Recovery ⫸⫸ THE RECOVERY THREAD 2021 ⫷⫷

[Jabberwocky]

No. To be honest. I’m feeling really sick and depressed and having all kinds of weird brain spasms and zaps together with light head ness and dizziness. Some kind of dopamine problem I think. From mixing and then unmixing meth and anti-psychotics. My brain can’t cope with it all. I just need to lie low until I reach some kind of equilibrium with the minimum amount of heavy meds. Maybe just valium for now.

These were almost famous last words. I’ve been sick as a dog since I wrote them. But only just came out the other side late today. Got a lot of professional help over the last few days, plus confided in the few friends i have and my parents. Everyone gave me love and support and trusted that I knew what I was doing and was committed to being well and productive. It was such a burden to be able to just be (mostly) honest with people. I only shave a bit of time off how long I said I had been in seious trouble for ‘on and off for 6 or 8 months’ instead of the actual ‘mostly on with a little bit off for the last 18 months’.

 

[Blankenstein]

Well done @Atelier3 for reaching out and getting help from friends/family/professionals. I hope you feel better each day man. What’s your plan of attack moving forward?

 

[Jabberwocky]

Well done @Atelier3 for reaching out and getting help from friends/family/professionals. I hope you feel better each day man. What’s your plan of attack moving forward?

100 NA meetings in 100 days plus 20 sessions with a clinical psychologist over 20 weeks and a fuckload more exercise - mainly swimming, cycling and dog walking.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

100 NA meetings in 100 days plus 20 sessions with a clinical psychologist over 20 weeks and a fuckload more exercise - mainly swimming, cycling and dog walking.

Fantastic !

 

[tired of crap]

Well I fuct up lol
I cant recall when i started drinking again... february? Early March maybe... but its been near daily the last few weeks. 4/7 days the few before that.

Ive noticed that I recently started shaking in the hours leading up to my drinking. I didnt think I was drinking that much (~8 beers an afternoon/night until recently when I increased to ~ 10, read 6 then 8 tall cans of 5 % ) would lead to physical symptoms but here we are. It (the shaking or the consumption, is) not that bad imo but even my family commented on it a few times. Maybe its psychological, maybe its because my past indiscretions lead to an increased risk this time but iirc alcoholism leads to electrolyte imbalances, specifically a deficiency of magnesium (hence my previous supplementation). Other than the lack of mg supplementation I have been eating relatively well, so I hadnt imagined things would be so far outta whack. Hydration is lacking though and due to the diuretic effect of alcohol I suppose an electrolyte imbalance shouldn’t be discounted.

Idk what I’m hoping to achieve with this post. Perhaps seeing it written out will help me turn around? Idk

But if I don’t turn this around soon I’m gonna be swimming in it, again, ffs

 

[Blankenstein]

T

100 NA meetings in 100 days plus 20 sessions with a clinical psychologist over 20 weeks and a fuckload more exercise - mainly swimming, cycling and dog walking.

That’s great man. Good on you for being proactive. I find when I’m going through periods trying to stop using or drinking and I’m feeling very anxious or depressed walking my dog or spending time in or near the ocean (surfing or swimming) are super beneficial.

 

[Blankenstein]

Well I fuct up lol
I cant recall when i started drinking again... february? Early March maybe... but its been near daily the last few weeks. 4/7 days the few before that.

Ive noticed that I recently started shaking in the hours leading up to my drinking. I didnt think I was drinking that much (~8 beers an afternoon/night until recently when I increased to ~ 10, read 6 then 8 tall cans of 5 % ) would lead to physical symptoms but here we are. It (the shaking or the consumption, is) not that bad imo but even my family commented on it a few times. Maybe its psychological, maybe its because my past indiscretions lead to an increased risk this time but iirc alcoholism leads to electrolyte imbalances, specifically a deficiency of magnesium (hence my previous supplementation). Other than the lack of mg supplementation I have been eating relatively well, so I hadnt imagined things would be so far outta whack. Hydration is lacking though and due to the diuretic effect of alcohol I suppose an electrolyte imbalance shouldn’t be discounted.

