This was about 13-14 yrs ago.
It was that one DMT trip completely out of proportion to anything before, or after. The only time that DMT effects were physically oppressive, and where self- and spatial-awareness were blotted out to this extent.
It had been soaked onto an inert herb in manufacture & as usual i smoked it in a weed pipe. About 8:00pm, alone.
The synthesist mentioned 5-MeO specifically. Without exactly saying it was pure 5-MeO. Afaik in Australian acacias (wattles) there can be wide variations of DMT & other alkaloids in the acacia family and even within the same species. My impression was that the synthesist had been discovering and brewing all sorts of tryptamine mixtures along the way as they perfected their method. In this case with a stronger 5-MeO component. Interested to hear any thoughts on that, based on my/others' subjective experiences. Apologies i can't be any more specific re: composition, but there's no way to follow it up atm.
A friend tried to tell me recently that there is no 5-MeO-DMT in Australian flora, but they were mistaken it seems.
I'd smoked from this batch about 30 times. Maybe more. From the very first time i would slip easily into trance. Strong, very visual, eerie, always an edge of fear. Luckily breakthrough effects were always easy to achieve. Later on i tried a much purer nn-DMT crystal but my initial explorer phase was waning by then & the trips much less frequent. All the '5-MeO' trips had bite to them but always euphoric & frequently serene.
Some background: a couple of years before i had combined this stuff with LSD and vocalised for the 1st time. Vocalisation would always happen each time after that. No choice. A button got pressed as soon as the DMT took hold & i had to get sonic with the larynx. In these other trips i had retained self-awareness, even the one on LSD: i knew my body & where i was in spacetime, knew i had smoked, knew i was singing, that it was pleasurable etc.(*write a report on that sometime)
Some other minor details unique about this trip:
- The first cone didn't work. This batch was at least 2 years old by now after all. So i waited 15 minutes & packed a slightly bigger cone.
- I'm kneeling on a meditation stool in a trip for the first time. No idea what inspired that decision but i always wondered if this posture (straight spine, knees lower than hips ) may have influenced the results.
- I can't remember putting on any music, which is pretty odd for me.
I can remember maybe 30 secs or a minute of self-awareness at the start, but then it was overridden by a roaring monochrome intensity. Not quite a total black out/loss of identity. Self awareness was there but flickering and intermittent. This time i was nothing but a roaring passenger & vocaliser to the Void. This was storm weather, electrical static shock weather. And truly my first experience of merciless Love, uncaring inhuman Love.
Usually there was an abundance of colour & intense visuals from this black shiny sludge. This time the only impressions were monochrome. The tiny fragments i do remember:
- A lightning bolt jammed down my spine
- My body flashing in an x-ray type effect
Like it's shiny ultra-black appearance, it blotted everything into void. An elemental furnace or forge where only terror/ecstasy exist, and wear the same mask.
In all DMT trips since the LSD episode it was the vocalisation that dominated. This time no gentle intro to singing and barely any 'Me'. Everything was red-lined - the singing (urge, energy, volume), the bliss, terror, the translocation. And of course the Love - blistering fuck-off love. What i experienced before as ' DMT trance ' was Void as they say. Void is Void and it only laughs unto itself. And it surged through me like 10 or 13 min of blissful hideous unhinged emptiness.
No love here except this instant pure & endless wailing.
Metaphysically it spiralled & pulverised its way to a specific set of doors. Other trips had been deep swooning trances. Not hedonistic exactly but full of pleasure nonetheless - from the refreshed sensations of the physical body, the joy of making sound, simply breathing, or the playful oddities of the DMT visual continuum. This was pure dilemma. pure ecstasy. Pure terror pure bliss. This dilemma became the metaphysical crescendo of this experience. Or maybe its just the point at which my mind got stuck & could not go beyond. It was the door of screaming duality. Multiple screaming dualities. This Void, this furnace snarled out the same question on different levels. Not a remotely human question. And not one i could answer or penetrate. I'm so grateful for the singing aspect of DMT. It has always been an anchor of centering & grounding. But it also occupies space that would otherwise allow my mind to fritter & interfere with pointless fears & attempts at control. Bringing the ineffable into the body/lungs/larynx/..
