I don't know if this is going to be the best advice Jackie but it's the best I can give.
I think you're being given some of the worst advice here when it comes to benzodiazepines and alcohol. Ask me how I know. Well seeing as you asked; you will get physically dependent on Xanax WAY before you get in trouble with alcohol.
Only reason I'm chiming in here is because I wanted to say that maybe you're being too hard on yourself. I have lived a relatively long and interesting life. And same here (and as you put it): always used to "go hard" on the alcohol i.e. enough was never enough WHEN I was in the mood. Otherwise known as binge drinking of course. Point being: I'd go for three days ("hair of the dog" being the first and worst fucking drink after having eventually woken up but wanted to continue the party with music and whatnot). Also, and as the years went by, started getting that horrible, almost like a depressive/guilty type feeling (especially after the party was over and you'd eaten and sobered up). And it took me the longest time to say to myself "fuck this: I'm not doing anything wrong not harming anyone but simply keeping to my business and enjoying myself" (neighbors didn't usually see it that way because of the music but fuck them). Point I'm trying to make: if "going hard" for a few days and truly having a gas and enjoying yourself then fuck it and everybody else. Life goes quick. I stopped boozing it up just over two years ago and I'm a miserable fuck without the booze and music and shit. Main reason: just got to a point where I just could not handle the inevitable three day hangovers anymore (there is definitely something to that number three although I've never figured it out i.e. feel shit for three days being hungover and then three days later ready to start all over again and rock 'n roll). Used to also drink with Xanax (Alprazolam) and as to how much to this day I couldn't tell you i.e. the more fucking pissed you get the more you take because you're not getting "on" fast enough. It's one sure fire way of getting legless fucked though. Worst that ever happened: fell over and couldn't get back up again i.e. legs wouldn't work. Sat on the floor laughing my head off and never spilled a single drop of my drink (go figure). But you do pass out far quicker from the combination and once you wake up (usually on the couch) the party starts all over again. Found out just the other day that benzos. and alcohol act on the exact same receptors and have the same effect (according to a paper on the topic).
I guess in short (probably too late for that now): if it's not adversely affecting your life or your work or business then fuck it and don't get desperate or anxious or depressed about it. In the context of this site: probably not the best HR advice. But your posts eerily remind me of my life experience. And fuck knows: life hasn't improved or become more enjoyable because I stopped carrying on like a mad thing and feeling shit about having a gas drinking my head off for three days (and nights) straight. Of course: there is a caveat to my so-called "advice". You may not become an alcoholic or physically dependent on alcohol until a good while has passed. But it's for sure possible to get psychologically dependent (if only to the good time and partying like an animal for days on end). Fact of the matter (and for me): after all of this it's incredibly difficult for me to not be triggered by my music i.e. it's like turning a light switch on sometimes in the sense that the moment I hear some decent fucking loud music my brain goes "tilt" and all I want to do is get fucked up drunk. It's very real. Somehow I've manged to behave myself since 2019 on this score but it's not been easy I'll tell you. And if I;m honest: I miss it (those occasions) a lot. In truth: I succumbed but once in the last two year i.e. just decided one afternoon fuck this shit I'm going to get pissed. Well: it took that (and yet another three fucking day Godawful and debilitating hangover to remind me that was the very reason I gave it all up as a very bad job i.e. just not worth it).
Sorry for the L-O-N-G and badly (not) formatted post (not my usual style).
(well the formatting part anyway that is).
