Mental Health Benzo once a week for life-destroying social phobia. How bad?

[candidsurprise]

So for all of my life I've suffered with social phobia. As I've got to adulthood, it has become so bad that I can't go for a walk outside without being racked with anxiety about being looked at by people. Needless to say, I can't meet with any former friends or go on any dates, which has led to social isolation and severe depression. I am therapy resistant, I was trying it for years and got progressively worse during that time, forcing myself to meet friends has not worked. I tried this for 2 years straight, and it just made me more miserable. Recently, I have been using diazepam once a week to go on dates with women, and has worked marvellously. It is life changing in that it gives me something to look forward to, which has significantly improved my quality of life. I don't want to take it more than once per week out of fear of dependence and the consequences of that.

How bad is this kind of use? During the week, I am dealing with restlessness and muscle tension that is pretty much constant. This insides my own home and is not caused by social anxiety. It is not super intense, but the near constant nature of it is very distressing. I have had a history of agitation since I developed an atypical form of bipolar disorder at age 20, which I am on meds for. I don't know if this is caused or made worse by my use of diazepam, but I am totally paranoid that this is the case. Do you think that it is likely that my fears of this are likely to be true? I am seeing a girl at the moment once a week and is so good for me, I enjoy it. Without diazepam, I cannot even look her in the eye and I go partially mute out of fear of speaking. What do you think that I should do? There is the option of trying to find an alternative treatment, but I cannot tolerate antidepressants due to bipolar disorder. I have tried at least ten of them, and they give me manic symptoms alongside depression. I have tried at least 10 antidepressants, kratom, pregabalin, dissociatives, propanolol, GHB, and a bunch of different supplements to no avail. Alcohol and phenibut help a bit, but not enough.

I see myself as having two realistic options left that others have found success with: kava kava, or alternative Gaba A drugs that have a much lower destabilizing effect on the brain. I am thinking the family of z-drugs (particularly the longer acting zoplicone) and theinodiazpenes (like etizolam); Gaba A seems to be the key. From my research, these two families have a far lower withdrawal/dependence liability than benzos, meaning much milder withdrawals, which suggests that they would be less likely to worsen baseline anxiety. The other option would be kava kava, but it is quite expensive at £3 per dose. The only issue I have with taking diazepam like this is that I am worried that it might be worsening my mid-week anxiety, but I have no evidence that this is the case. I am not concerned about addiction, as I feel no inclination to use it the rest of the time. Thanks for reading, and I would appreciate any thoughts.

 

[Robi]

wish to be of assistance but i know next to nothing about pharmacology. though very experienced in anxiety, though mine is not as disabling as your experience, learning as much as i can so perhaps i can guide and advise one day about anxiety meds, i seek many natural routes with alternative medicinals, with success and failure often, do hope you get good help thru BL soon, i have much empathy for anxious pets and people but i am at a loss to help you via other drugs, i use xanax and scream therapy, ppl look at me the grocers and theaters quite oddly but so far no one has ever confronted me, best wish of healing to you

 

[birdup]

@candidsurprise

I've had a lot of social anxiety problems, too.
I urge you to examine the core of your problem.

Are you confident, generally?

My hygiene has never been great. When I haven't brushed my teeth, I'm more socially anxious. I also tend to dress a bit shabby... and I've been a hopeless addict throughout most of my life. But, now, all of these things are getting better and I realize that my crippling social anxiety wasn't inevitable/incurable. Rather than trying to understand it, I spent a lot of time medicating which just made it worse in the long run.

Not sure if that is helpful at all.
I realize I didn't answer your question.

If you lack confidence, I would recommend getting physically fit and making changes in your life so you love yourself more. The confidence that comes from drugs is a band-aid solution.

 

[RedRum OG]

It can get out of hand very quickly. Over the years it'll become harder to go a week between uses, and most people find themsleves addicted. It's absolutely not impossible to do what you describe, but it's impossible to know if you will end up addicted or not

Get some therapy, and get in good shape so you can be confident and healthy.

 

[candidsurprise]

It can get out of hand very quickly. Over the years it'll become harder to go a week between uses, and most people find themsleves addicted. It's absolutely not impossible to do what you describe, but it's impossible to know if you will end up addicted or not

Get some therapy, and get in good shape so you can be confident and healthy.

For the sake of argument, do you think it would be damaging under the assumption that use would never escalate? I've been using benzos on and off for five years now with no cravings or inclinations to use more frequently, but I realise that this doesn't negate the possibility that more frequent use could occur at some point in the future.

