Mental Health Coming off Invega (paliperidone) injections, v 5.0

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UnluckyXeplion

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Sep 3, 2022
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Yeah.antidepressants,gaba drugs,benzos.a.p.s...all of them cause only harm ...it acts like satan ..they gave u short therm relief and stole your soul...fuck this all seeing eye in his fuckin eye ..fuck we know he is the boss ..i dont know if youre a religious person but im sort of religious...and im kinda sure that the redemption day will come and we will see them fall in to the pit of hell...they deserve to burn in there forever ..fucking pigs.
Money is the root of all evil.
 

Risingson8

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Joined
Dec 10, 2021
Messages
132
Money is the root of all evil.
Well yeah money is another need for them but ita not their ultimate goal...the ultimate goal is ..turning people into soulless void...and get benefit from their energy ,drain it suck it.use them as they want...they re using all public figures to promote hardcore drugs.hell even there is a rapper who call himself lil xan lool...they dont wnt your money ..they basicly want your sould..and use it for their benefits..fuckin insects.
 

Risingson8

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Joined
Dec 10, 2021
Messages
132
And i really needed the lyrica for hardcore depression ..well i did use it ..it gave me bit relief but cause insomnia befor this crap ..i was sleeping well with 10mg melatonin..now need ketiapin plus remeron for sleep..its like whole big one company for making chain reaction...when you escape from a drug and boom you need another one to feel at least normal...its like a boss fight in the video games.lol
 
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emotionalnumb

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79
This thread is for the discussion of recovery from paliperidone injections including Invega Sustenna, Xeplion and Invega Trinza.
Topics of discussion include side effects, length of recovery time, ways to reduce recovery time and/or ease unwanted side effects, discussion of court-ordered treatment, etc.
Please note that this thread is designed for people to vent about their situation and to offer support to each other. When posting, please adhere to the Bluelight User Agreement and the Mental Health forum posting guidelines at all times. This thread is closely monitored by the moderators and any disrespectful or disruptive behaviour will not be tolerated.

This thread is continuing on from the version 4 thread which can be found here:
Coming Off Invega Sustenna (Paliperidone) v4

And the one before that can be found here:
Invega thread v3
Which medication (if any) has helped your Invega induced Anhedonia ~ just don’t think anything’s going to work for this…in fact could just make it worse?!
 

masamune1

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Joined
Sep 14, 2022
Messages
131
Here I should mark the little progress I made at just 2 months off and right before checking in with the psych:

-Obviously I still suffer from anhedonia and cognitive issues: I spend most of my day at home in bed looking at walls, browsing this thread or gluing my eyes on YouTube pretending to actually watch stuff (I can't make out much of what I'm looking at most of the time)

-TV shows are also very hard to follow to the point in which I just sort of give up after a few minutes.

-Reading is also extremely hard and that's something I wish I can get back asap

-Emotions feel either completely absent or fake: sometimes I let out a little chuckle for a really clever joke but I don't really feel happiness from it. Sometimes I get really annoyed at things but I don't get angry or sad over anything though I did cry during the first month off while talking to my therapist about all the things I've lost because of Invega (and almost cried a second time when I saw a co-worker being extremely energetic and happy to do stuff because it reminded me of how I used to be). Music also does absolutely nothing to me emotion-wise and I have no idea of how I will possibly get that back

-Sometimes I go outside with my parents for a walk or to help with their work/groceries. I feel extremely lucky to be in a situation where they're against Xeplion/Invega just like I am while also being supportive and encouraging me to do some simple activities outside.

-A few times a week I also get encouragement from a dear friend (who is aware of my situation) to play some complex fast-paced video games, though I'm still not sure if it's a good idea to overstimulate my brain with this kind of activity since it kinda hurts to focus while doing it and the anhedonia makes it just feel gross anyway (Having gotten a lot worse at playing them doesn't help). Other than that I can handle Minesweeper and some Sudoku on my own when I need to pass some time (just a little though)

-I am capable of taking walks on my own for at least 1 hour a day, I walk around the 5km track that I used to run 3 times a week regularly right before injection.

