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Serious How can I beat alcoholism

Party2hardy

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 5, 2022
Messages
2
Long post warning ⚠️

I am new to posting on this site. I’ve been reading discussions on here for years. I’ve always found this to be a helpful and informative site, but now I find myself needing some help and advice from the community.

Background:
I’m in my early 20s, recently graduated from college, and I’ve been experimenting/abusing drugs since I was 14. It started out just smoking weed with a close friend after watching Mac & Devin go to High School (Snoop & Wiz movie). Kind of a hilarious beginning to my experimentation. Around that time we would sneak booze from our parents every once in a while, but smoking and drinking were very infrequent cause we didn’t have much access to it at that age. It became more frequent throughout high school and I started trying opioids, benzos, and acid. Pills were never my thing but I fell in love with acid (how can you not). I also started stealing booze from my parents at least once a week, usually just getting plastered by myself. I had a 9 month period of sobriety going into senior year after being charged with a felony for possession of weed, and I was placed on supervised probation. As soon as that was over I got right back into it, and hit it harder than I ever had. When college came around it continued to progress due to all the freedom I had. I couldn’t even guess how many nights I blacked out and did terrible things that I only knew about from my ex-girlfriend or friends.

Start of the bad times:
When COVID hit, I stayed on campus living in my Frat with a handful of other guys and my ex. Classes were such a joke at that time that all we did was drink. I was probably averaging 20 beers on days I remember and god knows how many on the ones I don’t. A few months in my ex broke up with me because she couldn’t handle my bullshit anymore. This put me in a spiral where I was killing at least a 30 rack a day in my bed with the door locked so I wouldn’t have to face my roommates. I’d usually pass out around 5pm and wake up in the middle of the night staring at the clock until it was 6am and I could get another case. After a month or so I started seeing my ex again just to get drunk and fuck because she drank just as much as me. Finally I pushed her over the edge and she cut me off completely. Shortly after I met a new girl, and it was the complete opposite of the toxic relationship I had. I still drank most days but I had cut down a lot so that nobody could tell I was ever drunk. After a while I cut that out because I was finally happy. Although when I was about a year into the relationship I blacked out one night which turned into a bad situation for my relationship. I salvaged it but that’s when coke came into the picture. I’d done it a few times before but only when others had it. In the beginning of this I was using it to prevent blackouts cause if sobered me up but it turned into a problem after a bit. I was drinking and snorting lines by myself usually just watching tv while I did it. I stopped for a few months after getting my first post-grad job which also helped my drinking by turning it into a weekend social thing. After a few months at the job I started to hate it. I started drinking before work, on my lunch break, and on my way home. Coke came back full force with this. Eventually I started calling into work multiple times a week and I would just sit in my car and drink until my girlfriend (who I was living with) expected me to be home. This caused me to lose my job which only made the situation worse. I was out of work for a few months and finally got a new job but these habits didn’t die off. I still have my job but after having a psychotic break from drinking I may have lost my girlfriend. I’m trying to get sober but I still find myself drinking everyday and snorting anywhere from 1-3GS of coke a day

Any advice to Start changing my life? I see the path I’m going down and I don’t like it. Rehab is my last resort because I’m not sure how I can keep my job during that.

Sorry for the long ass post. Just have a lot of shit to get off my chest.
 

Party2hardy

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 5, 2022
Messages
2
As a side note: I’m mainly concerned with drinking. Coke is an issue too but I’ve rarely done it without drinking first. I’ll usually get a little drunk and decide to pick up a bag so I think solving my drinking problem will solve both.
 

Electrum1

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 22, 2021
Messages
3,642
If you can go somewhere for two weeks, where you won't have alcohol or coke, call it a sabbatical or whatever, then you'll be able to come back to your current atmosphere clean

I'm also an alcoholic, and need to do the same thing, but I keep finding reasons to not go to the country for two weeks.

You're still young, so you can recover a lot, and a lot quicker imo. Once Snafu wakes up he may have something valuable to add from the perspective of a current drunk like me, "giving good advice but not following that advice" and whatnot @Snafu in the Void
 

AbbeyLee

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 24, 2019
Messages
5,432
Location
Melbourne, Australia
Long post warning ⚠️

I am new to posting on this site. I’ve been reading discussions on here for years. I’ve always found this to be a helpful and informative site, but now I find myself needing some help and advice from the community.

