In Memoriam Captain.Heroin

I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
 
Our lives, directions, and innuendos to exist in solace or sole(loss)-ly in some paradigm or tandem to God - And every single thing that's bad in our lives (and theirs as well) is so divisive. There is no unifying, or actual omniscient being called 'God' by the very basis of free will being an impossibility next to omniscience. The deterministic and free which is spread over us is a reality - but our standard of what constitutes absolution.. as in absolute power or reverence requiring faith? It's absurd to think we truly know!

Except
Where
And
When
We
Do
-------
It's
Okay
To be
Faithful
and
Helpless as well


That's the point!
 
As of writing this... This thread is approximately one year old.

For me it's currently about 5:30pm, and in another 6-7 hours or so it will have been exactly one year since I found out about caps death.

I doubt I'll ever forget it, I was asleep, then around 11pm I woke up, I dunno why, but not unusual. I checked my phone, checked discord, and people had just started talking about it. Not moments after that I got a call from Andy, as I recall I just declined it since I was still kinda in shock. I just told him I'd seen the news and needed a moment.

What a night that was, I know I was awake that whole night until some time late into the next morning. I can't help feel a little guilt, I've known a lot of bluelighters who've sadly passed away, tathra, aihfl, telepathic, I'm sure there's some I'm saddly overlooking, then there's those I knew in passing, and more still I've known in real life who've passed away living this risky lifestyle of ours.

Part of me feels guilty that I don't feel the same sense of loss for all of them, even some I was pretty close too. But without question cap has been one of the hardest. Certainly the hardest in many years.

I've been going over the logs of that night, the dm's I had with him in the months prior to his death, been thinking about him a lot these last several days.

It's hard. The dm's especially so. He was suffering so much, and seemed to get especially bad after around December 2020. Still, a few months before his death he told me he still expected to make it through the year. It's surreal reading it again now.

Take care everyone, it's not just internet shit. Every single person you talk to here is a real person somewhere in the world. Real feelings, real issues. Always tell the people in your life how you feel, because there is never enough time. :( <3

Rest in peace cap. I miss you. :(
 
Last edited:
As of writing this... This thread is approximately one year old.

For me it's currently about 5:30pm, and in another 6-7 hours or so it will have been exactly one year since I found out about caps death.

I doubt I'll ever forget it, I was asleep, then around 11pm I woke up, I dunno why, but not unusual. I checked my phone, checked discord, and people had just started talking about it. Not moments after that I got a call from Andy, as I recall I just declined it since I was still kinda in shock. I just told him I'd seen the news and needed a moment.

What a night that was, I know I was awake that whole night until some time late into the next morning. I can't help feel a little guilt, I've known a lot of bluelighters who've sadly passed away, tathra, aihfl, telepathic, I'm sure there's some I'm saddly overlooking, then there's those I knew in passing, and more still I've known in real life who've passed away living this risky lifestyle of ours.

Part of me feels guilty that I don't feel the same sense of loss for all of them, even some I was pretty close too. But without question cap has been one of the hardest. Certainly the hardest in many years.

I've been going over the logs of that night, the dm's I had with him in the months prior to his death, been thinking about him a lot these last several days.

It's hard. The dm's especially so. He was suffering so much, and seemed to get especially bad after around December 2020. Still, a few months before his death he told me he still expected to make it through the year. It's surreal reading it again now.

Take care everyone, it's not just internet shit. Every single person you talk to here is a real person somewhere in the world. Real feelings, real issues. Always tell the people in your life how you feel, because there is never enough time. :( <3

Rest in peace cap. I miss you. :(
Thank you for being there.

1DtwDvD.gif
 
RIP CH.... You had your demons and your issues, but you always made yourself available to your fellows, and that's what made you such a special person and asset to this community.
 
Andrew, I still find it hard to believe you are not here. I logged in today to put a birthday wish in Caleb's shrine and found your page at the top. I hope that your soul is swelling with all the love, admiration, gratitude from your Bluelight community. The breadth of your caring touched so many, many people. I hope for you what I hope for Caleb--that your soul's continued existence is one of ecstatic joy.

I still wish I could read your book.
 
Much respect in trying to help me and I guess the toll of an literal genius was too much for you with your past. Rip legend
 
Miss you Captain, always we such kind person in these forums and we're someone I really connected with. You always had worse of wisdom and were there for me when I needed to vent. You touched so many people's lives and will not be forgotten. May you rest in piece my friend ❤️
 
cap i swear i miss you man. there is no replacing you and i will make it my lifes journey to reconnect.
but fuck i guess already see this....
:lovely:
 
Used to call him captain kazasthana.. ahaha, such isn't my first post here I didn't came to skullove someone but like more and more lately I've felt like a plug to a wallsocket and yeah I've been able to eat what I've ate for 30yrs by now I've been able to be myself, didn't felt like I was wearing toy clothes but my splinter is getting rusty and I visual in "V" more than ever, I dunno but even during my drug use I wasn't like this by any means.. and if MYSELF can't help me then no one can, guess we'll see how it goes forward, am thankful for being here and I wanted to really wanted to had no time to talk about life with him in depth.. like a nephew to a grandpa.
 
Top