@BadBoy377 Aye but you know what they are like here. When I went to the hospital last year after going CT off of everything and actually having a seizure due to benzo W/Ds, they didn't believe me and I assume they thought I was after benzos. I wasn't, I wanted them to keep me in so I could detox there. After the seizure and starting to come to, I called 111 and they told me to get there by a certain time, so they believed me on the phone at least. This was the actual hospital and as I understand it, a seizure is an A&E situation but they refused to believe me. I had one in London a good few years ago due to alcohol and they kept me in for a week on librium to detox, in a ward full of stab victims and whatnot. I suppose they have to find you in the street after someone calls 999 before they believe you. Anyway last year they at least gave a weeks worth of zopiclone to go home with which was immensely helpful under those circumstances (sleep and vitamins really help with benzo WDs - sleep is 100% crucial yet nearly impossible without chemical assistance).
So the chances of the GP giving me a script is pretty low. I have my bupe jab tomorrow and last time I had a different nurse than usual who spoke about "them" (as in drug services) looking into benzo substitution therapy (like opioid replacement/substitution therapy I suppose) and how they can accurately test urine for which benzos a person has in them and will be able to assess and prescribe accordingly based on their usage. But the way she was describing it sounds like its in the very early, hypothetical stages.
The nurse who is doing my jab tomorrow is someone I know semi-personally and I get on well with her. I haven't told her about benzo use due in part to the fact that I get on with her and almost feel as I'd be "letting her down" but the main, more important reasons are to do with certain aspects of my personal life and achievements I've made which could be jeopardized by the wrong person finding out. I've told you about some of these privately. It might even be a professional obligation for her to grass me up about benzo use, I dunno. I don't even get piss tested due to the level of trust and my general stability in life. If I knew there was a concrete plan in place to help people, I'd go for it. I will bring it up casually and maybe say that I've used here and there and that it could become a problem just to feel the waters but I don't think that anything is in place to really help yet.
All that said, the situation isn't truly dire: I do have 93 clonazepam tablets and 40 diazepam tablets so I'm not gonna enter WDs too soon but they don't last, my last order arrived for diazepam only just over 2 weeks ago and so 40 left out of 90 is not good (I have had days during which I've used more than intended). I used to basically order 90 a month which would keep me going and I would normally be on 30mg a day, functioning over a long time. Due to a lot of stress over the holidays and whatnot and not getting what I paid for, my usage has gone up even though it was actually down (50-70mg a day, diazepam and clonazepam based on conversion charts). I may be able to go back to that if the vendor I use sort their transactions out and may even just make a second order if they are kosher.
I also have 200 fake Bensedin tablets which I'm pretty certain are just chalk or whatever shite they use in the pressers. Will send them for testing when I can be bothered, they could contain anything but IME there is usually some flavour. I even have 2 strips from the same vendor from ages ago that I forgot about which taste like artificial sweetener (to mimic the taste of Bensedin tablets I suppose) and only just remembered them - fuck knows what's in those.
I haven't found a trustworthy RC market that has diclazepam either, only bromazolam and I can go and buy that on the street. It is too close to alprazolam anyway which isn't good for me due to compulsive re-dosing and all that.
Anyway sorry to keep ranting, the whole thing is just a bore. I was fine when I had a steady supply and never really thought about giving up until I went CT and that pretty much happened because I ran out of money and was on my own so it was just an opportunist move. I will at least ask about the benzo replacement therapy ideas they have in motion tomorrow and try and have patience with vendors. It is worth waiting for the one I trust rather than resorting to other ones, even though they could still end up with fakes (they removed Bensedin and stocked Martin Dow when all the fakes stated turning up though which makes me think that they are serious and I have used them for years, only had one bad batch which was replaced). To be fair to the other vendor, they are the reason I have 93 clonazepam at hand, but also 200 chalk tablets.
With all this in mind I suppose I could start tapering with the clonazepam but I don't know if I have enough based on the method. Can't remember its name but its the one people go by, figured out by that professor from Newcastle Uni. I dunno if I'm fully ready to do a full taper though now, I want to do it as gradually as possible.
Will this be a deterrent