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Thread: MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

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    #26
    I'm 4 months in and still struggling a fair bit - going through some pretty big swings.

    I try to stay off here as much as possible on the advice of others, but find myself lurking a lot... If any old-time LTC'ers are about and want to share success stories - even if they've already done so in previous threads, it really helps the likes of me keep on going - so please do pop in and share.
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    #27
    This is my first post after three month of trying to cope with the after effects. 0,5g untested MDMA crystals and a lot of alcohol and just getting better from a stomachflu if that's important?. At this time i'm off work half time, thank god for a good health care system! I see some progress with the panic disorder and starting to learn to deal with it. I'm trying to accept the DP/DR but it's hard. It seams nobody understands the way i feel and how could they? Sometimes it feel so fucking lonely and the feeling of mentally numbness really makes me feel totally broken at times.


    I'm trying to focus on the things i can control like exercise, food, meditation and overall trying to live stress free and by fixed routines but it breaks me that i don't se more progress. I also try to take care of myself with self compassion and i think that's totally needed to overcome all this. I have also informed close friends and family that means revealing some stuff to the family but i think that's totally necessary to get good support when it feels hard.


    If somebody got some advice how to better cope with this i'm all ears. This really tests my patience day after day tryin' to just accept. I know that many tell us to keep of this thread but at this time i need all the comfort i can get.


    Take care all strong people out there and look after yourself. I know how tough this is.
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    #28
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    Got my first exam for uni tomorrow and my anxiety has ramped up considerably.

    On the one hand it's getting me down because I can barely keep still and I can't think straight. But in all honesty I think it's good because at least I have an actual reason to be anxious rather than just freaking out for no reason whatsoever like I was on the offset.

    For any of the wiser BLers out there, is this a good sign?
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    #29
    Bluelighter
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    Quote Originally Posted by No name needed View Post
    This is my first post after three month of trying to cope with the after effects. 0,5g untested MDMA crystals and a lot of alcohol and just getting better from a stomachflu if that's important?. At this time i'm off work half time, thank god for a good health care system! I see some progress with the panic disorder and starting to learn to deal with it. I'm trying to accept the DP/DR but it's hard. It seams nobody understands the way i feel and how could they? Sometimes it feel so fucking lonely and the feeling of mentally numbness really makes me feel totally broken at times.


    I'm trying to focus on the things i can control like exercise, food, meditation and overall trying to live stress free and by fixed routines but it breaks me that i don't se more progress. I also try to take care of myself with self compassion and i think that's totally needed to overcome all this. I have also informed close friends and family that means revealing some stuff to the family but i think that's totally necessary to get good support when it feels hard.


    If somebody got some advice how to better cope with this i'm all ears. This really tests my patience day after day tryin' to just accept. I know that many tell us to keep of this thread but at this time i need all the comfort i can get.


    Take care all strong people out there and look after yourself. I know how tough this is.
    Do you have blurry vision? If not I would say you will eventually come good. If you do I think you in a category where life will always be challenging. Good luck.
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    #30
    Hey all, I logged my situation about a month ago didn't get too many replies so I thought I would come here and say something instead of lurk. I'm almost on 3 months. I took 1 red supreme in February had the normal hangover for a day was fine but then took a bunch of supplements the day after due to trying to lose weight for summer this included SARMS a fat burner and prework out(the gnarliest shit you can get pretty much for stimulants)and some other natural weightloss supplements then 3 days later I started having pressure in my head then became my longterm come down. I have gnarly pressure in my forehead, brain zaps, brain fog (focusing in and out), and random anxiety attacks. I got a MRI and everything was normal the neurologist doesn't think my supps triggered it just the e but what I think happened was my brain wasn't recovered and I threw in all those stimulants, over stimulating the brain. Whats weird is I feel like its getting worse or I'm just having a bad week. Theres been times where I almost feel normal but the last week has been crap. Sometimes feels like a sand bags ontop of my head. For the people later down the road have you gone through rough patches out of no where? Or has your recovery been pretty consistant? Thanks for any replies towards my situation.
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    #31
    Bluelighter
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    I'm 4 months in, definitely had rough patches along the way. I've been speaking to many users on here and it definitely varies how long it takes to overcome an LTC but rest assured its not unusual to have setbacks. I'm sure you've heard of Stephen Fry. He treats his bipolar like the weather, sometimes the weather is bad and it rains, but there will be a brighter day. The same analogy can definitely apply to the recovery process I feel. Sometimes you feel great and think you are better than the symptoms return and trick you into thinking you're back where you started. Just remind yourself its just the drugs and you will continue to get better with time. All the best mate!
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    #32
    Quote Originally Posted by PillsAndKills View Post
    I'm 4 months in, definitely had rough patches along the way. I've been speaking to many users on here and it definitely varies how long it takes to overcome an LTC but rest assured its not unusual to have setbacks. I'm sure you've heard of Stephen Fry. He treats his bipolar like the weather, sometimes the weather is bad and it rains, but there will be a brighter day. The same analogy can definitely apply to the recovery process I feel. Sometimes you feel great and think you are better than the symptoms return and trick you into thinking you're back where you started. Just remind yourself its just the drugs and you will continue to get better with time. All the best mate!


