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MDMA Recovery (Stories & Support)

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FluxRider

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 6, 2012
Messages
33
That's awesome dude. Glade to hear. Just curious. During your comedown was music hard to enjoy? Did you got get that excitedness over sounds like typical. I'm getting significantly better. But the music thing is most frustrating. Almost like I can't "connect" with it the same way. Doesn't give me that ecstasy when listening to it. I mean I'm not surprised. I'm the same way in other aspects. Just curious if you can relate.

I know exactly what you mean. My second time around I had this but it came back after a month or 2.
 

garchi

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 2, 2008
Messages
79
Location
GER
Here, I also recovered from abusing the everlasting shit out of mephedrone/methylone and the following deep depression. I wish you, Nambo, the best on your way, it may feel long but you will reach the end and feel normal again.

Concerning music: Even during my recovery, I generally felt music very intensely (albeit often with negative conotation). I guess that's because I didn't suffer much from depersonalization and more depression. But since then (it's been like 4 years) I've grown to appreciate music much better than I did before my fuck up. It's just different from day to day, mood to mood, and of course dependent on the music, if I feel that "surge" but it definitely happens often enough.
 

FluxRider

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 6, 2012
Messages
33
Damn. I've had this for 9 months already. Does it slowly come back?


I'm sure it will come back but it's difficult to say when it will for you. This new years I'll be at a year from my first bad comedown. On that one I never had any loss of pleasure from music but once I felt a little better I stupidly decided to roll again and on this one I did experience it for the first 2 months. Everything sounded really hollow, lifeless and just didn't feel right. I never could get the warmth and tingles you get from music. It's hard to explain but I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about. I eventually just stopped caring about it and it returned slowly. Some days I'd feel like I used to when I listened to my favorite song at the gym but then the feeling would evaporate and be lifeless again. But now at, 4 months into my second comedown, I can say music definitely sounds normal again.
 

pmz

Bluelighter
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
548
I know exactly what you mean. My second time around I had this but it came back after a month or 2.
I'm sure it will come back but it's difficult to say when it will for you. This new years I'll be at a year from my first bad comedown. On that one I never had any loss of pleasure from music but once I felt a little better I stupidly decided to roll again and on this one I did experience it for the first 2 months. Everything sounded really hollow, lifeless and just didn't feel right. I never could get the warmth and tingles you get from music. It's hard to explain but I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about. I eventually just stopped caring about it and it returned slowly. Some days I'd feel like I used to when I listened to my favorite song at the gym but then the feeling would evaporate and be lifeless again. But now at, 4 months into my second comedown, I can say music definitely sounds normal again.

Interesting. Yeah. It seems like its getting better. I've been dying for that amazing beat drop feeling to come back
 

ScaredFirstTimer

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 15, 2013
Messages
317
Ummm, I don't want to belittle your experience. . .

You're fine, get off the Internet, get off the 5-HTP.

Yeah you will be good. drop the 5-http and up your fish oil. 1000mg epa/ 500mg dha is the happy ratio. Give it a few more week. And reduce stress in any way

Thanks guys!

Seriously, thanks. Really appreciate it.

Final update!

Ok, people. When this whole longterm business started out about six months ago, I made an account on this website to share with you what i was experiencing and hopefully hear some comforting words from people who have been in my shoes. before that, i searched the whole internet about this stuff and found loads of stories from people having (almost) the same thing happen to them. What i almost never found was a good end to those stories. I can almost count the succes stories on one hand while the frightening stories of people getting messed up for a very long time by mdma/xtc are not hard to find on the internet. (by the way, it was a very good quality xtc pill i had, the real dutch deal, my friends who took exactly the same and much more than me were very very positive about the quality and they are veteran xtc/mdma users)


So i wrote about my experience and told you that i would update if things would improve. I had absolutely no guarantee that i would ever feel like my old self again. Especially when there were so little success stories and in general nobody even knows for sure what the hell actually is causing all of it. But, i am very happy to announce right now that after six months of going from hell to slowly back to normal, i can say that i am my old self again. If I were to describe the whole six month experience in a nutshell I would say it felt like something smashed my psyche into pieces and I had to pick up all the pieces and glue it back together. It was very hard and without competition the hardest test i have ever had in my 30 years on this planet. But I have made it out of the tunnel. I just wanted my story out for all people who are experiencing this right now and also for people who will experience this in the future to have one more succes story they can cling onto for comfort. My success story.

