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Thread: Chlormethiazole, plus morphine, oxycodone, cimetidine 9x192/300/160/800mg

  1. #1

    Chlormethiazole, plus morphine, oxycodone, cimetidine 9x192/300/160/800mg

    Here is an individual report, plus a summary of my quite extensive experience of the seemingly rather scarce, but most excellent GABAergic downer, chlormethiazole.

    This particular day, chlormethiazole was taken as a mixture, as I'm also a chronic pain patient so I take morphine and oxy daily, I also have a script for chlormethiazole, which I was lucky enough to get on an off-label basis, although unlicensed for this use, in the UK, for my seizure control med, a job it does wonderfully, decided to use it recreationally today as well, which i do occasionally, just means I'll need to get a 'rescue pack', some additional caps, which I get from time to time as needed, later in the week.

    After a bit of a rough night, as it was the night on which my last rx ran out, and I needed to wait until morning to get my refill from the docs, basically dealt with that with the help of a little dihydrocodeine, a bottle of cherry wine, some dextromethorphan, as a large bottle of robitussin dry cough mixture, and drowned my insomnia in a liter of Lamb's navy dark rum.

    Did get some sleep, in the end though despite my large opioid tolerance. Awoke with a bit of a hangover, so, decided I'd take a solid recreational dose of a few of my meds.

    Chlormethiazole 9 of the 192mg 'heminevrin' caps, these come as thick-walled, greyish colored eggs, containing 192mg chlormethiazole base per 'egg'. Packs quite a punch, its one of the few remaining GABAergic depressants of the old school, the real wallbangers that mostly got canned for abuse potential. 'ludes, barbiturates, ethchlorvynol and the like. I suspect, that the reason chlormethiazole is still with us and at least in the UK, allowed to be given on an outpatient basis, is that it can be used for alcohol detox, its not only a GABAa agonist, but an alcohol dehydrogenase inhibitor, which means that it slows the metabolic clearance of alcohol, so there isn't such an abrupt drop when a patient first starts replacement and taper therapy, to help avoid DTs, seizure etc.

    I don't take it for alcoholism, because I'm not, and never have been, probably never will be, an alcoholic. I don't really drink much, last night was the only time, bar two shots, maybe three, over several days, given me by my father, who offered to share a few tots of a bottle of rum I got him for his birthday a while back. Bought a bottle of dark rum myself the other night, plus the cherry wine, but otherwise, I've not had any booze in months and months.

    This also makes it exceedingly dangerous a drug, over and above other depressants, to combine with alcohol. Its killed a fair lot of people. Including Keith Moon, from the band The Who. I take it for seizure prevention and for thwarting breakthrough seizures of a mixed, biphasic myoclonic turning to atonic type. It works very quickly, once the eggs break open after swallowing, it can bring me out of an attack within a matter of minutes.

    In terms of its action upon the brain, it rather resembles the barbiturates, in its effect upon GABAa receptors, rather than benzos, Z-drugs or orthosteric agonists like muscimol. Both reducing desensitization upon activation, and prolonging and intensifying the amplitude of the chloride flux, making GABAa chloride channels open more frequently also. Although chlormethiazole, unlike the barbiturates, does not also possess the effect of a negative allosteric modulator of AMPA type ionotropic glutamate receptors.

    Initially, three 192mg heminevrin eggs were taken just after receiving the package of medications from the pharmacy, two different morphine formulations, one of oxy IR, chlormethiazole, tizanidine, clonidine, nitrazepam, cimetidine and a number of other meds, mostly intended for my stomach, I've had some stomach problems in the past so theres a fair few other meds I get for that, like gaviscon, buscopan, ondansetron, cimetidine and others.

    Then of course, I was needing my morning opiate dose, so I whipped up a shot of 180mg morphine sulfate and slammed it IM. Followed by railing initially 70mg of oxycodone, and over the day topping up here and there with 20-30mg doses of oxy at a time, until 180mg or so had gone up the ol' face hoover, topping up with a few more doses of chlormethiazole, until 9 caps had been taken, and a couple of cimetidine pills taken with my first morphine shot to lessen metabolic destruction of the opiatey goodness.

