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Is it wrong that a year after mywife's death, I'm having feelings about her best friend

fastandbulbous

fastandbulbous

Bluelight Crew
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Jul 29, 2004
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My wife's best friend, who was her bridesmaid, is, I think, reciprocating my enjoying each other's company. I have real problems expressing myself in such circumstances (depraved sexual acts, no problems, but being emotionally vulnerable...).
So how do I express such feelings, or am I deluding myself in someway. There are some things they really have in common, but they have differing characteristics, so it's not like I want a woman who is a replacement for my late wife, it's just being her being my wife's best friend, they have similar attitudes etc (and I find physically attractive).
Is it a bit wrong, or understandable or what?
This is someting where I am totally lost
 
fastandbulbous said:
My wife's best friend, who was her bridesmaid, is, I think, reciprocating my enjoying each other's company. I have real problems expressing myself in such circumstances (depraved sexual acts, no problems, but being emotionally vulnerable...).
So how do I express such feelings, or am I deluding myself in someway. There are some things they really have in common, but they have differing characteristics, so it's not like I want a woman who is a replacement for my late wife, it's just being her being my wife's best friend, they have similar attitudes etc (and I find physically attractive).
Is it a bit wrong, or understandable or what?
This is someting where I am totally lost
Click to expand...
No I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong, it’s not like you have some sort or malicious intent & you clearly love and respect your wife from things I’ve seen you post. They say you can’t help how you feel or who you’re attracted to rite. Anyways sorry I’m super tired hope I’m making any sense. There is a part of me that was wondering when I read this that if a part of you feels some sense of comfort or closeness to her considering everything … I don’t know again sorry if that’s weird thing to say, just a passing thought and I obviously don’t know & can be so off or whatever, but even if that is the case it’s totally okay and understandable as you say.

But yea anyways no I don’t think you’re wrong. I’ve actually heard stuff like this happening. Like I remember this one girl years ago her boyfriend died in war & his best friend came back alive and they were able to seek comfort in each other & actually ended up getting married.
 
Yeah I don't think there's anything wrong with it either, but it might be worth weighing up if she might consider it wrong. But if your friendship with her is solid enough that it'd survive if she didn't feel the same, I say go for it.
 
AngelsandFairiesarereal said:
But yea anyways no I don’t think you’re wrong. I’ve actually heard stuff like this happening. Like I remember this one girl years ago her boyfriend died in war & his best friend came back alive and they were able to seek comfort in each other & actually ended up getting married.
Click to expand...
Someone I know...her partner died in a motorbike accident...she was 100% fully in love with him soulmate style....a couple of years later she married his best friend, had kids, and they are still very happily together 20 years on....so yeah it can and does happen

EDIT they did have similar issues as the people krinks refers to above though, and of course their own complex feelings regarding their deceased partner/best mate
 
Every single situation is different as far as the outcome goes. It is not wrong at all in my opinion. It actually makes a lot of logical sense that you one attracted to someone with similarities to your late wife. We tend to be attracted to people with certain traits and characteristics and even if it wasn’t her friend you would likely find yourself attracted to a woman that has similarities to your wife, because your wife has characteristics and traits that you find attractive.

So, of course you find her friend attractive who seems to have similar traits. And it’s not like it’s been a week since her passing. Jumping into a relationship a week after your SO passing would be weird even if it wasn’t her friend. It’s been a year. So I’m not even sure I would think it’s rebounding.

It sounds like true and authentic attraction. There is nothing wrong at all with this. And wouldn’t your wife want you to be happy and not alone?
 
There's no rules about feelings. You just have them.

As long as you're sure you're not wanting this woman as your late wife mk. 2 or just because she is associated with her, and if she reciprocates, go for it. I'm sure your wife wouldn't have expected or wanted you to stay single for the rest of your life.
 
Recently I found out person dear to me who lost a partner and got into her friend (purely platonic so far) cut her off a lot, and just because of bad mouths saying how he’s getting married again and I think that’s just plain wrong, heart is not meant to be adjusted for society bs.
 
If she was your wife's best friend, they are likely to hold a lot of the same beliefs and opinions on the important things in life.

I met Debz because she is my sister's friend. I met Marije because she was a close friend of my (female) friend. I ONLY meet people through people I trust. After all, friends wouldn't want you to be with someone THEY didn't like.
 
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