    Thanks for the reply bro I appreciate it I was reading some of your earlier comments and have gone through the same thing. What you said about the set backs is what I figured. Iv just had more anxiety this week than usual but its probably from the pressure in my head seeming worse making me worry more although I do just get random anxiety every now and then with out worrying hopefully after this month I wont get it any more not that the anxiety happens all the time it just sucks to deal with. Do you have any pressure in the head iv also noticed while I'm laying down in bed watching tv I almost feel normal and when I wake up and hop in the shower I feel almost normal until I walk out the door then I start to notice more symptoms just curious if anyone else has felt this. Hit me up some time pills and kills if you want to chat I try not to log in to much to not see some bull shit posts but we are around the same time length just curious to see how our progression comes along.
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    #33
    Quote Originally Posted by bigdreams10 View Post
    Thanks for the reply bro I appreciate it I was reading some of your earlier comments and have gone through the same thing. What you said about the set backs is what I figured. Iv just had more anxiety this week than usual but its probably from the pressure in my head seeming worse making me worry more although I do just get random anxiety every now and then with out worrying hopefully after this month I wont get it any more not that the anxiety happens all the time it just sucks to deal with. Do you have any pressure in the head iv also noticed while I'm laying down in bed watching tv I almost feel normal and when I wake up and hop in the shower I feel almost normal until I walk out the door then I start to notice more symptoms just curious if anyone else has felt this. Hit me up some time pills and kills if you want to chat I try not to log in to much to not see some bull shit posts but we are around the same time length just curious to see how our progression comes along.
    Why are you worrying about pressure in the head? First of all it is harmless, second it is actually a good sign that there is some type of rearrangement going on and in most cases it is for the better and lastly it is just a symptom of anxiety which manifests as increased awareness of internal processes which are normally not perceived.
    Ignore it is all i can say...
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    #34
    Quote Originally Posted by Mikek11 View Post
    Why are you worrying about pressure in the head? First of all it is harmless, second it is actually a good sign that there is some type of rearrangement going on and in most cases it is for the better and lastly it is just a symptom of anxiety which manifests as increased awareness of internal processes which are normally not perceived.
    Ignore it is all i can say...

    Not so much worried about the pressure as it is mostly just an annoyance. Just trying to see if people have the same symptoms to determine how long the comedown will last or to debate if I have the same thing as most people. I contracted this longterm come down in a different way by taking a lot of stimulants right after my roll which puts my mind at ease a little when I read that some people have the same symptoms and got better. But thank you for the advice. Hope everything is ok with you Mike. If your just here giving reassurance its much appreciated and god bless you.
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    #35
    Bluelighter
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    If you guys want extensive information about recovery . You guys should go to surviving antidepressants. org. The reason I'm talking about an antidepressants website because mdma is a turbo ssri. They act similar but mdma is violently potent. So all the symptoms are the same and the recoveries are the same. You guys should check it out.
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    #36
    No mdma is not a turbo ssri. It works in a completely different fashion. Ssris are created and thoroughly tested to help treat depression, anxiety and oter mental disorders and they do help people even with LTCs. The webpage you mentioned is a biased website where very talkative people discuss their withdrawal symptoms after several years of various psych meds usage. The thing is that reoccuring symptoms of their illnesses after stoping their meds also fall under the category of withdrawal. Having said that not everyone gets withdrawals and not everyone's withdrawals are pronounced to a degree of debilitating discomfort.
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    #37
    Quote Originally Posted by Go Easy View Post
    Hey guys - 1 thing I'm keen to learn more about - Eye Floaters.

    Does anyone understand the mechanism as to how an MDMA overdose / LTC / stress can cause these? I've got an understanding of what they are, I just don't know how they get there. I've got a dark floater patch in my left eye that has become apparent over the past couple of months.

    For those who have recovered - did these fade with time, and were they one of the first or last symptoms to go?
    Eye floaters were a huge problem for me during my recovery (maybe the only physical problem), but they faded with time. A year after they appeared I believe.
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    #38
    Bluelighter
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    Quote Originally Posted by Go Easy View Post
    I'm 4 months in and still struggling a fair bit - going through some pretty big swings.

    I try to stay off here as much as possible on the advice of others, but find myself lurking a lot... If any old-time LTC'ers are about and want to share success stories - even if they've already done so in previous threads, it really helps the likes of me keep on going - so please do pop in and share.