    Started to feel the morphine and oxy first, with the shakes and overheating dissipating, to be soon replaced, over a couple of minutes with a nice relaxing warm glow, as my headache just evaporated into the aether, followed by the warming burn of the chlormethiazole running down my throat, and its characteristic scent and taste every time I belched for a while later, tastes like a mixture of somewhat overripe apples, with ethereal, slightly metallic and minty overtones, somewhat of a tingling sensation produced behind the back of the bridge of the nose, right at the top, due to its histamine releasing properties.

    Within minutes, I began to feel the first onset, maybe 5 minutes or so, after the three heminevrin caps had begun to do their delightfully wall-banger duty with flying colours, as my nose started to tingle, then my muscles started going all floppy and the nagging sore ache in the small of my back faded and soon vanished. Eyelids exhibiting ptosis, drooping at the corners. Decided to top up after a few hours with another pair of capsules and a couple more lines of oxy. Slept off that hangover and awoke feeling refreshed and full of energy. I find chlormethiazole leaves me very clear headed afterwards, and I can still work on it, if I need to go and work in the lab, and as a bonus, even though I take it at a minumum, every day, three times a day, I've never developed a tolerance, to any more extent than being accustomed to taking it and able to manage it safely at higher doses, as well as safely knowing my limits with pain meds in combination and NO physical dependency, even the least bit, not even from a good number of years taking the stuff.

    Got to be my favourite GABAa agonist downer, a wall-banger that even doctors tend to look a bit surprised at my being on, telling me its old-school wall-banger fodder and rarely used these days, but it doesn't have the stigma of benzos, stupidly enough, just because its chemically unrelated to the barbs and benzos, it doesn't seem to have the same stigma, don't get treated like a fucking criminal for being on it etc. Much more dangerous in overdose, as the barbs are, but chemically unique in its class, as used in medicine. Plus easy to synthesize if needs be

    Pretty nasty stuff, but soluble in H2O. Smells funky, but pleasant, although it has to be stored in glass bottles, as it eats plastics, and I don't want to be wasting the chemically resistant storage bottles with teflon caps and seals, and teflon-wrapped threads for something that doesn't need the full hazmat treatment, those are needed for keeping the likes of my iodine monochloride, bromine, SOCl2, chromyl chloride and other such nasties.I don't have enough of them to waste them, need to buy more (bottles for eat your face off nasties, that is, I'm neck deep in eat your face off nasties themselves)

    Later on in the day, decided a couple more times to neck another 2 or three caps here and there, top up with occasional lines of oxy, until I'd done 170mg oxy in total, plus a second shot of morphine, bringing the total to 300mg/shot and 800mg cimetidine with each, as a potentiator, and to interrupt metabolism of the sulfate of morphia as far as practical. Although about to go pack some grapefruit juice down (LOVE that stuff), and take a dose of DXM cough syrup for tolerance reduction and potentiation purposes. Nothing too heavy, just a gulp or two of robitussin, as its action as an NMDA receptor antagonist helps keep my opiate tolerance as low as I can, until I can get more memantine.

    Still feeling nicely buzzed, although going to go top off on the morphine, lazing around as a boneless heap on the sofa, watching 'plebs' on the box, and playing fallout-tactics (going well, up against super-mutants atm, just captured quite a nice load of loot, including a flamethrower, a pistol-sized flamethrower sidearm as well, several .50 cal browning M2 autocannons, several sniper rifles, a couple of rocket launchers and one fucking huge stash of 7.62mm machineguns, and a full squad, armed to the teeth with everything from pistols and assault rifles to sniper rifles, autocannon, machineguns, plasma grenades, combat auto-shotguns and rocket launchers, lazily, buzzing my tits off as I leave a trail of blood and corpses in my wake.

    Mmm...time for another line of oxy and to go blow a few eyeballs out and shoot a few dicks off (its hilarious, the fallout series of games allows one to target specific bodyparts with aimed shots, for crippling effects, and drops some funny one liners at the likes of a critical hit to the privates with a shotgun or sniper rifle)

    Tagged by Xorkoth
    Last edited by Shadowmeister; 21-10-2018 at 20:07. Reason: Edited synth discussion

  2. #2
    Hey chicken,

    I really appreciate your extensive and elaborate posts. I know you may not get many replies because they are usually TLDR.

    The chemistry behind antique drugs is right up my ally.

    I really think you would enjoy Emylcamate. With your skills, I bet you could pull it off.

