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Recovery Kicking Again (Single Suboxone Strip Challenge)

Phil.McKeer

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
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905
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Scumdoggia
Alright so...it's become my habit in the last week or so to have tea and a smoke at first light in my backyard. In my entire life if I've been up at first light it has either been because I pulled an all nighter or more rarely because I'm going fishing, so it feels nice to be up and out at that early hour just because.

This morning, three little birds, exactly three and of the finch variety, perched one each on three consecutive wood planks forming the fence between me and my neighbor not 5 feet away from me as if they were serenading me. It wasn't on my doorstep, but they were singing sweet songs of melodies pure and true with their little chirps. I made myself as still as a statue and just watched them. This went on for a solid 3 minutes before they flew off.

I shall take this as a message from the Cosmos.

Edit: TPD, I took 0.1mg clonidine last night. It could be psychosomatic but I was able to last much longer outside in the 6am coldness and didn't shiver or have goosebumps. Thanks for that tip.
 
Last edited:

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
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55,026
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Looking-Glass Land
Super glad to hear it worked out well for you Phil :) you've got a really good head on your shoulders, I have no doubt you will go farther than you ever imagined, indeed!
 

Phil.McKeer

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Jul 20, 2015
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905
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Scumdoggia
Thanks :)

All day I've had that Bob Marley song stuck in my head. Which is great, because I have this thing where songs that I specifically DON'T like get stuck in my head, sometimes going over 24 hours (like I'll have "Dancing Queen" by the Beegees pop into my head one day out of nowhere, go to sleep, and wake up with it still playing). Fucking torture, man.

Every little thing...is gonna be alright da na na na na na
 

Phil.McKeer

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Jul 20, 2015
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Scumdoggia
The one big question I have is...where is the crippling depression?

I've always had a black cloud over my head, before dope. Shit, it's at least half of why I got into dope (the other half was real pain).

I've been on a good one. Which scares me, because all that rises soon must fall.
 

Stargazer

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Joined
Apr 28, 2013
Messages
1,678
Thanks for this thread Phil. Ive been following it and it's helping me. Im trying to get back on track after over 2mos straight slipping up. Im on day 7 today. Been using subs and tapering down.

I used 8, 8, 8 then 2 days w off. Then 4, 4 today. Im getting 3 more strips today, so Im going to go down from here. I admire how well you're doing- great work.

I felt shitty on those 2 days off. But, I feel shitty even on to be honest. Not sure if I care for subs for detox. I have gabapentin, but I take it daily. It doesn't have the same soothing feeling as it does when you aren't tolerant to it. Still, Im very grateful for it as it helps me w severe anxiety and panic attacks that Ive had all of my life. Im feeling anxious and sad though. Bleh.

Thanks for the thread Phil! Congratulations. :).
 

simco

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Aug 20, 2014
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with the dead crow god
Phil, maybe the finches took away all the depression :)

ok, prolly not. But it's a cute idea.

more seriously, it seems like opioid wd-related depression varies tremendously in intensity from time to time, even during early recovery. It's actually something I've been noting in several currently active SL recovery journals. I suppose that's obvious in many senses. But it is amazing to me how unpredictable this symptom is. ...for now, I'm just super glad to hear that you're getting a reprieve from it.
 

Phil.McKeer

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
905
Location
Scumdoggia
Thanks for this thread Phil. Ive been following it and it's helping me. Im trying to get back on track after over 2mos straight slipping up. Im on day 7 today. Been using subs and tapering down.

I used 8, 8, 8 then 2 days w off. Then 4, 4 today. Im getting 3 more strips today, so Im going to go down from here. I admire how well you're doing- great work.

I felt shitty on those 2 days off. But, I feel shitty even on to be honest. Not sure if I care for subs for detox. I have gabapentin, but I take it daily. It doesn't have the same soothing feeling as it does when you aren't tolerant to it. Still, Im very grateful for it as it helps me w severe anxiety and panic attacks that Ive had all of my life. Im feeling anxious and sad though. Bleh.

