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Thread: MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

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    #51
    hey guys going through a tough time right now with anxiety for no reason. I'm coming up to 4 months right now in 2 to 3 weeks and for the first 3 months I only had a couple anxiety attacks and that was from coming on here and reading something bad. Now for the last week or 2 my anxiety has been shit. It hasn't been an all day thing but randomly I can feel it coming it doesn't turn to a full attack but it just lingers. Anyone else get this or had this happen hoping this is just a step in the healing process really don't want to turn to anti anxiety meds. I can deal with all other symptoms just need to know how the anxiety symptoms part works out of all of it and if anyone has a random bad couple of weeks of anxiety?


    Thanks to all god bless.
     

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    #52
    Quote Originally Posted by bigdreams10 View Post
    hey guys going through a tough time right now with anxiety for no reason. I'm coming up to 4 months right now in 2 to 3 weeks and for the first 3 months I only had a couple anxiety attacks and that was from coming on here and reading something bad. Now for the last week or 2 my anxiety has been shit. It hasn't been an all day thing but randomly I can feel it coming it doesn't turn to a full attack but it just lingers. Anyone else get this or had this happen hoping this is just a step in the healing process really don't want to turn to anti anxiety meds. I can deal with all other symptoms just need to know how the anxiety symptoms part works out of all of it and if anyone has a random bad couple of weeks of anxiety?


    Thanks to all god bless.
    I've definitely felt the lingering anxiety. I've never been one for meditation until now but it really does help subdue the anxiety for me. Whenever I feel it coming on I focus on my breathing and try not to let it take hold. I actually had a psychologist tell me that when you focus on controlling your anxiety in this way it can actually diminish the synapses in your brain that are related to anxiety although I imagine it would take a long time. I definitely wouldn't do meds I have heard horror stories about the withdrawals.
     

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    #53
    I don really know where to start considering this is my first time posting I this site. Anyways here it goes...

    About a year and a half ago, at Snowglobe do be exact I overdosed on mdma. It all happened the last night of the festival, when I had taken a 250mg green Heineken. It started out with extreme anxiety, bizarre but warming hallucinations of past memory's, and an unwelcoming rush of fatigue/sleepiness. I was unable to open my eyes while the laser lights from zedds set would trigger flickers in my head (almost like brain zaps) and my body temperature would spike while being cold at the same time. This lasted for about an hour or his entire set. Me being an idiot and easily influenced by my friends, I chose to binge drink later that night... Probably a bad idea

    The months following Snowglobe consisted of constant anxiety attacks and feelings of depersonalization. This was also accompanied by constant brain zaps throughout the day and more than shitty dreams and terrible sleeping cycles. This lasted roughly 3-4 months

    Coming into 6 months after Snowglobe, I was left with extreme fatigue thoughout all of summer as well as deep deep depression that was nearly unmanageable. Thankfully I girlfriend to who was able to understand and guide me through the hard times. I ended seeing a therapist around this time who told me I had seratonin syndrome from the incident and could of nearly died. (great news to hear btw)

    Anyways these symptoms of depression have persisted all the way up until now and am able to go in and out of a passive suicidal mind set in a matter of seconds. I'm seeing a psychologists who has put me on Zoloft, (which made me hypomanic) and am now on seroquel 75mg. It's helped I would say a lot but not to where I would like to be. The scariest thing for me now is the depression swinging up and down the throughout the day despite the meds I am on. I don't think I have seen progress in my mental health the last 6 months, maybe it's because of all the stress my girlfriend and I have been going through.

    The reason I'm writing this is to help others who have sufferered from the same predicament as I; but my main concern is how much longer is this going to take? And if there is anything to do in order to speed up this healing process so I can feel like me again!? It's been 1.5 years and want to feel normal again
     

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    #54
    Gday guys.

    I normally come here when I'm in a rut and seriously battling, so thought I'd pop in to share some brighter news.

    I'm exactly 5 months to the day since my 950mg overdose, and I can tell things are starting to turn. I can get through days of work without feeling the urge to crawl under my desk and cry. I can hold coherent conversations with those in the office. I've gone from having 2 beers and thinking I was going to die for a week, to now having a bottle of wine over an evening and feeling great - even the hangover feels normal.

