ro4eva
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Nov 8, 2004
- Messages
- 3,881
Hi Mike, I can certainly try.
I'm sorry for the late replies - it's the one area which I'm struggling with, but I'd rather not create a template and use that to reply to anyone who is asking questions regarding their LTC.
So uh, yes, unfortunately we are not invincible, and there are certainly some very toxic, inherently deadly substances out there. And anyone who knowingly and deliberately decides to sell them as actual MDMA to unassuming consumers for no other reason than to profit financially is a very disgusting, disgraceful human being who should be locked up for the rest of his or her life.
In my case, PMA was the first of such substances which made headlines due to a string of deaths mainly among young adults. And even if I don't personally know the victims, I've always found it heartbreaking to read about them. And if the person responsible happens to be caught, I find myself full of animosity towards him or her, because these people seem to consider the life of a human being as devoid of any value, which it's anything but.
I'm sure that you're very worried, and I know this is an extremely difficult time for you, as it was for me when I was sick.
I have some good news and some bad news to tell you, should you wish to read it:
The bad news is that, since you seem to not know what exactly it was that you consumed, it's unlikely that we will be able to simply guess which one it was based on the information you've provided so far, as there are hundreds of so-called research chemicals currently being synthesized and passed around to anyone who wants to take the risk and try it.
The good news:
- You are still alive, even if you don't feel like your old self.
- You don't come across like you have sustained significant brain damage due to an especially neurotoxic substance/research chemical.
- You can list symptoms for us, which we can then use to our advantage in order to attempt to "reverse engineer" (for lack of a better term) what type of mind altering substance you consumed.
- You can describe how the substance smelled, tasted, looked, felt, and so forth. This can also help us try to figure out what you consumed that made you ill.
Do you have any pre-existing medical conditions (mental or physical)? I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but it helps to know because it can influence how you react to recreational drug use.
Were you taking any prescription medications during (or around) the time when you consumed the mystery drug? For example, if you were on Prozac (Fluoxetine), and stopped using it days in advance of using the mystery drug, it wouldn't be enough time, as Prozac takes several weeks to fully be eliminated from the body. Therefore, it's possible that there was a drug interaction - assuming you were on Prozac, or any other drugs with a long half-life.
Have you seen your family physician regarding your LTC? How about a psychiatrist? And has there been any blood testing, diagnostic imaging, etc. done?
If you don't wanna share this information on here, I completely understand. At the very least however, I recommend you seek medical attention.
The brain is remarkable in that it is able to adapt to damage. Unfortunately, this usually takes a lot of time and effort.
This is precisely why (for example) a person who has had a stroke which has caused the person to lose the ability to speak English needs several months to years in order to relearn how to speak - because the brain is now using another part of it to store information related to being able to understand, read, and speak English.
I don't know if you know the story of the Arizona congresswoman who was shot in the head and survived? It happened in 2011 in Tucson, Arizona.
Her name is Gabrielle Giffords. She had a bullet pierce her brain matter, and somehow she survived, but was left with some understandably serious issues afterwards.
Well, after 2 years of therapy, she is able to speak English again almost as well as she was before she was shot.
So trust me when I say that you can recover also if you take care of yourself.
It's important (in my opinion) to take this time to focus on your health and recovery, and to do the following to help speed up the process:
- Avoid any alcohol, caffeine, tobacco/nicotine, marijuana, and any other mind altering substances.
- Avoid anyone who is a bad influence on you (e.g. someone who will tempt you with drugs)
- Take about 6 months off of work and/or school if possible in order to minimize stress due to workload, expectations, pressure, responsibilities, etc. Stress is horrible for anyone who is trying to recover from a LTC (almost as bad as drug use with respect to the strain placed on the body, and the hormones released as a result such as cortisol).
- Take up a hobby which will help you keep your mind occupied without the need for much mental or physical exertion (because constantly thinking about the fact that you're sick won't help you).
- Cardio-based exercise has been shown to stimulate neurogenesis, so try to get at least 30 minutes every morning. It also causes the body to flood itself with endorphins, which will make you feel high (also known as a runner's high). The first couple of weeks will be the hardest by far, but afterwards you won't want to stop.
- Be weary of herbal supplements, because they are not regulated strictly enough (they are routinely found to contain bunk ingredients, and sometimes even dangerous ones).
- Establish a relationship with anyone who you feel will support you without judging, and who is a healthy influence.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Mindfulness, Breathing Exercises, and/or Autonomous Meridian Sensory Response can help you to better cope with symptoms.
- Accept the fact that you'll have to let go of some of the people and/or habits you really care about, because if not, they will only serve to drag you down further.
I used to love smoking weed, but one day I started getting all paranoid and did not feel anymore pleasure from it. Is that brain damage? I don't know, but it was my cue to let go, and I had did. And you may have to as well.
With respect to the lack of body euphoria during orgasm, it's difficult to say. If it's not due to medication, then perhaps the mystery drug may be the culprit. I'd see my family physician about this.
SSRIs can cause sexual dysfunction in some people - luckily I'm not one of them.
Life is not fair, I'm sorry to say. Countless people suffer needlessly every day - their quality of life so low that many of them want to be euthanized, but their government won't allow that.
I know you may feel like your case is especially severe, but the truth is that many people here are in the same position as you are (and as I once was). They too consumed what they thought was MDMA, and for some, it was their only time doing so. And just like that, they are now suffering as well, and they are confused, afraid, worried, scared, frustrated, and wondering when (if ever) this nightmare will end.
As long as the government continues their ridiculous war on drugs, I'm afraid that the cases of so-called LTCs will rise exponentially because of all this fake shit going around, but also because many of the few people who have constant access to high purity MDMA are using it very recklessly.
There is a way out of this where you can get back to normal, but it will take time, effort, discipline, acceptance, and most importantly patience. There is no quick-fix solution, no magic pill, no "easy button." Not that I know of anyways. I wish I could be more specific than that with respect to what you need to do to recover, but I can't. You may require prescription medication to recover, or you may not. It depends on how you are 'wired,' so to speak, as we are all unique.
Good luck with everything; please be sure to reply to my questions if you wish; if you feel completely overwhelmed by this (as in, you're gonna lose it), seek medical attention a.s.a.p.
. Like you were saying, I quit the Mirtazapine because of the severe side effects. It worsened my depression a lot in the beginning (I knew this was not abnormal, but still scared the crap out of me), it also made me feel like a zombie, completely emotionless. A positive thing about it was that it did supress my anxiety, after the night I took my first dose nearly all my physical anxiety symptoms vanished, like frost under the morning sun. No more twitching, no more shakes, no burning skin sensations and after it kicked in I slept like a baby (always took it before going to sleep). However after 2 weeks I still felt really uncomfortable on it, really didn't like the emotionless person I had become and I started getting a new weird symptom which I still have up to this day. It's really hard to explain, but its like a tingling/goosebumpy sensation in/on my head (not in one spot, but around my entire head). I don't experience it as much as I used to, but it usually comes up when I get anxious. Anyways sorry if im going off topic here ^^, but for me personally at that time the pro's didn't outweigh the con's and I didn't want to be on an anti-depressant for a long time. Even up to this day I don't know if I made the right decision there, since I was only 2 weeks in and getting used to an anti-depressant should take a while.