  3. #3
    My post was on topic, I just figured others might appreciate some of the chemistry behind this rather antiquated little treasure of a goofball. I just picked up some more today actually, and will be getting at least one, possibly two more lots, tomorrow, as the pharmacist owes me some, plus I'm going to be asking my doc for an additional 'rescue pack' (another 19 caps in total hopefully)

    Also I felt it rather important to raise awareness that its essential to make absolutely certain to get rid of the highly water soluble fraction, after the bisulfite cleavage, because that pyrimidine fragment, its not widely known, like the synth itself, but that byproduct, toxopyrimidine as its known, is extremely poisonous, being a powerful convulsant poison due to its vitamin B6 antagonist effects.

    Really does bring a lovely relaxation of the muscles, everything going all floppy and boneless. Just had 2x192mg chlormethiazole eggs now,along with 160mg oxy and 20mg methadone. Sprawled on the sofa, watching a horror movie, smoking a cigar, after fining which I'm going to open up a couple more packs of the tender, juicy, chewy cold roast beef in thick cut slices I bought earlier, pour myself a glass of cherry wine and melt into the couch for a while

    At least until the end of the horror movie is finished, after that I have a flask of bromine to distill out of the concentrated sulfuric acid used to make it.

    Speaking of emylcamate synaps3, have you tried it? the only one of these carbamate muscle relaxers I've ever had is methocarbamol, which is absolute fucking wank. Its a seething bowl full of mold-encysted putrescent, sticky, stringy slippery white foamy dog jizm. Useless shit.Useless shit that smells bad too. Kinda like the muslim Theresa May of GABAergics.

    If you have tried it, what was it like? and yeah, I probably could knock a simple carbamate up of that nature without too much difficulty. Never done it before but it shouldn't be too difficult with the facilities at hand.

    Have you tried any of the other non-Theresa Maynusish GABAergic carbamates? IIRC these are meant to act somewhat akin to the barbiturates, are they not, rather than at the BZD recognition site? because who the jumping purple unicycle riding jewish mother of flying furry fornifuckin'cation needs to have more benzos, other than to help the grey markets keep from being blackened, so as to permit them to supply our benzo needs openly? what the grey market and of course the clandestine chemists need more, is more oldschool wall-bangers, the kind of GABAa drug thats capable of really fucking you up and turning legs to boneless jelly.

  4. #4
    Senior Moderator
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    Hey Limpet, thanks for sharing, I'm really curious about all the old-school GABAergics. I particularly want to try methaqualone, but this sounds pretty great too.

    By the way I edited out some synth discussion, because... you know...

  5. #5
    I like your posts too, Limpet_Chicken!
    And I also have learned quite some from your posts about obscure downers, thank you!

    Totally relate to Fallout series of games! I really enjoyed the New Vegas variation on Fallout 3 but 4th part is pretty fun as well!

  6. #6
    Im just curious are you a real chemist? I wanted to be a chemist before mental illness led to me loosing my full scholarship and dropping out freshmen year at community college.

  7. #7
    I've wanted to get round to methaqualone for ages. Nearly did a few years back, only some incompetent seller sent me o-tolidine, instead of o-tolUidine. Wasn't happy about that at all.

    D1nach-what do you mean by a 'real' chemist? I've no formal education in *anything* beyond special ed school, if thats what you mean, but to me, a 'real chemist' is an individual who understands (as opposed to solely following cook-book type recipes and doing nothing else) and who practices the art and science of chemistry. So by the 'have you gone to uni' type definition, no, I can't afford to go. But on the other hand, I have my own lab, a decent one too, I react things with other things to produce a desired result, and at times, when needed, make my own reagents from inorganic materials and basic elements, although many of my reagents I do just buy from my various suppliers, often its more convenient to make something up on the spot rather than have to wait for the time between purchase made, payment processed and item arrive such as it can actually be seen in its bottle, picked up and measured out in such quantity as desired.

    What do you mean 'real chemist'? by my definition, I would say 'yes, I am' and with pride. I am an autodidact (or should that be 'autie-didact') and am self-taught, bar my second special ed highschool (I'm classically autistic), but I don't see any reason whatsoever why that should or does invalidate the 'evidence', so to speak, of that there is a dedicated room in the house with a workbench, several hotplate-magnetic stirrers, quite a few store-rooms for glass and reagents, and that reactions are performed according to wherever my interests may take me, whenever they take me so.

