Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

[SunriseChampion]

@SunriseChampion - I think as addicts we are always going to find a way to beat the system and use without the consequences. I do the exact same thing - idly fantasize about the perfect situation where I could use without getting re-hooked. I think dwelling on those fantasies when we're trying to get some clean time is probably counter-productive though.

You know, you're right. I'm only musing on it because for me, moderation is the goal. As mentioned earlier, the period of abstinence may just need to be greater than I've ever done before to reach that goal or to come to a place where the goal changes to abstinence itself.

Shrooms sound like a great idea though! I watched a documentary called "dosed" about this intractable heroin addict who relapsed constantly who uses psychedelics to help overcome it. It's amazing, I'd recommend it to anyone with an interest in psychedelics/addiction.

I'm quite certain it helped me quit smoking cold turkey so I'm all about it.
In fact, mushrooms are my answer to all of life's problems. Have used to them to treat my depression in the past, etc.

Still, I'm going full sober for the next two months.

 

[yubacity]

The UK will probably stay heroin for a while because you guys get your heroin from the poppy producing regions of afghanistan, who only deal with poppy. I went through a stretch in 2001-2002 when I was only doing poppy tea. The mailman always brought my package and the seeds would rattle in the pods. One day he asked me what I did with all these maracas....lol

The tea let me work would make my tea put it in a big bottle while driving my truck if police stopped me it looks just like black tea and kept me wd free . I used to throw the seeds away and put them in a good blender then brew it with tea a uplifting buzz

 

[Hylight]

Chipping. Chipping and laziness will have to be overcome. Even though chipping actually helps defeat laziness. It can be done ?
And will.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

Chipping. Chipping and laziness will have to be overcome. Even though chipping actually helps defeat laziness. It can be done ?
And will.

Hi Hylight. Do you have a plan in place?

You know, you're right. I'm only musing on it because for me, moderation is the goal. As mentioned earlier, the period of abstinence may just need to be greater than I've ever done before to reach that goal or to come to a place where the goal changes to abstinence itself.



I'm quite certain it helped me quit smoking cold turkey so I'm all about it.
In fact, mushrooms are my answer to all of life's problems. Have used to them to treat my depression in the past, etc.

Still, I'm going full sober for the next two months.

Two months total abstinence seems like a good goal. Will you plan a limit or circumstance for when you do try drinking again? Are you going to try the "just a couple of drinks" thing when you do go back?? I've never understood the point of that. If I'm going to allow myself to drink, I give myself an evening where I can drink as much as I want. I'm blessed though that I'm never tempted to drink again the next day, but for me a couple of drinks is just a tease and far more frustrating than just not drinking at all. I guess that's the all or nothing temperament that bought me to addiction in the first place though! What's the longest period of abstinence you've done before?

I hope everyone is doing well. My mind isn't in the best place today, but I'm weathering the storm, and I haven't seriously considered using. I am trying to solidify the fact in my mind that just simply isn't an option anymore. It's going to take a lot of practice, but hopefully that new mindset will take root the longer I manage to stay clean.

 

[SunriseChampion]

Two months total abstinence seems like a good goal. Will you plan a limit or circumstance for when you do try drinking again?

Yeah, probably go out for dinner for my birthday, get a bottle of wine and a couple of cocktails. And after that, I'm going to try and keep it to specific special occasions. No more using it being the weekend as a reason, for example.
That might be a good start, though, to be honest, I'm starting to feel like I may try to limit it even further. It hasn't done me any favours psychologically speaking.

Are you going to try the "just a couple of drinks" thing when you do go back?? I've never understood the point of that. If I'm going to allow myself to drink, I give myself an evening where I can drink as much as I want. I'm blessed though that I'm never tempted to drink again the next day, but for me a couple of drinks is just a tease and far more frustrating than just not drinking at all. I guess that's the all or nothing temperament that bought me to addiction in the first place though!

That's me as well. I was never an alcoholic in that I never really felt the urge to drink all the time, or even the day after, although some binge episodes were indeed multi-day (like during holidays, music festivals, etc). I don't really want to get back into binge drinking ever again as a regular occurrence. Occasionally, maybe like at a wedding or music festival, but never again just because it's a weekend.
Abstinence was always easier for me than moderation which is why I would consider moderation to be a real accomplishment.

What's the longest period of abstinence you've done before?

About 3 months....maybe a bit longer. I've done that about 4 times in the last 15 years. The other periods of abstinence were usually between 4-8 weeks.

