• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

In Memoriam Captain.Heroin

I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
 
I still think about this man quite often. He was pivotal to a lot of changes I've made or been given to my perspective and place in life since I joined Bluellght as a regular member two years ago. I'm pretty sure I've posted this before, but he used to tell me that I'm a good person. He's was the first person who said that in a way so that I actually believed it. There are some people who have come in and out of my lffe who have been extremely important to me. In so many ways. My life's coming to a head, and Captain Heroin is one of the men in charge.

I'll see you on the flip side buddy. You were right that determination without meaning is absurd. We both exist.. so til then!
 
Long time lurker here. My condolences to his family and friends. It was a series of tragic events that motivated me into active harm reduction.
 
It's still April. And you are still missed. And it has been almost a year and a very sad one.
Thinking of you Often though. 💞🕊️
 
Just checking in. It's amazing how many people came to pay their respects. You didn't realize you were any good til maybe too late. I hope you maintained your epiphany to having that purpose in life in the end. You wrote the best Freudian poem I've ever heard. Best poem I've ever been read to by the writer.

So hey. You helped me a lot.
 
He continues to live, as he will always live forever.
Just not in this reality anymore. And for that i am sad, until, my time here ends to...
Here is to you CAPTAIN!
CHEERS
 
Our lives, directions, and innuendos to exist in solace or sole(loss)-ly in some paradigm or tandem to God - And every single thing that's bad in our lives (and theirs as well) is so divisive. There is no unifying, or actual omniscient being called 'God' by the very basis of free will being an impossibility next to omniscience. The deterministic and free which is spread over us is a reality - but our standard of what constitutes absolution.. as in absolute power or reverence requiring faith? It's absurd to think we truly know!

Except
Where
And
When
We
Do
-------
It's
Okay
To be
Faithful
and
Helpless as well


That's the point!
 
As of writing this... This thread is approximately one year old.

For me it's currently about 5:30pm, and in another 6-7 hours or so it will have been exactly one year since I found out about caps death.

I doubt I'll ever forget it, I was asleep, then around 11pm I woke up, I dunno why, but not unusual. I checked my phone, checked discord, and people had just started talking about it. Not moments after that I got a call from Andy, as I recall I just declined it since I was still kinda in shock. I just told him I'd seen the news and needed a moment.

What a night that was, I know I was awake that whole night until some time late into the next morning. I can't help feel a little guilt, I've known a lot of bluelighters who've sadly passed away, tathra, aihfl, telepathic, I'm sure there's some I'm saddly overlooking, then there's those I knew in passing, and more still I've known in real life who've passed away living this risky lifestyle of ours.

Part of me feels guilty that I don't feel the same sense of loss for all of them, even some I was pretty close too. But without question cap has been one of the hardest. Certainly the hardest in many years.

I've been going over the logs of that night, the dm's I had with him in the months prior to his death, been thinking about him a lot these last several days.

It's hard. The dm's especially so. He was suffering so much, and seemed to get especially bad after around December 2020. Still, a few months before his death he told me he still expected to make it through the year. It's surreal reading it again now.

Take care everyone, it's not just internet shit. Every single person you talk to here is a real person somewhere in the world. Real feelings, real issues. Always tell the people in your life how you feel, because there is never enough time. :( <3

Rest in peace cap. I miss you. :(
 
Last edited:
As of writing this... This thread is approximately one year old.

For me it's currently about 5:30pm, and in another 6-7 hours or so it will have been exactly one year since I found out about caps death.

I doubt I'll ever forget it, I was asleep, then around 11pm I woke up, I dunno why, but not unusual. I checked my phone, checked discord, and people had just started talking about it. Not moments after that I got a call from Andy, as I recall I just declined it since I was still kinda in shock. I just told him I'd seen the news and needed a moment.

What a night that was, I know I was awake that whole night until some time late into the next morning. I can't help feel a little guilt, I've known a lot of bluelighters who've sadly passed away, tathra, aihfl, telepathic, I'm sure there's some I'm saddly overlooking, then there's those I knew in passing, and more still I've known in real life who've passed away living this risky lifestyle of ours.

Part of me feels guilty that I don't feel the same sense of loss for all of them, even some I was pretty close too. But without question cap has been one of the hardest. Certainly the hardest in many years.

I've been going over the logs of that night, the dm's I had with him in the months prior to his death, been thinking about him a lot these last several days.

It's hard. The dm's especially so. He was suffering so much, and seemed to get especially bad after around December 2020. Still, a few months before his death he told me he still expected to make it through the year. It's surreal reading it again now.

Take care everyone, it's not just internet shit. Every single person you talk to here is a real person somewhere in the world. Real feelings, real issues. Always tell the people in your life how you feel, because there is never enough time. :( <3

Rest in peace cap. I miss you. :(
Thank you for being there.

1DtwDvD.gif
 
RIP CH.... You had your demons and your issues, but you always made yourself available to your fellows, and that's what made you such a special person and asset to this community.
 
Andrew, I still find it hard to believe you are not here. I logged in today to put a birthday wish in Caleb's shrine and found your page at the top. I hope that your soul is swelling with all the love, admiration, gratitude from your Bluelight community. The breadth of your caring touched so many, many people. I hope for you what I hope for Caleb--that your soul's continued existence is one of ecstatic joy.

I still wish I could read your book.
 
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