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Misc Dude, I think I'm dying..

Ismene2

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 29, 2018
Messages
2,625
Anyone ever fuck up and take so many drugs that you were at a risk of death? The only one I remember is collapsing on GHB - nowhere near death but I left the hospital covered in vomit. I was proud of myself that day.

I cant remember anything about the state I was in - just seemed to fade to black which I think death is probably like.
 
Must have OD'ed around 10 times , usually heroin and benzos. Never felt bad until i got the narcan.

Now WD is a different beast, then you truly feel like youre dieing.

Was it just careless? You never saw any "come to the bright light my child"?
 
None of that, it was always very fuzzy memory wise perhaps on account of the benzos.
 
I wonder what goes through your mind when you realise the grip of drugs you had has finally finished you off? What could you say? Rippa is gangsta?
 
I once took over half a g of dmxe, I made an error with the scale and ended up being fucked for over 20 hours...

Lets keep it at that.

How was it in overdose? Sounds like anaesthetic territory, if possible.

I do 10-20mg bumps 1-3 hours apart. Tried even smaller doses eyeballed when no scale was at hand and the push was strong. I don't know exactly what it does but i think it's about more than NMDA antagonism. I would fear for my heart at huge doses. Then again i combined with large doses of cannabis which can play its tricks too.

Could you smell your own brain at half a gram of DMXE?
 
I once took over half a g of dmxe, I made an error with the scale and ended up being fucked for over 20 hours...

Lets keep it at that.

50mg of IM PCP - regained consciousness in a locked hospital ward...
I was high on 15 mg of 3-meo-pcp once and decided that it would be a good idea to try and find out if you can hole on 3-meo like you can with 4-meo. So i licked my finger, stuck it into the gram and then ate probably about 100mg or so.

I woke up 2 hours later at the hospital and they told me I had seizures for two hours.

On top of that I had coffee at the hospital to sober me up and I was on home incarceration. The home incarceration people came and got me and took me to the jail and when I got there the caffeine wore off.

I got to the nurse and was so high again that I could barely speak. They didn't know how to deal with someone on "pcp" so they put me into the medical dorm.

That's the first and only time I've gone to the hospital and jail in the same day. At least I was high all day the first day. My only excursion into jail on a dissociative, too.
 
Yeah, had OD at least 35 Times or More. Always used too many substances at the same time or too large doses or too long binges.

The latest OD was with meth, amphetamine, bromazolam, opce and a-phip 3months ago, i was awake almost 7 days without sleeping, not eating ( i'm used to stay up long binges) and very depressed, sad and anxious at The Time for many reasons, i lost all my hope and didn't care If i died, so i recklessly took heavy dosages and ridiculous combos IV, just sit there in my living room, shooting up dope and try to numb everything. I felt physically really disturbed, kinda overwhelmed and thought i was too sober (what the hell!) so i loaded too much opce and a-phip in my shot and boom, i was completely paralyzed but wide awake and could not breathe or move at all. Just laying at my Back and staring at the roof. Could not even blink my eyes, tears were flooding but i could not do anything. I thought, this is my end, how ironic, how beautiful, everything is so bright and colourful, music is blasting, perfect moment to leave. I totally surrendered to The idea of dying and start to drift away. My husband noticed i was not okay, and rushed to me and pulled me up to sit. I finally could breathe and move. I was very confused. I still am.
 
^That was something which left some serious scars to my spirit, soul and body.
I have OD many times before, but The memories of them are not as clear as The latest OD. Because i wanted to die, i truly, honestly didn't care anymore. I was ready to go. But The most stupid Part? After my husband pulled me "back", i was shooting again, Meth and amphetamine 15min later i almost died and had serious OD. Few hours later we went to sleep, i slept few hours and Continued my meth/a-phip/opce binge 6 more days. OD again with a-phip but not as serious as before, "only" few total blackouts, delirium and full psychosis. When i finally run out of drugs (i had quite huge stash various drugs..) i was so exhausted i dropped on The floor to sleep, crawled into My bed few hours later and slept 15hours total.

