• Bluelight
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    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

In Memoriam Captain.Heroin

I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
 
Hello @JessFR,
Please know, I intend no harshness with my words; I’m merely expressing my opinions.

I have experienced the suicides of 5 people close to me. This certainly doesn’t give me any special knowledge regarding death that is chosen vs. natural. Nor does it get easier with age, nor the quantity of experiences.

I’ve come to the conclusion that any person who speaks of their desire to engage in an early earthly exit, as fervently, frequently and passionately as Andrew did, generally do not OD without intent.

Many of us spoke with him, and we knew how he sounded when sober. The way he sounded during the last 2 months of his life, told those of us who knew how he should sound that he wasn’t doing well.

Let none of us have any guilt over his drug extravagances during this time. I believe there was nothing anyone could do to stop him, and he always said that he had no control over the time and date of his death; though he was certain he would die young, however.
I agree with this.

You either put aside suicidal ideation or you die.

I feel bad I could not do anything, but I knew it was bad with him.
 
I noticed this as well. I was friends with him and we would chat on instant messenger programs back when those were used, but when he started with the suicide and death stuff I pulled away for the sake of my own recovery and mental health.

Don't worry, I am fine this was when I was in grief over multiple family members and friends dying.
I had to pull away as well because I was dealing with a lot of stuff myself…it happens and tbh there wasn’t anything we could have done over the internet.

I want people to understand that you can talk to someone online or IRL but you can’t force them to get better.
 
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I just started coming back to BL but even when I first signed up I remember the name Captain Heroin. We play a very dangerous game and this shows that it can take down even the most experienced.
 
Talked a few times on discord and online....seemed like a chill dude and i know he would be laughing, smiling, giving me shit in a good way wherevere he is.https://youtu.be/MjtOzLfebgY
 
I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
Shit man some people I just never think that this would ever happen to what a waste after all the shit he went through quitting certain drugs I didn't know him as well as most here just had a bit of banter here and there lol but he was a proper stand up guy I could tell and he was honest about what he believed in that's a very good trait to have I know he dealt with a bit of depression to etc, wherever he is looking down on us from now I hope he is in a lighter happier place and away from his demons and darkness at last rest in piece my bro you have told me some important bits of wisdom during my time wisdom that has helped me I will always be forever grateful for that friend this has reminded me that this really can happen to anyone I still can't believe cap h of all people, ...idk I still can hardly believe it now and any minute I keep expecting to see a new post of his about something.. anything respect bro and respect to all your family, friends and online friends ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
 
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God please tell me this is another cruel joke...
I still can't believe it I don't know what was going on but he just seems like the type of person who would never die if that makes sense just doesn't feel real obviously it sadly is but doesn't feel like it.. fuck man
 
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I had many long convos with CH and he was always so tortured and struggled a lot. My first discord friend. He loved walking the trails at Griffith park, he loved the observatory and interacting with people and I’d be so shocked he’d ask the questions he did to strangers.
We grew apart the last few months although we did have a few convos in that time.

I really do hope he is at peace now.
I read some of his posts in the dark side he obviously had a lot of demons at least he was obviously loved and hopefully he knew that I've been on this site for nearly 8 years now I've been reading his posts all that time I feel like I've lost an uncle just feel empty thinking about it I've not really been on here for months except the last few days and I was only popping on the other day to check my inbox then I ... seen the news and my jaw just dropped open for what felt like 20 min but I don't suppose it was more than 2.. I just wanted to write something out of respect despite any problems he had he was a true legend and at least he will never be forgotten I think he will always have a presence here in bluelight especially the sections he used to moderate I'm gonna get off now because I'm honestly just feeling more depressed and empty the more I think about him he had his whole life ahead of him and everything I don't even wanna know how it happened it will just upset me more... When you think you've about seen and been through everything especially all the shit that's going on round the world and then life throws out another twisted thing... I'm sorry I don't know what else to say
 
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I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
Too bad.
 
He was a beautiful person? Why don't we enshrine him today? It's been a month.

Longer than actually. I agree. I don't especially have a preference on when, but it should happen eventually.

I think there's actually 2 threads covering his death though.
 
I didn't mean the question mark on if he's a beautiful person. We need to enshrine this. This man didn't have 100,000 posts nearly for no reason, no matter how determined he was

I miss him so much.
 
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