Best of luck to all of you. You will all be fine!

Hi man, great to hear! Good description of the comedown, makes it easier for me to relate.

How long did it take exactly for your brainfog (etc) to vanish completely?
 

dpd_mnk92

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 5, 2012
Messages
181
Almost exactly a year from the day I fucked up, I can finally add myself to the close-to-recovered list. I will create my own thread over the coming days which will highlight some of the things that seem to have contributed to my leap from 70% to 90% in the space of a few weeks. Love you all and now that I'm almost there, I can assure all of you people that THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

A few cognitive issues remain, but I have literally never been this happy in my ENTIRE LIFE. This is the first time I can honestly, and unequivocally, say, and actually truly believe, that this most terrible, traumatic experience will probably end up having a net positive effect for me. And i'm one of those guys who took 2 grams of adulterated MDMA in a night on the back of a year long period of heavy, heavy polydrug abuse (of mainly MDMA and AMT).

Anyone who considers suicide in this situation, I can't stress enough how suddenly things can change. One day, not too long ago, a switch just flipped. If you end it now, you will miss out on something so beautiful - I guaran-fucking-tee you. After this shit is ends, life is so unbelievably easy, carefree and HAPPY!
 

kromehayabusa

Greenlighter
Joined
Dec 30, 2013
Messages
2
Hey guys just thought I might as well share my story with u..

I have done mdma for over a year and 95% of the time its weekly or friday& Saturday high, recovery sunday.
Ive now been off it for over 2.5 months because my life has began to have changes that arent nice.. I am on autopilot at work.. my sex life is in the gutter.. my hormones are non existant. Im not fussed about sex any more... I used 2 be an active energetic guy who was outgoing always having a laugh.. I feel like my body had skipped forward 20 years... (currently 22)..

Anyway before my last night on md.. I hit a point where I could swallow a gram.. wait 2 hours and get that amazing feeling in my temples the warmth, sweats.. sensations
. Etc.
My 1st experience on mdma.. about 1/4 gram and I was on the moon for 12 hours.. i will NEVER forget my 1st md experience..now I need a gram to myself just to have sensitive fingertips... my body has become somewhat immune to it.

As I said ive now been off it for almost 3 months or so but my hormone imbalance and my brain feel different.. I just dont get horny.. I have a W**K the way people have a cigarette...just 2 get out of bed.. not because im horny -.-
Has anyone else suffered long term effects after using mdma long term?

And does anyone have and advice as to how I can regain my sex drive? It has put a huge strain on my relationship with my partner..

I would really appreciate it :) <3
 

derok

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 25, 2012
Messages
177
that is awesome man! :D can i ask you how do you bruxism improve if it did? in fact in noticing sudden improvements, still not enought but more than before...fast healing.
can you describe your diet and how you managed the time? just for curiosity...anyway i really like to hear such a good news ;)!!
 

Maya

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Feb 17, 2013
Messages
7,310
Almost exactly a year from the day I fucked up, I can finally add myself to the close-to-recovered list. I will create my own thread over the coming days which will highlight some of the things that seem to have contributed to my leap from 70% to 90% in the space of a few weeks. Love you all and now that I'm almost there, I can assure all of you people that THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL.

A few cognitive issues remain, but I have literally never been this happy in my ENTIRE LIFE. This is the first time I can honestly, and unequivocally, say, and actually truly believe, that this most terrible, traumatic experience will probably end up having a net positive effect for me. And i'm one of those guys who took 2 grams of adulterated MDMA in a night on the back of a year long period of heavy, heavy polydrug abuse (of mainly MDMA and AMT).

