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Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

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birdup

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Triple Jabbed!
As soon as I woke up (around 3AM) I knew I'd had too much to drink. It was my first thought. When I drink, I wake up early. Today - thank God - I woke up before my hangover.

Last night I had 5 cans of Korudo Dry, which is a (very Japanese) Japanese beer and 2 long necks of Coopers Pale Ale (which is, perhaps, the only great mainstream Aussie beer). Cost me $35. I drank all of them in about three hours. 12.4 standard drinks. I bought the long necks in an attempt to limit my drinking. I drank them both as soon as I got home (and I smoked a joint) then drove - well over the limit - to get more beer. My efforts to moderate backfired.

At least I have a day off today. I'm drinking the last Korudo Dry now. I'm also smoking a joint. It's 4:20 in the morning. Hopefully, I don't spend the day with my head in the toilet.
 

chinup

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yeah @birdup i wake up early if i drink then can't get back to sleep. only way that works for me to stop it is benzos. but my supply has temporarily (hopefully) dried up so i'm pretty fucked right now. need to not drink i guess.

i am feeling pretty done with anything. only working the morning tomo then off monday too, which i'm glad about but simultaneously feel guilty taking time off when everything is on fucking fire. but i can't do anything. i'm starting to blame myself but then hating myself more cos that is some fucking grandiosity right there. but also it might be my fault. oh fucking hell.
 

Shady's Fox

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and also my quail egg, let's have some respect for it the man is loyal ahahaha, is still there and it won't go down it stays a quail egg, i dunno i am not scared but i just ahaha...

i think i might need some investigations if it doesn't draw within 2 weeks and that's way way too much.
 

Shady's Fox

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yes within the almost 1 week, without 1 day the thing kept at it's initial stage and it doesn't bother me at all, it doesn't causes tooth pain or anything at all, is just there I thought that maybe I should get a Sharpie to draw a ''monsieur'' kinda thing ahaha, i have a comrade, most loyal than anyone you want ok and like yo, i think is gonna draw back is just disturbing when you walk around you have either that you want or not in thought that's all..


:gun::gun::gun:
 

Shady's Fox

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and my nose had one incident, hopefully.. man i am just tired of this whatever might be, i thought today when i was outside cuz i went at someone to say yeah but nah, i don't think i need nasal spray as yet and all for better, they're pretty expensive and why should anyone spend their sauce on meds..
 

hylite

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I ate too much pain med today. The smell of mustard is making me sick.
 

chinup

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ffs well i made my boyf shake hands on us not drinking tonight, and it has mostly been me that's suggested buying beer recently, so therefore it needs him to break.

i know i'd really prefer to have a night without drinking, so fed up. and i have to be up out early to travel tomorrow. and me in hotels alone is me binging on alcohol and food and purging so i could do with not feeling like shit before i set out.

i found 1 mg of xanax earlier feels like a godsend.
 

Shady's Fox

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@chinup

the username should tell you something nah anywayy me had some red wine..

me i uh a chimney story without logs as not what else isn't... i have this extremely small boil like thing at first i thought now might be my gum i...

not even those who lived in victorian eras probably got what i have lol is no laugh matter on bright side the gland kept at intial stage, i think is drawin i can see a diff now today and 3 days ago and some small ''kicks''.. i mean i took the strongest antibiotic it should've exorcise whatever was in me, all angels and demons i cannot encounter this again

idk on a side, i lived to see that indeed human body is as strange as i thought in first place which is waw
 

birdup

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Triple Jabbed!
10th day off weed in one month. Every week I've had at least two days off. I'm done putting my family through withdrawals. I need to teach myself to moderate... Turns out it's actually easier than quitting everything cold turkey.

I don't want to ruin weed for myself, because I never bothered to learn how to consume it responsibly. On my days off, I have alcohol and etizolam. This system is working well... I need to fix myself or I won't get this promotion. Next week, I'm going to increase my (cannabis) sobriety to at least three days a week.
 

Blankenstein

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Haven’t posted in a while (I don’t think).

Had an appointment with my GP (not my usual one, but my secondary one from the same practice who I have known for 20 years. I was friends in high school and played sport with her nephew) so we have a rapport, coincidentally I stopped seeing her because I could get drugs easier from another gp at the practice. I came clean about my drug problem and she was very supportive. I got a referral letter so that’s a step in right direction.

I also called my private health fund to see if my level of coverage will be enough for me to afford rehab. I can adjust my level by increasing my quarterly premiums by a bit, which is less than what I would be spending If I continued using. I can do this as a “once in a lifetime crisis waiver” or something to words of that effect.

My using has escalated a bit as I thought might be the case. The last hurrah and all that… buying larger amounts to get cheaper deals, but I just use it all instead of rationing. I did buy some heroin Twice. First time I sniffed it (China white) I already stupidly used tramadol and valium that same night so I’m lucky I didnt od.

Second time i bought a fit pack (syringes), but have been too nervous to do it myself without a seasoned head showing me how, but I don’t like using with other people unless it’s going to the pub with mates to drink beers and be a normal sociable addict…

I’m rambling as usual. I had x amount of oxy and x amount of clonazepam tonight and feel sober. What a waste of money.

Sounds like it might take a while with Christmas to get a spot in rehab. At least I’m mback at work tomorrow so I won’t be using apart from a few Valium. Glad I won’t be pissing my money against the wall and possibly OD’ing. I seem to be somewhat more depressed which is somewhat kind of new. I wonder if I’m bi polar I have these Huge mood swings.

Hope everyone’s doing well and gearing up for the end of another year….
 

