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    Marijuana - Experienced - Bad Trip & Conclusions 
    #1
    I'll try to write this with brevity, I know these things can get long and tedious. So here I go...

    My experience was on marijuana. I'm a former pothead. I used to smoke every day as a teenager. Did all kinds so I'm very familiar with it. I've also done various prescription drugs, psilocybin, and cocaine. I've never done LSD.

    I had a bad trip. Hadn't smoked in years. Reached a low point I guess. My friend and I had a buzz from drinking already. Then he mentioned he had some pot. I said break it out, so he did.

    I took 6 drags total. I knew that was enough. The old, familiar weed euphoria settled in quickly. I knew within minutes that I was TOAST. Wow was I high. Before I move on let me state this. I'm very familiar with and sensitive to the effects of drugs. It's possible that something else was laced in, but the high was certainly that of marijuana and I could not detect any difference in sensation or altered consciousness that would lead me to believe that it was anything but marijuana. The high completely overshadowed the minor alcohol buzz which likely would have dissipated within 30 minutes anyway. I say all of that to preface the following experience noting that I believe what I took really was simply marijuana.

    After about 15 minutes my buddy started laughing hysterically. We sat on the couch and he turned on some music and an old movie (black & white type). I started feeling anxious and cold. I've felt this many times so it's not that uncommon after smoking weed for me. Another 5-10 minutes roll by and my buddy was asleep on the floor. The anxiety got worse.

    As I tried to calm down and warm up I just couldn't shake it. Couldn't talk myself down. Couldn't stop my racing heartbeat. I got up and started pacing to work out some of the energy. That's when it went from anxiety to despair.

    The time loop set in. Neither my body nor my eyes departed from the track I was pacing in. Psychological torment ensued. "This will never end", I thought. "I'm stuck here forever." "I'm scared." "I'm cold." "Help me."

    Every time I passed by the TV I was convinced I kept seeing the same scene over and over again. The album playing in the background was R&B. I listened intently to the lyrics. The woman artist was on the surface singing about her love relationship with whoever. But it sounded like she was speaking to me. "I'll never let you go" she said. "You've done it now, you're mine forever". Like the love she was speaking about was parasitic, damaging, and wicked as if to inflict pain and torment. It felt as though each passing song was to the same theme and tune.

    I assumed at this point that I had died and gone to hell. The hopelessness, despair, abandonment, torment, and judgment I felt is beyond comprehension. I imagine some of you with similar bad trip experiences can relate. The torturous thoughts were relentless.

    I dug a little deeper into my feelings. That's when I heard the voice. Not audible as with sound vibrations, but internally, directly to my mind. The best way for me to describe is with a narrated dialogue:

    "This is your fate. You were always destined for this."
    I responded, "This can't be real. I just smoke some pot and I'm high."
    "No, you died. This is your eternity."
    "It can't be..."
    "Then escape if you can. Gouge out your eyes. Relieve yourself of the sight, pull them out."
    "Leave me alone!"
    "Kill yourself now, maybe that will change things. Kill yourself. Kill yourself."

    This went on for a while. Hard to say for how long. From here on out I'm weaving in my conclusions. Agree or disagree, I'm telling my story. I'm a Christian. This probably turns a lot of you off. That's fine. But I say that to give you an honest view of my situation.

    I had forgotten at this point that I believed in Jesus. Hard to understand why, but I did. At some point during my torment I remembered:

    "Wait, no, this can't be, I believe in Jesus. Jesus saved me from this. God help me! I've gone to hell!" Then another small, gentle voice came in.
    "Look at the clock. Is time passing?" I waited for the digits to change minutes.
    "Yes..."
    "You are cold but not freezing. Do you have a blanket?" I had a blanket wrapped around me from the start.
    "Yes..."
    "You have not died and you are not in hell. The sun will rise in time and I gave you a blanket. Trust in me."
    "But this torment, why am I experiencing this?"
    (The other voice) "More lies! Only meant to torment you further giving you hope! God hates you. You are damned. Why else are you here."
    "Jesus help me."

    I won't go into every detail. I'm sure I've already lost some of you and don't care to hear more. But here's the rest. Some verses I had memorized came to mind:

    All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out - John 6:37
    Truly, Truly, I say to you, whoever hears my word and believes in him who sent me has eternal life. he does not come into judgment, but has passed from death to life. - John 5:24
    He himself bore out sins in his body on the tree that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. - 1 Peter 2:24

    This debate raged on in my head for hours. It felt like I was in court. One side was condemning me and raging against God. The other side argued God's goodness and justice. I felt like an observer as this went on.

    I said I would use brevity so here's my last bit. I don't care at all what anyone says about this, whether hallucinations or delusions or whatever, saying none of it is real. That it's just drugs, a brain malfunction, a bad trip, or whatever, so to forget about it and move on. I say no. It was real and it did happen, exactly as described.

    That violent, malicious voice was not my imagination. It was a real demon with a real agenda to either kill me or turn me against God. The despair was real. The darkness was real. As was the hope I have in Christ. My view is this: If anyone has experienced anything similar, experienced that unfathomable darkness, despair, abandonment and pain, the Bible talks about this. It says in John 6:37, "He who believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever does not obey the Son shall not see life, but the wrath of God remains on him." Those feelings are the shadows of hell, the wrath of God. Jesus talks about those who will be cast into outer darkness where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth for all eternity. This world is hanging on by a thread, prepared for judgment, and sometimes these "bad trips" captures the reality of what this world is. It's a place storing up the wrath of God. Without Christ, we are truly hopeless, but in him there is life.

    So there it is. Believe it or not, call it true or the ravings of a fool. I hope this helps someone.

    Tagged by Xorkoth
    substancecode_marijuana
    substancecode_cannabis
    explevel_experienced
    exptype_negative
    exptype_spiritual
    exptype_difficult
    roacode_smoked
    roacode_inhaled
    Last edited by Shadowmeister; 12-11-2018 at 18:19.
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    #2
    Shadowmeister
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    Wow, that's intense. I'm glad you were able to pull yourself out of it.
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    #3
    Yeah, that sounds awful - I'm sorry that you went through that! That didn't sound too far off from my experiences with cannabis, or even Sasha and Ann Shulgin's. They wrote a chapter about a particularly bad experience; I think it was called The Dread. The strangest thing about your experience for me, though, is that you were used to smoke regularly. I never have, because I've always reached like this.
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