Idk what I’m hoping to achieve with this post. Perhaps seeing it written out will help me turn around? Idk

But if I don’t turn this around soon I’m gonna be swimming in it, again, ffs

Hey man I really feel for you. Alcoholism is very fucked. I can totally relate to what you have spoken about. I have gone months at a time consuming alcohol daily. It’s fucked the grip it can get.

it sounds like this isn’t your first time in this predicament? What helped you stop last time? Do you have a plan/idea for how you intend on stopping this time? If you’ve done it before you totally can do it again.

good luck man there are people thinking of you!

 

[Jabberwocky]

That’s great you’re feeling better and going to start exercising again.

thanks!! annoyingly i did drink quite excessively last night. it was nice outside and me and my boyfriend had a good meeting with a mortgage adviser, i think we'll be able to afford the type of house we want, so it seemed right to celebrate.

Oh yeh, I took the stupid Antabuse yesterday... hopefully stick with it a while. Still out at work for 3 more weeks. I drive to a place where I won’t be able to get any alcohol on Friday. Will be there for 2 weeks, so in theory if I make it there without drinking I’ll be locked in for nearly 3 weeks.

well done!!! hopefully this time away and not drnking will enable you to get a good basis for your sobriety. 3 weeks without drining would be a massive achievement, but do remember to keep it in te day, cos its also a pretty daunting prospect.

Idk what I’m hoping to achieve with this post. Perhaps seeing it written out will help me turn around? Idk

sometimes just venting is enough. the shakes are awful, so embarrassing, i remember getting them at a conference and its impossible to hide. do you know what started you drinking again?

@Atelier3 i'm so glad you have a proper plan worked out. really sounds like you've been in hell recently. getting your family up to speed is hard but its much better you tell them than they find out due to the state your in, which they would if things progressed further. have you got something fun planned in too? super important. and try not to push yourself too much with work til you're more stable, as it can be another form of escapism.

 

[lswdirel]

Hi all,

First day off everything here, and wanted to try and get some accountability and support. I had a decent DHC addiction (taking 40 tablets a day). I’m sure it’s nothing compared to harder opiates, but I’ve found it tricky to manage. It was diminished returns for a lot of money. I fast tapered down over the last couple of weeks, and this is the first day without anything at all. I’ve felt cold and cranky for the last week, so I’m hoping I’ve done some of the withdrawal work already - I feel ok today so far, but I’m worried I’m going to suffer later and in the next couple of days.

One of the things I really struggle with, is that I just feel like a better person when high. I’m happier, more fun, fit and healthy (love running when high). It’s almost hard to justify coming off completely. In my head, I know that what I want to do is kick the habit and then be able to dose a few times a week without it getting out of control again. Unlikely though, I know.

I guess many of you struggle with this? How do you deal with it?

 

[Zephyn]

Well I fuct up lol
I cant recall when i started drinking again... february? Early March maybe... but its been near daily the last few weeks. 4/7 days the few before that.

Ive noticed that I recently started shaking in the hours leading up to my drinking. I didnt think I was drinking that much (~8 beers an afternoon/night until recently when I increased to ~ 10, read 6 then 8 tall cans of 5 % ) would lead to physical symptoms but here we are. It (the shaking or the consumption, is) not that bad imo but even my family commented on it a few times. Maybe its psychological, maybe its because my past indiscretions lead to an increased risk this time but iirc alcoholism leads to electrolyte imbalances, specifically a deficiency of magnesium (hence my previous supplementation). Other than the lack of mg supplementation I have been eating relatively well, so I hadnt imagined things would be so far outta whack. Hydration is lacking though and due to the diuretic effect of alcohol I suppose an electrolyte imbalance shouldn’t be discounted.

Idk what I’m hoping to achieve with this post. Perhaps seeing it written out will help me turn around? Idk

But if I don’t turn this around soon I’m gonna be swimming in it, again, ffs

Thanks for writing it. Its even more motivation for me to stop.

 

[Nurse Ratched]

Hi all,

First day off everything here, and wanted to try and get some accountability and support. I had a decent DHC addiction (taking 40 tablets a day). I’m sure it’s nothing compared to harder opiates, but I’ve found it tricky to manage. It was diminished returns for a lot of money. I fast tapered down over the last couple of weeks, and this is the first day without anything at all. I’ve felt cold and cranky for the last week, so I’m hoping I’ve done some of the withdrawal work already - I feel ok today so far, but I’m worried I’m going to suffer later and in the next couple of days.