    It's baby steps I know - I still have days where anxiety comes from nowhere and depression is crippling, but instead of that being a 7 days a week thing, I'm probably only having 3-4 bad days a week, with a couple of days of feeling emotional blankness, and a day where much of it is really happy.

    My symptoms (tinnitus, floaters, overheating, sweating) are all still there and they can trigger anxiety/depression, but if I can distract myself from those symptoms it helps enormously.

    Keep going guys - I'm certain I'll be back on these boards in tears at some stage over the coming months, but I now truly believe that there is an end in sight.
     

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    #55
    Had a rough day today. I suffered a minor panic attack at work which was really embarrassing. I had lingering anxiety thought out most of the day and was managing to control it until my co worker started reading a really horrible news story out loud (I really hope it was a fake story) and I just kinda lost it. Thankfully another coworker who suffers from an anxiety disorder himself knew what to do and took me out side to calm me down. I know its normal to have set backs but its hard since i thought I had made so much progress. This was some of the worst anxiety I have felt since the first week after my roll.
     

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    #56
    Hi guys.

    I haven't posted here for a long time because I have closed the chapter for myself. My LTC started in 08-2014 (while my abuse was in 2012, (I took probably 20x XTC in 1 year). Anyway, at the moment I'm almost 2 year in and I can say I have recovered for 90%. No more doom thoughts, no more depression, no more random anxiety. I do have some social anxiety still, but I have this from my youth aswell. No brain fog, etc etc. I can even smoke weed now without getting super anxious. Now I just feel relaxed again like before my LTC. The moment you realise that nothing really has changed (the world outside), but only your perception, you will start to recover. Just give it alot of time, and DO NOT use (hard)drugs anymore until your fully recovered.. I will let you guys know when I feel 100% recovered. Any questions are also welcome.
     

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    #57
    Bluelighter
    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brahhhh View Post
    Hi guys.

    I haven't posted here for a long time because I have closed the chapter for myself. My LTC started in 08-2014 (while my abuse was in 2012, (I took probably 20x XTC in 1 year). Anyway, at the moment I'm almost 2 year in and I can say I have recovered for 90%. No more doom thoughts, no more depression, no more random anxiety. I do have some social anxiety still, but I have this from my youth aswell. No brain fog, etc etc. I can even smoke weed now without getting super anxious. Now I just feel relaxed again like before my LTC. The moment you realise that nothing really has changed (the world outside), but only your perception, you will start to recover. Just give it alot of time, and DO NOT use (hard)drugs anymore until your fully recovered.. I will let you guys know when I feel 100% recovered. Any questions are also welcome.
    Glad to hear you're feeling better man, gives me some hope at least!

    I have a few questions if you don't mind answering them?
    -Did you have DP/DR? if so, did this leave gradually or just disappear at some point quickly?
    -How bad did you feel at your worst stage?
    -Did you have any visual problems? e.g. visual snow, floaters etc
    -At what point did you feel like you were making improvements?

    I'm kinda struggling atm and could do with some advice. Im almost at 5 months and although I've made some slight improvements and I'm better than months 1 and 2, I'm struggling to see any real progress. My DP/DR is still wrecking my life, depression comes and goes, anxiety is all over the place, feel fatigued, a few visual problems - visual snow, mild afterimages, floaters, car headlights look really bright etc. I'm doing everything to possibly aid recovery and I was positive for the last few months but now that im approaching 5 months, I'm just getting really bored of working so hard at it. The visual stuff bothers me quite a bit and keep thinking its going to ruin my life, but if I could get out of this DP/DR state then Id be happy. Any advice would be appreciated.
     

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    Longterm Comedown 
    #58
    Quote Originally Posted by martainnn View Post
    Glad to hear you're feeling better man, gives me some hope at least!

    I have a few questions if you don't mind answering them?
    -Did you have DP/DR? if so, did this leave gradually or just disappear at some point quickly?
    -How bad did you feel at your worst stage?
    -Did you have any visual problems? e.g. visual snow, floaters etc
    -At what point did you feel like you were making improvements?