    Keep your head up. You'll be feeling normal soon!
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    #39
    Wanted to update people here. I posted quite extensively in the previous thread. My experience started with a bad LSD trip followed the next day by up to a half gram of pure crystal mdma mixed with lots and lots and lots of alcohol and no water. Was up for 4 days straight, then couldn't sleep more than a couple hours a night for months on end.

    It was awful, absolutely awful. Still don't know if it was caused by the MDMA or just psychological from the trip.

    The good part? I ended up coming completely back to normal.

    For me it happened a little more than 5 months in. I quit my job, and everything came back.

    Sexual functioning, sleep, etc. All became normal again. Went on a big road trip, met a lot of amazing people. I can even smoke weed again without getting any anxiety.

    It was a scary time. For me, I do think a lot of my problems were psychological. The mind is extremely powerful and can play tricks on you.

    Don't give up, my best advice would be try to rest and relax and remove as much stress from your life as possible. I know that's easier said than done. I was in a position where I'm living with my parents and was able to quit my job and be supported. That's what really helped I think.
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    #40
    Is this thread still alive ?
    I'm in my second month. First few weeks were bad, didn't go to school, couldn't concentrate on anything, felt super numb. Then I started to get better, the fog started to clear. I was just getting headaches. Then went back to being foggy and unclear. This is where i am at now. Some days are good some aren't.
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    #41
    13756]Is this thread still alive ?
    I'm in my second month. First few weeks were bad, didn't go to school, couldn't concentrate on anything, felt super numb. Then I started to get better, the fog started to clear. I was just getting headaches. Then went back to being foggy and unclear. This is where i am at now. Some days are good some aren't.[/QUOTE]


    The thread is still alive. Almost 4 months in. It seems to fluctuate quite a bit. Had a rough day at work today when i felt somewhat freaked out. For me, this is really stressful at times. Dealing with the feelings of unreality and trying to keeping up the facade really is hard work. I work part time, 4 hours a day but sometimes i think i'm not going to keep that up. Some days are better than others. I exercise almost daily, eat pretty healthy and trying to maintain as 'normal' life as possible. I must believe it's goin' to get better with time because this is not livin', its coping.
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    #42
    Hello bluelighters I am also, sadly, a victim of the magical drug MDMA and fall under the category of an ignorant abuser. I took a lot of MDMA too often and basically it had thrown me into your typical LTC. I have been at this stage for a long time but kept using MDMA not knowing it was the cause of my not so well being. Anyways I am not here to sulk or pout because I know without a doubt that I will recover given enough time. (Which could be years unfortunately). I am here for information. I have recently been doing pretty well on my symptoms until about three or four weeks ago when I completely cut out caffeine from my diet. This action makes it so I am completely non dependent on anything....no drugs of any kind now. Since cutting out the caffeine my symptoms have spiked and I feel the old anxiety from square one creep back in here and there. I am wondering if I am experiencing a type of withdrawal from dropping caffeine and if I should keep toughing it out. Do you think caffeine is detrimental to recovering from an LTC and effects it or am I just having random flashbacks of severe anxiety. Thoughts are appreciated
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    #43
    Quote Originally Posted by Scratcher View Post
    Is this thread still alive ?
    I'm in my second month. First few weeks were bad, didn't go to school, couldn't concentrate on anything, felt super numb. Then I started to get better, the fog started to clear. I was just getting headaches. Then went back to being foggy and unclear. This is where i am at now. Some days are good some aren't.
    .

    I have heard many a stories of success! But seeing you are at the two month mark indicates you have a long way to go. Nearly every person I have talked to who has beaten their LTC fought with it for at least eight months. Many it took them into the years category, 2-3 unfortunately. That being said they all did beat it and it does become easier to cope with I am living proof of that. Although I have not won yet life has become manageable and many parts of it are very enjoyable again. I am only at the eight month mark which seems long but I know when I look back on this later in life it will have just been a speed bump. You are going to get better have faith in it.
    Also the symptoms come and go in waves you will have good weeks and you will have bad weeks that's how it works I am not really sure why....eventually the good will outweigh the bad
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    #44
    Quote Originally Posted by cserage View Post
    Hello bluelighters I am also, sadly, a victim of the magical drug MDMA and fall under the category of an ignorant abuser. I took a lot of MDMA too often and basically it had thrown me into your typical LTC. I have been at this stage for a long time but kept using MDMA not knowing it was the cause of my not so well being. Anyways I am not here to sulk or pout because I know without a doubt that I will recover given enough time. (Which could be years unfortunately). I am here for information. I have recently been doing pretty well on my symptoms until about three or four weeks ago when I completely cut out caffeine from my diet. This action makes it so I am completely non dependent on anything....no drugs of any kind now. Since cutting out the caffeine my symptoms have spiked and I feel the old anxiety from square one creep back in here and there. I am wondering if I am experiencing a type of withdrawal from dropping caffeine and if I should keep toughing it out. Do you think caffeine is detrimental to recovering from an LTC and effects it or am I just having random flashbacks of severe anxiety. Thoughts are appreciated