-Occasionally (like once a week) I am also capable of alternating a couple of very short jogs (like 1km) to my walking sessions, though my stamina has drastically lowered to the point of being unable to even attempt this very often (I used to run 5km nonstop alternating full sprints the day before my first injection and barely even take a sweat but now even a short 1km jog leaves me with no breath)

-My physical strength is also way lower: I still do a bit of exercises with my dumbbells sometimes, as well as some situps once a week. I know I should go for more but the pain and the lack of motivation keep getting the best of me

-The weight gain doesn't seem to be noticeable to others while I'm wearing a shirt (they do notice my face being less thin and they just say I look better this way but I strongly disagree) but I sure do feel it, especially on my back which makes the aforementioned exercising that much harder to do, though I'm still not sure if it's caused by Invega or if it's because I've been letting my parents cook for me instead of doing it myself (they cook A LOT more than I used to do). One of my fears is that this issue is only going to get worse for the next months even if I make sure to be as strict as possible on my diet because of everyone else's experience with it for the first 4 months.

-I have this strange type of constipation in which I just get no stimulus which tells me I need to go to the bathroom, I actually have to remind myself every couple days to go or else the body will never send the signal. I spent the first 5-6 weeks taking large amounts of laxatives thinking it was just a regular constipation

-I have erectile dysfunction, as expected (didn't check my prolactin yet but it's probably all-fuck high). This would not be an issue to me if I didn't end up in a situation in which some chick just confessed her feelings to me and I have to try and hide this fact until it's hopefully solved

-I believe it's important to mention that I never smoked, did drugs or get much into alcohol in my entire life. Hopefully this plays a nice role in the possibilities of my recovery

-I'm currently taking Delorazepam to help with insomnia (it seems to be working, though I'm probably taking a huge amount as prescribed by my old doc) but that's about the only drug I'm taking right now

-My daily supplements currently consist of a multivitamin containing B3,B6,B12,C,D,Magnesium, Zinc and then I have Fish Oil containing O3,DHA and EPA. I drink coffee twice a day (one in the early morning and one in the late morning).
When the situation demands it I also take one stick of Akuten which contains Folic Acid, Thiamine and Sam-E. I also believe I drink an appropriate amount of water almost every day

-I have access to 5htp and st john's wort, though I'm holding on to them for when the time is right (IE after visiting the new doc and coming off Delorazepam)

-My birthday is fairly soon, July 13th. It's probably going to be the worst birthday of my life but I would like to receive some tangible improvements and signs that I will be able to fully recover as a gift. A wise man once said that life gets a lot better if you manage to get past your 30s without any major permanent fuckups. Now I'm soon to be 31 and Xeplion has been a major fuckup which hopefully doesn't end up being permanent on me.

Okay room, time for the 5th month off (156 days) update. Man I can't believe this nightmare began 6 months ago already. Compared to the first few months it feels like time is finally starting to flow almost at normal speeds now

Started doing martial arts again like two weeks ago. My knees are trash (due to injuries I've been dealing with since way before xeplion) so the training isn't going as well as I wanted but it's a good way to pass the time and keep my mind on a task

-Anhedonia is finally starting to give me some brief of moments where I can catch a break and enjoy small activities for a bit. These moments are usually alternated with ones where I still feel mentally devastated (not that different from month 1-2) and need to rest after that

-Emotionally still flat, though a bit less than last month. One of my favourite bands dropped a new album and it was nice listening to it. The feeling didn't last very long but just being able to experience it seems like a sign of good things to come. Negative feelings seem completely back though, when I get upset at things I can totally feel it in my nuts

-It's getting progressively easier to read books and watch TV. I can finally make sense out of the things I watch even if it's still not even close to full recovery. Like the things above it's nice to see even a little bit of progress

