• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

In Memoriam Captain.Heroin

I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
 
I remember 2 or 3 years back i suggested that an opiates harm-reduction section should be created, at that time you had all kind of forums and subforums, but strangely, even so it kills so many people, the opiates didn't have even a sub-section on the forum, now less than before of course...
 
Far out, I remember wayyyyy back when he only just started out with his noise stuff!!! I don't have any links to any of his recordings though, I'm sorry. But for what it's worth I really appreciated what he was doing with it :)
he finished it when he showed me, wanted to sell it for like 14 grand it consisted of about 5 cds and it was a real brutal noise wall that i would have gone crazy about when i was a teen, haha he was real proud of it even sent me the software cuz i wanted to record one too 😂😂
edit: omg i found the link should i post it or
 
Bruh a taxi driver took me to church today and i started crying like crazy when the pastor said something about dying young, the person next to me handed me toilet paper for my tears i felt like such an idiot
 
Bruh a taxi driver took me to church today and i started crying like crazy when the pastor said something about dying young, the person next to me handed me toilet paper for my tears i felt like such an idiot
No need to feel like an idiot for crying, brother <3 We cry for a reason. We're human. It's a beautiful thing <3
I hope you're feeling okay today <3

strangeaeon said:
edit: omg i found the link should i post it or
Ummm, I'm inclined to say no, don't post the link publicly, keep his work private. Perhaps if people want the link they can message you for it??
 
Bruh a taxi driver took me to church today and i started crying like crazy when the pastor said something about dying young, the person next to me handed me toilet paper for my tears i felt like such an idiot

You're not alone. I've been crying periodically all month. :(
 
If you were dealing with a family member that OD’d, would you rather not know if it was intentional or not?

I lost a close friend last May. She drank herself to death, but she was also despondent re: not having a job, COVID, and other things.

If my daughter died of an OD, I wouldn’t want to know that it was an intentional act.

I feel quite sad about my Dad’s suicide but I have lots of respect for how he handled it.
 
I haven't been active on blue light in quite a few years and based on how he was doing years ago I did not see this coming :( to everyone who knew him better than me, I'm sorry for the loss of a person who without ever having a direct 1 one 1 conversation left a lasting impression on me.
 
I have confirmed this with family. CaptainHeroin, who has been a senior moderator here for so long, has recently passed away from a tragic OD. He has helped me for very many years with harm reduction, along with countless others. He helped me laugh when no one else could. It is with great sadness I announce this to the BL community. I am weeping.
Damn. Long live Captain.heroin. You helped so much on this forum. This truly saddens me to read this :( rest in peace man
Sending good energy to your loved ones. You were a real one.🖤
 
You're not alone. I've been crying periodically all month. :(
Am sorry 🤝 this just happened in a very painful time of my life, but i imagine that you knew him better than i did and for way longer too, am sorry 🤝🤝 but i think that you are lucky for that, for knowing him since way back, he was super interesting and fun, i do miss him
 
Well...shit. Him and I rarely saw eye to eye on much of anything but we both managed to get over ourselves and see the humanity in one another. I am glad we were able to forgive each other our transgressions before he moved on from this earthly plane. I'm sorry we weren't able to meet up last time I was in the area but I'm glad we kept the conversation going. It's quite lovely to see all the lives he touched here and even while he was experiencing so much pain, confusion, and despair, he always managed to make himself available and of service to others.

Strange to say but I think I might actually miss his pages of triple-sad-posting in the lounge. 🤯😬😢


May your dust forever find it's way blowing in the wind entwined with p-lo & the others & love. Thank you for making me a better man.
 
He had become increasingly obsessed with death and suicide over the last few months. :(

He had more posts than probably everyone over a LONG time, he wasn't always like this, or certainly not this bad. :(
I noticed this as well. I was friends with him and we would chat on instant messenger programs back when those were used, but when he started with the suicide and death stuff I pulled away for the sake of my own recovery and mental health.

Don't worry, I am fine this was when I was in grief over multiple family members and friends dying.
 
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Hello @JessFR,
Please know, I intend no harshness with my words; I’m merely expressing my opinions.

I have experienced the suicides of 5 people close to me. This certainly doesn’t give me any special knowledge regarding death that is chosen vs. natural. Nor does it get easier with age, nor the quantity of experiences.

I’ve come to the conclusion that any person who speaks of their desire to engage in an early earthly exit, as fervently, frequently and passionately as Andrew did, generally do not OD without intent.

Many of us spoke with him, and we knew how he sounded when sober. The way he sounded during the last 2 months of his life, told those of us who knew how he should sound that he wasn’t doing well.

Let none of us have any guilt over his drug extravagances during this time. I believe there was nothing anyone could do to stop him, and he always said that he had no control over the time and date of his death; though he was certain he would die young, however.
I agree with this.

You either put aside suicidal ideation or you die.

I feel bad I could not do anything, but I knew it was bad with him.
 
I noticed this as well. I was friends with him and we would chat on instant messenger programs back when those were used, but when he started with the suicide and death stuff I pulled away for the sake of my own recovery and mental health.

Don't worry, I am fine this was when I was in grief over multiple family members and friends dying.
I had to pull away as well because I was dealing with a lot of stuff myself…it happens and tbh there wasn’t anything we could have done over the internet.

I want people to understand that you can talk to someone online or IRL but you can’t force them to get better.
 
I just started coming back to BL but even when I first signed up I remember the name Captain Heroin. We play a very dangerous game and this shows that it can take down even the most experienced.
 
Talked a few times on discord and online....seemed like a chill dude and i know he would be laughing, smiling, giving me shit in a good way wherevere he is.https://youtu.be/MjtOzLfebgY
 
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