• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

In Memoriam Captain.Heroin

I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
 
You pop into my head every now and then Cap I can't think of BL without thinking of CH haha. I really do miss you man even though you annoyed the shit outta me sometimes lol. Despite that I always somehow ended up in a long rambling conversation/troll thread with you about nearly anything. You were a rare person. Going through this thread a bit and reading things about you I never knew makes me feel a lot of regret. I could've got to know you so much better.
 
Whenever I used to think about...well...pretty much anything... I would say to myself, "I wonder what Cap would think about this?" Before I even formulated my own opinion , I would get carried away trying to predict what he was going to say when I finally got around to messaging him about it.

I was almost always wrong. That's what was so great about it. You could never fit that guy in a box no matter how hard you tried. His point of view was so stunningly unique and he had this weird encyclopedic knowledge of the most random shit. I'm actually annoyed by most hyper-individualistic people, but with him it was so genuine and sincere. I would constantly find myself questioning things I thought I had figured out years ago because of something he'd say.

It's weird, because for someone I never even met in person, I could tell that guy absolutely anything and know without a shadow of a doubt that he wasn't going to judge me. And he'd always have some way of making me feel better that wasn't some cheap platitude. I felt terrible sometimes, seeing the pain he was in... and not having the intellectual or spiritual capacity to repay that kindness to him.
 
Whenever I used to think about...well...pretty much anything... I would say to myself, "I wonder what Cap would think about this?" Before I even formulated my own opinion , I would get carried away trying to predict what he was going to say when I finally got around to messaging him about it.

I was almost always wrong. That's what was so great about it. You could never fit that guy in a box no matter how hard you tried. His point of view was so stunningly unique and he had this weird encyclopedic knowledge of the most random shit. I'm actually annoyed by most hyper-individualistic people, but with him it was so genuine and sincere. I would constantly find myself questioning things I thought I had figured out years ago because of something he'd say.

It's weird, because for someone I never even met in person, I could tell that guy absolutely anything and know without a shadow of a doubt that he wasn't going to judge me. And he'd always have some way of making me feel better that wasn't some cheap platitude. I felt terrible sometimes, seeing the pain he was in... and not having the intellectual or spiritual capacity to repay that kindness to him.

*hugs* :(

I've had similar thoughts, wondering what he would have thought about some subject he's not here to give input on anymore. :( Not long before he died we had a discussion about the distinction between reenforcement/addictiveness and how it's entirely separate from pleasurability/euphoria. I didn't agree with him at the time but a while later I realized he was right. Saddly I didn't get the chance to tell him that though.

I miss him, hard to believe that in another few months he'll have been gone a year.

He truly was unique. :(
 
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I miss you Cap. I miss your friendship. I miss talking to you. I miss your strange artwork. I miss your gravity. I miss your antics. I miss knowing a person as open and caring as you.

My world is missing one of the most interesting and loving people I've ever met.
 
I miss you Cap. I miss your friendship. I miss talking to you. I miss your strange artwork. I miss your gravity. I miss your antics. I miss knowing a person as open and caring as you.

My world is missing one of the most interesting and loving people I've ever met.
Same. It hurts so bad losing the people that inspire you the most. You feel like they have so much to give to everyone else, but it's like they don't hold that same love in their heart for themselves. And it's painful to watch or be a part of.
 
I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
;(((( so sad!!
 
yeah i think of him often. i walk or ride by a church with a statue of the virgin out front and every time i see it he comes to mind. tears leak out....
welcome to bl. hope ya having a good day and maybe see ya around?
peace
 
It’s so sad when someone who was doing “okay” to suddenly die… when we all know what “okay” actually mean; having known/seems then at their WORST still gives us hope that although the “okay” status is very very concerning and dangerous we have a false sense of security in terms of worrying about others…. I’m on day…. Around 16 … of rapid detox (traveled to MIGHIGAN (from San Diego) and paid $13k to have this done) then they gave me a vivtrol shot; I was detoxing from methadone having been on it 4 years after a heroin addiction; now I just took a suboxone I’m so depressed ofc if it works I need it too..
 
I’m so so sorry … you really are doing him an amazing service and giving him an amazing tribute by keeping his memory alive and well thank you 💜
 
i too have lurked since around 2010 before making my account recently, and remember reading many a good post by Captain Heroin. never got to speak with him, but i'll miss him as a pillar of the community
 
I had many long convos with CH and he was always so tortured and struggled a lot. My first discord friend. He loved walking the trails at Griffith park, he loved the observatory and interacting with people and I’d be so shocked he’d ask the questions he did to strangers.
We grew apart the last few months although we did have a few convos in that time.

I really do hope he is at peace now.
@MsDiz , was that Griffith park, in NJ??
 
Los Angeles

Thank you!
CH , and I could not have come from or been More different if we tried!
But he was a Very intelligent, and Caring human being. He always reached out to me and Anyone he saw or heard where suffering tough times, ( as we did for him).
Such a loss, and the losses just keep pilling up :cry: .
Capt. I miss you, but am glad you are at peace, and I do not understand How, but I know you are still Helping people in need!
RIP, brother
ICE
 
In a few weeks it will be a year since he died. :(

Fuck I miss him. There's been so many times since he died that I've wished he were still around to ask his opinion about this or that. :(
 
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