-Still walking 1 hour every day on top of going to the gym twice a week. I'm thinking of buying a bicycle to mantain a little sense of novelty when I go outside (A bicycle would allow me to travel further during 1 hour which lets me see different places while also burning a few extra calories compared to walking)

-Sexual functions starting to come back a little further than before. I actually have some sort of libido now (though it's still relatively weak and alternated with days of complete lack of interest)

-Dropped the melatonin pills almost completely while also taking less supplements overall: the main ones I still take are NALT in the morning, Vitamins throughout the day and like 2mg Valerian before sleep

-Sleep has been decent except for a few days where my neighbours were being extremely noisy which didn't allow me to sleep (while also making me feel some *strong* bursts of anger and hatred)

That's about it for this month I guess, I think I can see a light at the end of this but it could easily have been just a really long window phase that started last week
I'm a 2 months and read both of these posts by you. Thanks for the updates, they are great information. Could you say that you are 50% recovered at month 5? Did you have akathisia on your first month? Some say sexual instinct comes back at month 5, does that seem accurate? Did you also ever feel head pressure or numbness in the right side of your brain at any point?
 

emotionalnumb

Bluelighter
Joined
May 13, 2022
Messages
79
I'm a 2 months and read both of these posts by you. Thanks for the updates, they are great information. Could you say that you are 50% recovered at month 5? Did you have akathisia on your first month? Some say sexual instinct comes back at month 5, does that seem accurate? Did you also ever feel head pressure or numbness in the right side of your brain at any
I
Here I should mark the little progress I made at just 2 months off and right before checking in with the psych:

-Obviously I still suffer from anhedonia and cognitive issues: I spend most of my day at home in bed looking at walls, browsing this thread or gluing my eyes on YouTube pretending to actually watch stuff (I can't make out much of what I'm looking at most of the time)

-TV shows are also very hard to follow to the point in which I just sort of give up after a few minutes.

-Reading is also extremely hard and that's something I wish I can get back asap

-Emotions feel either completely absent or fake: sometimes I let out a little chuckle for a really clever joke but I don't really feel happiness from it. Sometimes I get really annoyed at things but I don't get angry or sad over anything though I did cry during the first month off while talking to my therapist about all the things I've lost because of Invega (and almost cried a second time when I saw a co-worker being extremely energetic and happy to do stuff because it reminded me of how I used to be). Music also does absolutely nothing to me emotion-wise and I have no idea of how I will possibly get that back

-Sometimes I go outside with my parents for a walk or to help with their work/groceries. I feel extremely lucky to be in a situation where they're against Xeplion/Invega just like I am while also being supportive and encouraging me to do some simple activities outside.

-A few times a week I also get encouragement from a dear friend (who is aware of my situation) to play some complex fast-paced video games, though I'm still not sure if it's a good idea to overstimulate my brain with this kind of activity since it kinda hurts to focus while doing it and the anhedonia makes it just feel gross anyway (Having gotten a lot worse at playing them doesn't help). Other than that I can handle Minesweeper and some Sudoku on my own when I need to pass some time (just a little though)

-I am capable of taking walks on my own for at least 1 hour a day, I walk around the 5km track that I used to run 3 times a week regularly right before injection.

-Occasionally (like once a week) I am also capable of alternating a couple of very short jogs (like 1km) to my walking sessions, though my stamina has drastically lowered to the point of being unable to even attempt this very often (I used to run 5km nonstop alternating full sprints the day before my first injection and barely even take a sweat but now even a short 1km jog leaves me with no breath)

-My physical strength is also way lower: I still do a bit of exercises with my dumbbells sometimes, as well as some situps once a week. I know I should go for more but the pain and the lack of motivation keep getting the best of me

-The weight gain doesn't seem to be noticeable to others while I'm wearing a shirt (they do notice my face being less thin and they just say I look better this way but I strongly disagree) but I sure do feel it, especially on my back which makes the aforementioned exercising that much harder to do, though I'm still not sure if it's caused by Invega or if it's because I've been letting my parents cook for me instead of doing it myself (they cook A LOT more than I used to do). One of my fears is that this issue is only going to get worse for the next months even if I make sure to be as strict as possible on my diet because of everyone else's experience with it for the first 4 months.