Anyone who considers suicide in this situation, I can't stress enough how suddenly things can change. One day, not too long ago, a switch just flipped. If you end it now, you will miss out on something so beautiful - I guaran-fucking-tee you. After this shit is ends, life is so unbelievably easy, carefree and HAPPY!
Dpd ill be waiting for your recovery post!
 

pmz

Bluelighter
Joined
May 11, 2013
Messages
548
after recovering from all this. Does anyone plan on rolling again after a long enough break?
 

MagickalKat777

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Feb 4, 2004
Messages
7,028
Location
Denver, CO
after recovering from all this. Does anyone plan on rolling again after a long enough break?

I do.

I want to roll at a festival this coming summer if I feel up to it.

I would actually roll right now if I was offered some nice MDMA crystals. I would just keep it to one 120mg dose, no booster, no alcohol.
 

dpd_mnk92

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 5, 2012
Messages
181
resist my bluelight friends. there's a wealth of anecdotal bluelight info to suggest that taking MDMA again, even in small amounts, can retrigger original symptoms, sometimes to a greater degree than the "first" long comedown (in both those with damage and those with anxiety issues). Plenty of other options to explore if you feel the need to do something x

learn from bluelighters, past and present, somedud, for instance (RIP <3)
 
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dpd_mnk92

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 5, 2012
Messages
181
but to each their own! whatever happens, report back x

and cheers maya - it'll come soon. busy at the moment with stuff I would never have dreamed of doing before - writing up cv, job applications, interviews etc
 

dpd_mnk92

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 5, 2012
Messages
181
damn dpd_mnk, reading this literally brings fucking tears to my eyes

ive been following your posts since i joined bluelight, and i know you've suffered quite a bit, but i can tell you are one smart guy, and you'll be successful at wherever you go from here

hope you get to 100% soon

i'm desperately waiting for my day. it seems there are quite a few number of recovery stories lately. hope to join you all one day soon.

happy new year

Zebrafish - thanks for the kind words and I'm glad my rants, both positive and negative, have made a difference. The fact that you are having any emotional response at all to some text on a forum suggests you are undoubtedly on the road to recovery.

I have closely followed your situation too and understand exactly how it feels to go from having so much (which we all took for granted, no doubt) to feeling stripped of everything. I was a drooling mess a year ago. The recuperative capacities of the brain are unreal. The fact that i've managed it with continued drug use (NOT recommended - every session has set me back a little) backs this up.

Take pride in your resilience. You have contemplated suicide (If i remember correctly), but have made a decision to stick with us and contribute your story to a body of stories which will help future comedowners worldwide, however dark it may be. Be happy that you have made positive steps forward in a situation others cannot even begin to comprehend.

Bare in mind that progress may stall for long periods. Things may even get worse on this road to recovery for reasons no drug-specialist or neurologist can explain (for periods of up to a month in my case). The flipside is, full recovery can occur "almost" overnight. This has been the case for several members and I have yet to read a convincing explanation as to why this may be. It just happens.

I sincerely thank and congratulate you for making the simultaneously selfless and self-interested decision to stick with us x

(P.s. sorry if I have misread or bent any facts based on my memory of your story. I hope I haven't mixed you up with another member. the general message is applicable to all though that have gone through this, though.)
 
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zebrafish

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 31, 2013
Messages
89
Yeah, I also noticed that many people in recovery seem to wake up one day and things seem drastically different. From that "turning point" recovery progresses very quickly.

One theory is that various brain functions rely on discrete networks of neurons. Rather than the specific brain function be a continuous function of the number of viable neurons in a network, all the neurons in a network must be functioning along with their respective synaptic connections for the brain function to intact.

If what we experienced is true neurotoxicity, then the damaged axons must first fully degenerate, new axons must then sprout to their destinations, new myelin sheaths must form around these axons, and new synaptic connections must be made, before a new network corresponding to a quantized brain function can start to work again. Maybe this is why there is minimal progression for a long in some people, and then suddenly once these new networks are solidified and synaptic transmission restarts again, is when noticable improvements suddenly occur.
 
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