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Thread: MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support - 4)

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    #76
    Quote Originally Posted by Muldentier View Post
    how can I write private messages. And I can not sleep, speak very hard for me, I feel totally stupid and just want to die, have only confused thoughts to head, I feel like a demented woman. Can someone help me please
    If benzos did not help you to get to sleep i may suggest trying low dose seroquel, maybe zopiclone or ambien. You feel stupid because you have brain fog and mental retardation which are symptoms of major depressive disorder. You said you tried venlafaxine which is a snri and it did not help you, here i suggest trying a ssri such as sertraline or escitalopram. Anyways it is better to get in touch with a psychiatrist again.
     

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    #77
    Quote Originally Posted by giovanni557 View Post
    I have a question does anyone in this thread has this symptom when you try to go sleep is very hard and you feel something when you close your eyes a awful sensation and is so hard to sleep please answer to my question.
    Yep I know this. Feels like Im trippin when I close my eyes sometimes. It's like a LSD trip. But I can cope this pretty well meanwhile. What do you experience?
     

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    #78
    I was already eight weeks in a clinic that could help me seruqel I have already tried three weeks, I could not even sleep better, I now fear medication, I did not there hoping someone has the same symptoms and me can give a little hope. I do not want the rest of my life to spend that. I'm not depressed, I have no fear, I feel just stupid and demented, like a little disabled girl, I want to finally live again. I would be very grateful if someone writes my symptoms had to get better now. I also see everything double and blurred. I have brain damage such a concern about.
     

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    #79
    exists at all the possibility if what is broken that it recovers otherwise my life has no meaning, because I'm going to end up like somedude
     

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    #80
    I would like to go back to work, leven things companies and independent again, I feel like a cripple
     

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    #81
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    Hows everyone feeling?

    I'm at five months now and I'm feeling a lot better now. Anxiety can turn up from time to time, but nothing like the panic attacks which were present the first few months. If a panic does start to creep up, they are very manageable, and easy to prevent from overwhelming me in whatever situation I find myself in.

    Sleep is much better as well, I recommend valerian root for people who have become slight insomniacs as a result of their LTC. Another thing is I tend to dream near enough every night now, could be the valerian root or could be a residual effect from all this mental trauma of the last few months. Either way they aren't disturbing like the ones I was having at the offset.

    Although impossible to say how much, my memory has improved too. I used to get very muddled with what I have done in the past few days whereas now I can string together the last few days better than I was doing before. I think this problem was a result of the constant anxiety and DP I was experiencing.

    All in all, I'm content with where I am at. Given the success stories I've read on here I've no doubt in my mind that this time next year I will definitely be over this for good.

    Cheers for the support from everyone on this thread.
     

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    #82
    I have such worry, I have the feeling it is getting worse every day, I would finally be able to think clearly again, am totally apathetic, do not get anything more with my memory disorder I could bear but my stupidity is too much to bear, what can I do that my brain working again. Is there anyone here who has recovered from severe cognitive impairment, I get nothing with
     

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    #83
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    I was in the exact same place as you almost 3 years ago. You have the blurred vision which unfortunately puts you in the category where it's going to take a very long time to get some resemblance of normality back. Know it does get better it just takes a very very long time. I wish you all the very best. (I would add its probably worth seeing a psychiatrist to help you with sleep and your panic in the medium term). You body is in total shock and finding a new equilibrium (and the new you) does need medical intervention (in my opinion)
     

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    #84
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    Out of interest Muldentier, how much did you take and did you mix with alcohol?
     

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    #85
    I consumed more than two years and never had a bad experience ever, I have also made Speed ​​and beer, only the last time on new year's neck has broken my, I lose my personality, I have no fear. Here again my symptoms: I feel stupid, I can not speak, my head is completely empty, it is difficult for me to learn new things, I can not to communicate, forget in a week what it was, have a tunnel vision, tinnitus both ears have the cognitive function of an 8 year old child
    @ Nambo they feel better. I've been to quite many psychiartern.
     