-I have this strange type of constipation in which I just get no stimulus which tells me I need to go to the bathroom, I actually have to remind myself every couple days to go or else the body will never send the signal. I spent the first 5-6 weeks taking large amounts of laxatives thinking it was just a regular constipation

-I have erectile dysfunction, as expected (didn't check my prolactin yet but it's probably all-fuck high). This would not be an issue to me if I didn't end up in a situation in which some chick just confessed her feelings to me and I have to try and hide this fact until it's hopefully solved

-I believe it's important to mention that I never smoked, did drugs or get much into alcohol in my entire life. Hopefully this plays a nice role in the possibilities of my recovery

-I'm currently taking Delorazepam to help with insomnia (it seems to be working, though I'm probably taking a huge amount as prescribed by my old doc) but that's about the only drug I'm taking right now

-My daily supplements currently consist of a multivitamin containing B3,B6,B12,C,D,Magnesium, Zinc and then I have Fish Oil containing O3,DHA and EPA. I drink coffee twice a day (one in the early morning and one in the late morning).
When the situation demands it I also take one stick of Akuten which contains Folic Acid, Thiamine and Sam-E. I also believe I drink an appropriate amount of water almost every day

-I have access to 5htp and st john's wort, though I'm holding on to them for when the time is right (IE after visiting the new doc and coming off Delorazepam)

-My birthday is fairly soon, July 13th. It's probably going to be the worst birthday of my life but I would like to receive some tangible improvements and signs that I will be able to fully recover as a gift. A wise man once said that life gets a lot better if you manage to get past your 30s without any major permanent fuckups. Now I'm soon to be 31 and Xeplion has been a major fuckup which hopefully doesn't end up being permanent on me.
Here I should mark the little progress I made at just 2 months off and right before checking in with the psych:

-Obviously I still suffer from anhedonia and cognitive issues: I spend most of my day at home in bed looking at walls, browsing this thread or gluing my eyes on YouTube pretending to actually watch stuff (I can't make out much of what I'm looking at most of the time)

-TV shows are also very hard to follow to the point in which I just sort of give up after a few minutes.

-Reading is also extremely hard and that's something I wish I can get back asap

-Emotions feel either completely absent or fake: sometimes I let out a little chuckle for a really clever joke but I don't really feel happiness from it. Sometimes I get really annoyed at things but I don't get angry or sad over anything though I did cry during the first month off while talking to my therapist about all the things I've lost because of Invega (and almost cried a second time when I saw a co-worker being extremely energetic and happy to do stuff because it reminded me of how I used to be). Music also does absolutely nothing to me emotion-wise and I have no idea of how I will possibly get that back

-Sometimes I go outside with my parents for a walk or to help with their work/groceries. I feel extremely lucky to be in a situation where they're against Xeplion/Invega just like I am while also being supportive and encouraging me to do some simple activities outside.

-A few times a week I also get encouragement from a dear friend (who is aware of my situation) to play some complex fast-paced video games, though I'm still not sure if it's a good idea to overstimulate my brain with this kind of activity since it kinda hurts to focus while doing it and the anhedonia makes it just feel gross anyway (Having gotten a lot worse at playing them doesn't help). Other than that I can handle Minesweeper and some Sudoku on my own when I need to pass some time (just a little though)

-I am capable of taking walks on my own for at least 1 hour a day, I walk around the 5km track that I used to run 3 times a week regularly right before injection.