    I let the equipment and reagents, and the fact that I use them, speak for itself. To say nothing of the fact that I can't walk through my kitchen without detecting a slight tang of bromine, chlorine and iodine in the air....mmm...smells like being alive

    I'm pretty good with toxicology and biochemistry too, as well as mycology and botany. Started off in fields scientific at a young age, at first with mycology, teaching myself at age 4 to read using mycology textbooks and field-guides, along with botany, as at that age I obviously didn't have the resources or internet connection to just go buy chemistry supplies, but I could still study mycology with a minimum of, often OTC chemical reagent tests, and make the money for those basics by the likes of raiding derelict buildings for copper and lead, selling bunches of cherry blossom off the back of my little kiddie's bike, etc. all to finance my scientific pursuits, selling for 20p a bunch, and playing on the 'aww aint he cute' factor knowing that lots of people would see a young kid being entrepreneurial and reward me with over the asking price just for the effort.

    Of course none of those little old ladies had a clue all the money would immediately be spent on KMnO4, ammonia, concentrated sulfuric acid, FeCl3 and all manner of other things of that sort.

    I've loved chemistry since I was old enough to retain memories, possibly even before then and I've just forgotten, it wouldn't surprise me. Its more addictive than any drug ever could be.

    As for fallout, only played FO1 FO2 and FO-tactics so far, but looking forward to getting the rest.

  8. #8
    As for chlormethiazole, on it now. Just one cap, plus 15mg nitrazepam and (so far) three cans of beer, and I'm actually getting an alcohol buzz, not too heavy of one, but feeling it, to the extent that it makes lighting up a cigar feel SOOO nice (also on about 50-60mg methadone, but I'm opioid tolerant, as a chronic pain patient and that isn't really being intrusive [no, I'm not prescribed methadone, I scored a few hundred tabs a couple of weeks or so ago and using it to taper myself and break the doctor-shackles so they can't land me in withdrawal if they chose to]), and drinking a few more beers, not too much, just bought 8 cans of grolsch, I'm not much of a drinker, but I can enjoy the occasional light-medium EtOH buzz.

    Right now, all is good.

  9. #9
    Sounds like a real chemist to me. Very nice.

    I loved chemistry but i always wanted to be highly educated so my family wouldnt say "this isnt a lab" blablablablabla

    Ive given up.

  10. #10
    Why give up man? no need to abandon it, if you do then your hopes and dreams in that direction won't come to pass.

    Study hard, mixed in with plenty practical, when you've done some practical, hands-on work, that helps to give you confidence that yes, you CAN do this, and with effort, you CAN make what you want, a reality.

    Doesn't have to be drug related, there are plenty of interesting organic and especially inorganic chem that one can do that are both fun, useful and potentially profitable.

    And just a tip, for buying glassware, ebay's Deschem is a good supplier of reliable glassware that isn't cheap shite like some chinese glassware is.

    As for highly educated-most of what I've got in terms of knowledge, I've not got from any institution, I'm almost entirely self taught, excluding the very basics.

  11. #11
    Ive lost all my stuff. Binders, thousands of papers, thousands of pages of notes, thousands of hours maybe over ten on neuroscience and chemistry all gone.
    Because i was "psychotic" and for proof i was making drugs or something using crack because my parents found a actual pebble which they took to the police which couldnt say its not crack without testing it. So ya the irony of being involuntary commited for schizophrenia like drawings of dopamine and delusions it means anything.

    Im so done with the world. I used to want to do something and make a difference. But, the world can go f*** themselves. I drink like 16 cups of black coffee, use my nicotine gum and use dry tobacco as chewing tobacco, and take my amphetamine 55 mg and just watch videos of attractive females vloging or fashion and listen to taylor swift. The worlds garbage. All my neuroscience and chemistry i had all over the walls of my room are replaced by the pictures of females which make me very happy.

    Wow that sounded depressing sorry for being a bummer. The way i see it is i have what i want to make pointless life comfortable.

  12. #12
    Your own 'parents' shopped you to the filth? fucking christ thats disgusting. And it was them who had you committed? sounds like you need to move out and get away from them, get a change of environment that isn't so fucking toxic.