I hope everyone is doing well. My mind isn't in the best place today, but I'm weathering the storm, and I haven't seriously considered using. I am trying to solidify the fact in my mind that just simply isn't an option anymore. It's going to take a lot of practice, but hopefully that new mindset will take root the longer I manage to stay clean.

I find the longer you go, the easier it gets and taking it one day at a time without looking forward or back is best. Hope you feel better soon.

 

[Hylight]

Thank you. My plan. Is to make it five days without chipping. And then make it another whole year.

And to not have depression. At all.

Most of all though, I wish for a better brain. ♡

 

[Jabberwocky]

And to not have depression. At all.

ohmygod that's my plan too!

in all seriousness i really wish you all the best, i know you have a lot of health conditions to tackle and don't envy your position but i admire your commitment.

my first day back at work today, so of course i couldn't sleep last night. got 4 hours in total so probably today was a write off productivity wise. has made not drinking tonight much easier though cos i feel so shit and i know it would make me feel worse.

@Rio Fantastic well done for trying to reframe using- its not an option, using is continuing to destroy your health, put your job and relationships in jeopardy, waste your 20s (honestly this is one of my biggest regrets, you have some of yours left) and just let life pass you by without giving yourself the chance to get the best out of it. when you look at it for what it is, its not an attractive prospect!

 

[Jabberwocky]

gaaaaahhhh i was going to lie by ommission but it made me feel nasty. so i will come clean, i have failed dry january already. last night i had 3 drinks, over the course of an evening so i did not get drunk. i made excuses to myself that i was offered them all by my mum, who helped me at my absolute worst, like sat by my bedside when she couldn't wake me in case i stopped breathing, so it must be OK, and that it would help me sleep before work. well i got my comeuppance by not being able to go to sleep.

i'm not beating myself up about it because i have been finding it difficult and am still aiming to do the rest of january dry, but i would beat myself up about misrepresenting myself to you guys. which is weird given i don't even know any of you but i feel i'd sort of ruin the 'sanctity' of this space if i polluted it with lies.

i am going to take the fact i caved on day 3 as soon as an opportunity to drink was handed to me into account when i decide my next steps re drinking.

 

[tired of crap]

My house mate always does a dry January.... in preparation for getting back shitfaced for his birthday at the end of the month lol So when he commented on my near daily drinking of late and asked if there was anything he could do to help, I figured I should too.

I had been nearly 18 months alcohol free before I started drinking again in june. And though the amounts weren’t as high as when I was at my worst, it’s been 3-5x per week usually at 4-8 tall cans a session.

Though there are many reasons to nip this now, I really can’t say I want to stop. It’s an easy, convenient escape. So needless to say I’ve been kinda irritable these last 4 days lol

 

[bongdong]

And to not have depression. At all.

In case you happen to have to much of not having it, would you give me some of your surplus, please?

 

[SunriseChampion]

My house mate always does a dry January.... in preparation for getting back shitfaced for his birthday at the end of the month lol

This is me every fucking year except I'm lucky I guess because my birthday isn't til early March. March come it's let er rip, alas with no loss of tolerance. :/
Trying to do differently this year. Time will tell.

I had been nearly 18 months alcohol free before I started drinking again in june. And though the amounts weren’t as high as when I was at my worst, it’s been 3-5x per week usually at 4-8 tall cans a session.

Though there are many reasons to nip this now, I really can’t say I want to stop. It’s an easy, convenient escape. So needless to say I’ve been kinda irritable these last 4 days lol

I haven't been able to sleep at first during the holidays because of my drinking and now after I stopped five days ago, because of my drinking. I even fucked off the first day of work today because of this.

It's hard if you really don't put your mind behind it, in my experience. Wish you the best.

 

[Meth novice 79]

I consider being stable on methadone clean for all practical purposes.

Cause like, a lot of people are more stable methadone than clean! And staying out of active self destructive addiction is the ultimate point.

I was completely stable on methadone for 2 years, but in 2020 I relapsed on heroin. I'm still on methadone though and I intend to stop using heroin for 2021.

Aww you did so well for so long!
I always looked to your posts for strength.
One last roadie and then back on the sober train is it?
Hope it’s a good one! or should we hope it’s crap so you remember why you stopped?
Either or, positive thoughts to you x

 

[JessFR]

Aww you did so well for so long!
I always looked to your posts for strength.
One last roadie and then back on the sober train is it?
Hope it’s a good one! or should we hope it’s crap so you remember why you stopped?
Either or, positive thoughts to you x

That's my hope yeah. Ima try and stay off heroin for the rest of this year after this next week.

