Here I should mark the little progress I made at just 2 months off and right before checking in with the psych:
-Obviously I still suffer from anhedonia and cognitive issues: I spend most of my day at home in bed looking at walls, browsing this thread or gluing my eyes on YouTube pretending to actually watch stuff (I can't make out much of what I'm looking at most of the time)
-TV shows are also very hard to follow to the point in which I just sort of give up after a few minutes.
-Reading is also extremely hard and that's something I wish I can get back asap
-Emotions feel either completely absent or fake: sometimes I let out a little chuckle for a really clever joke but I don't really feel happiness from it. Sometimes I get really annoyed at things but I don't get angry or sad over anything though I did cry during the first month off while talking to my therapist about all the things I've lost because of Invega (and almost cried a second time when I saw a co-worker being extremely energetic and happy to do stuff because it reminded me of how I used to be). Music also does absolutely nothing to me emotion-wise and I have no idea of how I will possibly get that back
-Sometimes I go outside with my parents for a walk or to help with their work/groceries. I feel extremely lucky to be in a situation where they're against Xeplion/Invega just like I am while also being supportive and encouraging me to do some simple activities outside.
-A few times a week I also get encouragement from a dear friend (who is aware of my situation) to play some complex fast-paced video games, though I'm still not sure if it's a good idea to overstimulate my brain with this kind of activity since it kinda hurts to focus while doing it and the anhedonia makes it just feel gross anyway (Having gotten a lot worse at playing them doesn't help). Other than that I can handle Minesweeper and some Sudoku on my own when I need to pass some time (just a little though)
-I am capable of taking walks on my own for at least 1 hour a day, I walk around the 5km track that I used to run 3 times a week regularly right before injection.
-Occasionally (like once a week) I am also capable of alternating a couple of very short jogs (like 1km) to my walking sessions, though my stamina has drastically lowered to the point of being unable to even attempt this very often (I used to run 5km nonstop alternating full sprints the day before my first injection and barely even take a sweat but now even a short 1km jog leaves me with no breath)
-My physical strength is also way lower: I still do a bit of exercises with my dumbbells sometimes, as well as some situps once a week. I know I should go for more but the pain and the lack of motivation keep getting the best of me
-The weight gain doesn't seem to be noticeable to others while I'm wearing a shirt (they do notice my face being less thin and they just say I look better this way but I strongly disagree) but I sure do feel it, especially on my back which makes the aforementioned exercising that much harder to do, though I'm still not sure if it's caused by Invega or if it's because I've been letting my parents cook for me instead of doing it myself (they cook A LOT more than I used to do). One of my fears is that this issue is only going to get worse for the next months even if I make sure to be as strict as possible on my diet because of everyone else's experience with it for the first 4 months.
-I have this strange type of constipation in which I just get no stimulus which tells me I need to go to the bathroom, I actually have to remind myself every couple days to go or else the body will never send the signal. I spent the first 5-6 weeks taking large amounts of laxatives thinking it was just a regular constipation
-I have erectile dysfunction, as expected (didn't check my prolactin yet but it's probably all-fuck high). This would not be an issue to me if I didn't end up in a situation in which some chick just confessed her feelings to me and I have to try and hide this fact until it's hopefully solved
-I believe it's important to mention that I never smoked, did drugs or get much into alcohol in my entire life. Hopefully this plays a nice role in the possibilities of my recovery
-I'm currently taking Delorazepam to help with insomnia (it seems to be working, though I'm probably taking a huge amount as prescribed by my old doc) but that's about the only drug I'm taking right now
-My daily supplements currently consist of a multivitamin containing B3,B6,B12,C,D,Magnesium, Zinc and then I have Fish Oil containing O3,DHA and EPA. I drink coffee twice a day (one in the early morning and one in the late morning).
When the situation demands it I also take one stick of Akuten which contains Folic Acid, Thiamine and Sam-E. I also believe I drink an appropriate amount of water almost every day
-I have access to 5htp and st john's wort, though I'm holding on to them for when the time is right (IE after visiting the new doc and coming off Delorazepam)
-My birthday is fairly soon, July 13th. It's probably going to be the worst birthday of my life but I would like to receive some tangible improvements and signs that I will be able to fully recover as a gift. A wise man once said that life gets a lot better if you manage to get past your 30s without any major permanent fuckups. Now I'm soon to be 31 and Xeplion has been a major fuckup which hopefully doesn't end up being permanent on me.
