• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

In Memoriam Captain.Heroin

I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
 
I haven't been around here in a long time and just found out today. I was mostly lurking back then, but remember being struck by his knowledge, intelligence, and humanity.
 
I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
I pray that his passing was painless and that he is now in a state of perpetual bliss which feels 10x better than any high.
Some asshole dealer maybe put fentanyl in his heroin and he didn’t know it…that’s how I think most OD’s happen these days. GD fentanyl.
 
I miss you mutha fucka

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I pray that his passing was painless and that he is now in a state of perpetual bliss which feels 10x better than any high.
Some asshole dealer maybe put fentanyl in his heroin and he didn’t know it…that’s how I think most OD’s happen these days. GD fentanyl.

That's not what happened. When I spoke to him he indicated he hadn't been using heroin for some time. He died of an overdose of an RC opioid (2map237 iirc).

Was nobodies fault. :(
 
I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
:( I almost feel guilty for letting him go without a talk after seeing that this would probably be his demise. A life on opiods is unsustainable .,.. I had to get on methadone. Once your tolerance gets to a certain point, you are dancing on the edge of a razor blade everytime you try to get high. He was a great guy, most of my posts dont get any love, but he always replied and tried to help. Ill miss you Captain.
 
I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
So sorry 😢
 
:( I almost feel guilty for letting him go without a talk after seeing that this would probably be his demise. A life on opiods is unsustainable .,.. I had to get on methadone. Once your tolerance gets to a certain point, you are dancing on the edge of a razor blade everytime you try to get high. He was a great guy, most of my posts dont get any love, but he always replied and tried to help. Ill miss you Captain.
I been on methadone for 30 yrs I did so dope they put benzodiazepines in it it’s been hell getting it out of my system it’s all most out if the Clinc find out that benzodiazepines are in my system they we cut my in kick me off so it’s a race to get off
 
I just signed into BL for the first time in many months and the first thing I saw was the news of Caps death. I'm absolutely devastated and in disbelief.
Back when I was very active in the BL community(mainly Other Drugs) Cap was by far the most impactful and influential person willing to help me navigate my opioid(H) addiction. He was the reason I was able to get clean at one point and I will forever be grateful for that.
His knowledge, kindness, generosity, and humor helped me get through some hard times and now that he's gone the BL community will never be the same.

Rest in peace Cap ✌
 
That's not what happened. When I spoke to him he indicated he hadn't been using heroin for some time. He died of an overdose of an RC opioid (2map237 iirc).

Was nobodies fault. :(
Hey I was wondering how sure you are about the cause of Caps OD. I know it's not really my business but I would appreciate it if u could relay to me what happened. I have always held Cap in very high regard & he helped me in countless ways over many years, including helping me get off of H one time. I'm devastated by this loss & would appreciate it if you could share what you know with me.
Thanks 🙂
jB
 
Hey I was wondering how sure you are about the cause of Caps OD. I know it's not really my business but I would appreciate it if u could relay to me what happened. I have always held Cap in very high regard & he helped me in countless ways over many years, including helping me get off of H one time. I'm devastated by this loss & would appreciate it if you could share what you know with me.
Thanks 🙂
jB

Well, I don't know too much first hand about the actual day or so before his death. What I have been told and consider to be reliable is that he passed away of a drug overdose, mainly 2map237 but it wouldn't be a shock to me if he'd had other drugs in his system as well.

He had also been doing RC benzos pretty heavily as well as talking about his use of ap238 in the past. As I recall he indicated that he was avoiding heroin so I don't think it played any role in this.

What I know from interacting with him is that his mental health had been deteriorating substantially in the 4 months or so before his death.

He, I, and a few others used to talk on voice and text on discord. He had been fairly active in late 2020, but several of us had expressed concerns with the level of risks he was engaging in with his drug use. Over time and coming into 2021 he became increasingly distant and increasingly talking about dying and suicide and stuff when he was around.

Based on my experiences having known him, and what I have heard from multiple people. I don't believe he intended to kill himself that day exactly. But I believe he was extremely depressed and had been taking extreme risks that he had to know on some level could end up killing him.

While it was very hard and still shocking to find out he had died, I can't honestly say the possibility that something like what happened could happen hadn't occurred to me. :(

A lot of us reached out and tried to help him, but, well, you know how depression is. It can be almost impossible to really do anything to help but remind the person how much you care. :(

I wish there was more I could tell you. I understand the desire to understand when something like this happens. But yeah, he had seemed severely depressed and probably suicidal for at least the last 4 months prior to his death and probably moderately depressed for much longer before that. I don't think he meant to die when he did. But in many ways I still think this is more of a death by depression than by drugs.

I dunno that any of that helps. Perhaps not but I'd wanna know too :(.
 
Hard to imagine his mental health getting ever worse... Those conquers shit never fucking helps if you truly want to die.

 
Wish you a journey full of love Captain!

You've done your part here. See you on the other side....I guess...
I'm sorry for the loss of the family.....just remember....is called LIFE and is just a moment in eternity. A drop in an ocean.

I myself lost a dear friend also from OD on heroin. Yesterday i was on he's funeral to say goodbye.
A month earlyer, another dear friend....
And before this, a few months earlyer, another....
Sometimes I wonder who's next....but i always remember I don't really want to know...just live the present moment.
We suffer just to be able to enjoy small things that make us happy. Otherwise we just can't enjoy happyness.

Wish you an enlighteen journey Captain! Much Love!
 
I was reading our old discord messages today and got hit on the feelz

Damn and fucking fucking fucking fucking fuck this shit.

 
Wow... I can't believe that.

I know. :(

I don't know the exact day he died, for some reason I have April 30 in my head but I couldn't tell you where I got that from. But I know I found out around 11pm on May 6 my time. So very nearly 6 months. That was a tough night. :(

It's still hard to believe he's gone. Occasionally I'll read some of the discord or bluelight conversations I had with him, and some parts of it are very surreal.

I'm not sure I can really think of anyone else I've ever known who was quite like him.
 
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