup full and tripped balls, and i did 3 cups and the shaman was worred i might have taken too much, but ofcourse nothing even happened. The shaman told me i have a blockage that prevented me from feeling the effects and that a spirit was following/haunting me, but i didn't know what to think about that because it's hard for me to trust people. I might be the biggest hard head in the world, because i have to take 3,4, or even 5 times the regular dose i read about on here on most drugs and even then they don't even do anything hardly. Why don't i get the effects like everyone else?

    I think somebody is trying to harm me or haunt me in some way or maybe someone put a curse on me. This isn't your typical streak of bad luck where you have a few bad things happen to you and you get over it. This is a constant, evil darkness that has plagued me for a long time and it won't leave me. I have really dark, dark thoughts that come to me constantly and make me scared and worred about what's about to happen next. I have no idea what happiness even feels like, because 24/7 all i ever feel is dysphoric because the chemicals in my brain aren't working right. I have constant pain in my muscles from all the tension i have, and seriously- if anyone on this board knows what it's like to have tourettes- it's fucking horrible. You can't control yourself whatsoever. I feel like a slave to my body and it is so exhausting i can't even describe it. I wish so much i could get rid of it but it won't leave me. I might be the loneliest person in the world. I wish somebody could be there for me but i have nobody to talk to about this. I've tried to see psychics and counselers and healers but they don't do shit for me. Does anyone know anything about the occult or about how to get rid of negative energy? Something is tearing my soul apart and i really need some help to get rid of this. I'm 28 now and i have reached my breaking point. If things don't get better i am going to have a severe mental breakdown (actually it's already happened many times- i contemplate suicide all the time but i know i can't do it for my family's sake). But i think i am gonna go into a more psychotic episode soon which could be bad if i don't get ahold of myself. I can't take my life like this anymore. I really honestly think i'm cursed- no person goes through this kind of extreme bad luck unless something is going on. What should i do? I hope someone here has experience with this...
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    #2
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    Forget about the girls, they all sound like they don't even want to get to know you. I have had a bad run of luck on and off for the past several years: Abusive relationships, marrying an asshole, getting divorced, friends turning on me, losing jobs, close family members dying, getting addicted to prescriptions. I can't list everything. I got off the drugs and thought my life would improve. Have you considered seeing a doctor? That's the closest I've come to finding some relief and semblance of peace. But now I have no insurance and can't see him anymore. But therapy is a step in the right direction.

    Tourette's can be managed. I don't have it but has your doctor prescribed anything to help your symptoms? Forget the ayahuasca and don't bother with psychics because they just want your money. I would find a psychiatrist who can give you meds to relieve your Tourette's and refer you to a good therapist. You're not cursed but need help getting on the right track.
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    #3
    I don't want to get on a bunch of meds, because the side effects aren't worth it. Plus i don't think they help that much anyway they'll just try to control the symptoms- not fix anything. I want my tourettes gone completely not just masked. I can't afford that anyway, and i sure as hell can't afford a psychiatrist and even if i could i don't want to listen to someone tell me a bunch of crap they learned out of a textbook in college that will supposedly help me. I need to be spiritually cleansed.

    It seems like everywhere i go i get bad reactions from everybody- especially girls. Sorry but forget about the girls? Seriously man after you've been alone for years at a time you wanna kill yourself. I'm so damn lonely right now i cant even handle it. I haven't even had a girl as a friend my whole life just because they don't want to be around me and i have no idea why. I mean, just a few years ago i was walking to my apartment when 2 little girls i've never seen before looked up at me and one pointed and said "he's a loser" and laughed. Seriously, what the fuck is with that? Who deals with that? This is the type of shit i deal with on a weekly basis. All i know is that i am attracting hostility and being pushed away by everyone i come across in my life and something is going on.

