It sounds like you are addicted. Not physically but psychologically.
I once saved up an enormous amount of 10mg methadone tablets while quitting methadone. I tapered off without ever telling them but since i was getting takehomes and my dose was extremely high I saved up thousands of pills.
Years later I decided to take a recreational dose of methadone once every 10 days. My logic was that this would prevent any chance of physical addiction.
And it did. Except the problem was, I was counting down the days between doses, thinking about it nonstop. On the night of day 9, the night before my next dose, i felt like a kid on the night before Christmas, could barely sleep because I was looking forward to it so much. Here I was, thinking I found a clever work around, but I didn't.
I was addicted. Just not physically.
I can't even remember the last day I did Kratom and have not given it a thought. I took a small dose (1 gram) of shrooms last night and a couple v's to get asleep, but that is it. I have kind of been thinking about smoking some marjijuana. I had a little last night, the first time in 6 weeks. I have acces to so many drugs, but use them so infrequently I never really think about any particular drug.
The only thing I really obsess about is my training. got rhabdo and dying to get back in the gym. And push. Think about that. A lot