Bliss-terror
Life-death
The Void or Living.
Existence or Not.
Am i the Nothing or a something ?
Everything and Nothing.
*To Be
Or Not
To Be*
That
Is the Question.
^^ Only since focusing these notes in the last few weeks, and after all these years did that immortal phrase pop into my head as the best expression of the duality-dilemma i experienced. It sums it up so succinctly. Of course, they are words. But they encompass the microsecond-scale maddening ping pong that held me transfixed. From about the 8 minute mark, I'd guess. And viscerally as well as psychically.
First and foremost it was whether to keep breathing (& live) or keep singing (and ¿ live ¿?). I couldn't stop screaming, i couldn't stop chanting, couldn't stop my hapless mind puzzling and obviously couldn't stop breathing. Flailing, constant attempts to grasp this duality that flashed around the Void and came to rest, flashing directly at me. I never got past this 2 doors scenario. Just kept ping ponging while the screaming glossolalia roared without end. I remember taking quick gasps for oxygen and then getting right back to this full volume glossolalia, utterly on instinct. Quite strange for ones own body to have an higher overriding instinct, something seemingly more important than breathing.
When i came to my senses maybe 15 min later i was screaming at the top of my lungs & realised id likely been doing it the whole time. I don't think there is any difference between this screaming and earlier vocalisations, since i can only remember the total ecstasy of doing it, and urgency to keep doing it. Same as bliss & chanting from other trips but with intensity pushed into the red.
As it wore off (still seated on the stool) i was extremely overheated, sick and nauseous. Probably from all the exertion and not getting enough oxygen for 10+ minutes. Badly needed cool water on my body. I could only manage to slowly & weakly crawl to the bathroom where i stayed on my knees for sometime. Clarity returned fairly quickly, from memory, and the overall duration wasn't that much longer than other trips. 30-35 minutes to baseline i'd guess.
Despite the physical/sickness effects, the shock and complete psychic annihilation, I remember this trip very very fondly.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_5meodmt
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_spiritual
roacode_vaporized
roacode_inhaled
It was that one DMT trip completely out of proportion to anything before, or after. The only time that DMT effects were physically oppressive, and where self- and spatial-awareness were blotted out to this extent.
It had been soaked onto an inert herb in manufacture & as usual i smoked it in a weed pipe. About 8:00pm, alone.
The synthesist mentioned 5-MeO specifically. Without exactly saying it was pure 5-MeO. Afaik in Australian acacias (wattles) there can be wide variations of DMT & other alkaloids in the acacia family and even within the same species. My impression was that the synthesist had been discovering and brewing all sorts of tryptamine mixtures along the way as they perfected their method. In this case with a stronger 5-MeO component. Interested to hear any thoughts on that, based on my/others' subjective experiences. Apologies i can't be any more specific re: composition, but there's no way to follow it up atm.
A friend tried to tell me recently that there is no 5-MeO-DMT in Australian flora, but they were mistaken it seems.
I'd smoked from this batch about 30 times. Maybe more. From the very first time i would slip easily into trance. Strong, very visual, eerie, always an edge of fear. Luckily breakthrough effects were always easy to achieve. Later on i tried a much purer nn-DMT crystal but my initial explorer phase was waning by then & the trips much less frequent. All the '5-MeO' trips had bite to them but always euphoric & frequently serene.
Some background: a couple of years before i had combined this stuff with LSD and vocalised for the 1st time. Vocalisation would always happen each time after that. No choice. A button got pressed as soon as the DMT took hold & i had to get sonic with the larynx. In these other trips i had retained self-awareness, even the one on LSD: i knew my body & where i was in spacetime, knew i had smoked, knew i was singing, that it was pleasurable etc.(*write a report on that sometime)
Some other minor details unique about this trip:
- The first cone didn't work. This batch was at least 2 years old by now after all. So i waited 15 minutes & packed a slightly bigger cone.
- I'm kneeling on a meditation stool in a trip for the first time. No idea what inspired that decision but i always wondered if this posture (straight spine, knees lower than hips ) may have influenced the results.
- I can't remember putting on any music, which is pretty odd for me.