-Occasionally (like once a week) I am also capable of alternating a couple of very short jogs (like 1km) to my walking sessions, though my stamina has drastically lowered to the point of being unable to even attempt this very often (I used to run 5km nonstop alternating full sprints the day before my first injection and barely even take a sweat but now even a short 1km jog leaves me with no breath)

-My physical strength is also way lower: I still do a bit of exercises with my dumbbells sometimes, as well as some situps once a week. I know I should go for more but the pain and the lack of motivation keep getting the best of me

-The weight gain doesn't seem to be noticeable to others while I'm wearing a shirt (they do notice my face being less thin and they just say I look better this way but I strongly disagree) but I sure do feel it, especially on my back which makes the aforementioned exercising that much harder to do, though I'm still not sure if it's caused by Invega or if it's because I've been letting my parents cook for me instead of doing it myself (they cook A LOT more than I used to do). One of my fears is that this issue is only going to get worse for the next months even if I make sure to be as strict as possible on my diet because of everyone else's experience with it for the first 4 months.

-I have this strange type of constipation in which I just get no stimulus which tells me I need to go to the bathroom, I actually have to remind myself every couple days to go or else the body will never send the signal. I spent the first 5-6 weeks taking large amounts of laxatives thinking it was just a regular constipation

-I have erectile dysfunction, as expected (didn't check my prolactin yet but it's probably all-fuck high). This would not be an issue to me if I didn't end up in a situation in which some chick just confessed her feelings to me and I have to try and hide this fact until it's hopefully solved

-I believe it's important to mention that I never smoked, did drugs or get much into alcohol in my entire life. Hopefully this plays a nice role in the possibilities of my recovery

-I'm currently taking Delorazepam to help with insomnia (it seems to be working, though I'm probably taking a huge amount as prescribed by my old doc) but that's about the only drug I'm taking right now

-My daily supplements currently consist of a multivitamin containing B3,B6,B12,C,D,Magnesium, Zinc and then I have Fish Oil containing O3,DHA and EPA. I drink coffee twice a day (one in the early morning and one in the late morning).
When the situation demands it I also take one stick of Akuten which contains Folic Acid, Thiamine and Sam-E. I also believe I drink an appropriate amount of water almost every day

-I have access to 5htp and st john's wort, though I'm holding on to them for when the time is right (IE after visiting the new doc and coming off Delorazepam)

-My birthday is fairly soon, July 13th. It's probably going to be the worst birthday of my life but I would like to receive some tangible improvements and signs that I will be able to fully recover as a gift. A wise man once said that life gets a lot better if you manage to get past your 30s without any major permanent fuckups. Now I'm soon to be 31 and Xeplion has been a major fuckup which hopefully doesn't end up being permanent on me.
THXXX for sharing, it’s like reading a biography ~ I am going through exactly what you are talking just about word for word…I also just had my birthday & it was the worst one EVER! Didn’t feel like celebrating & so did nothing instead? Plus I have managed to totally isolated myself from everyone whilst going thru this for fear of not being able to relate/converse etc. I’m only 2mths off the last injection but sounds like you are finally making some clear progress. I can hardly even sleep, eat, shower, leave the house etc. When did it start getting better for you. #lookingforhope
 

EsseWasGreat

Bluelighter
Joined
May 30, 2022
Messages
61
I'm a 2 months and read both of these posts by you. Thanks for the updates, they are great information. Could you say that you are 50% recovered at month 5? Did you have akathisia on your first month? Some say sexual instinct comes back at month 5, does that seem accurate? Did you also ever feel head pressure or numbness in the right side of your brain at any point?

50% sounds like a good estimate yeah.

No I didn't have akathisia luckily. Sexual interests are slightly coming back but still weakened and I totally lack the stamina required for pleasurable intercourse right now so yeah that also sounds like a 50% recovery deal.
And yeah I've been dealing with a slight headache on the right side for the last 3 or so days, but I think it's because I've also been getting my teeth on that same side reconstructed so my whole face kinda hurts a little right now (and something might have gotten in my ear and need to get that checked as well) so it's nothing related to the injections most likely.