    I can understand that people have ups and downs in life but mine never turns better ever. Its gotten me thinking that something deeper is going on than just a few bad runs of luck that will straighten out soon. People keep telling me to hang in there but i've heard this for years, nothing is changing. I think i have a negative energy surrounding me that is causing me to fail at everything and prevent me from having normal relationships like everyone else in the world. I need to fix this but i'm not sure where to turn. How do i get rid of this bad energy? If anyone knows anything about this type of stuff i would love to hear how i can get healed...
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    #4
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    http://www.mdjunction.com/tourette-syndrome

    This is an online support forum. I had watched a documentary on Nat.Geo featuring a man suffering with Tourette's. He had a wife and three young children and they understood his tics, sudden cursing and shouting. But imagine shopping at Tesco's- the people giving him dirty looks and staring, like he's doing it deliberately to get attention or something. The more self conscious he was, the worse the symptoms manifested. On the back of his t-shirt it read, "YES, I HAVE TOURETTE'S!" He and a few men from his local support group drove to a retreat in Scotland. It was a touching story.
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    #5
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    Take baby steps! I believe that we create our own energies and this can dramatically effect our experiences with ourselves and with others! People can be so cruel and fucked up sometimes, l hate it. Anyone who would treat you like that you don't want in your life anyway! Try to make small positive changes, find some people who share common interests..you went and did hallucinogens with a Shaman? That is the coolest thing ever! Although a lot of people are assholes, eff them, you are not cursed, just had some bad experiences. Put them behind you, be positive and get on with living
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    #6
    Thanks for the replies, its good to know theres a place like this where people actually give a shit about others. I guess i have always had friends for the most part, but i pretty much lost them all and now am trying to find more that think like me and share my interests. I have a really hard time blocking out past memories, so it makes it even worse from day to day trying to stay positive and happy and seem like a person other people would want to be around.

    I've had alot of scary spiritual encounters too in my life which makes me wonder who is watching me sometimes and if there is someone trying to harm me (had a ghost haunt me for awhile in high school before we called in a medicine man to drive it out which helped but other weird things continued to happen later on in life as well). I usually get ignored alot which is what bothers me the most, i feel like i'm not really accepted by many people because they instantly feel some sort of bad vibe or bad feeling around me or something, its frustrating.

    ^I think you're right about the energy thing, something just isnt right with me and i need to know what it is. I have decided that i'm going to africa soon and partaking in an iboga ceremony to really get deep inside myself and try to be blessed by the shamans there. I think the ayahuasca helped but i am gonna go all out this time and make sure i get what i'm looking for. I hope it works
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    #7
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    I think blaming things on bad luck or a spirit is an easy way to not be responsible for your life. You provide a bunch of excuses on why you don't want to try medicine or see a psychiatrist. There may be side effects, it may not cure things but if it improves your quality of life how can you disregard it? I think you should see a Dr. I think you should also try to step back from yourself and see where you are going wrong. I've met plenty of people who have bad experience after bad experience, especially with women, because they are unaware of how they are being perceived.

    I'm not trying to be mean at all, i've gone through periods where i thought i just had no luck but really I was the problem and i needed to change things. I think possibly medication, seeing a Dr. and also reevaluating yourself and how you approach social interactions would greatly help. I don't think you are going to find your answer through spirituality.
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    #8
    i know people have probably said this to you before but...just hang in there man. things can't be that bad. at least you have a family, probably a job, a roof over your head, etc. dude, i don't have any real real friends either...they're all just friends i do drugs with and all my other real friends are dead or in jail or just gone completely. i have maybe one or two acquaintance. luckily, i have high self esteem and girls tend to like me (or at least thing i'm attractive, for the most part) so i don't really know how to deal with the rejection you get from females...that all being said, i don't think your cursed, but then again i don't believe in any of that crap. just hang in there and make the most out of life. try smoking some weed, does that make you feel any better? i know a kid with tourettes and when he's high his symptoms disappear. i'm not saying to be high all the time, it's just what he does to lessen his symptoms.

    hang in there man, suicide is never a good option. keep your head up.
    Last edited by rules; 11-10-2012 at 05:48.
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    #9
    Yeah i know, theres been many times where i look at myself and say "fuck it this is just a phase, i must be doing somthing wrong- i need to stop looking to blame all this on somthing and just keep moving on in life". Well, it seems like everytime i get back on my feet theres something else to drag me down hard. I am having a hard time keeping my morale because i can't catch a break, and yeah i've heard many people tell me to just hang in there but how many years have to go by before things turn around? I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but jesus this has been going on for way too long for me to think its just "life" happening like to everyone else.