Thanks for the thread Phil! Congratulations. :).

I'm way stoked to have been of any help to you. Thinking back on more challenging rattles, I felt like shit right through the same # of days and at the same rough dose scheduling as you have been taking (back when I was kicking an undisturbed 2-year everyday habit). You'll get stable and feeling better soon though man. And...imagine if you had no subs...that would suck!


Phil, maybe the finches took away all the depression :)

ok, prolly not. But it's a cute idea.

more seriously, it seems like opioid wd-related depression varies tremendously in intensity from time to time, even during early recovery. It's actually something I've been noting in several currently active SL recovery journals. I suppose that's obvious in many senses. But it is amazing to me how unpredictable this symptom is. ...for now, I'm just super glad to hear that you're getting a reprieve from it.

If it was the finches, they better not bring it back! Hahaha! But on the real-real, I'm sure it'll hit me like a train once everything has had a chance to settle. Or who knows...maybe it won't. The suspense is titilating!
 

Phil.McKeer

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Joined
Jul 20, 2015
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905
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Scumdoggia
Funny new symptom - labor affect. And I don't mean watery eyes. I mean "think of lofty ideal and cry at it's loftiness" or "hear a baby cry and cry at it's loftiness" hahaha.
 

Meatman354

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 29, 2017
Messages
16
I'm currently doing a similar tapper and am super proud for you bro! It just gets better every day!! Except I'm not sleeping at all!! Wish I had some benzos cause the natural sleep aids don't work! But I'm just happy to be where I am!
 

Phil.McKeer

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Jul 20, 2015
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Scumdoggia
Rolling with the punches, T. Thanks for checking on me it means a lot.

Thanks Meatman, hopefully we can help each other hang in there. Based on how little sleep I get anyways I've decided to just pull an all nighter to catch up on work (I'm self employed). How's it going for you aside from the lack of sleep?
 

Meatman354

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 29, 2017
Messages
16
It's really pretty good bro!! I'm at probably 85-90% but I'm coming off a huge 2 year dependency. G/day and a few iv fent patches per day.
I'm really shocked tho... it's mainly the no sleep. I feel like it's not healthy... I've had 4.5 hours in the last 4 days. But whatever I'm just proud that I'm not puking and shitting on myself while wanting to sprint a marathon and pass out all at once hahaha
 

Meatman354

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 29, 2017
Messages
16
I hear you on the pain deal too! I'm an ex pro motocross rider and have broke nearly everything and have had 33 concussions and usually when going through cold turkey I have the worst body pains! That's what drives me back and it's not like I want this lifestyle homie!! As you know the life of an adict is a dark and painful place!
I'm self employed now also and it's hard to pull myself into motivation! But I'm sure like everything else if you push for it then it will come.
I look at my problem like this: if every time you get high you get a fun token and in order to get clean you must turn them in and pay the piper
 

Jabberwocky

Frumious Bandersnatch
Joined
Nov 3, 1999
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55,026
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Looking-Glass Land
Nice :) All nighters can be fun sometimes, just make sure you don't push yourself too hard in the coming days as your body recovers. It is amazing how important sleep is to our wellbeing. Not only that, but it is so much easier to be more productive when there is already a well established and habituated sleep schedule/pattern in place.

However, in early recovery, I don't think you could ask for more than the ability to roll with the punches. Finding ways to meet our needs and not get too caught up stressing out about the future or wrapped up in the past is so crucial, especially in the early stages of this process (well, throughout the process really). But I digress...

Keep up the good work Phil!
 

Phil.McKeer

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
905
Location
Scumdoggia
Yo, Meatman! I'm chillin' man, sorry for the scarcity on the updates. Just trying to keep busy but things are moving along here. How's it going with turning them fun tokens back in for you?
 

P0kemama

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Apr 4, 2015
Messages
873
Location
Western states
Phil.
I enjoy reading your latest posts... you made me smile... I hope you are starting to get a little sleep, and that you have a good week-end. Take care of yourself!
 
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