Background:
I’m in my early 20s, recently graduated from college, and I’ve been experimenting/abusing drugs since I was 14. It started out just smoking weed with a close friend after watching Mac & Devin go to High School (Snoop & Wiz movie). Kind of a hilarious beginning to my experimentation. Around that time we would sneak booze from our parents every once in a while, but smoking and drinking were very infrequent cause we didn’t have much access to it at that age. It became more frequent throughout high school and I started trying opioids, benzos, and acid. Pills were never my thing but I fell in love with acid (how can you not). I also started stealing booze from my parents at least once a week, usually just getting plastered by myself. I had a 9 month period of sobriety going into senior year after being charged with a felony for possession of weed, and I was placed on supervised probation. As soon as that was over I got right back into it, and hit it harder than I ever had. When college came around it continued to progress due to all the freedom I had. I couldn’t even guess how many nights I blacked out and did terrible things that I only knew about from my ex-girlfriend or friends.

Start of the bad times:
When COVID hit, I stayed on campus living in my Frat with a handful of other guys and my ex. Classes were such a joke at that time that all we did was drink. I was probably averaging 20 beers on days I remember and god knows how many on the ones I don’t. A few months in my ex broke up with me because she couldn’t handle my bullshit anymore. This put me in a spiral where I was killing at least a 30 rack a day in my bed with the door locked so I wouldn’t have to face my roommates. I’d usually pass out around 5pm and wake up in the middle of the night staring at the clock until it was 6am and I could get another case. After a month or so I started seeing my ex again just to get drunk and fuck because she drank just as much as me. Finally I pushed her over the edge and she cut me off completely. Shortly after I met a new girl, and it was the complete opposite of the toxic relationship I had. I still drank most days but I had cut down a lot so that nobody could tell I was ever drunk. After a while I cut that out because I was finally happy. Although when I was about a year into the relationship I blacked out one night which turned into a bad situation for my relationship. I salvaged it but that’s when coke came into the picture. I’d done it a few times before but only when others had it. In the beginning of this I was using it to prevent blackouts cause if sobered me up but it turned into a problem after a bit. I was drinking and snorting lines by myself usually just watching tv while I did it. I stopped for a few months after getting my first post-grad job which also helped my drinking by turning it into a weekend social thing. After a few months at the job I started to hate it. I started drinking before work, on my lunch break, and on my way home. Coke came back full force with this. Eventually I started calling into work multiple times a week and I would just sit in my car and drink until my girlfriend (who I was living with) expected me to be home. This caused me to lose my job which only made the situation worse. I was out of work for a few months and finally got a new job but these habits didn’t die off. I still have my job but after having a psychotic break from drinking I may have lost my girlfriend. I’m trying to get sober but I still find myself drinking everyday and snorting anywhere from 1-3GS of coke a day

Any advice to Start changing my life? I see the path I’m going down and I don’t like it. Rehab is my last resort because I’m not sure how I can keep my job during that.

Sorry for the long ass post. Just have a lot of shit to get off my chest.

Hey, welcome to BL :)

Alcohol very nearly killed me. I was hospitalised twice with Acute Pancreatitis and the second time it advanced to Pancreatic Necrosis (cells died). I was in ICU the whole time on anti-biotics because the infection can easily spread and then you're in big trouble. I'm diabetic now (needing insulin) but at least my liver is ok.

People underestimate alcohol because of its social acceptability. It's actually the most powerful drug in terms of the effect it has on neurotransmitter systems in the brain. Plus the massive strain it puts on the digestive system.

Check out this thread and say hi :) These people understand and are great:



All the best,
Abbey xx
 

Snafu in the Void

Sr. Moderator: BDD, NMI, DC
Staff member
Joined
May 27, 2020
Messages
18,589
Location
I live in a giant bucket
@Party2hardy Well you probably already know this but you're definitely showing every red flag for a serious alcoholism problem. I wish I had some magical answer for you, but I still struggle with alcohol on some level even though I was able to get off the drugs.

Drinking before/during work is the biggest red flag here for serious issues in the future. I highly suggest you try not to day drink, keep it to an after work thing. This will save you from major physical dependence.

Have you ever been to a rehab before? AA meetings? You absolutely do need to dip your toes into some form of recovery.

In the US most jobs allow you to take an "emergency medical leave", you do not have to tell them you're going to rehab, you don't legally have to tell them the reason (medical history is private).

There are different kinds of rehabs, some of them (outpatient) you can still go to work/sleep at home.

But ultimately, you need to find a coping mechanism for life/stress/anxiety that isn't alcohol or drugs. That's point blank the only answer here. Rehab helps guide you to that point.

Like others have said, you're still young, but trust me you don't want to be in this same place, or worse, 10 or 20 years from now. It will be even more difficult.

and definitely check out the alcohol support thread linked above, we'd love to see you over there
 

Kinny11

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 25, 2021
Messages
2
Long post warning ⚠️

I am new to posting on this site. I’ve been reading discussions on here for years. I’ve always found this to be a helpful and informative site, but now I find myself needing some help and advice from the community.