    I'm kinda struggling atm and could do with some advice. Im almost at 5 months and although I've made some slight improvements and I'm better than months 1 and 2, I'm struggling to see any real progress. My DP/DR is still wrecking my life, depression comes and goes, anxiety is all over the place, feel fatigued, a few visual problems - visual snow, mild afterimages, floaters, car headlights look really bright etc. I'm doing everything to possibly aid recovery and I was positive for the last few months but now that im approaching 5 months, I'm just getting really bored of working so hard at it. The visual stuff bothers me quite a bit and keep thinking its going to ruin my life, but if I could get out of this DP/DR state then Id be happy. Any advice would be appreciated.

    Ill answer some of those questions for you.

    Im at a a year and a half of recovery, and only struggle with the deep depression and some anxiety a this point; I'm currently taking seroquel to ease these last few lingering symptoms of my ltc.
    -As far as the DP/DR goes, it should only last for a few more months, if that. Mine only stuck around for about 6 months, but everyones ltc seems to be different.
    -Even up to a year and a half later there are days that I think are worse than the initial first months of of my comedown, my symptoms just come in what can be a bipolar shit storm.
    -There are going to be good days and days that are worse than the last; its a process of taking two steps forward and one step back or so what Ive experienced up until now. There are some days that i feel have never changed, but you have to remind yourself that its the depression and anxiety talking; if you don't think you've made any progress after 5 months then you are fooling yourself and so is your brain. My word of advice is don't listen to anything that shit tells you.
    -I had eye floaters that only stuck around for a few months months but seemed to dissipate quicker than most people experience.
    -If you pay close attention to how you feel week by week or every two weeks, you can see an ever so slight change in your emotions or symptoms. What i recommend to speed your recovery is an anti-psychotic such as an SSRI or a mood stabilizer which is what i've had to resort to. Its a long road to recovery but remaining positive is the best advice I can give you, I also recommend being around people who are sympathetic and understanding towards your situation.
    As fruity as this sounds, everyone on this forum is here for each other. Vent any of your problems on here and don't fight them, Ive come to learn exposing them is much more beneficial when you start to loose hope.
     

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    #59
    I am at like nine and half months in to my recovery and feel pretty dang good!!! I have some remaining light anxiety but DP dr is gone for good I feel like which feels amazing hahahahaha. The main symptom that remains I stupid floaters and visual snow it seems it hasn't improved at all. The good news is is that it doesn't bother me at all I don't notice it unless I think about it. People you will get better! I have had many many days where I felt as if the world around me was fake and detached. I have felt as if I was going die, as if I couldn't get oxygen into my lungs. I have felt like there was a constant sandbag on my head and a brain fog that made it so I couldn't quite think clearly and like I had to fight through mud just to keep up in simple conversation. All those feelings are gone now and happiness plus joy of life took their place. Agreeing with the post above I think the support of my amazing fiancé through and her understanding everything really helped me out on dark days
     

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    #60
    Quote Originally Posted by martainnn View Post
    Glad to hear you're feeling better man, gives me some hope at least!

    I have a few questions if you don't mind answering them?
    -Did you have DP/DR? if so, did this leave gradually or just disappear at some point quickly?
    -How bad did you feel at your worst stage?
    -Did you have any visual problems? e.g. visual snow, floaters etc
    -At what point did you feel like you were making improvements?

    I'm kinda struggling atm and could do with some advice. Im almost at 5 months and although I've made some slight improvements and I'm better than months 1 and 2, I'm struggling to see any real progress. My DP/DR is still wrecking my life, depression comes and goes, anxiety is all over the place, feel fatigued, a few visual problems - visual snow, mild afterimages, floaters, car headlights look really bright etc. I'm doing everything to possibly aid recovery and I was positive for the last few months but now that im approaching 5 months, I'm just getting really bored of working so hard at it. The visual stuff bothers me quite a bit and keep thinking its going to ruin my life, but if I could get out of this DP/DR state then Id be happy. Any advice would be appreciated.
    Hey sorry to hear you have to deal with these symptoms.

    - I did have alot of DP/DR in the first 6-12 months, after that it became less and less. Now I have it never anymore (after almost 2years).
    - At my worst stage, which was pretty much the first 3 months, I felt constantly very depressed and anxious. Even thought about suicide a few times, (I could still relate that I shouldn't do it, but it did pop up sometimes). After those 3 months it started to get better very slowly. Also sometimes i felt pretty good and then sometimes really shit again.
    - Yes, I do have visual problems, they have never gone away. But it doesn't really bother me. Except when I look to a bright sky I see all this lightning points, that's the only thing that's kind of annoying.
    - I felt like I was making improvements when I met a nice girl when I was 1 year into my LTC. I felt genuinely happy when we did fun stuff togethet etc. Since then it started to go upwards.

