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Just Relapsed For The First Time in 4 Years...

DylanSins

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 27, 2014
Messages
43
Location
ina perfect state of toxic poise.... 💉
Hello BL Buddies,

I previously made a post about me, and how I'm "falling back into old habits" and I finally made the jump: I started IVing again. I can't even begin to describe the guilt, disgust, and frustration; I was literally about to hit 4 years without a needle in my arm. I'm truly disappointed in myself and I'm not sure what to do.

It is truly a fucked situation, on the outside, I look really successful, (not trying to toot my horn) but every time I'm back home (I'm a senior in college, and 3 months out of the year I'm back in my hometown living at my folks' house) I tend to relapse and slam whatever I can get my hands out.

It's a pathetic situation, I'm a senior in college, about to receive a BS, was nominated to present national and local research, designed and run my own department at a large corporation, received several research awards, and I'm currently looking at some very prestigious grad programs—oh and I'm only 22 btw.

I'm really proud of what I've accomplished; yet, I'm constantly setting myself back when I do this shit. I do amazing, productive, and meaningful things when I'm sober but there's this other side of me that loves a rush, the flash, and that instant feeling of euphoria from a fat shot of coke and/or dope.

I'm just lost man, I haven't been to an AA/NA meeting since I was 18, but I think it's time. That being said, and I may have a somewhat pejorative view of the program/people who attend AA/NA (sorry if I offend anyone), but I tend to view the people at NA/AA as people who are not terribly bright, extremely religious, mostly uneducated, and most of the people I've met at meetings work depressing and menial jobs, (e.g., 4/10 people I met were expendable machine operators with very little going for them)

Again, and I can't emphasize this enough, I'm sorry I always ramble when I post, but I just don't know what to do at this point and any advice and/or words of wisdom would be greatly appreciated!
 

Senseone

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 26, 2021
Messages
2
Bro I feel the same .. stay strong I picturing you in the USA.. As I'm sure it aware that fent shit is in all your gear now with benzos.. so tread carefully as ya tolerance is low.
We are lucky heard just grade 4 China white cold water mixes clear like water.

I so agree with you regarding the na thing .. and addict for life thing too.
I'm days in to jumping off 16mg Suboxone and funny enough I doing okay. And I send my energy your way..
Fuck bro, I know it's not everything but your life seems to be on track if only I could go back to 22 years when I started at age 20.

You got this bro, think of all what you can lose.. cause everyone does lose all of the shit in the end.. the world is getting worse ww3 is likely possible..
I'm here if you need a chat bro
 

neversickanymore

Moderator: DS
Staff member
Joined
Jan 23, 2013
Messages
27,434
Location
babysitting the argument in my head
Just a heads up.. people with "lower intelligence" are much more likely to recover from drug addiction.

You may have some significant disadvantages facing this.

Ideas on taking on that possible disadvantage successfully?



If your having significant trouble with the fellowship approach, then your going to have to develop your own recovery plan.

The thing with being intelligent when fighting addiction, is your in a battle with your own mind.. so the "smarter" you are the harder it can be. But, we all play with the hands we are dealt.

You have to come up with a strong plan and then adjust it, as needed, until you reach the success you need,

What are you thinking moving forward?

You were doing great what changed or needs to change?
 
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PsychedelicSummer

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 15, 2017
Messages
170
Try to put your self in circumstances where drug use isn't an option. Find something else that gives you that flash of euphoria. Maybe a high dose of a psychedelic with a sitter and the intent of finding out what you could do instead of drugs; what emotional need the drugs fill for you - and what else could fulfill thst need. Just my 2 cents.
 
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