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100 WAYS TO ORDER A PIZZA

Psyentist

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 10, 2000
Messages
1,503
Location
London/Melbourne
1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable.
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address, exclaim "Oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: ROBUST FREE-SPIRITED COST-EFFICIENT UKRAINIAN PUCE.
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14. Put an extra edge in your voice when you say "crazy bread."
15. Stutter on the letter "p."
16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
23. Change your accent every three seconds.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Start your order with "I'd like. . . ". A little later, slap yourself and say "No, I don't."
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window."
28. Rent a pizza.
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
31. Put the accent on the last syllable of "pepperoni." Use the long "i" sound.
32. Have your pizza "shaken, not stirred."
33. Say "Are you sure this is (Pizza Place)? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (Pizza Place), start to cry and ask, "Do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
35. Tell them to double-check to make sure your pizza is, in fact, dead.
36. Imitate the order taker's voice.
37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
38. When they say "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
39. Play a sitar in the background.
40. Say it's your anniversary and you'd appreciate if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise him/her.
41. Amuse the order taker with little-known facts about country music.
42. Ask to see a menu.
43. Quote Carl Sandberg.
44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
46. Ask what topping goes best with well-aged Chardonnay.
47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza.
49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say "Where was I? Who are you?"
51. Psychoanalyze the order taker.
52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53. Order two toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
58. Use expletives like "Great Caesar's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town."
59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time.
60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words."
61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
62. Try to talk while drinking something.
63. Start the conversation with "My Call to (Pizza Place), Take 1, and. . .. action!"
64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
66. Be vague in your order.
67. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
68. If using a touch-tone press 9-1-1 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
69. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button on the phone does." Simulate a cutoff.
70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "This may be my last entry."
71. State your order and say that's as far as this relationship is going to get.
72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza." Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
73. Say "Kssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone. Ask if they felt that.
74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
76. Learn to play a blues riff on the harmonica. Stop talking at regular intervals to play it.
77. Ask if they would like to sample your pizza. Suggest an even trade.
78. Perfect a celebrity's voice. Stress that you won't take any crap from some two-bit can't-hack-it pimple-faced gofer.
79. Put them on hold.
80. Teach the order taker a scret code. Use the code on all subsequent orders.
81. Mumble, "There's a bomb under your seat." When asked to repeat that, say "I said 'sauce smothered with meat'."
82. Make the first topping you order mushrooms. Make the last thing you say "No mushrooms, please." Hang up before they have a chance to respond.
83. When the order is repeated, change it slightly. When it is repeated again, change it again. On the third time, say "You just don't get it, do you?"
84. When you've given the price, say "Ooooooo, that sounds complicated. I hate math."
85. Haggle.
86. Order a one-inch pizza.
87. Order term life insurance.
88. When they say "Will that be all?", snicker and say "We'll find out, won't we?"
89. Order with a Speak-n-Spell where applicable.
90. Ask how many dolphins were killed to make that pizza.
91. While on the phone, fake entering puberty. Fluctuate pitch often; act embarrassed.
92. Engage in some serious swapping.
93. Dance all around the word "pizza." Avoid saying it at all costs. If he/she says it, say "Please don't mention that word."
94. Have a movie with a good car chase scene playing loudly in the background. Yell "OW!" when a bullet is fired.
95. If he/she suggests a side order, ask why he/she is punishing you.
96. Ask if the pizza has had its shots.
97. Order a steamed pizza.
98. Get taker's name. Later, call exactly on the hour to say, "This is your (time of day) wake-up call, So-and-so." Hang up.
99. Offer to pay for the pizza with a public flogging.
If any of the above practices are rejected by the order taker, 100. Say, in your best pouty voice, "Last guy let me do it."
 

desire

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 21, 2001
Messages
93
Location
the dreaming
*laughs hysterically*
god these are funny...
if you ever try em let me know what happens... =D
------------------
"nobody's scary from the inside..."
 