 

[somnilicious]

gaaaaahhhh i was going to lie by ommission but it made me feel nasty. so i will come clean, i have failed dry january already. last night i had 3 drinks, over the course of an evening so i did not get drunk. i made excuses to myself that i was offered them all by my mum, who helped me at my absolute worst, like sat by my bedside when she couldn't wake me in case i stopped breathing, so it must be OK, and that it would help me sleep before work. well i got my comeuppance by not being able to go to sleep.

i'm not beating myself up about it because i have been finding it difficult and am still aiming to do the rest of january dry, but i would beat myself up about misrepresenting myself to you guys. which is weird given i don't even know any of you but i feel i'd sort of ruin the 'sanctity' of this space if i polluted it with lies.

i am going to take the fact i caved on day 3 as soon as an opportunity to drink was handed to me into account when i decide my next steps re drinking.

I'm glad you're not beating yourself up, as you shouldn't. We learn from our mistakes and it sounds like the negatives to not drink are giving you plenty of impetus so I believe you'll get it worked out even if you stumble.

At least you guys didn't waste your 20's and 30's. I'll be 40 this year.... Yikes!!

In the spirit of confession I will admit to my first slip in over a month, other than a few kava brews here and there. I was given an extra bottle of methadone from a friend and double dosed today. It was pretty pointless and I feel a little stupid for doing it but honestly no harm has been done. With my current predicament of being on probation and trying to get my license back I could have a random test any day and fortunately my slip was with a med I'm scripted to take so all is well that ends well...


To end on a positive note, I should be getting my take homes here soon so I don't have to travel downtown to stand in line with a bunch of addicts for several hours everyday. I'll also be getting off probation this month after being caught up in the system for the past several years. I can't wait. Then I should be getting my self in a position to get some wheels and my license back

 

[SunriseChampion]

i'm not beating myself up about it because i have been finding it difficult and am still aiming to do the rest of january dry,...

I think you'd feel worse about giving up than you would about slipping up.

Shit can be hard, but if you've set your mind to it then there's no point in ever giving up, no matter how/why you slip. Just keep in mind why it is you made the choice to stop and fucking keep sending it til you get to where you were going.

 

[SunriseChampion]

To end on a positive note, I should be getting my take homes here soon so I don't have to travel downtown to stand in line with a bunch of addicts for several hours everyday. I'll also be getting off probation this month after being caught up in the system for the past several years. I can't wait. Then I should be getting my self in a position to get some wheels and my license back

On the up and up! :D

 

[Jabberwocky]

thank you so much for your support guys! it means a lot. i know its dumb but i feel like not being honest on here would put my recovery at risk. and lets face it attempting abstinence usually fails so i don't know why i was so scared of just owning up straight away.

i totally know the feeling of doing something just because its offered and easy, then wondering what the fuck you're doing.

getting off probation is ace!! honestly that must feel so good. but most people i know who were using at some point never got far with probation and ended up in prison, i know you've had a rocky time recently @somnilicious so well done getting through probation. i hope you get your take homes soon so you can truly start getting on with your life.

 

[Rio Fantastic]

solidarity @chinup

Well done for admitting it straight away! As you know whenever I've lapsed I've just disappeared completely for weeks or months, and I know it would have been a lot easier to lie about it. I'm guessing you didn't tell your Mum about your dry January plans?? If you want to get back to your resolution (which I'd highly recommend, don't put it off because of this one slip!) then I'd suggest telling the people in your life about it so that they don't offer you alcohol, which just makes it far harder than it has to be to stop. If you've quit a heroin + crack addiction, I'm pretty sure you can stop your recreational drinking so I hope you're not too down about slipping!

@somnilicious Thats awesome! I wouldn't beat myself up over double dosing methadone either. If anything it's a learning experience - you won't repeat that now you've realized that it doesn't do anything for you.

3 weeks clean today

 

[SunriseChampion]

3 weeks clean today

Big up yo chest!

 

[tired of crap]

Well tonight will make 6 days sans booze. Once I get into the habit of not drinking it only bothers me at certain times - weekends and stressful events.

The holidays have been stressful since Mom passed early January a few years back. Christmas was always her favourite time of year and it always just brings back memories, good, bad and sad.

Though tbh I was back to drinking wayyy before the holidays lol... but I suppose what I’m getting at is that it should be easier for me now (that I don’t have the same sort of excuse lol)

With the time off due to the lockdown I’ve been keeping busy. Starting some projects, socializing with friends and family (online/phone) and just regular upkeep of home and self... all of which fall by the wayside when I’m on the booze.

Plan is to start doing more positive things for myself and less escape. More yoga/mindfulness/meditation and less video games/tv.