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Anyone...?

The UltimateFixx said:
... Just wish I could leave this life in good company. Just need someone willing to administer a failsafe overdose and hold me till it's over.
Just
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I don't think most people have the mental capacity to see someone out. Would put some lame cliche about hoping you can get well or at least see some point to living but I don't think they're ever really helpful.
 
The UltimateFixx said:
Just wish I could leave this life in good
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hey love.
the trick is being in good company while we here. ;) Make life a lot less lonely when there is a support base of any type. just thoughts but i get where ya coming from. if i leave before so there will likely be none to hold me cept maybe a wolf or two. something to look forward to i guess least i will help sustain the living with other than a bunch of words
love you and know when that time comes there will be peace.
always
 
Still around...
.... just might be taking a few days off to get my head straight.

I get horrendous flashbacks that hit me out of nowhere and anytime a real bad one happens I can go from 'happily enjoying some social life' to
'I need to kill myself RIGHT NOW there is no point to anything' in like literally a minute.

I had my 2 grams drawn up and ready to use. Being only a weekend user these days I'm pretty sure that lot would've finished me.

Happily dear Outlier did some 'outreach'
and rang me up while I sat there contemplating the inevitable. By the end of the phone call I somehow got more wrapped up in caring about what's wrong with HIM than what's wrong with ME.
(And if ya happen to be reading this man, I cannot thank you enough.)

... Anyways so I just wasted 2 grams of good dope. Which is a bit of a shame.
Better than wasting my existence on the despair of a moment I guess though.
Shacked up with my friend for the weekend who 's feeding me tranquilizers and a shot here and there, and lots of hot chocolate and general affection which is just what I need when I go off the rails.

I'm not working all next week so I'll just stay where I am and chill as much as possible and try whichever way to quieten the demons
 
The UltimateFixx said:
Still around...
.... just might be taking a few days off to get my head straight.

I get horrendous flashbacks that hit me out of nowhere and anytime a real bad one happens I can go from 'happily enjoying some social life' to
'I need to kill myself RIGHT NOW there is no point to anything' in like literally a minute.

I had my 2 grams drawn up and ready to use. Being only a weekend user these days I'm pretty sure that lot would've finished me.

Happily dear Outlier did some 'outreach'
and rang me up while I sat there contemplating the inevitable. By the end of the phone call I somehow got more wrapped up in caring about what's wrong with HIM than what's wrong with ME.
(And if ya happen to be reading this man, I cannot thank you enough.)

... Anyways so I just wasted 2 grams of good dope. Which is a bit of a shame.
Better than wasting my existence on the despair of a moment I guess though.
Shacked up with my friend for the weekend who 's feeding me tranquilizers and a shot here and there, and lots of hot chocolate and general affection which is just what I need when I go off the rails.

I'm not working all next week so I'll just stay where I am and chill as much as possible and try whichever way to quieten the demons
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Jesus man, that's a close call. I'm glad you're still around.
 
hylite said:
Just try to be in a better mood.And PRAY.

It ALWAYS works !! 🕊😢
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Oh it does, does it?! ...

You're talking about that Judeo-Xtian god I presume who requires you to praise HIM for everything good that happens in your life while making sure to blame YOURSELF for anything bad because you deserved it somehow.
The one who says we have to refrain as much as possible from ENJOYING our time here, while concentrating on thanking him for PLACING us here. (yah that makes SO much fucking sense)

I didn't the fuck 'sin' OR remotely 'deserve' all the horrible shit that was inflicted on me and I fucking prayed on my knees to be spared from it.

Oh I guess I just wasn't 'pure' or 'virtuous' or 'deserving' enough.
All my fault then, obviously.

... You can keep your damn prayers. If your god even existed I would spit in his face.
 
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The UltimateFixx said:
Oh it does, does it?! ...

You're talking about that Judeo-Xtian god I presume who requires you to praise HIM for everything good that happens in your life while making sure to blame YOURSELF for anything bad because you deserved it somehow.
The one who says we have to refrain as much as possible from ENJOYING our time here, while concentrating on thanking him for PLACING us here. (yah that makes SO much fucking sense)

I didn't the fuck 'sin' OR remotely 'deserve' all the horrible shit that was inflicted on me and I fucking prayed on my knees to be spared from it.

Oh I guess I just wasn't 'pure' or 'virtuous' or 'deserving' enough.
All my fault then, obviously.

... You can keep your damn prayers. If your god even existed I would spit in his face.
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Prayer doesn't have to be directed at a Christian god. Really it's just a time of quiet meditation where you process your thoughts. It does help.
 
The UltimateFixx said:
Thank you man. I'm a total stranger you have zero reason to give a tired toss about. Thank you.
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Just cause someone is a stranger doesn't mean I don't care about them, I want everyone to be happy. Not possible obviously, I can't even keep myself happy, but I hate to see people struggling.
 
deficiT said:
Just cause someone is a stranger doesn't mean I don't care about them, I want everyone to be happy. Not possible obviously, I can't even keep myself happy, but I hate to see people struggling.
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I think its a beautiful thing that a total stranger can care so deeply about someone they have never met or possibly never will meet. If only it was like that with the ones in our daily lives.
To me it seems that once we get to know someone on a physical level ( in person) that empathy fades.
 
I did my fair share of terminal care, and it's not fun, staying with someone until they die.
It's actually pretty scarring and I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

I'm sorry you're going through this, and I hope you find a reason to be happy living again
 
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