    I would stay away from caffeine not saying it hurts but better to be safe as possible with the recovery process I'm on 3 and a half months and haven't taken caffeine since It began. You could just be having a set back and it has nothing to do with the caffeine which has happened to me where I got random anxiety. But I would give it about a month or 2 no caffeine and see how you feel. Whenever I was getting my anxiety I took 5htp and it seemed to help but I don't take it every day only when the anxiety happens which hasn't happened in about a month.
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    #45
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    Managed to feel somewhat normal for a bit today and yet again I felt that wave of panic creeping on me again before I managed to slam it down.

    It was defintely thought driven, as I was basically testing myself to see if I could still experience it. This is stupid I know but it's very difficult to stop these introspective thoughts to see if I still feel the same sensations. It's the first time for a while that I managed to come out of the derealisation that's been weighing over me for some months now.

    Having said that. I coped with it extremely well and the panic doesn't scare me anymore. If anything these short waves of panic are more of an annoyance because it makes my body too alert/jumpy and I feel less relaxed in situations where I should be.

    I'm spending less and less time on here now and I'm more focused on accepting this for what it is and worrying less about become 'normal' again. I've no doubt I will eventually come through but it definitely helps to just try and get on with life like it never happened.

    Hope everyone else is doing well.
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    #46
    Quote Originally Posted by PillsAndKills View Post
    Managed to feel somewhat normal for a bit today and yet again I felt that wave of panic creeping on me again before I managed to slam it down.

    It was defintely thought driven, as I was basically testing myself to see if I could still experience it. This is stupid I know but it's very difficult to stop these introspective thoughts to see if I still feel the same sensations. It's the first time for a while that I managed to come out of the derealisation that's been weighing over me for some months now.

    Having said that. I coped with it extremely well and the panic doesn't scare me anymore. If anything these short waves of panic are more of an annoyance because it makes my body too alert/jumpy and I feel less relaxed in situations where I should be.

    I'm spending less and less time on here now and I'm more focused on accepting this for what it is and worrying less about become 'normal' again. I've no doubt I will eventually come through but it definitely helps to just try and get on with life like it never happened.

    Hope everyone else is doing well.

    Hell yea man glad to hear your doing a bit better even if its one thing at a time. I did that to myself yesterday reading earlier posts I think I wont get anxiety and then if I read something bad then I'm fucked for the day but iv put it in my head again that ill get better so I'm a bit better now. Keep it up.
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    #47
    This is kind of a long shot but anyone reading this and having trouble with their long term come down or just needs a friend I live in LA if anyone wants to meet up and do something better than sitting at home and dwelling. I promise I'm not a creep haha. Just trying to support and get supported. I'm trying not be on here as much but ill check back once a month message me.
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    #48
    I'm in the process of titrating my SSRI's. I might not quit them altogether, but they are doing more harm than good in some areas which, believe it or not, is a good thing. I take a 0.5 clonazepam twice a week or so. A fraction of what I used to take. Benzo withdrawal is horrible. You will have panic attacks. Hyperthermia. Flu. You will cry for no reason. Dream about suicide for no reason. THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

    Visual snow is constant. Going to have to accept that it might be a lifelong symptom.

    Brain fog intermittent. But my overall cognition has come in leaps & bounds. 2 years ago it would have taken me 3x as long to type this. My ability for mental math/vocabulary has come an awfully long way, also. I was told by mental health professionals that it would help my case that I'm a musician & composer. If you are reading this, keep your brain active. I know, it's hard. But have conversations. Hold eye contact. Read. Hold your focus, even when it's painful. You hold the power to rebuild your damaged neural pathways.

    21 months.
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    #49
    Now on 10 months of brain zaps after a serious drug binge at a festival.... I'd say they're like 90% gone now and only really get them late in the day when I'm really tired during the week and when I dart my eyes across to the right... I was really stupid enough to abuse again September last year when in ibiza so that definatley slowed down the healing process, sometimes they have to flare up and get worse before they get better and seems to happen every 2-3 weeks... It's been a long road so far but will get there eventually so everyone else hang on in there !!! Any ex ltc'ers gone back to abusing after they recovered ? Was just wondering! Cheers
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    #50
    Quote Originally Posted by robmatch22 View Post
    Any ex ltc'ers gone back to abusing after they recovered ? Was just wondering! Cheers
    No way! I have consumed again, but no more than a single dose (~140mg), and waiting at least a month (but more, most of the times) between doses.
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