I find the effects of DMT on memory kind of frustrating.
After my last experience, I felt like I had gone as deep as I could go (or would want to go). It was a rare and precious experience. I thought 'Thank God I never have to do that again!'
And while I can remember the bliss of coming down, feeling like I had connected with divinity and been reborn, I cannot really remember the experience. Except that 'I' ceased to exist.
After the experience I went on Facebook to try and describe to my friends what happened, but what I wrote doesn't really trigger any memories now.
Part of me thinks I kind of 'erased' the memory of the trip by taking an etizolam that night. I've been reading about benzos (I know etizolam isn't technically a benzo) and how they might cause retrograde amnesia, as well as how they prevent you from entering the deepest stages of sleep, which is where memory consolidation takes place.
So I'm kind of hitting myself right now. I'm thinking 'If only I didn't take the etizolam, then I could remember!' But even as I was talking to my friends on Facebook, I wasn't able to describe what happened, I said it was 'ineffable'. But I think at the time I still had a notion of what the experience was like, which I don't really have now.
I was kind of hoping that would be my last DMT experience :P I'm not really that curious now to breakthrough into hyperspace and meet the entities, since I can remember that aspect quite clearly.
I only want to be able to remember that 'enlightened' state. I might have a state-dependent memory of it, meaning I have to be in that state to remember it. But I don't know if I can go down that rabbit hole, of basically chasing that experience (which probably prevents you from having it anyway). I also don't know if I want to re-experience the trauma (as blissful and loving as it was) of feeling that I had left this existence, never to return.
If anyone else has had an intense mystical experience with DMT, do you have a hard time remembering? Are you ever able to remember, like spontaneously or when in an altered state? Do you think it gets stored as a state-dependent memory? And do you think taking etizolam (it was either .5 or 1mg) is enough to eradicate the memory of the experience, or at least, most of it?