    Like i said, drugs won't give me what they do to other people and i have a hard time figuring out why. I gave some dmt to a friend to smoke the other week and it was his first time and he blasted off into hyperspace the first time off 1 hit, and i took like 6 huge hits in a row and barely felt anything. Why? Its like something is blocking my brain from feeling things that i should be. The last time i did smoke dmt, i felt a little bit of the effects but the weird part is that i smelled a very pungent, rotting smell for a good minute or two until i came down which was kinda disturbing. I have read a few times before that rotting smells usually indicate the presence of negative energy or a negative spirit. It was kinda scary, and this is exactly what i've been dealing with for awhile now. Even when i'm just out in public, people will sometimes look at me weird or flat out ask me "did you fart man"? At random times people smell a pungent odor coming from me like i farted or something but i never do. I shower daily and i know it isn't me, and this has happened numerous times. Its like people can smell the rotting energy or negativity coming from me or something, its really bothering me.

    I know that sounds stupid or ridiculous, but i'm seriously worried that something fucked up is going on that i don't know about. I'm not losing my mind, i'm really not. But seriously, how do you explain rotting odors around me like that? Wtf? This is just another example of what i'm talking about- abnormal, fucked up things happening to me that have made me really think that something deeper is going on. I don't know what to think anymore, i was just hoping someone on here might have similar experiences with this. But when i seem to think "whatever, i am just overthinking things" something very strange happens again that gets my attention and worries me. It's already been hard enough dealing with bad things happening over and over, i'm just worried now that something really serious or disasterous is gonna happen if i don't fix this- that's what i'm really worried about.
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    I feel you 
    #10
    I know this is a really old thread and the author may be long gone-- but I was just googling having the worst luck and I came across this-- and I think I can totally understand. For me, almost as bad as having incredibly terrible luck can be people being dismissive of the fact, or trying to tell you "it's just life," or "it happens to everyone." Well, some things happen to everyone and some things seem much more uncommon-- so uncommon and so unlikely sometimes that it might feel like you're cursed. When it feels that way it can be just as exhausting trying to get sympathy from anyone who just doesn't get it, because you spend so much of your energy trying to think of all the examples of all the bad things that have happened-- and chances are they still won't be convinced, so you never get that validation.

    I like to think about things in terms of probabilities-- which seem to swing into extremely unlikely events for me, all the time. For instance-- if something bad could happen to you and and you knew it had about a 50% chance of happening compared with something good or neutral, it should happen about half the time. Twice in a row? About a quarter of the time. 10 times in a row is 1 in 1024, or about 0.1% of the time. While it's impossible to know exact probabilities in real world situations, we can estimate them and take a stab at answering the question "what are the odds?" And if those odds are really, really, low-- it makes sense that maybe it isn't just bad luck at work. I mean, bad luck might explain your computer failing during a week of finals-- once-- but if it happens three times in a row with three separate brands, I don't know the odds are but they seem pretty low. In the social sciences we'd say that the Null Hypothesis is that you are not cursed / have ordinary luck, and at p<.05 we would reject the null. Maybe p < .01 or .001 depending on convention. Either way, it sounds like you Are cursed, or Haunted, or otherwise plagued by something not yet known. As am I.

    -- side note, as a gambler as well as a social scientist, I should make the point that even very unlikely odds are bound to come up once in a while. There are 52 cards in a deck and if there is even a single card that could show up to beat you (the fourth ace, when your opponent has three aces, and you have four of a kind), there is a 1 in 52-n chance that card will come up (where n is the number of cards already known), which is usually better than 2%. If there are three or four cards that could ruin your day, that leaves the odds closer to 6 to 8 percent-- not even p < .05 -- so even by loose conventions we would think your bad luck is just, well, bad luck. Play enough hands and every bad beat that can happen, will happen, and it doesn't necessarily mean anyone is cheating. Applied to life what I'm pretty much saying is-- if you have enough people on the planet-- a certain portion of them are just going to have seemingly terrible luck. Luck that seems like it could only happen 1 out of 1000 times is going to affect 300,000 people in the US alone. Luck that seems so bad it couldn't be more likely than one in a million will still afflict around 300 people, just by chance. So I guess what I'm saying is, maybe you're not cursed-- maybe you're just really, really, unlucky.