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    #86
    has any of you have recovered the cognitive deficits ??
     

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    #87
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muldentier View Post
    has any of you have recovered the cognitive deficits ??
    It improves slowly with time
     

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    #88
    Quote Originally Posted by Nambo View Post
    It improves slowly with time
    Are you saying that to calm me or has it improved also with you? Has that changed to positive with you or not. I am very grateful for your help ..
     

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    #89
    I have read many posts from you, please be honest.
     

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    #90
    Had any of you also have problems with the understanding, I can read but do not understand what is written there, I said here also in talks but that it can not absorb and respond properly. I'm completely stupid.
     

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    #91
    Quote Originally Posted by PillsAndKills View Post
    Hows everyone feeling?

    I'm at five months now and I'm feeling a lot better now. Anxiety can turn up from time to time, but nothing like the panic attacks which were present the first few months. If a panic does start to creep up, they are very manageable, and easy to prevent from overwhelming me in whatever situation I find myself in.

    Sleep is much better as well, I recommend valerian root for people who have become slight insomniacs as a result of their LTC. Another thing is I tend to dream near enough every night now, could be the valerian root or could be a residual effect from all this mental trauma of the last few months. Either way they aren't disturbing like the ones I was having at the offset.

    Although impossible to say how much, my memory has improved too. I used to get very muddled with what I have done in the past few days whereas now I can string together the last few days better than I was doing before. I think this problem was a result of the constant anxiety and DP I was experiencing.

    All in all, I'm content with where I am at. Given the success stories I've read on here I've no doubt in my mind that this time next year I will definitely be over this for good.

    Cheers for the support from everyone on this thread.
    Good to hear Pills&Kills, you and I are probably only days apart in our recovery timeline and we appear to be treading a similar path - I look forward to your updates over the next few months - based on where I am now I just can't wait to see how I feel in 6 months time.

    Bad days are still here and there, and constant tinnitus and floaters are relentless, but cognition is definitely coming back which was my main issue with getting through a working day.

    Keep it up mate!
     

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    #92
    Quote Originally Posted by Muldentier View Post
    Had any of you also have problems with the understanding, I can read but do not understand what is written there, I said here also in talks but that it can not absorb and respond properly. I'm completely stupid.
    buy a cream for join and muscle soreness apply on the neck and shoulders but no massage only massage on legs and arms eat foods like watermelon ,apples,asparagus, cantaloupe. take a cold shower ,drink tea, bananas this one not to much and get a cervical pillow and a support for u back . this is from a mdma abuse but lsd idk much.But the best thing you can do is to quit drugs for good and tall others your experience so they dont make the same mistake take care and be clean.
    Last edited by giovanni557; 07-06-2016 at 12:25.
     

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    #93
    Quote Originally Posted by giovanni557 View Post
    I have a question does anyone in this thread has this symptom when you try to go sleep is very hard and you feel something when you close your eyes a awful sensation and is so hard to sleep please answer to my question.
    I had this exactly the same. A wave of horror through my body everytime i closed my eyes to go to sleep. Trust me it goes away. 14 months now and sleeping like a baby 😊. For me it went away between five and eight months. Now is completely gone. Only thing still lasting from my terrible ltc is a little tinnitus (ringing in the ears) But that doesn't bother me and seems to be slowly clearing up.
     

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    #94
    I have thoughts like a acid, trip, I'm just confused, I can not live, I lost my personality, I have no fear I am inwardly just death and dumb is there no symptoms with my, the worst are the images from the past and the voices in the head, I do not hear voices that are in my head. If anyone had the symptoms and is recovering does please report.
     