    And you know, I too have had something similar happen, although different circumstances. Hard drive failure, lost years of research, and twice, had to rebuild my lab from scratch, after the fucking pig filth destroyed it and what they didn't destroy, they stole. Thousands of pounds down the shitter. But, I won't let those fucking pieces of shit break me, I rebuilt, granted I can't just replace the journal article downloads on the HD that died on me, but I've just restarted my library, bought, albeit at considerable expense, a good set of glassware, spent a fair few thousand on the glass alone, the chemicals, I'm not sure, but all in all, just in this rebuild, the third incarnation of my lab, fourth if you count the stuff improvised as a kid before I had any glassware, I've probably spent about 25k, including chemicals, solvents and other consumables.

    I guess the message here is to never let the bastards grind you down. You can still start again, yeah, it takes effort but still, you can do it mate. And IMO, better to keep all the info in .PDF files or whatever else is suitable, such as chemdraw, and keep it all on the computer, encrypted. Presumably you got released from the commitment pretty fast after the situation was explained? I hope so.

  13. #13
    Administrator Tranced's Avatar
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    This threads a good read. I'd love to try some non-benzo/opiate style downers. Nice report.

  14. #14
    I can do more reports on the stuff, if anyone wants to read them, although it should be kept in mind that there will always be opioids in the background, as I'm a long-term pain patient, and am pretty much stuck with them.

    Its definitely superior to (as well as more dangerous than) benzos. Also, with continued use for several years I've not found ANY physical dependency to have occurred whatsoever.

  15. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by d1nach View Post
    Ive lost all my stuff. Binders, thousands of papers, thousands of pages of notes, thousands of hours maybe over ten on neuroscience and chemistry all gone.
    Because i was "psychotic" and for proof i was making drugs or something using crack because my parents found a actual pebble which they took to the police which couldnt say its not crack without testing it. So ya the irony of being involuntary commited for schizophrenia like drawings of dopamine and delusions it means anything.

    Im so done with the world. I used to want to do something and make a difference. But, the world can go f*** themselves. I drink like 16 cups of black coffee, use my nicotine gum and use dry tobacco as chewing tobacco, and take my amphetamine 55 mg and just watch videos of attractive females vloging or fashion and listen to taylor swift. The worlds garbage. All my neuroscience and chemistry i had all over the walls of my room are replaced by the pictures of females which make me very happy.

    Wow that sounded depressing sorry for being a bummer. The way i see it is i have what i want to make pointless life comfortable.
    Sorry you've had to go through all that, man. To be honest, almost all parents (with some exceptions) generally think they're doing the right thing, but sometimes they can really cause a lot of damage to their children. My girl's dad was way overbearing and emotionally abusive and she has a really hard time of it. Seems like the same thing has happened to you, and you have my sympathy for it. But I really think you should work on not feeling like you do about yourself and life. If for no other reason at first, just because, fuck them, don't let them win. But really, you should do it for you, because although the world sucks, it's also amazing. Life is beauty and ugliness, pain and pleasure. Sometimes it's really hard. But when you realize and focus on what is good about yourself, rather than what you perceive as bad, slowly your perception shifts. And once you don't feel awful about yourself, everything else starts to look better.

    You're just who you are, and who you are is okay, and great, and sometimes not great, just like life.

  16. #16
    Yeah, I agree with xorkoth big time. Don't let them win, and also, don't just start up to beat them, thats not to say that can't or shouldn't be allowed to drive you, but follow your heart.

    I too, have lost my lab, twice in fact, pigs fucking destroyed everything, twice, but I rebuilt, bigger and better, both to spite them, and show them that I will not be brought to my knees, and because its just something I can't even comprehend, I really couldn't even imagine not having my lab, for me, that would be the stuff of nightmares come true. And fuck that, I'm not letting it happen, for any reason.

    I don't have to worry about my old man, though, he knows I'm into chemistry, although pretty much nothing about what I do, he doesn't have much understanding of chemistry, bar some very basics, and things like 'don't drop sodium/potassium metal into a bucket of water whilst standing with your face over it'

    He's plenty familiar though with the sight of me, wearing a heavy, thick leather trenchcoat, goggles, a gas mask and a blast-shield over my face, and things like the occasional white phosphorus-spawned smoke cloud, the odd (sometimes VERY odd) foul stench, and catching whiffs of things like chlorine, bromine, vomit (butyric acid/anhydride), the occasional mercaptan reek, isocyanide test etc. and he definitely recognizes the smell of ether now, although I'm not so sure as he could tell it from THF.