About The scars? Yeah, after that i think something broke in My mind and body. I feel numb all the time, like floating and drifting without a purpose, not depressed or anxious, just numb. I can't feel normally. I can function normally, eat sleep repeat. And you know what? Even drugs don't work like they used to. No matter how much i take, i always feel underwhelmed and not satisfied and i can't take any More because i would overdose. My psyche could handle those deliriums and psychosis, but my body (especially heart) can't. So not even drugs can make me feel "normally". It is hard to explain, but i know something is gone forever and not right. And it's not coming back. I Lost My interest almost any drug, i Lost My interest to Life. I'm fully Happy though, just can't feel i'm Happy. Doesn't make any sense 🤔
 
One drug - alcohol.

2 x ICU with acute pancreatitis.

1 x ICU with "alcohol toxicity" - electrolytes so out of whack from dehydration I was in and out of consciousness for days.

That is going some Abbey! Have you mellowed your drinking now?
 
That is going some Abbey! Have you mellowed your drinking now?

Yes. The third incident was last year (the others were in the 2000s) and happened because I was cut off my benzos cold turkey by the doctor. It was irresponsible of him but see the law in Australia just *keeps* cracking down on doctors (and pharmacists). Meanwhile the alcohol industry is all-powerful.

I've got a new doctor who prescribes benzos (at a private clinic bc it's the bulk-billing ones which sort of have a blanket ban on them these days). I really dislike alcohol now and only use it as a last resort for panic/anxiety. Even then I can only handle a few beers.
 
Hm, that time I had taken too much but not SO much I blacked out instantly (which it usually was like with my way too many H overdoses). I noticed the second I withdrew the needle I wasn't right, vision was blurred, mind fuzzy and not in a good way, hard to exactly describe but I could FEEL I was going to go over. I was thinking to myself 'you probably got around 30 secs before you lose consciousness get up get up' and just about managed to stumble to the cabinet and narcan myself. I just stuck it straight through the trouser leg there was no time to lose. Then I called an ambulance for myself 'cause I knew I'd need re-dosing once the effect wore off and I only had the one lot of narcan.

Then there was this time I took an absolutely ridiculous amount of codeine plus alcohol, passed out for several hours, woke up with a heart - rate of over 200 and scared shitless I was gonna have a heart attack. I admitted myself to the hospital and once there it turned out my heart was gonna cope but I ended up in the ICU for three days being treated for acute liver failure. That little escapade DID have me worried and I was told I was lucky to have gotten away without any lasting damage to the organ.
 
I never once overdosed on opioids, ever.
I attribute it mostly to the fact that I enjoyed opioid effects over any other drugs effects.
So if I had opiates, I usually didn't care to drink or do much else.
I did give myself Rhabdomyolysis once on a meth binge. I had no idea it could happen until I went to pee & my piss was the color of root beer. I've seen dehydration pee & this wasn't that. I was also engaged in a long 'love fest' that entire time & realized what was happening. I knew I needed to rest my muscles, chug water & try to get my internal body temperature down. As well as sleep. Thankfully I did eventually and over the course of a day or so, my pee started going back to normal.


Felt like I had died on high dose DXM & weed a few times, but I think that's just how DXM feels in high doses.

And I thought I might OD when I tried fentanyl for the first time. Made sure never to put that shit in my body again.
Alcohol made me crash a car in a ditch & flatten it into a pancake when I was 19. I have no idea how me or the two people with me survived.
 
Isn't there anyone who saw anything but black when you went down? No angels? ;)
Not on this side.
Always a fading to black and deep "sleep".
Last time was just dropping in mid stride (no recollection) and waking to EMS asking what I took after 2 nasal and 1 IV narcan....
No jesus, no light, no demons just nothing.
 
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