Now that I'm mentioning it I do remember having a serious dry mouth issue for *months* after the injections, which is a very common side effect (it's even listed as such on the official leaflet) and that's part of what made my sleep so impossible to achieve, as well as fucking up my teeth to the point where my face was noticeably swollen from right side which practically forced me to visit a dentist (even though I was hella scared because I believed his anesthetics wouldn't have worked on xeplion, much like no other meds did at the time)
 

EsseWasGreat

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Joined
May 30, 2022
Messages
61
I


THXXX for sharing, it’s like reading a biography ~ I am going through exactly what you are talking just about word for word…I also just had my birthday & it was the worst one EVER! Didn’t feel like celebrating & so did nothing instead? Plus I have managed to totally isolated myself from everyone whilst going thru this for fear of not being able to relate/converse etc. I’m only 2mths off the last injection but sounds like you are finally making some clear progress. I can hardly even sleep, eat, shower, leave the house etc. When did it start getting better for you. #lookingforhope

My first two months were also the absolute worst in my entire life. My whole body was like turned off, my intelligence was taken away (and I was never a smart guy to begin with so it felt even worse) and I had constant suicidal thoughts through the whole beginning of it. I remember searching the whole internet for months for knowledge on what exactly I've been medicated with and that's how I finally found this thread.


From the third month I had some extremely small improvements, just barely enough to do the very basic needs in life by myself and it has been gradually getting better since then


After reading the old threads twice (as well as some other abandoned places I found on the internet), I've come to the conclusion that recovery strongly varies for each person, as I've seen that only people who keep their head on their shoulders, mantain a certain positive attitude and go through an incredible amount of work can recover but it can *definitely* be done (as demonstrated by some people who recovered and are also so nice to come back and share their knowledge with everyone else)

You also start appreciating little things a lot more during recovery, like me right now as I'm basically celebrating being able to be a somewhat functioning member of society again (though I'm still not 100% confident in driving a car but I can totally hold down any job)


so uhh tl;dr is don't lose hope: all the negative thoughts you might be having are *literally* part of the process and completely normal after taking the shots and will most likely go away as you notice the first few things coming back. Also I believe that following a somewhat strict diet and daily routine consisting of walks and easy exercises helps a bit over a long time but don't stress yourself too much over it (especially at the beginning because we all know we're barely able to even get out of bed during the first months)
 
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emotionalnumb

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Joined
May 13, 2022
Messages
79
My first two months were also the absolute worst in my entire life. My whole body was like turned off, my intelligence was taken away (and I was never a smart guy to begin with so it felt even worse) and I had constant suicidal thoughts through the whole beginning of it. I remember searching the whole internet for months for knowledge on what exactly I've been medicated with and that's how I finally found this thread.


From the third month I had some extremely small improvements, just barely enough to do the very basic needs in life by myself and it has been gradually getting better since then


After reading the old threads twice (as well as some other abandoned places I found on the internet), I've come to the conclusion that recovery strongly varies for each person, as I've seen that only people who keep their head on their shoulders, mantain a certain positive attitude and go through an incredible amount of work can recover but it can *definitely* be done (as demonstrated by some people who recovered and are also so nice to come back and share their knowledge with everyone else)

You also start appreciating little things a lot more during recovery, like me right now as I'm basically celebrating being able to be a somewhat functioning member of society again (though I'm still not 100% confident in driving a car but I can totally hold down any job)


so uhh tl;dr is don't lose hope: all the negative thoughts you might be having are *literally* part of the process and completely normal after taking the shots and will most likely go away as you notice the first few things coming back. Also I believe that following a somewhat strict diet and daily routine consisting of walks and easy exercises helps a bit over a long time but don't stress yourself too much over it (especially at the beginning because we all know we're barely able to even get out of bed during the first months)
THXXX for taking the time to share ~ it’s like looking in the mirror…can you ‘feel’ many emotions @ all & has this improved over time, what about motivation etc.
 

EsseWasGreat

Bluelighter
Joined
May 30, 2022
Messages
61
THXXX for taking the time to share ~ it’s like looking in the mirror…can you ‘feel’ many emotions @ all & has this improved over time, what about motivation etc.