One of the things I really struggle with, is that I just feel like a better person when high. I’m happier, more fun, fit and healthy (love running when high). It’s almost hard to justify coming off completely. In my head, I know that what I want to do is kick the habit and then be able to dose a few times a week without it getting out of control again. Unlikely though, I know.

I guess many of you struggle with this? How do you deal with it?

This was the story of my life. I thought I was the best me on any opioid pharm pill. Worked 50 hours, kept my house clean, cooked good meals, friggin Mrs. Doubtfire shit. It felt great but I was foolin' myself. It was the high and drugged me. Sober me is quite different. It's a good different. I miss the way I used to have that warm blanket feeling but I'm just gonna have to miss it.

Yeah, it is unlikely you will be able to use just once in awhile. If you have access to them, you'll eat them. I tried myself and would always fail miserably.

The way I had to deal with my quitting that activity is pretty complex but mainly I wanted to get that monkey off my back once and for all. Mind you it took me 30 years so I'm not special.

Have a pleasant Sunday and Good luck whatever you decide to do, whether you keep using or stop.

 

[Jabberwocky]

@lswdirel sorry i meant to reply to your post way sooner, but life or something.

though heroin was my opiate of choice i have taken DHC. i found that if i took enough the effects were comparable to heroin, or at least satisfied that itch. so i wouldn't say its nothing compared to harder opiates. that's the sort of thing your brain can tell you to try and demotivate you from stopping. well done on tapering. hope you're getting on better now.

i will say i convinced myself i functioned better while high, but that doesn't last long. as soon as i lost any illusion of control it made me feel like a shitty human being and impacted every area of my life.

i have been having an OK time. starting to try to buy a house. it is stressful but also fun.

still drinking more often than i'd like, but didn't drink on sunday, first one i've not drunk on in a while. and the last two nights i have drunk, i've actually been relatively sensible. and weirdly enough enjoyed the drinking more than when i am just getting it down me as fast as possible.

 

[meprobamatedowned]

Hi everyone on this thread !
Today is my 3rd day without alcohol...
I kinda replaced it with 3 to 4mg diclazepam daily, i know benzos are dangerous but ime they are easier to detox from than alcohol... I was downing an average 70cL of 40° a day, and i'm only 22, i've got exams etc ...
Since i last drank, my anxiety is a lot more bearable, it makes almost no sense to me !

I'm gonna try and keep up cause this is the worst drug i've ever known (i mean not worse than fentanyl or potent stuff but yk)

 

[Blankenstein]

Hi everyone on this thread !
Today is my 3rd day without alcohol...
I kinda replaced it with 3 to 4mg diclazepam daily, i know benzos are dangerous but ime they are easier to detox from than alcohol... I was downing an average 70cL of 40° a day, and i'm only 22, i've got exams etc ...
Since i last drank, my anxiety is a lot more bearable, it makes almost no sense to me !

I'm gonna try and keep up cause this is the worst drug i've ever known (i mean not worse than fentanyl or potent stuff but yk)

Good job man! Good luck with staying off the booze it can be super destructive.

make sure the diclaz/benzos don’t become a habit. That will be just as hard as the booze to kick.

Keep us updates with how you are going.

 

[Blankenstein]

Just flew home from work. Took the Antabuse for a few days then drank a six pack but that was it while away. Just got home but have already taken some
Hydromorph.

going to try and not use anything else on my week off. I really don’t want to go back to work after a week and have just been high the whole time.

feeling a bit “blah” mentally. See how I go...

hows the house hunting going @chinup ? Been laying off the booze?

 

[Jabberwocky]

@Blankenstein sounds like you did pretty good, well done!!

i did good with drinking last week but past 2 days has been awful- my boyf has been away so i've been on one. trying to work today and just can't. will be drinking again tonight.

have decided to give myself a break with it. if everything is going as planned with our house purchase we will start trying for a baby from next month. i am not so far gone with alcohol that i would be incapable of abstaining for the health of an unborn child so this is basically my last hurrah. i'm not gonna drink every night cos i need to save money and just don't wanna be in that habit but am gonna stop beating myself up.

 

[Blankenstein]

@Blankenstein sounds like you did pretty good, well done!!

i did good with drinking last week but past 2 days has been awful- my boyf has been away so i've been on one. trying to work today and just can't. will be drinking again tonight.

have decided to give myself a break with it. if everything is going as planned with our house purchase we will start trying for a baby from next month. i am not so far gone with alcohol that i would be incapable of abstaining for the health of an unborn child so this is basically my last hurrah. i'm not gonna drink every night cos i need to save money and just don't wanna be in that habit but am gonna stop beating myself up.