    And he's certainly used to seeing glassware either being set up/used or arriving in the mail, as well as big crates of glassware that are in storage as it won't all fit in the lab. But he's no chemist, and I doubt he could tell the difference between making sulfur or phosphorus halides and making crystal meth, MDA or some exotic psychedelics LOL.

  17. #17
    Thanks for the positive words everyone. Im pretty happy honestly i dont know anything. La la la

  18. #18
    You do not sound as though you truly believe that to be the case.

    And whilst anyone can lie to somebody else, nobody who doesn't suffer from some sort of mental disorder which destroys perspective, can truly lie to themselves. Lie to yourself and the truth will out, because come what may, a part of you
    always knows that what one tries to tell oneself isn't true and will cause conflict with yourself. Its not healthy to do.

  19. #19
    I dont care much for truth. Even worse is truth written down. From my perspective I got some drugs, food, and females to watch. So the world can gtfo. I used to value sciences and math pacing looking sloppy with papers and books. But rehab and inpatient taught me ive got it all wrong. I want to live like scarface in a big house with a big gate to keep everyone out while i live with my beautiful wife and tons of drugs and a fresh designer suit without a wrinkle in sight.

  20. #20
    Wow the more i talk the more i see im pretty messed up in the head.

  21. #21
    Well, why not do something about it? because there really is no point whatsoever in attempting to lie to yourself. Fighting against such self-truths only
    makes people miserable, and expends effort and energy trying to deceive somebody who already knows the truth. One quite simply, cannot win in a fight with themselves. In any fight, somebody has to lose, ergo, if the perceived adversary is oneself then, if the attacker 'wins', you are defeated. And if you 'win' the attacker loses. Being that the two are one and the same entity then it is losing no matter which face the coin lands on. The winner, loses regardless, in a fight against oneself.

    Why not try taking a trip, something that promotes openness and self-work. As long as you aren't on any SSRIs, MAOIs etc., perhaps one of the entactogens like MD(m)A or its analogs. Or AMT perhaps, I've found through personal experience that AMT has a lot of potential for helping unlock the metaphorical doors to all those psychological cupboards when one needs to dispose of a few skeletons. AMT is both a true, dyed-in-the-wool psychedelic, but an entactogen also. It is pretty long acting though and quite a strong stimulant (its basically the indolic analog of amphetamine) so it is a very good idea to have some sort of sleeping pills around for after, when the trip has ended and one is ready to sleep, and not a terrible idea to have some weed ready (and of course, potentially for the trip itself too) for the same reason, to help get one to sleep.

    And its ideally taken early in the day, since it does take so long to return to baseline, and especially in the case of the stimulant effects, the stimulant properties of AMT take a long time to fade away.

    I've used it before, when doing some self work after some particularly bad events and times, that made a nearly year-long clusterfuck of my life, and I ended up with PTSD. Didn't want to do the whole interpersonal counseling thing, it'd have taken ages to get an appointment etc. and besides I don't really think it would have suited me, so I did the work myself, going out mushroom-hunting in a favourite patch of forest, to gather some supper, not returning until nightfall, and after a few such sessions I was able to deal with it, and am a lot better off for it.

    Just be aware, d1nach, that if you do try something like that, two things, 1-the drug does not do the work for you. It helps catalyze its completion and facilitates access to all those skeleton-filled cupboards and all the next door neighbors busily mummifying under the floorboards. I guess one could say, it might point a sign to the kitchen, and open the door, but it won't get out a bread knife, some butter and a loaf then go make you a sandwich. You have to make your own sandwich.

    And secondly, if AMT is used, it is a MAOI, although not a strong one, so should not be taken with other serotonergic drugs, although used carefully enough it seems a fairly benign drug. No food interactions or special diet needed, but adrenergic, serotonergic drugs should not be combined with AMT. Avoid if on antidepressants.

  22. #22
    I appreciate your well thought out response.

    I used to have aMT synthesis from tihkal as you can guess that was tossed too. Sure tihkal ls online for free. But, its more of the principle how people could trash something so beautiful.

    I guess the reason i dont want to do anything about it is im pretty happy taking my accepted by society drugs and listening to my music

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