Emotions are still rather dull but they're slowly coming back just like everything else. Even something as small as seeing my posts getting a bit of attention is giving me some tiny dopamine hits
Positive emotions are definitely weaker and harder to achieve compared to negative ones but I do notice them when I feel them. I've been listening to some songs on repeat lately which is something I didn't expect to come this soon at all

I've also been playing games with my friends for 2-3 hours straight (both videogames and tabletop) giving me all sorts of little satisfactions. That's something I couldn't do on the shots for more than 20 minutes without hating it and feeling the hellish anhedonia drag


Motivation as in "will to do things" is also coming back, but when I get to actually doing stuff I still need to put a little effort at the beginning until I stop thinking about it and just enjoy the task. Having a schedule and signing up for gym/volunteering work definitely helps with this as well, I used to volunteer at a dog shelter place and I'm looking forward to resume that soon-ish
 

emotionalnumb

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Joined
May 13, 2022
Messages
79
I
Emotions are still rather dull but they're slowly coming back just like everything else. Even something as small as seeing my posts getting a bit of attention is giving me some tiny dopamine hits
Positive emotions are definitely weaker and harder to achieve compared to negative ones but I do notice them when I feel them. I've been listening to some songs on repeat lately which is something I didn't expect to come this soon at all

I've also been playing games with my friends for 2-3 hours straight (both videogames and tabletop) giving me all sorts of little satisfactions. That's something I couldn't do on the shots for more than 20 minutes without hating it and feeling the hellish anhedonia drag


Motivation as in "will to do things" is also coming back, but when I get to actually doing stuff I still need to put a little effort at the beginning until I stop thinking about it and just enjoy the task. Having a schedule and signing up for gym/volunteering work definitely helps with this as well, I used to volunteer at a dog shelter place and I'm looking forward to resume that soon-ish
I know EXACTLY what you mean re: dopamine hits & social media ~ those of us w Anhedonia seem to live on our phones scrolling through forums…you use words such as satisfaction & enjoy? Sounds like you are well in the road to recovery! I’ve thought about volunteering (used to do WildLife caring) but any kind of work for me right now is simply not possible. Nice 2 meet U anyway. K
 

miserable1

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 29, 2021
Messages
86
Emotions are still rather dull but they're slowly coming back just like everything else. Even something as small as seeing my posts getting a bit of attention is giving me some tiny dopamine hits
Positive emotions are definitely weaker and harder to achieve compared to negative ones but I do notice them when I feel them. I've been listening to some songs on repeat lately which is something I didn't expect to come this soon at all

I've also been playing games with my friends for 2-3 hours straight (both videogames and tabletop) giving me all sorts of little satisfactions. That's something I couldn't do on the shots for more than 20 minutes without hating it and feeling the hellish anhedonia drag


Motivation as in "will to do things" is also coming back, but when I get to actually doing stuff I still need to put a little effort at the beginning until I stop thinking about it and just enjoy the task. Having a schedule and signing up for gym/volunteering work definitely helps with this as well, I used to volunteer at a dog shelter place and I'm looking forward to resume that soon-ish
Why did you got the shot?
 

miserable1

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 29, 2021
Messages
86
I

I had a manic episode & was hospitalised ~ they forced the injection on me for 6mths…you?!
I was annoyed by a noice in my apartment that sounded like a jetski or a lawnmower or something. Eventually I snapped so the police came and so I got the injection. I wasent psycotic since it wasent imagenery so I am sort of pissed.
 

miserable1

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 29, 2021
Messages
86
Emotions are still rather dull but they're slowly coming back just like everything else. Even something as small as seeing my posts getting a bit of attention is giving me some tiny dopamine hits
Positive emotions are definitely weaker and harder to achieve compared to negative ones but I do notice them when I feel them. I've been listening to some songs on repeat lately which is something I didn't expect to come this soon at all

I've also been playing games with my friends for 2-3 hours straight (both videogames and tabletop) giving me all sorts of little satisfactions. That's something I couldn't do on the shots for more than 20 minutes without hating it and feeling the hellish anhedonia drag


Motivation as in "will to do things" is also coming back, but when I get to actually doing stuff I still need to put a little effort at the beginning until I stop thinking about it and just enjoy the task. Having a schedule and signing up for gym/volunteering work definitely helps with this as well, I used to volunteer at a dog shelter place and I'm looking forward to resume that soon-ish
Why did you get the injection?
 