    All that said, I traveled to South America too to try Ayahuasca twice, and felt minimal to nothing, and I think it may have also been due to a blockage of negative energy. I say "energy" for lack of a better word, but I use it to describe something concrete and physical, existing in our emotional and neurological infrastructure. But even if you don't think of it that way, that's still fine. People use metaphor to understand the world and I don't think it's any better or worse for someone to think of a spirit and me to think of a complex physical condition that I don't fully understand. Either way, in my experience, the most powerful triggering event of this type of situation is early life Trauma. Particularly trauma that you felt a low or no sense of control over, and that you may not have ever fully processed. If you feel like something is haunting you, maybe it has its roots in what you described as some really serious shit happening to you, at age 15. By your choice of object-verb, it would seem you had low or no control (happened to you, as opposed to were involved in, etc), which would make it a good candidate for powerful, damaging trauma.

    As for dealing with it that's a much harder issue-- I don't want to give advice when chances are the all the advice you've ever gotten hasn't worked. I would suggest opening up a journal and writing about these traumatic events in your childhood-- although I can't guarantee it will help. If you want to though, try to write for at least 15 minutes on several subsequent days, keeping in mind that you were a child, and chances are that it wasn't your fault. If you can, see if you can find some meaning in it (why it happened, what can you learn from it?). Meaning doesn't always mean personal meaning-- sometimes things happen for impersonal reasons, or to quote an artist that I like "Things happen for a reason they say, but I say there's a reason things happen." It may be that the reason was forces much larger than you and entirely out of your control, and you might realize that you've learned empathy from it for people in even the most dire circumstances. That is what I have learned-- how to empathize with those who are suffering, like yourself-- and it's something that I feel has real value to it, and can help other people. So maybe you have that too, or you could.. and maybe, if you're still out there, this message might help you in some small way. Who knows. We do what we can, we pick ourselves up when we're down, and we keep trying. Good luck.



    Quote Originally Posted by cecil_cbr View Post
    Yeah i know, theres been many times where i look at myself and say "fuck it this is just a phase, i must be doing somthing wrong- i need to stop looking to blame all this on somthing and just keep moving on in life". Well, it seems like everytime i get back on my feet theres something else to drag me down hard. I am having a hard time keeping my morale because i can't catch a break, and yeah i've heard many people tell me to just hang in there but how many years have to go by before things turn around? I'm trying to keep a positive attitude but jesus this has been going on for way too long for me to think its just "life" happening like to everyone else.

    Like i said, drugs won't give me what they do to other people and i have a hard time figuring out why. I gave some dmt to a friend to smoke the other week and it was his first time and he blasted off into hyperspace the first time off 1 hit, and i took like 6 huge hits in a row and barely felt anything. Why? Its like something is blocking my brain from feeling things that i should be. The last time i did smoke dmt, i felt a little bit of the effects but the weird part is that i smelled a very pungent, rotting smell for a good minute or two until i came down which was kinda disturbing. I have read a few times before that rotting smells usually indicate the presence of negative energy or a negative spirit. It was kinda scary, and this is exactly what i've been dealing with for awhile now. Even when i'm just out in public, people will sometimes look at me weird or flat out ask me "did you fart man"? At random times people smell a pungent odor coming from me like i farted or something but i never do. I shower daily and i know it isn't me, and this has happened numerous times. Its like people can smell the rotting energy or negativity coming from me or something, its really bothering me.

    I know that sounds stupid or ridiculous, but i'm seriously worried that something fucked up is going on that i don't know about. I'm not losing my mind, i'm really not. But seriously, how do you explain rotting odors around me like that? Wtf? This is just another example of what i'm talking about- abnormal, fucked up things happening to me that have made me really think that something deeper is going on. I don't know what to think anymore, i was just hoping someone on here might have similar experiences with this. But when i seem to think "whatever, i am just overthinking things" something very strange happens again that gets my attention and worries me. It's already been hard enough dealing with bad things happening over and over, i'm just worried now that something really serious or disasterous is gonna happen if i don't fix this- that's what i'm really worried about.
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    #11
    ^^I hear you saying people can be dismissive, but they also feed into at times, as if enjoying seeing you go through it..."You really do have the worst luck", probably cause they're jealous of your for one reason or another and actually believe, due to what they're jealous of, makes life easier.