 

[Opi_Kid_Rock]

So for all of my life I've suffered with social phobia. As I've got to adulthood, it has become so bad that I can't go for a walk outside without being racked with anxiety about being looked at by people. Needless to say, I can't meet with any former friends or go on any dates, which has led to social isolation and severe depression. I am therapy resistant, I was trying it for years and got progressively worse during that time, forcing myself to meet friends has not worked. I tried this for 2 years straight, and it just made me more miserable. Recently, I have been using diazepam once a week to go on dates with women, and has worked marvellously. It is life changing in that it gives me something to look forward to, which has significantly improved my quality of life. I don't want to take it more than once per week out of fear of dependence and the consequences of that.

How bad is this kind of use? During the week, I am dealing with restlessness and muscle tension that is pretty much constant. This insides my own home and is not caused by social anxiety. It is not super intense, but the near constant nature of it is very distressing. I have had a history of agitation since I developed an atypical form of bipolar disorder at age 20, which I am on meds for. I don't know if this is caused or made worse by my use of diazepam, but I am totally paranoid that this is the case. Do you think that it is likely that my fears of this are likely to be true? I am seeing a girl at the moment once a week and is so good for me, I enjoy it. Without diazepam, I cannot even look her in the eye and I go partially mute out of fear of speaking. What do you think that I should do? There is the option of trying to find an alternative treatment, but I cannot tolerate antidepressants due to bipolar disorder. I have tried at least ten of them, and they give me manic symptoms alongside depression. I have tried at least 10 antidepressants, kratom, pregabalin, dissociatives, propanolol, GHB, and a bunch of different supplements to no avail. Alcohol and phenibut help a bit, but not enough.

I see myself as having two realistic options left that others have found success with: kava kava, or alternative Gaba A drugs that have a much lower destabilizing effect on the brain. I am thinking the family of z-drugs (particularly the longer acting zoplicone) and theinodiazpenes (like etizolam); Gaba A seems to be the key. From my research, these two families have a far lower withdrawal/dependence liability than benzos, meaning much milder withdrawals, which suggests that they would be less likely to worsen baseline anxiety. The other option would be kava kava, but it is quite expensive at £3 per dose. The only issue I have with taking diazepam like this is that I am worried that it might be worsening my mid-week anxiety, but I have no evidence that this is the case. I am not concerned about addiction, as I feel no inclination to use it the rest of the time. Thanks for reading, and I would appreciate any thoughts.

How old are you Candidsurprise? I had debilitating shyness from age 16-24. At one point I was using MDMA once a day for 30 days straight which was not a permanent solution. Although MDMA let me see that a care-free natural-behaving me could exist, it was through joining organizations like Toastmasters and getting in front of people and giving speech after speech after speech for ten years to now I appear very confident in social situations although I consider myself a total introvert and loner by nature.

 

[nznity]

I take anywhere from 4mg up to 10 sometimes even 12mg a day of clonazepam. My life is really shitty atm tho.

 

[nznity]

How old are you Candidsurprise? I had debilitating shyness from age 16-24. At one point I was using MDMA once a day for 30 days straight which was not a permanent solution. Although MDMA let me see that a care-free natural-behaving me could exist, it was through joining organizations like Toastmasters and getting in front of people and giving speech after speech after speech for ten years to now I appear very confident in social situations although I consider myself a total introvert and loner by nature.

I love your Gabor Maté quote, nice man. ✌

 

[Cream Gravy?]

It might be more tenable to use say, etizolam (good luck finding some ) or another shorter half-life BZD as long as it's still only once per week, simply because diazepam stays in your system sooooo long that it may very well indeed be causing rebound symptoms for you mid-week.

If at all possible it would be best to avoid BZDs entirely, but as someone who has tried everything for my condition, and only benzos work for my cramps, I'm pretty much forced to take them. If I could get off them I would though. I guess I just mean, I'd be hypocritical to say, "No one should ever take BZDs," when I myself am required to take them or face extreme pain.

 

[RedRum OG]

For the sake of argument, do you think it would be damaging under the assumption that use would never escalate? I've been using benzos on and off for five years now with no cravings or inclinations to use more frequently, but I realise that this doesn't negate the possibility that more frequent use could occur at some point in the future.

Once a week use of benzos, for example, I'd say is 99% chance of being fine long term, if you were to remove temptation from the equation