    My advice to you would be, just do the regular stuff (eat well, sleep well, excersice etc), stay positive, have faith, NO drugs. It will get better, when I was 5 months in I felt like total shit still. It was constantly on my mind, now I barely even think about this LTC anymore. The balance of all those complex neurotransmitters is disturbed when a LTC starts, to bring back this balance, ull need a lot of patience and work. It can take anywhere from 6 to 24 months on average. If I hear you u might need some more time aswell, but it will get better! Good luck on your recovery!

    Edit: Oh to add on I also started some medication since dec 2015. Lexapro (escitalopram), its an SSRI, I have a feeling it also gave me a little extra push to be recovered. So if u really feel lost maybe ask ur doctor for Escitalopram. It does help a little bit I think.
    Last edited by Brahhhh; 01-06-2016 at 18:40.
     

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    #61
    Quote Originally Posted by Brahhhh View Post
    Hey sorry to hear you have to deal with these symptoms.

    - I did have alot of DP/DR in the first 6-12 months, after that it became less and less. Now I have it never anymore (after almost 2years).
    - At my worst stage, which was pretty much the first 3 months, I felt constantly very depressed and anxious. Even thought about suicide a few times, (I could still relate that I shouldn't do it, but it did pop up sometimes). After those 3 months it started to get better very slowly. Also sometimes i felt pretty good and then sometimes really shit again.
    - Yes, I do have visual problems, they have never gone away. But it doesn't really bother me. Except when I look to a bright sky I see all this lightning points, that's the only thing that's kind of annoying.
    - I felt like I was making improvements when I met a nice girl when I was 1 year into my LTC. I felt genuinely happy when we did fun stuff togethet etc. Since then it started to go upwards.

    My advice to you would be, just do the regular stuff (eat well, sleep well, excersice etc), stay positive, have faith, NO drugs. It will get better, when I was 5 months in I felt like total shit still. It was constantly on my mind, now I barely even think about this LTC anymore. The balance of all those complex neurotransmitters is disturbed when a LTC starts, to bring back this balance, ull need a lot of patience and work. It can take anywhere from 6 to 24 months on average. If I hear you u might need some more time aswell, but it will get better! Good luck on your recovery!

    Edit: Oh to add on I also started some medication since dec 2015. Lexapro (escitalopram), its an SSRI, I have a feeling it also gave me a little extra push to be recovered. So if u really feel lost maybe ask ur doctor for Escitalopram. It does help a little bit I think.
    Same for me. 2 years in and im quite back to where i want to be. Started escitalopram in june 2015 and I m discontinuing it right now. Except from some extra Kilos it did no harm to me. It helped me managing this hard times.
     

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    #62
    I would advise people to take ssris as a LAST resort....I have not taken any and feel good at about a year of sobriety since my LTC started and trust me mine was as bad as it gets plus I continued to use for a long while at the same time as dealing with my LTC. My LTC was so bad I hated getting up and having to face reality it was depressing. Now I feel great again just eye floaters and that's pretty much it. It took sobriety which means no drugs at all including caffeine and nicotine. And It took a lot of time...no ssris....if you didn't need them before your LTC you don't need them to get through it I know it first hand. I will answer any questions people have for me about my LTC if you have any but I don't come on bluelight quite as frequently anymore
     

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    #63
    Strong psychological problem after upper consumption.

    Hello, I'm female, 24 years old and urgently need your help! Hab synonymous ne very difficult childhood behind me!