Tarsarlan

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 5, 2000
Messages
4,992
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Hey not bad, some of those are pretty damn funny... Nice!!
I'm almost tempted to try 88 or 83
wink.gif

[This message has been edited by Tarsarlan (edited 31 January 2001).]
 

mona

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Oct 23, 1999
Messages
2,334
Location
London
60 and 67 are the one's i'm gonna try *chuckle*
Popey's not gonna like this thread
wink.gif
 

randomblondeboy

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 1, 2000
Messages
1,632
roflmfao.
that is all.
i'm hungry now.
------------------
________________________
going back to romford... ;)
________________________
 

BuckE

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 20, 2000
Messages
177
Location
Melbourne, Victoria, Australia
as a representative of the Pizza Hut Call Center in east camberwell, one of the three (I think) that handle all of Melb. metropolitan calls, i feel this thread is for me
smile.gif

but, actually, what i'll do is give some tips for saving money when ordering!!
* instead of forking out $1.10 extra for a "half/half" pizza, order it by topping to save your hard earned glowstick money. ie, if you want Half Hawaiin/Half Margeretta, why not order a whole cheese pizza, with ham and pinapple on one half, and oregano on the other. what a saving!
* ask for coupons at a pizza hut store. if you get get the $5 off your next order, or the freedrumstick icecreams one, they're the best.
* go to Joe Blow's pizza store, pick up a leaflet that says they'll deliver a pizza for 10 bucks, or have one takeaway for 5 bucks, and tell the operator when you order. pizza hut matches all competitors coupsons
heh, this is quite lame. did i help anybody at all? (cheap asses, speak out) and Psyentist, if you pull that fuckin shit on me over the phone, I'll recognise ya, and I'll send out the secret Pizza Hut weapon: POISON PIZZA SUPREME* (on your choice of deep pan or thin and crispy base)
BuckE
"Psychology? How hard could it be -- hi, you hate your mother, that’ll be a hundred bucks." -- Becker
*not available on SLAB base
 

the_man

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 3, 2001
Messages
418
Location
Sydney
Originally posted by BuckE:
* instead of forking out $1.10 extra for a "half/half" pizza, order it by topping to save your hard earned glowstick money. ie, if you want Half Hawaiin/Half Margeretta, why not order a whole cheese pizza, with ham and pinapple on one half, and oregano on the other. what a saving!
God thats a good idea, why have i never thought about that before, i always get pizza with half/half.
 

belky21

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 3, 2002
Messages
111
Location
Melbourne
HEHEHEHEHEHE that's the funnniest thing I have read for ages!!!
Nearly passed out from laughing,
hungry now!! bye
 

dogah

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 13, 2002
Messages
514
Location
melbourne
YOU HAVE TO PAY MORE FOR HALF/HALF?
OMG!
i never knew :)
pizza hut pizzas are shit anyway
 

anfalicious

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 18, 2001
Messages
1,421
Location
Melbourne Australia
Pizza hut have to honor competitors coupons? Rock on, there's places around with $4 large's cos they're mega dodgey get-one-piece-of-pineapple type pizzas :)
 

Tandia

Bluelighter
Joined
Jan 17, 2002
Messages
5
Location
Sydney, Australia
OMG! I haven't seen this list for ages!!
This is one of the first things I found when I got on the net, back in '94
I had no idea it was still floating around...I remember spending a few weeks trying out most of the ones we thought we could get away with :)
 

Aishas Star

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 27, 2001
Messages
1,899
Location
^^ Yeah baby!
GGRRRR to you all! I use to work in a pizza shop, and yeah i had a few retarded people doing all that kind of stuff to us! it was horrible!
 

circlecircus

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 25, 2001
Messages
291
Location
Perth
^^^^^^^^^
serves you right for working in a pizza store. I was a driver for oh..about 3 weeks. Worst job i have had and that includes newspaper runs.
Still i recall a funny story at the time. Apparantly before i was employed a young indian man with a large difficult-to-pronouncable name became a driver there..First night he was out and had collected something like $400 total just before his shift was ending.
Pleading with the boss to go out for just "One more delivery!" he drove off.
and he just didnt come back..
The store tried to trace him which was made even more difficult with his near-unpronouncable name and the school that he said he attented had never heard from him. All information he filled out on the form was entirely false.
Needless to say Pizza Hut never heard from him again either and this clever indian fella got away with $400 for about 4 hours work.
------
cc
 

^BassBoy^

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 1, 2001
Messages
66
Location
Sydney, Australia
I find that really good way to order pizzas is to ring up the number..... with me....then u speak....yeap.....tell them what you want....uhuh, and then ure done.......ph0aw!!!!! how easy was that....try it if ure daring!!
 

BUNKUM_BUNNY

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 30, 2001
Messages
264
Location
VIC
he he he he- they are soooooo f**ken fuuny!!!!
Ok heres an idea, next BL recovery party everyone whip out their mobiles and will try all 100 ways of ordering a pizza!!!!
The fun!!!!
:) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)
Hopefully we will eventurly get our pizza at some stage!
 
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