💀 The Abyss 💀 (Open 24hrs)

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Captain.Heroin

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There once was an ass that I fell really hard for. I did anything to get a piece of that. I told myself it was love.

The truth is it was complicated. Looking back on that ass-love relationship I had there was one thing that was missing for the both of us. Respect. Neither one of us were really truthful with our feelings, we would tell ourselves that we didn't need them. We played ourselves in the end.

There's nothing wrong with chasing tail. It's important to remember that what we all need in the end is someone who is there for us. Being upfront, such as the time you said it was just a rebound fuck is exactly the type of honesty we all need. Never feel guilty for expressing yourself like that because it will work out much better for everyone in the end.
that's vague

FEELINGS are macro-illusions like the self

I don't care about FEELINGS anymore

I am numb inside and out I just want sex.

I HAVE SOMEONE ELSE "THERE" for me and they are EMOTIONALLY UNAVAILABLE

and I have someone EMOTIONALLY AVAILABLE and we don't hook up that much anymore

it's kinda like I have a harem where I segregated all my needs healthily

and I have another "emotions" bro and yeah I'll throw him a mercy fuck because his ass is good too but he's too low # on the TRUMPF national socialist rate-them-how-they-look scale for me

THE ONE GUY WHO IS "there for me" but not emotionally = WE BOTH ADMITTED WE WERE REBOUNDS, me first!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So it sounds like I'm doing everything right

I'M BEING TOLD I'M PLAYING W/ FIRE POTENTIALLY by fucking 2019 still

but it's
s
o
mother
fucking
h
o
t

wolf if you WITNESSED this sex you'd lose your mind

it's unspeakable
 

Captain.Heroin

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I'm IRL screaming like a monkey


yeah maybe i'm manic

you can't make me take my meds

i do what I WANT

I don't want to work
I want to love
I don't want to live
I want to die
I want to fall into a K hole or unconsciousness on G, benzos, barbs
I don't want to interact with the real life
I don't want to be myself; I want to be anybody else
I don't think the drugs in this world will save me from myself
I want to be anyone but me
 

Captain.Heroin

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How the fuck did this feel so good coming off this shit
this shit is next level
I had next level sex and then I fucked 2019 to hell and heaven and back to earth again

i wish you could see his face

it's the ultimate euphoria I'll never reach and it's even more elating to get someone there

I'm a pleasure machine and I met yet another person more recently who is a pleasure machine

and I cannot even begin to describe what I mean when I say that

It's so fucking hot I scream like a monkey in manic happiness

like a pig rolling in its own shit
like a blunt rolling itself into my glass blunt
my hands just happen to be nearby
everything is just energy
the self is a macro illusion
we think we're living
we're not
we think we're going to die
we're not
you live forever
because you are stuck in suffering
life is just suffering until the transfer is complete
we are a transfer
i'm just a painting that's still wet
if you touch me I'll be smeared and you'll be stained;
stained for the rest of your life
so turn around and walk away
before we confuse the way we abuse each other
but you're not afraid of getting hurt
and I'm not afraid of how much I hurt you
I'm well aware I'm a danger to myself,
are you aware I'm a danger to others?
 

Captain.Heroin

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Doctor, doctor, won't you please prescribe me somethin'
A day in the life of someone else?
Don't let me get me.

I feel you dude. I always wonder what it would be like to be other people.
In my most recent trips I've realized a pantheistic existence where I am all other people/the universe in an animist/pantheist sense

and so I treat the earth well and I love giving others pleasure because I know I will feel it one day and it elates me

I'm pretty good with my D and get to fuck a lot

and people seem to get off on that on a pleasure level more than I'll ever know as myself, especially the last two sexual partners I've been with

I "love them" but am not in love with them. Was madly IN LOVE with the one from 2019 and dropped that shit like a bad habit just like I did meth, heroin, bupe... I no longer use non-psychedelic euphoric drugs. It's amazing.

You love the universe and you love yourself and then people love you for it and it's so easy. You just have to be alright with who you are. You have to forgive yourself and others equally. It's so easy. It's so amazing. I no longer hold animosity towards anyone or anything. Except "the devli" (people like putin, trumpf, TINY un, etc)

I have been incredibly gifted/fortunate in life man and I've realized that giving to others is like life's greatest pleasure and having great times with others is so awesome. Ego death was really what I needed. My brain was in a really bad state last year.
 

Captain.Heroin

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OH @devilsgospel

I'm like, so brain burnt and because I quit this drug it's like
I'm MEMEMBERING

so
yeah
you can't imgur.com on your phone w/o an acct
and I don't have one
so I do all my shit on a desktop
or I don't do it, or maybe just text post, sometimes trip post (MAL I AM SO SORRY SO HIGH I CAN'T EDIT NOT WORTH MY TIME JUST DELETE MY POSTS IDGAF I LOVE YOU BAE this is why I knew I can't be an admin, I'm too honest/village idiot/big dick like wolf said bb It's just who I am and the universe loves me for it I can't change who I is)

urggdLt.jpg


drunk, no benzos :( i will never again I WILL STOP THIS NONSENSE i need to be normal. I don't need meds. I can go through pain. I can cut myself. I DO NOT CARE I have to escape ALL MY FEARS

I have accepted so much in life I can accept sobriety I can do this :| I'm going to end up fucking so angry and maladjusted it's going to suck I'll have to self-segregate for so long
 

devilsgospel

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Send me all your benzos then

I have to be up super early but I'm feeling hyper as shit I cant even keep my eyes closed. Porn it is, if I'm lying here I may as well be touching myself
 

Captain.Heroin

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Send me all your benzos then
old pic

from forever ago i think

i have a hypnotic and i need it and i'm CONSERVING like a mofo and i'll cry when it's gone and i'm going to go whimpering to a new psych how i need my meds so bad so bad so bad

I'm feeling hyper as shit
genetic predisposition to PTSD i.e. high NE levels i.e. mania or depression or ptsd symptoms

mental configuration can be worked up is cool as shit

mania seems to be 'highest configuration possible' i am never going to be mentally healthy

my friends seem to get that and still like me for it though
i don't get it

i'm fundamentally unlovable

but they love my D i guess
 

Captain.Heroin

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I think the drugs made my hppd way worse AND I'M LOVING IT it feels like I'm still tripping

EW CONTRIBUTING TO SOCIETY YUCKYPOOS i have to go soon loverbeans <3


when cfc dedicated this to me i wanted to cry because that's so what 2019 is doing to me and i don't care

it's kind of hot and i like the sex
 
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Effect

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Kratom is so stupid.

Fuck it i'm trying 10 grams right now and if it does nothing, again, i'm giving it to @Effect.

Get at me today bud. Read my post in morning DC to get a feel for my weekend, but maybe you acquired the taste. Or maybe I can keep reading. But maeng da is usually what people report getting positive effect for those who are opioid naive IME seeing others. Anecdotal.
 

Captain.Heroin

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Get at me today bud. Read my post in morning DC to get a feel for my weekend, but maybe you acquired the taste. Or maybe I can keep reading. But maeng da is usually what people report getting positive effect for those who are opioid naive IME seeing others. Anecdotal.
I have some anecdotal

Loving life

I
I love it when my hot self cries
I can break my heart feelings at the drop of a dime

I can do it all the time
 
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