Background:
I’m in my early 20s, recently graduated from college, and I’ve been experimenting/abusing drugs since I was 14. It started out just smoking weed with a close friend after watching Mac & Devin go to High School (Snoop & Wiz movie). Kind of a hilarious beginning to my experimentation. Around that time we would sneak booze from our parents every once in a while, but smoking and drinking were very infrequent cause we didn’t have much access to it at that age. It became more frequent throughout high school and I started trying opioids, benzos, and acid. Pills were never my thing but I fell in love with acid (how can you not). I also started stealing booze from my parents at least once a week, usually just getting plastered by myself. I had a 9 month period of sobriety going into senior year after being charged with a felony for possession of weed, and I was placed on supervised probation. As soon as that was over I got right back into it, and hit it harder than I ever had. When college came around it continued to progress due to all the freedom I had. I couldn’t even guess how many nights I blacked out and did terrible things that I only knew about from my ex-girlfriend or friends.

Start of the bad times:
When COVID hit, I stayed on campus living in my Frat with a handful of other guys and my ex. Classes were such a joke at that time that all we did was drink. I was probably averaging 20 beers on days I remember and god knows how many on the ones I don’t. A few months in my ex broke up with me because she couldn’t handle my bullshit anymore. This put me in a spiral where I was killing at least a 30 rack a day in my bed with the door locked so I wouldn’t have to face my roommates. I’d usually pass out around 5pm and wake up in the middle of the night staring at the clock until it was 6am and I could get another case. After a month or so I started seeing my ex again just to get drunk and fuck because she drank just as much as me. Finally I pushed her over the edge and she cut me off completely. Shortly after I met a new girl, and it was the complete opposite of the toxic relationship I had. I still drank most days but I had cut down a lot so that nobody could tell I was ever drunk. After a while I cut that out because I was finally happy. Although when I was about a year into the relationship I blacked out one night which turned into a bad situation for my relationship. I salvaged it but that’s when coke came into the picture. I’d done it a few times before but only when others had it. In the beginning of this I was using it to prevent blackouts cause if sobered me up but it turned into a problem after a bit. I was drinking and snorting lines by myself usually just watching tv while I did it. I stopped for a few months after getting my first post-grad job which also helped my drinking by turning it into a weekend social thing. After a few months at the job I started to hate it. I started drinking before work, on my lunch break, and on my way home. Coke came back full force with this. Eventually I started calling into work multiple times a week and I would just sit in my car and drink until my girlfriend (who I was living with) expected me to be home. This caused me to lose my job which only made the situation worse. I was out of work for a few months and finally got a new job but these habits didn’t die off. I still have my job but after having a psychotic break from drinking I may have lost my girlfriend. I’m trying to get sober but I still find myself drinking everyday and snorting anywhere from 1-3GS of coke a day

Any advice to Start changing my life? I see the path I’m going down and I don’t like it. Rehab is my last resort because I’m not sure how I can keep my job during that.

Sorry for the long ass post. Just have a lot of shit to get off my chest.
First post grad job? How en the fuck? You must have been one hell of a functional alcoholic/addict! Kudus! Glad god me the gift of not being functional lol. I can relate for you waiting for the store to open to get more booze and the coke binges but fuck during all those times I was unfunctional lol. I practice harm reduction now weed/Kratom and 1 mg klonopin a day. As long as I don’t touch booze I’m good. I stay healthy I run a lot marathons etc… lots of AA meetings in the past but never again. Not because I terribly disliked it’s just not for me. I’m rambling few puffs and a klonopin today feeling pretty good. Day off etc.. I’m 50 and I haven’t been to medical detox in 4 years. I was a frequent flyer 60sh times detoxes dozens of hospital trips and a few short jail stints cuz drinking/driving. Goood luck on your journey I hope you find your sweet spot
 

neversickanymore

Moderator: DS
Staff member
Joined
Jan 23, 2013
Messages
27,677
Location
babysitting the argument in my head
Hey and welcome to BL.

So you are an alcoholic❤️

Another thing is cocaine combines in the blood stream with alcohol to form


This is one of the most addictive substances in the universe. Most if not every time you use alcohol, you will crave cocaine and most if not every time you use cocaine, you will crave alcohol.

First thing I would consider is making a decision to attempt to stall the progression by never smoking base or shooting the coke. You will really be up against it if those doors are opened.

With addiction you need to come up with a strong recovery plan. How much do you know about recovery?

Its all good if you don't know much at this point, but if you let us know where your at knowledge wise, we should be able to help you navigate the recovery process.

You can do this!!
 
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