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    #95
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muldentier View Post
    has any of you have recovered the cognitive deficits ??
    Quote Originally Posted by Muldentier View Post
    I have read many posts from you, please be honest.
    . If what has happened to you is the same as what happened to me and your 'recovery' follows my journey the honest answer is that you will not return to the person you were before this happened. Some things improve though. For one I can once again function and hold down an intellectual job which is something I was unable to do for a very long time following this happening to me. My memory has improved although not like it was. My comprehension has also improved. I have regained some of my motivation. You get used to the blurry vision. My suicidale thoughts have subsided a lot and my sleep has improved. I too lost my sense of fear. I was however surprised the other day when I got a shock when the train jolted and I almost fell over. This is a first in years and must be progress?! I however still feel dead /numb inside and as if I have lost my soul. I don't think this will return although I pray it will. I also suffer from anhedonia so can virtually feel no pleasure. One does not appreciate what a fundamental virtue this is to feel human and 'alive'. My life is difficult 24/7 but I solider on. My sons smile and laughter touches something (although in a very muted way) an area of my brain which can acknowledge it and makes me 'happy'. You have a long path ahead of you but survival needs to be your first focus. You have an ultra marathon ahead of you and must do it through baby steps. Life is a miracle and thorough neuroplasicicity and self healing some sort of normality must and will return. I truly do understand your suffering. I found taking Ashwagandha power and black seed oil twice daily helped.
     

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    #96
    Quote Originally Posted by Nambo View Post
    . If what has happened to you is the same as what happened to me and your 'recovery' follows my journey the honest answer is that you will not return to the person you were before this happened. Some things improve though. For one I can once again function and hold down an intellectual job which is something I was unable to do for a very long time following this happening to me. My memory has improved although not like it was. My comprehension has also improved. I have regained some of my motivation. You get used to the blurry vision. My suicidale thoughts have subsided a lot and my sleep has improved. I too lost my sense of fear. I was however surprised the other day when I got a shock when the train jolted and I almost fell over. This is a first in years and must be progress?! I however still feel dead /numb inside and as if I have lost my soul. I don't think this will return although I pray it will. I also suffer from anhedonia so can virtually feel no pleasure. One does not appreciate what a fundamental virtue this is to feel human and 'alive'. My life is difficult 24/7 but I solider on. My sons smile and laughter touches something (although in a very muted way) an area of my brain which can acknowledge it and makes me 'happy'. You have a long path ahead of you but survival needs to be your first focus. You have an ultra marathon ahead of you and must do it through baby steps. Life is a miracle and thorough neuroplasicicity and self healing some sort of normality must and will return. I truly do understand your suffering. I found taking Ashwagandha power and black seed oil twice daily helped.
    Thanks for your honest answer, may I ask how old they are? I want to go this work, the problem with my memory does not bother me, I can write me everything, but I want to finally have a conversation could think again, which is so important to me because if my recovery stride before ran that with the blurred and double vision do not interfere, the worst aspect is the cognitive. I was a very smart girl and I lack now, I do not want to die stupid, I had so much before, it'd indeed been rich because it would improve a bit, when they had the first successes?
     

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    #97
    I speak, I hope that he also took the time off even strong problems with, knows that someone of you
     

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    #98
    Did anyone here get health anxiety from mdma?
     

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    #99
    Bluelighter Cotcha Yankinov's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Muldentier View Post
    I speak, I hope that he also took the time off even strong problems with, knows that someone of you
    Hi muldentier, sweetheart please tell me about how this started.

    Was it a progressive worsening as you used MDMA, or was it a bad trip or bad comedown?

    How old are you and how much did you use (roughly)?

    When was the last time you took MDMA?

    I had extremely severe cognitive issues like you had, but I have been slowly and steadily recovering ever since. If you've been sober for a while don't think that all is lost - I really didn't see tremendous improvement for the first year, although other people have reported much improvement between the 6 month to 1 year mark, which is when we see resumption of normal serotonin production in animals after MDMA. On that note I think many people have acute issues with things like brain bloodflow to the front part of the brain, and issues with the enzyme that makes serotonin, that is to say that you can have severe issues without really having damage as the cause of those issues.