    Anyway, for the most part, we all have our stories of bad luck, or as Italians call it having a "whammy" put on you by someone. I honestly believe all of us have challanging situations...and there are times when they come really close together...sometimes for years.

    I am not dismissing anyone going through a really long stretch of one major thing after another happening...I can tell you all within a year, I got divorced, developed a medical condition that causes excruciating pain (and it happened while I was still dating my ex-husband, so it wasn't as a result of us splitting up), got fired from my job nine days before Christmas, and had just got my condo a month before being fired...and I was a single mother w no help. And if that stuff wasn't bad enough, it spiraled downwards for the next maybe six years...so...I understand. I honestly thought it was that I had bad luck.

    I have comet to realize though, that it's not uncommon.
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    #12
    Interesting thread... I would like to just point out that a lot of times in ayahuasca ceremonies they give tourists a weaker dose.
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    #13
    Cecil_cbr, u hav articulated exactly how it is for us cursed ppl. I feel u man and i laughed so hard wen reading ur post cos i can relate to everything. From the time wen it dawns on you that stuff aint working out for you to using drugs and they work and then just like that they stop working. Its so true. I had a tv deal and i cud not produce the drama as th network wanted it no matter how hard i tried. And to top it off, i was writing a satire ab xenophobia wen xenophobia broke out n ppl died. Th network scrapped my deal. So i went to university to study and after 3 yrs im still doing phase 1. No matter how hard i read and write everything i submit is wrong. Despite using library books for info. My sh!i is wrong. Girls, job interviews, friends all ditto. I interviewd at a company and ddnt get the job. Two weeks later i meet old friends i havnt seen in ten yrs and they work for that company and funny enuf they show me apts and cars they bought within two yrs of working there. I interviewd elsewhere and everybody else got th jobs except me. Th pattern is the same everywhere and in everythin that i do. Im 35 yrs old and all i want is my MA and i will go teach at the solomon islands. I hav forgone a nice life, nice car, picket fence etc. I inevitably will owe large sums of money as i loaned money for school and i cant crack that. So yeah i feel u man. And it aint ab finding the cause but ab fuck!ng gettin rid of it. I aint got dark thorts. But this sh!ts killing me and now i just feel dead inside. Im fcuked!
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    #14
    The Matse tribe in Peru believe that administering frog venom purges you of "panema" which is their word for bad luck, depression and negative energy. If you think you're cursed, then I'm guessing you're open minded to spiritual things, so if I were you, I'd try it out. What continent are you in?
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    #15
    Quote Originally Posted by T. Calderone View Post
    http://www.mdjunction.com/tourette-syndrome

    This is an online support forum. I had watched a documentary on Nat.Geo featuring a man suffering with Tourette's. He had a wife and three young children and they understood his tics, sudden cursing and shouting. But imagine shopping at Tesco's- the people giving him dirty looks and staring, like he's doing it deliberately to get attention or something. The more self conscious he was, the worse the symptoms manifested. On the back of his t-shirt it read, "YES, I HAVE TOURETTE'S!" He and a few men from his local support group drove to a retreat in Scotland. It was a touching story.
    The guy you are talking about is called John and living in the UK I have grown up watching his story on TV. The first time we saw John on telly was in the eighty's with the documentary titled Johns not mad. The latest documentary showing him as an adult showed he found a support group and John seemed happy and content and at peace with his Tourette's. I think the OP should find a support group for people with this disorder and maybe like John he too can find some peace
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    #16
    The OP's problems were concrete problems that existed in the physical, material world (ie he couldn't get on well with the opposite sex, he had some conditions like Tourette's, etc.) so the solutions to his problems also exist in the material world, I doubt they could be solved through lifting some kind of "curse". That's my line of thought, anyway, if he gets something out of spirituality then hey, why not right. I WISH I could believe in that kind of thing.

    Also, a lot of the problems the OP listed in the original post are also concrete problems (car troubles, financial woes, etc) Almost everybody experiences these at some point or another and the solution isn't laying hands on your car and chanting prayers.

