Thread: Took me a minute to get verified for some reason. I honestly forgot, but Hey!

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    Took me a minute to get verified for some reason. I honestly forgot, but Hey! 
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    I go by PussyButt (Online only), it just stuck after making it the name for my meme page, opposite of DickButt!

    I'd say I am currently a functioning member of society, but I've hit rock bottom before, like really bad. Long story short- Intravenous use of Heroin. Kicked the habit when I was about 21 yrs old. Got clean for 3 years, hopped back on for another 3 month binge that spiraled my life out of control which made me lose a very high paying job and literally spend my last dollar. That 3 month binge was harder to kick than my 5 year binge that started when I was 16. But again, that 3 month binge ended about 2 years ago and I've been clean since. Not sober, but clean from all opiates to say the least.

    Now, I'm back at it with a great job! It's not as good as the previous in regards to pay rates, but still I'm VERY VERY happy to be with this new company. They hired me as an E-commerce specialist and now I'm the E-commerce manager which is weird because when they hired me as a specialist, there was no e-commerce manager, only the boss. All in all, I'm running my own side of the business and the product they sell has a very high profit margin and the demand is relatively high (for now), so I should be just fine here until I can slowly build my own business which is the same thing as the first company I worked for, which I basically built for them from the ground up.

    Even after admitting that I need professional help, after 2 weeks at a detox clinic in Miami, then flying back home to New Jersey for Thanksgiving (all while still being in a pretty bad state from withdrawal- and not to mention going back to an area in NJ that I know like the back of my hand in regards to getting dope), and before I can book my flight back, my partner (boss) told me to stay in Jersey. He told me "Just stay in Jersey!" and hung up the phone. He definitely did it out of anger because I lent the company car to a friend of mine and he returned back with a smashed windshield- which I fixed using MY car insurance before he even saw the damages! - He gets like that. It wasn't the first time I was threatened to be fired from this guy.

    So I figured hey I'm done with his bullshit, went to indeed to find a job that same night I got that phone call and at around 11PM- I get an email back from 1 of the 30+ business I applied to. A few emails later, I get setup with an interview the next day! I went, got called back the same night (which btw I missed that phone call and had to call the next morning)- and started working immediately, FULL TIME! When I told my "ex"-business partner, i could hear his reaction over the phone, it hit him like a fucking BRICK WALL! After all the shit I've dealt with, that honestly relieved all my stresses and eventually I parted from that company on good terms after finalizing active projects that I was still working on with them. So good thing is, no bridges burned! It's never good to do that, no matter how sweet revenge may be. Enemies really should be kept closer than your friends, but only to keep a close eye on them

    Finally, after being with this new company for about 2 years. I've definitely overcome my opiate addiction. But now for about 2 months in, I've been experimenting with amphetamines and benzodiazepines. The adderall is amazing for work. The Benzos are great for the crash. My adderall tolerance is very low, so I'm currently under 30 mg per 24 hours. However, my benzo tolerance is pretty high (2-4mg a day, would be more if I had the supply)- which in my opinion is high but I've seen users posting doses in the 20-30 mg a day . Not judging, just amazed honestly. I do however take the 2-4mg in one sitting. And I'm starting to realize a problem in regards to the benzos. I am officially going to start tapering myself off of it. I had a day where I didn't have any benzos left but I still took adderall- but somehow I felt like complete shit all day- adderall was definitely working, but I just couldn't enjoy it. I was focusing on the pain more than anything else.

    The only reason I started the benzos was to treat the amphetamine crash, which really is nothing compared to benzo withdrawals. So yeah, I'm going to stop benzos for sure, I'll deal with the energy crashes another way.

    That's basically why I joined. I'll do a few searches before I start asking questions. But I really need to relate with someone in the same situation. A few last things to mention, If I'm not using any drugs- i usually resort to drinking at least 3 beers by the time I get home from work. I've tried being completely sober. But life is tough- and I love it- but sometimes it kicks my ass and a nice buzz makes everything alllll betterr

    "Drugs would be nothing without life, and life would be nothing without drugs"- PussyButt
    oh and clich? one- "Balance is Key"- Everyone
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    White_Rose's Avatar
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    Jul 2017
    Edge City
    Hey there P B ! Welcome to Bluelight

    That is certainly a thorough and complete explanation of where you are at the moment !

    Yes, Balance is key and it looks like you are striving for it. Can I suggest that you take a look at the Sober Living sub forum? You might find some information and support there

    Trust me when I say I know exactly what you mean when you say that you know NJ and exactly where to go and cop drugs. As addicts we become quite expert at these things. The fact that you did the right thing concerning your previous employer speaks volumes in terms of you intentions. IMHO you are on the road to success with regards to beating your addiction. Do not beat yourself up over completely "sober". My humble advise is to succeed were you can, and plan to succeed more in the future. Baby Steps.

    You've got this !

    I'm working towards my own goals, we all are. If you need support, reach out! Someone here is very likely here to help you, we are a community that way.

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