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Thread: -alone-

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    Bluelighter Angelight's Avatar
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    i want this thread to live on forever...
    joshy- i love you.
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    Bluelighter Angelight's Avatar
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    Heart
    this thread will NEVER be closed.
    i had no intentions of it.
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    Post
    I'm not sure what you meant by this comment, but i really dont feel that its appropriate at this time.
    ~E-girl
    [ 22 September 2002: Message edited by: E-girl ]
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    Bluelighter Angelight's Avatar
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    bump.
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    Bluelight Crew Squirt's Avatar
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    every time... every time i read this thread i cry. every single time....
    miss you spedly. you will live forever in our hearts and thoughts and we will never let you go.
    much love always,
    squirt
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    Bluelighter
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    What an amazing piece of writing. Thank you for writing it. Also, thanks for bumping. I would have missed out on this as I have only recently joined Bluelight. I liked the piece so much that I actually read through all the replies. It seems as though sometime between the time that this was first written and now, something happened to SpeedLimit55. If so, I'm sorry. From what I've read from the replies, he was a great person and is (and will be) missed. Thanks.
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    Executive Director Sebastians_ghost's Avatar
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    I can't believe I have yet to bump this post. I read it again today, and it hit me like it had the first.
    Beautiful.
    SG
    "I believe that if people would learn to use LSD's vision-inducing capability more wisely, under suitable conditions, in medical practice and in conjunction with meditation, then in the future this problem child could become a wonder child"
    -Dr. Albert Hofmann
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    Heart
    i thought about you in my car the other day... but i'm sure you know that. i was having a rough moment, but i felt you were right there with me.
    miss u still
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    Bluelighter Sweetpea's Avatar
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    I smile thinking of your sweet face.
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    Ex-Bluelighter Furnace's Avatar
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    Remember in the beginning of "The Empire Strikes Back?" That ice planet, Hoth? They filmed the scenes in the city I live in
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    Bump
    [quote]Originally posted by Furnace:

    Ahh, if only it was that easy...
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    Heart
    ...I never really expected to post here again. I know you didn't want me to... but I think you'd allow me this exception. Something made me read this again... Right now things are raw... too hard and rough and I needed to see what others who have known and loved you have said...it's beautiful, really it is.
    I miss you baby. I'm trying so hard to work out a life without you... It's so hard and I don't know if I can do it, if it even can be done... but I'm trying. For you. Because of you. I'm trying to do what you would want me to do... as impossible as it seems.
    I love you with all my heart and soul - forever.
    ---
    The timing is off on this damn board as always, but yesterday would have been our 7 month wedding anniversary... your birthday is coming up soon, too. *sigh* Baby you were too young and too precious to go... all I want is you here with me, or me there with you... that's all I want. I want you. To be with you.
    I miss you more than words can possibly say.
    I love you so much sweetheart, with all of my very being.
    I love you.
    [ 08 October 2002: Message edited by: Flower ]
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    Heart
    There's nothing I can say or do, Flower. But I'm right here behind you, always, if you should need me.
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    Heart
    i was waiting for the day i was see you post to this. I hope you're doing ok Flower... my heart goes out to you. This isn't the only one of Josh's masterpieces that i find myself reading over and over. Some of the things he wrote about you were just so incredible, that i can barely bring myself to finish them sometimes. You were, you ARE so lucky to have had him in your life. I do believe you were the best thing to ever happen to him.
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    Bluelighter Angelight's Avatar
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    Melissa,
    i love you so very much, if you should need me ever...you know where i am.
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    Bluelighter Angelight's Avatar
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    .
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    Bluelight Crew chrissie's Avatar
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    youll never know how much i cry for you
    *much love*
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    Heart
    .
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    Bluelight Crew Trancey's Avatar
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    ...
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    Bluelighter
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    We live to love, but not all those we love live, but if in life we have loved, when we lose life we find eternal bliss.
    This is the first time that I have read this post and the replies and I.........
    PLUR
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    Bluelighter Mr. Sticky's Avatar
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    You broke my heart, josh...and melissa, I hope you continue to break mine for years to come. I love you, sweetheart.
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    Bluelighter Angelight's Avatar
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    ...and sometimes i'll be sitting in my favorite chair, and i'll think of you josh. The same chair i sit in when i think of all the people i love, and all the people i've lost...and i'll shed a tear b/c i miss you so...
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    Heart
    this thread still breaks my heart
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    Heart
    I often find myself wondering how long this exquisite pain is going to last. Inevitably, I come to the conclusion that it will last the rest of my life... just as the blessed memories will last. Someone once said, "tears are the proof of love... the more love, the more tears." I try to remind myself of this whenever I am wishing the pain away... how could I ask that the pain leave me, if in doing so I would be also wishing away the memories of our love that I keep close to my heart? I'd withstand this pain and a hundred-fold more just to keep the memories of the love we shared... all the memories, good and bad. When it comes right down to it, the pain of grief is the price we pay for love... I recieved so much love from Joshua that the payment is high, but well worth every bit of it.
    Thank you all for your sentiments... I lurk around this thread quite a bit and even as it brings back painful memories it also comforts me... thank you, for those small comforts... they are one of few that make even a barely perceptable dent in this thick cloud of grief that now encompasses my life. Comforts don't come easy to me these days, so every little bit helps.
    One of Joshua's greatests gifts to the world was, as you all know, his ability to write - from his very core, brutally honest and heartfelt. I've made it one of my missions to see that his gift not go to waste... everything he's written on here has been copied down and is being bound, along with some of his letters he wrote to me during our courtship and marriage, and will someday be in a format able to be passed around... to friends, to family. It's a project we started before his death, intending on passing it onto our child... after losing the baby, Joshua, in his pain, abandoned the project, but I'm determined to see it through - to have his legacy passed on in his memory.
    I'm rambling. Sorry. Anyway... I just wanted to thank you all again, for keeping this piece of him alive here on Bluelight. Even though we left the site quite some time before his death, the friends we made here never left our hearts. I think of many of you often, and look forward to the day that I am strong enough to contact you... to see you again...
    Until then, yours always,
    Melissa
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    Bluelighter Angelight's Avatar
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    ^^ i love you missy.
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