    It all started six years ago with an evil LSD trip! Hab totally overdosed me, long gone on with, Grass, Speed ​​fungi and co. what I wore "HPPD" thereof. As I smoked just six years ago, my last head I got serious angstattaken thought the trip comes back, symptoms that true only rarely after the four years since: -angstattaken -hppd persisted (everything looks like in plastic wrap, Visual Snow, tighten things) -Ohrwurm of songs that I did not hear years have -before my inner eye bach flashs in my past. -in some situations I thought the trip returns

    Hab just two years ago again to use speed and Mama / Ecstasy (Speed ​​1year almost daily, Mdma a time once a week and usually every two) started

    I noticed over the 1.5 years already ridiculous things, I've pulled back, could hardly jmd. See and now I come to my problem where I really desperately need advice or if there are opportunities for me. My present symptoms:

    -vergesse all become -bin schusselig quickly -Trau (had swept in me six years ago) I hardly know what to say - very confused thoughts outputs follow (even as six years ago) -can slow grasp situations (discussions reminds me hard -Denke often I dream Starr me often tight (thoughtfully blank) -my HPPD has gotten worse -hab constantly slip or trailer is concentration in talks away -hab no feelings more (I had six years ago already) scattered -bin total -vergesse how some words are written, can not perform any tasks under pressure -hab animal head pain (I had six years ago already) think the trip comes back -very high note in the right ear -hab sometimes feel I have become stupid -fühl to go to sleep myself sometimes totally like I was on LSD, got scared because I think again lately only to the trip) -hab no desire to make myself pretty negligible social contacts, am afraid to go out because I am so scattered wake -hab anxiety morning and forget me completely, let alone forgetting my entire previous life, can hardly sleep -no hunger

    All this became acute after this party on 14/11/2015've got a pill, Pepper and alcohol consumed as I consumed true more so stupid am now clean for 4 months and it has not changed.

    I am grateful for any advice, was already in a hospital, where no one could help me. I get there mitrazapin venlafaxine and tavor, all without success, I have strong trouble speaking, I feel like a 3 year old child I apologize for my bad english, I'm from Germany

    If someone has done something similar by, please get in touch.
     

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    #64
    I've also tried to drink alcohol and I'm not drunk or dizzy, I would not bad, I do not feel anything, do not even have to smoke like cigarettes
     

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    #65
    I go to sleep in front of the votes in the head and there are strange words out of me that I can not control. Forgetting how do everyday things and can not articulate myself. I hope that the crap soon end I did have to be afraid of my life dirty or it gets worse, I'm just apathetic and any cognitive thing that was previously simply jetz a challange. I hope there is still hope otherwise my life has no meaning more,Please help me.
     

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    #66
    Here again the acute problems: voices in my head, images of the past in front of the interior eye, strong cognitive deficits, suicidal thoughts, thoughts empty, I can not articulate just want to be alone, tinnitus, I say things I want to say not at all , am totally confused, forgetting how do everyday things, can not write properly, can not sleep, can not listen properly'm trapped in me, but I would only sleep I can not, words thoughts've just not together in the head the hanging .. I want to finally be normal again
     

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    #67
    and I have no fear states
     

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    #68
    really no one who can give me an advice
     

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    #69
    Quote Originally Posted by Muldentier View Post
    really no one who can give me an advice
    Have you seen a psychologist at all? It seems like you could benefit from professional help. A lot of your symptoms are beyond what most people experience on here. How long has it been since you last used?
     

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    #70
    Now there are nearly five months, I was 8 weeks in a clinic, have also taken tablets mitrazapin, venlafaxine and benzos. Nothing has helped, I feel it is getting worse and I'll always be stupid. I hope it will go with soon a little better, I did not even fear'm just confused, lose my personality, I will no longer live.
     

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    #71
    I have a question does anyone in this thread has this symptom when you try to go sleep is very hard and you feel something when you close your eyes a awful sensation and is so hard to sleep please answer to my question.
     

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    #72
    Could you be a little more specific? Are you in a comedown from MDMA or just having sleeping problems? And what kind of thoughts accompany that awful sensation?
     

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    #73
    Have you heard about Lion Mane's Mushroom? I heard people say it cured their HPPD.
     

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    #74
    Quote Originally Posted by itdoesntmatternow View Post
    Have you heard about Lion Mane's Mushroom? I heard people say it cured their HPPD.
    Lions Mane is only one of several components in Nootropic Mushrooms and substances of that sort. It's absolutely worth looking into for recovery, maintenance and overall well being.
     

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    #75
    how can I write private messages. And I can not sleep, speak very hard for me, I feel totally stupid and just want to die, have only confused thoughts to head, I feel like a demented woman. Can someone help me please
     

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