Shady's Fox

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also but also but not also your facial expression helper could swell, how i am not exactly sure as I don't experience satire or skim my head with it, I am not a person who's into politics anymore long short am walked through life i know the percent of yellow snow that's engraved in me and man, yes isn't changed no more knuckle bruises or something but is extremely shady...
 

deficiT

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I recently got off of Suboxone, I did it for a job. Which ended up not even happening. And now I've found out my license is being suspended over some absolute BULLSHIT.

I am |this| fucking close to going down the road and getting some H. I already ordered five grams of tianeptine, which I figured would assuage my relapse concerns for the meantime. But I still have to wait a couple days for it.

Idk man. I was omw to work just now. I had already told my boss I'd be late to work since my stomach is fucked up. My stomach gets FUCKED up when I'm not on opioids. It's one of the main reasons I started taking opioids in the first place. All of my stomach issues returned with a fierce vengeance when I stopped the Suboxone. Oh yeah, the story I was telling.

Anyway, was driving towards work a couple mins ago, and the entire drive I was telling myself, well I'm just gonna drive right past and go to that gas station that I know dealers congregate around. I'm not even really used to cold copping. When I was on H for those two years I had a dealer. But I was about to just say fuck it. I was sitting at the light by work to drive on past, instead of turning down the road to park to go in to work. I somehow convinced myself to just turn in and go to work, at the last second.

Maybe I should just throw in the towel and get on methadone. I think it might be the only thing that would actually hold me and prevent me from getting heroin. I already fucked up, took benzos, ecstasy, I fucking drank which ended up being a nightmare. I told myself I'd never do heroin or methamphetamine again, and I still have no desire for meth, but I'm telling you I am so close to relapsing on heroin/fentanyl what have you. I don't fucking know man. The struggle is real right now, and this license suspension threw a major wrench in all of my plans. I just can't believe it. Being on heroin probably won't help, but damnit, it'd at least give me some relief from my stomach problems and a break from consciousness. I actually even took 2mg of Suboxone yesterday, as well as a bunch of Kratom. Neither one really gave me any relief from the stomach issues or any discernible opioid effects at all.

Idk, I'm close to giving up rn.
 

hylite

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Okay me myself and I. I am bringing it to H&R. $. Eww love that design.

My brain is fucked. Well it probably always was though.

So yesterday I go to open this combo lock and I cant remember the last number. I had this lock forever. Four years maybe even a half a decade. Maybe three naw 4 or 5. I don't know. Does it have to matter ? Never wrote it down ever. But I'm a goin ta write it now. So I go to open it yesterday. And can't. Can't remember the last number. Couldn't do it. I was sweating almost vomiting. Because I barely remembered the first two numbers. But caught it quick. So I was able to try to hit a number since I was on the last one.

Got it open but still didn't know it. That last one ! Twenty some minutes later I had it. But still wasn't sure but it made sense and all.

But I did notice earlier in that day I had sat down and everything was tight and I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me. Then I was like just going to die. So I just kicked back and thought I was and then I thought to myself oh I am dying. And then I thought wait I can't be dying.

And someone else was there kind of like looking. And then I got up and said, well I lied and said oh I just got a dizzzy spell just now. Then walked away kind of sweating.

Someone else was just oh I have a headache.
I don't know. I am NOT going to make it through withdrawal. I'm not.

I might have to try edibles. Shroom when possible.

Yes. Um so I treated my pain self to an almost whole 512 round white tablet oxycodone.
And weaned with another quarter. (oxycodone) But then I have to wean from the oxycodo with the hydro because I think it was stronger (the oxycodo) or just different receptors because never was prescribed oxycodo before. But have had contin. Oxycontin was pain relief heaven.

So it may be different receptors, like with the weed does that also. But I get so addicted to those oxycodones because I am not used to them and then I need to wean with hydro's. Hence then I need to get into the attic cabinet.
And couldn't.

My fuckin brain shuts down.
Unless it is from all of the new Spanish I learned and am still fucking trying to. Finish my lessons at least.

But I don't have a brain when it shits down.

Or I have no brain from NO pain relief. Thanks doctors. You won't help me. I WANT TO LEARN TO SMOKE HEROIN FOR PAIN THEN. They don't care and apparently don't have to. But then nobody seems to care anyway. But that won't work either so I am probably going to feel like I am going to die. AND I HATE IT.

I can't be sober so I go on pretend dmt trips with my dab rig and love it. But in reality I can't function because the hurt and non relief.

If I don't have that pain relief. I just don't function well at all. I even got bad fucker leg cramps from the oxycodone withdrawal or comedown if you can call it that.

I can't who ever is listening. It is just too painful and debilitating. I am afraid I am going to have a seizure if I run out. Because when I went through xannie withdrawal from just one year of using. I ended up in the hospital with a cluster headache health situation. It was real terrible for a while. I think it was caused from quitting the benzo. But I had to give up the opioids or start smoking heroine.

They said just use edibles that I am prescribed along with medical THC. So that is a reason opioids were so terrible. I thought weed was criminal and so bad dope. I don't understand this FUCKIN UNIVERSE anymore.

I try to be good and stay safe. No ain't never good enough. THIS IS FUCKIN JUST AWFUL.

I used to abuse drugs a little bit and recreationally. But I got over it. Now I NEED.
And I have been prescribed a TON of shit EXCEPT the one thing I ask for and they all look at me like I am from outer space and they don't even here what I am saying. And there is no pain management that takes NEW patients. I don't even go to a doctor anymore because it is just a bullshit waste of time. They just want you to get some kind of scammo gram for the pussy tits AND ass.

AND I AM SICK OF IT AND I HATE EVERYBODY NOW. Sorry I will try to be a friend.
 
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