    The solution to the mental stuff, like depression, is more vexing. I don't pretend to have an easy solution to that kind of thing, since I've grappled with it myself for a considerable period of time. The best solution I've been able to find usually involves mental coping strategies, drugs, or some combination of coping strategies and drugs. But I guess drugs don't really work for the OP so I'd just work on the coping strategies.
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    #17
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    I don't think that you're cursed at all. You've just had luck and I am extremely sorry for all that has happened to you.

    Like T Calderone says, try to forget those girls because they don't sound very nice and you deserve more than that.

    I'm here if you need to talk feel free to PM any time or on here.

    Take care,
    Evey
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    #18
    Watch "The Secret", that's quite a good thing to watch in a moment like this.
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    #19
    Let me start by saying I don't believe in curses myself personally in the slightest, but I won't disregard your personal beliefs.

    What I do believe in is that the way people address us and react to us in life, and the things that happen to us are a product of our actions. People don't always react fairly to what we do, and there's nothing that we can do but accept that really, but there are lots of things that we can control or change, and on the whole if we make the right actions with regards to these decisions then in general people will react in a positive manner. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies without even realising it. I don't know enough about you to be able to give you direct practical advice really but I can tell you a story about my own life experience that will perhaps help explain what I mean by that, apologies for the length.....

    As a child I was quite strong academically (well, without wanting to sound like a massively big headed arsehole, very strong) and had a very competitive streak. I was raised in a certain way where I was made to feel like I was an idiot for making a normal everyday mistake. My father would chastise me for doing small things wrong, I would often leave football practice in tears because I felt like I wasn't good enough and he was angry with me. As I grew older these factors developed in to me feeling like I had to be the best at everything, all the time. Anything but being the best and I would be very embarrased and angry, dismissive of anyone who was better than me and unwilling to accept their superiority. At the same time I was totally lacking in self-esteem, I hated myself. No one can ever be the best at everything and so I was constantly disappointed with what I did. I felt worthless and alienated and angry about the fact that I couldn't find a place in the world where people liked me. As a defence mechanism to combat this I was incredibly arrogant, an arsehole, in the mistaken belief that by projecting a certain image of myself as this perfect person people would like me, but inside I was dying and lonely. I just wanted to be liked and feel part of. There was this toxic spiralling storm of mistaken assumptions, loneliness, arrogance and lack of self-esteem going on that was pushing people further and further away from me and I was dying more and more as my impossible quest to be perfect alienated me more and more. The one thing I would definitely never ever do would be show emotional vulnerability, that would be to let people know I was weak and therefore no good wouldn't it? No one would want to have anything to do with a loser who was so sad as to be hurt by someone else doing something nasty to them would they? In my mind of course not, so I went on engaing in this terrible maladaptive pattern of behaviour. I'm sure that as you're reading this it's clear to you just how stupid and lacking in understanding I was. I'm not quite sure where along the line I started to realise myself that what I was doing was so utterly self-defeating, to be honest it wasn't that long ago, but somehow I did start to come to see the situation as I have just described it to you. I started to realise that by showing vulnerability it enabled other people to relate to me because they could see that I was a human too. I started to realise that trying to be perfect leads to continual disappointment. I started to realise that by admitting my failures and allowing myself to expose my emotions meant that actually, people would quite often want to try and help me, and I started to not feel so alienated. As I allowed people to get close to me as I really am not as who i am trying to be I started to gain in some self-esteem because it became clear that the world didn't hate me. I am far from 'fixed', and I regularly fall back in to old patterns of behaviour, but I can recognise them now and do something about them.


    I'm not saying this because I believe that this is what's going on in your life, I'm merely saying it because it depicts the way in which I was my own worst enemy. My thinking and behaviours were totally off-key, I was in denial, and they were pushing people away from me when I wanted exactly the opposite. I would encourage you to maybe think about whether there is any element of this going on in your life. Not necessarily in the same way that it was/is happening in mine, just in that I had mistaken beliefs about the way in which I should be behaving and the way in which people would react to my actions. Maybe there is, maybe there isn't. I just felt I should share it because I know there are other people out there that get trapped in similar storms of mistaken beliefs about themselves and the world, and that when they realise it and start to see what is actually going on it can be the turning point in their life.

    Just as a suggestion as to the way in which your thinking could possibly be maladaptive, you say you can't afford therapy, and yet you have travelled to South America to take ayahuasca and now you are travelling to Africa to take ibogaine. I would imagine that if you can afford to do these things then in reality you can afford a therapist/psychiatrist, you're just choosing not too. Please correct me if I'm wrong on that one, but it would seem that way.