Thanks man. Yeh I was relatively happy with my alcohol intake up there, but it’s hard the people that run the station/ranch are massive drinkers.
For example after work I was going for a run and the manager stopped me and pretty much forced me to take a shot of some 95% alcohol. It’s just all they do if they aren’t working. And you want to try and be sociable and not act like you don’t want to get along and be mates.

yeh beating yourself up can be a real drain mentally. Sounds like you’re in a decent place mentally. Keep it up!

 

[somnilicious]

Hello BL. Its been a while since I checked in as I was reminded by @chinup. I've just been cruising along on methadone since Dec. Ive been clean of all substances other than my script and the occasional toke of cannabis or Delta 8. I'm on 60mg a day and I'm up to picking up once a week.

I've been insanely addicted to video games lately, which has been an awesome experience to share with my 10yr old niece. I'm proud to say that under my direction and tutoring that she brought all her grades up from failing to A marks. We have also been biking a lot. Her mom will be coming home in a week so I will finally be relived of my parenting duties just in time to start remodeling my parents house.

Oh.... I also got my license back and got a truck so I'm finally Mobil again...lol.

All in all life is great at the moment and I'm lucky to be alive.

 

[Jabberwocky]

hey @somnilicious thanks for checking in!!! i usually assume the worst when i don't hear from people so hearing you're killing it is mint. well done man honestly i'm proud of you.

@Blankenstein it does sound like a really difficult situation to not drink in so i would try not to get too stressed about it.

i have had a pretty shitty week. beginning of the week my boyf was away and i did some insane binge drinking. been better since he got back but only had one night not drinking this week. i think i've got to the point with alcohol and benzo use where they are impairing my ability to sleep naturally in a major way. so the one night i didn't drink i slept awfully, but then when i do drink that impairs my sleep too, so i still slept awfully. fucking tired.

gonna try going for a long run and see if i can have a nap after but its fucking pissing it down outside so not overly motivated.

 

[Blankenstein]

hey @somnilicious thanks for checking in!!! i usually assume the worst when i don't hear from people so hearing you're killing it is mint. well done man honestly i'm proud of you.

@Blankenstein it does sound like a really difficult situation to not drink in so i would try not to get too stressed about it.

i have had a pretty shitty week. beginning of the week my boyf was away and i did some insane binge drinking. been better since he got back but only had one night not drinking this week. i think i've got to the point with alcohol and benzo use where they are impairing my ability to sleep naturally in a major way. so the one night i didn't drink i slept awfully, but then when i do drink that impairs my sleep too, so i still slept awfully. fucking tired.

gonna try going for a long run and see if i can have a nap after but its fucking pissing it down outside so not overly motivated.

Yeh that sounds tough. I know what you mean about the sleep stuff. When I drink/use every day i need somethinfb to sleep and if I don’t have anything I don’t sleep. But even when I am drunk and sleep it’s terrible quality. It’s just a shit way to function.

it will pass. Exercise as you said can be super beneficial as you mentioned.), can you do a workout indoors? Heaps of workouts on YouTube you can do at home.

I also find reading a book (not on a scree/kindle can help a lot. Before going to bed.

goid luck with it.

@somnilicious thst sounds amazing man helping your niece man. I don’t really know your situation but well done on sticking to the program!

I haven’t been drinking at all this week off but I’ve been using shit loads. Hydromorph, Valium, lyrica, bupe and oxy. I did surf today and tomorrow I’m heading out on an mmmmates boat tomorrow to surf and hopefully grab a couple of Crays/lobster as well.

I fly back to work on Tuesday. Im going to try and do an entirely sober 2 weeks and then I want to fuck off all drugs on my week off I can see this is becoming a problem. I’m trying to have a soberish 2 or 3 weeks when I’m away at work and then I seem tobhave a week long binge on opiates/benzos when I’m back and i do not want this to get completely
out of control.

there’s stuff I want to do in my week off to move forward in life. Im sick of wasting tine /my life by just being high/drunk all the time.

sorry if that was a bit all over the place and hard to follow have had a few vals/lyrica/bupe

so yeh hope everyone travelling well.