I can remember maybe 30 secs or a minute of self-awareness at the start, but then it was overridden by a roaring monochrome intensity. Not quite a total black out/loss of identity. Self awareness was there but flickering and intermittent. This time i was nothing but a roaring passenger & vocaliser to the Void. This was storm weather, electrical static shock weather. And truly my first experience of merciless Love, uncaring inhuman Love.
Usually there was an abundance of colour & intense visuals from this black shiny sludge. This time the only impressions were monochrome. The tiny fragments i do remember:
- A lightning bolt jammed down my spine
- My body flashing in an x-ray type effect
Like it's shiny ultra-black appearance, it blotted everything into void. An elemental furnace or forge where only terror/ecstasy exist, and wear the same mask.
In all DMT trips since the LSD episode it was the vocalisation that dominated. This time no gentle intro to singing and barely any 'Me'. Everything was red-lined - the singing (urge, energy, volume), the bliss, terror, the translocation. And of course the Love - blistering fuck-off love. What i experienced before as ' DMT trance ' was Void as they say. Void is Void and it only laughs unto itself. And it surged through me like 10 or 13 min of blissful hideous unhinged emptiness.
No love here except this instant pure & endless wailing.
Metaphysically it spiralled & pulverised its way to a specific set of doors. Other trips had been deep swooning trances. Not hedonistic exactly but full of pleasure nonetheless - from the refreshed sensations of the physical body, the joy of making sound, simply breathing, or the playful oddities of the DMT visual continuum. This was pure dilemma. pure ecstasy. Pure terror pure bliss. This dilemma became the metaphysical crescendo of this experience. Or maybe its just the point at which my mind got stuck & could not go beyond. It was the door of screaming duality. Multiple screaming dualities. This Void, this furnace snarled out the same question on different levels. Not a remotely human question. And not one i could answer or penetrate. I'm so grateful for the singing aspect of DMT. It has always been an anchor of centering & grounding. But it also occupies space that would otherwise allow my mind to fritter & interfere with pointless fears & attempts at control. Bringing the ineffable into the body/lungs/larynx/..
Bliss-terror
Life-death
The Void or Living.
Existence or Not.
Am i the Nothing or a something ?
Everything and Nothing.
*To Be
Or Not
To Be*
That
Is the Question.
^^ Only since focusing these notes in the last few weeks, and after all these years did that immortal phrase pop into my head as the best expression of the duality-dilemma i experienced. It sums it up so succinctly. Of course, they are words. But they encompass the microsecond-scale maddening ping pong that held me transfixed. From about the 8 minute mark, I'd guess. And viscerally as well as psychically.
First and foremost it was whether to keep breathing (& live) or keep singing (and ¿ live ¿?). I couldn't stop screaming, i couldn't stop chanting, couldn't stop my hapless mind puzzling and obviously couldn't stop breathing. Flailing, constant attempts to grasp this duality that flashed around the Void and came to rest, flashing directly at me. I never got past this 2 doors scenario. Just kept ping ponging while the screaming glossolalia roared without end. I remember taking quick gasps for oxygen and then getting right back to this full volume glossolalia, utterly on instinct. Quite strange for ones own body to have an higher overriding instinct, something seemingly more important than breathing.
When i came to my senses maybe 15 min later i was screaming at the top of my lungs & realised id likely been doing it the whole time. I don't think there is any difference between this screaming and earlier vocalisations, since i can only remember the total ecstasy of doing it, and urgency to keep doing it. Same as bliss & chanting from other trips but with intensity pushed into the red.
As it wore off (still seated on the stool) i was extremely overheated, sick and nauseous. Probably from all the exertion and not getting enough oxygen for 10+ minutes. Badly needed cool water on my body. I could only manage to slowly & weakly crawl to the bathroom where i stayed on my knees for sometime. Clarity returned fairly quickly, from memory, and the overall duration wasn't that much longer than other trips. 30-35 minutes to baseline i'd guess.
Despite the physical/sickness effects, the shock and complete psychic annihilation, I remember this trip very very fondly.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_5meodmt
substancecode_tryptamines
explevel_experienced
exptype_positive
exptype_glowing
exptype_spiritual
roacode_vaporized
roacode_inhaled
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