EsseWasGreat

Bluelighter
Joined
May 30, 2022
Messages
61
Why did you get the injection?

It was a suggestion of my psych who claimed it would have given me more motivation in life (which is something I told her I was lacking before the shot)

I was *not* forced to take it, I accepted my own volition before knowing about its terrible side effects
 

miserable1

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 29, 2021
Messages
86
It was a suggestion of my psych who claimed it would have given me more motivation in life (which is something I told her I was lacking before the shot)

I was *not* forced to take it, I accepted my own volition before knowing about its terrible side effects
I understand. No one knows about the side effects especially not them. Why were you in a psych? I am glad you are doing better.
 

EsseWasGreat

Bluelighter
Joined
May 30, 2022
Messages
61
I understand. No one knows about the side effects especially not them. Why were you in a psych? I am glad you are doing better.
Started visiting both a psychiatrist and a therapist back in 2015 when I had a really strong anxious/depressive moment which gave me strong suicidal tendencies for one day (all of which was triggered by this argument I had with some friends which turned pretty badly). I remember considering going in a ward but then decided against it. Ever since I've always been visiting all kinds of doctors to help me deal with the constant lows I had in life.
Over the years they've prescribed me Zyprexa, Delorazepam, Depakin, Abilify and Risperdal, none of which ever actually helped my situation... or with anything at all really (and Zyprexa debilitated me almost as bad as Xeplion did, even if it lasted only two weeks)
Currently trying to recover my old self even further, hopefully my monthly reports will get shorter and shorter until I will have nothing new to say on the matter (which will mean I have recovered 100% by then)
 

miserable1

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 29, 2021
Messages
86
Started visiting both a psychiatrist and a therapist back in 2015 when I had a really strong anxious/depressive moment which gave me strong suicidal tendencies for one day (all of which was triggered by this argument I had with some friends which turned pretty badly). I remember considering going in a ward but then decided against it. Ever since I've always been visiting all kinds of doctors to help me deal with the constant lows I had in life.
Over the years they've prescribed me Zyprexa, Delorazepam, Depakin, Abilify and Risperdal, none of which ever actually helped my situation... or with anything at all really (and Zyprexa debilitated me almost as bad as Xeplion did, even if it lasted only two weeks)
Currently trying to recover my old self even further, hopefully my monthly reports will get shorter and shorter until I will have nothing new to say on the matter (which will mean I have recovered 100% by then)
How old are you? I am 33.
 

Dre87

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 3, 2021
Messages
336
What do you guys do all day? I've been trying to have a more structured routine. Here's a typical day when I'm not working right now or nothing's going on..

- Wake up
- Do ab exercises/deep breathing
- Drink 2-3 glasses of warm or hot water or some tea
- Drink 1 glass of kombucha and smoke a cigarette
- Drink 1 cup of coffee
- Go tan in the backyard for 20 minutes
- Work out still fasted
- Eat small meal
- Take supplements
- Take natural testosterone powder drink
- Smoke a bit of weed at some point of the routine
- Check emails, forums, stuff like that
- Look for jobs online or for better ones, read the qualifications
- Do shadowboxing twice a day
- Go run errands if I need to or do any shopping
- Study software testing or programming
- Eat bigger meal
- Surf the internet and fuck around
- Think about my goals and how I want the next day to go
- Sit and meditate for 5 minutes or think about what I want the day to be like and what I will do
- Possibly go out somewhere
- Eat small meal so I can go to sleep
- Sleep
 
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