    Clearly you have an extra obstacle to get over with the tourettes, but I ussed to work with a guy who had tourettes annd although I wasn't close to him at all I know he had a girlfriend who he was very happy with.

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    #20
    listen to me man...I read ur 1 post and i felt kinda obligated to write this to u...I am verry passionate about the occult and i understand how curses work...Mabye that's not the case with u but it can be occult related...Those things have a lot of power and can really affect ur life in a very negative way...So we have a few options here as i see and i'll start with the possibility of u having been under some kind of curse or a psychic attack..

    These things can occur in 2 ways..The first is that some1 intensionally put a spell on u and the second is that u stepped on something that wasn't ment 4 u...Some people throw away their suffering on places they shouldn't,binded in some kind of an object.U may stepped or touched that object without knowing what it is and it affected u the way it did...U took inside u all of the suffering that someone released(thrown away) from themselves..But if somebody cursed u intentionally,that's a whole different thing...The simptoms r verry clear:bad luck,anxiety dissorder,heavy breathing(esspetionally while sleaping),fealing some kind of a wheight on ur chest and etc...

    I will counsel u to visit somebody in ur area who understands these things (somebody with experience) and try to help u...I have experienced these things on my own skin and i know what unfortune they can bring upon u...They work best if the 1 who did this to u posseses something that belonges to u..an object or something..But the greatest effect is achieved if they posses some of ur blood,sperm,hair,or fingernails...So beware where u throw ur fingernails after u cut them...Mabye the thing was ment to hurt some member of ur familly but affected u also...It can be done by enemies of ur family who want to hurt them by hurting u...

    Something simular was done to my family few times in the past and i know how hard is to get rid of it...I won't go into details but i'll tell u the concequences were devastating...4 example i couldn't find a job,no matter how certan i was of getting it,and i can't get 1 till today and i'm 26...Believe me i tried everything and everywere...I went to see an old man in a small village in my country that knew about this things...The man simply amazed me with the things he told me...I was an unbeliever but after this i started believing in magic...He told me that certain objects were buried in my yard and he told me the exact place where to dig and to find them...I found them all and they were the things he told me i'll find...i was amazed...The luck went upwards since then but it left a mark 4 sure...

    So i advise u to find such a man who'll help u...Enough of the occult...The second opption is that u r very negative person and u have a very negative perception about things..U need to start to look on the bright side of life and that will do a wonders 4 u...The world around u is a ressult of ur thoughts...So if u think negative,u'll attract negative people and neative sittuations...Work on ur mentall attitude...
    And the final option is that u r a complete jerk and u do all these things to urself...U treat people like shit so they treat u the same...The problem isn't always in somebody else(something outside us),mabye u should start to look the blame in ur self...
    I think this will help u get rid of ur bad luck...
    May the force be with u
    Last edited by sstalker; 22-05-2014 at 20:40. Reason: for an easier read I added paragraphs
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    #21
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    In my opinion, it's a lot to do with how to think and our perception of the world and what is going on around us. If we start to believe that we are cursed then we are going to start noticing the bad tings that happen to us more. We will then say to ourselves "See such n such happened, that shows I'm cursed," our negative attitude will affect our things. For instance you mention some girls rejecting you? But you do not tell us of how you reacted towards them before the rejection. What was your body language saying, what were your thoughts saying to you? If, for instance, you thought to yourself "these girls are going to reject me" You may have given off a negative body language to the girls which said that you were not interested or weren't as open to them as you may have wanted them to think. You may have come across as negative or miserable and this would have put them off.

    I'm not saying that you are a bad person. I'm just suggesting that maybe you need to look at the bad tings in your life from a different an angle. Have you, unintentionally caused unfortunately things to happen with your perception of how doomed life is towards you - that you are cursed? If this is the case, then unlike a curse, you can change all of this by your ways of thinking. Have you considered looking into Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)? It's a type of therapy which helps us look at our behaviour, thoughts and actions. It may be of use to you.

    Also please don't' take offense to this but I did not read your post because you wrote it in one big paragraph and I could not read it properly.

    Take care,
    Evey
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