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Prose Bad habits, fools, and nonsense

ControlDaddy

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 3, 2021
Messages
1,193
Location
New England
I have a lot of bad habits.
The worst is something some people call self-sabotage.
Other people call it not loving yourself enough.
The other people are wrong about me, in this case.
I love myself.
Through and through, to the end.
I trust myself.
My words and deeds are one.
My bad habit is, I love everybody else.
I want them to love themselves the way I do.
When they do, I exalt them, I adore them.
When they cannot, I fill in the best I can.
When they will not, I let them fail the best I can.
But... ...
When they ask me to hate myself,
When they want me to hate myself,
When they lie to me, tell me I am worthless,
When they ignore me, or simply do not care,
When they take out their ignorance on me,
When they break out their anger and show me,
When they are violent, trying to make me afraid,
This is when I get into trouble.
I said before, I love myself.
Through and through, to the end.
It is a bitter thing for me to have to decide,
It is either me or them.
To cease loving someone,
I have to forget I know them.
I have trouble forgetting things,
Unless I pick up a bottle.
Bottles aren't very useful for anyone,
And bottles to me are quite lethal.
So here I sit tonight with an empty bottle,
Trying to forget someone I just met.
Thats the problem with my bad habit.
Loving everyone, means forgetting people often,
Taking lethal doses until each is forgotten.
I know this is like a candle lit at both ends.
I will either die from drinking from the bottle too often.
Or keep learning my own take on the meaning of life,
Is not really worth anything, nor is my life's actions.
It ends up being the perfect self-sabotage.
I am either a suicide, from deeds of my own doing.
Or my life is a waste, I'm a fool, pursuing nonsense.
 

Shelbel69

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 29, 2020
Messages
200
Location
Armpit of America
I have a lot of bad habits.
The worst is something some people call self-sabotage.
Other people call it not loving yourself enough.
The other people are wrong about me, in this case.
I love myself.
Through and through, to the end.
I trust myself.
My words and deeds are one.
My bad habit is, I love everybody else.
I want them to love themselves the way I do.
When they do, I exalt them, I adore them.
When they cannot, I fill in the best I can.
When they will not, I let them fail the best I can.
But... ...
When they ask me to hate myself,
When they want me to hate myself,
When they lie to me, tell me I am worthless,
When they ignore me, or simply do not care,
When they take out their ignorance on me,
When they break out their anger and show me,
When they are violent, trying to make me afraid,
This is when I get into trouble.
I said before, I love myself.
Through and through, to the end.
It is a bitter thing for me to have to decide,
It is either me or them.
To cease loving someone,
I have to forget I know them.
I have trouble forgetting things,
Unless I pick up a bottle.
Bottles aren't very useful for anyone,
And bottles to me are quite lethal.
So here I sit tonight with an empty bottle,
Trying to forget someone I just met.
Thats the problem with my bad habit.
Loving everyone, means forgetting people often,
Taking lethal doses until each is forgotten.
I know this is like a candle lit at both ends.
I will either die from drinking from the bottle too often.
Or keep learning my own take on the meaning of life,
Is not really worth anything, nor is my life's actions.
It ends up being the perfect self-sabotage.
I am either a suicide, from deeds of my own doing.
Or my life is a waste, I'm a fool, pursuing nonsense.
I feel you man. I overlove to quickly as well. I also love myself and eventually they show their true colors and I see them for what they are not what I wanted them to be. My delusion is that everyone loves like me, with everything, heart, soul and body.
 

Shelbel69

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 29, 2020
Messages
200
Location
Armpit of America
I feel you man. I overlove to quickly as well. I also love myself and eventually they show their true colors and I see them for what they are not what I wanted them to be. My delusion is that everyone loves like me, with everything, heart, soul and body.
*too
 
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