About two / three years ago I started having major panic attacks all the time, along with derealization and depersonalization, almost out of body like experiences. Not sure what brought this on (possible caffiene intake, drug use, lyme disease), but it was so bad I didn't leave my house for a year. The anxiety completely took over my life.
For three years, I haven't touched marijuana in fear that it would make it worse, as I know that depersonalization can be a side effect, and I did feel anxious occasionally on weed to the point where I thought I was losing my mind. I was even afraid to drink until I recently started again socially.
The thing is, I miss smoking so bad. I miss watching movies or listening to music or eating while high and how fun and in another world it felt. I'm just TERRIFIED that it would cause another depersonalization episode when I've mostly recovered now, after three very hard years of struggling through hell and ER visits just to feel normal again. I'm afraid even once would cause this, and I'd be back at square one. Is it feasible that I'll ever be able to smoke again without these effects? Is there anything I can even do? I really miss it, and wish I wasn't such an anxious person. I have no friends who would have panic attacks if they got "too high" like me. What's wrong with me???
Anyone else gone through something similar and was able to get over it?