    For me personally sleep was EXTREMELY important. If you are chronically sleep deprived I would not worry that MDMA has damaged your brain's cognitive areas, rather, it has probably (temporarily) disrupted the areas that help you sleep, namely your brain was probably too excitable and wouldn't shut down. Some studies have found memory issues in people who have recently used MDMA, but they've also found sleep issues. It was proposed by one author (as I recall) that it might actually be the sleep issues leading to the memory and cognitive issues, and from my personal experience this is the case for me. It took a long time for my brain to calm down and for my brain to really be able to do sleep again. For me my abuse was at age 14 so my recovery timeline might not be too normal but it took me 2 years to start being able to sleep more than 2 hours. The first year I was very often skipping a couple nights in a row completely and mostly sleeping an hour or two around 5 am every other night. I thought my brain would never return to normal but 5 years later I can sleep 6+ hours a night, especially if I am focusing on trying to shutdown my mind.

    Can you tell me about the voices that you may have? I understand it's somewhat normal to talk in your head but I talked in my head way too much even before I did MDMA and then it got pretty bad afterwards, and with sleep deprivation this lead to hearing voices so don't be afraid to talk about it if you are having trouble with this. Sorry I didn't have time to read your other posts to get more background but I'm just on lunch break right now.

    Hope you feel better soon, don't give up.
     

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    Quote Originally Posted by Cotcha Yankinov View Post
    Hi muldentier, sweetheart please tell me about how this started.

    Was it a progressive worsening as you used MDMA, or was it a bad trip or bad comedown?

    How old are you and how much did you use (roughly)?

    When was the last time you took MDMA?

    I had extremely severe cognitive issues like you had, but I have been slowly and steadily recovering ever since. If you've been sober for a while don't think that all is lost - I really didn't see tremendous improvement for the first year, although other people have reported much improvement between the 6 month to 1 year mark, which is when we see resumption of normal serotonin production in animals after MDMA. On that note I think many people have acute issues with things like brain bloodflow to the front part of the brain, and issues with the enzyme that makes serotonin, that is to say that you can have severe issues without really having damage as the cause of those issues.

    For me personally sleep was EXTREMELY important. If you are chronically sleep deprived I would not worry that MDMA has damaged your brain's cognitive areas, rather, it has probably (temporarily) disrupted the areas that help you sleep, namely your brain was probably too excitable and wouldn't shut down. Some studies have found memory issues in people who have recently used MDMA, but they've also found sleep issues. It was proposed by one author (as I recall) that it might actually be the sleep issues leading to the memory and cognitive issues, and from my personal experience this is the case for me. It took a long time for my brain to calm down and for my brain to really be able to do sleep again. For me my abuse was at age 14 so my recovery timeline might not be too normal but it took me 2 years to start being able to sleep more than 2 hours. The first year I was very often skipping a couple nights in a row completely and mostly sleeping an hour or two around 5 am every other night. I thought my brain would never return to normal but 5 years later I can sleep 6+ hours a night, especially if I am focusing on trying to shutdown my mind.

    Can you tell me about the voices that you may have? I understand it's somewhat normal to talk in your head but I talked in my head way too much even before I did MDMA and then it got pretty bad afterwards, and with sleep deprivation this lead to hearing voices so don't be afraid to talk about it if you are having trouble with this. Sorry I didn't have time to read your other posts to get more background but I'm just on lunch break right now.

    Hope you feel better soon, don't give up.
    I was the last time four months ago MDMA and speed consumed, I have the feeling I'm more stupid, I can not think, no longer speak, and the smallest cognitive tasks are difficult. I can not follow conversations more. I sleep very badly, I have more than two years consumed with it was never bad, just the last two times, unfortunately I have abused it, I regret it so much and I hope I can recover, which often have you MDMA taken. I want to die.
     

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