- Jul 7, 2011
I don't need medication, nor do I "monger fear". Unless you want to respond to those studies or actually add something of value to the discussion, you're done here. Goodbye.
I don't know if this is scientifically accurate but if you are altering neurotransmitters with an external source, will the body continue to make it's own?
My reasoning comes from the fact that body builders use exogenous testosterone and after a while the body ceases to make it's own. I'm not sure if the same principle will apply.
Either way I have noticed a MUCH greater improvement after I have started using CBT and REBT techniques combined with mindfulness and meditation. It seems to me that theres no physical damage done. My blood work came back excellent. So really it's just my thoughts prolonging this negative downward spiral. Once I realized that and saw that the anxious thoughts weren't true I have steadily improved to around 80% of my old mental state. I hope in the months to come I'll return back to 100%.
I'm going to drop all supplements, embrace the lingering issues and see my progress in the coming months.
Yea pmz that's awesome to hear. Keep us posted
Hi guys, first time poster here.
I'm glad I found this thread!
Dropped 200mg of mdma (redosed) for the first time 3 weeks ago.
Experienced "suicide monday"
Experienced anxiety/dread for 2.5++ weeks
I feel the anxiety has improved greatly, but still suffering badly form memory impairment, brainfog, dizzyness, slight vision probs.
I dropped pure MDMA for the first time (not counting snorting a little bit 8 months ago, not really getting an effect) exactly 3 weeks ago. I'm normally a careful guy, but I ended up redosing, and i think i did about 200mg(250mg at the most) throughout the night. Also drank heavily the day after.
I dropped the MDMA on friday night, and I felt fine until monday evening. Then I got the insane, unimaginable panic/anxiety/dread that many of you have been describing.
I was scared shitless, and called a girlfriend right away, and thankfully she slept at my appartment 3 nights that week.
The panic subsided on the day after(tuesday), about mid day. After that I've been getting cycles of anxiety, lasting a few days, then nothing for a few days.
The last week I've been pretty good anxiety wise. I'm feeling a sense of mild dread/mild anxiety, sometimes evolvling into mild panic lasting for like 10 min. I felt almost recovered from thursday - saturday (yesterday), felt no anxiety at all.
So I feel that the anxiety problem really is subsiding, I'm functional in that sense.
An interesting thing is that I'm not depressed at all. When I don't experience anxiety I'm as happy, interested, motivated as ever.
The main problem I have now is short term memory loss, brain fog, dizziness, slightly fucked up vision (sensitive periferal vision). The brain fog has kind of gotten worse the last two days.
I have a feeling that I will get better in a matter of weeks, as I have improved greatly with respect to anxiety during these 3 weeks, but I'm also scared that I won't.
I'm a math teacher, and the brain fog is impairing me a little bit in my job.
Edit: I took 50mg 5-HTP for the first time 3 hours ago. Should I continue? Did it on an empty stomach and I actually feel like I've been getting gradually more dizzy since I took it. I'd gladly suffer that though, if it will help me recover completely.
Edit2: I should also add that I haven't experienced the brain fog permanently. During week 2 I felt close to 100% besides the anxiety.
If I can recover after what I did with MDMA, anyone can.
I started abusing MDxx in 2004. Around that time, all that was going around the Denver area were MDA and caffeine and MDA, caffeine, and methamphetamine pills. In general I rolled every single weekend and I would start rolling around 9 o'clock and eat pills until 4 or 5 in the morning. The most pills that I ever ate in a single night is unknown but on my 20th birthday, I had in my possession a total of 20 pills throughout the night and I gave away two that I know of. I'm fairly sure that I didn't drop any of them but the last count that anyone who was with me at the club that night specifically knew about was 14. These pills were high dose MDA/MDMA combo pills. We are just saying that each pill had 70mg of MDA/MDMA combo but more than likely they were closer to 100mg if not a bit higher. At best, I ate 980mg, at worst... a lot more, around 2 grams. I had my first panic attack that night after taking a single hit of white widow. That was the start of the downwards spiral.
My average pill usage was around 20-30 pills a month, sometimes more when we had MDE pills, less when I didn't have a party to go to (although in that case I usually ended up at a friend's house) and this continued from 2004 through 2007. I slowed down after that (by this time I had full-blown panic disorder and couldn't handle pills anymore - I was so fried that all I could really handle was alcohol so I did that, a lot of it, and I was also prescribed benzos for daily use because of the panic disorder I had developed) and pretty much stopped using it altogether with a few exceptions until 2010. By 2010, I seemed to be turning my life around. I finally had a great job again, I was out of the abusive relationship that I had been in, my anxiety levels were becoming more manageable, my alcohol consumption was lower, and even with all the legal trouble I got myself into in 2009, I was actually pretty happy with my life overall.
Then I came across a source for moon rock Molly. I would get it between 7 and 21 grams at a time. At first I started using it in 100mg bombs, just using two a night but soon that turned into 125mg, then 150mg, then I started going through grams in a night. At the worst, I went through around 7 grams in a 36 hour period with a buddy of mine. We were just eating it non-stop chasing the high. I crashed so hard that I don't even remember the crash. I was completely fried. I didn't think my brain would ever recover. In this time I had also stumbled on large amounts of methylone and the highest quality mephedrone available as well. Long story short, I ended up losing my job, losing my home, losing a lot of friends, I set my panic disorder off all over again, was drinking heavily both to stem off the comedown and to calm down the brain zaps, stopped responding completely to my benzos and had to switch over to Valium because the Klonopin that worked for so long just stopped, and the cycle started over.
Now its near the end of 2013 and I stopped smoking cigarettes and drinking cold turkey on 9/14 as well as starting a taper off my Valium. I haven't done any drugs other than alcohol since late 2011 or early 2012 (mescaline and 2C-T-7 were the only things that I did at the end) and I am now down to 8.75mg of Valium a day (at my worst, I was on 8mg of Xanax a day, then 6mg of Klonopin a day then 60mg of Valium a day), my insomnia is gone, my depression is gone, in fact I don't even seem to be bipolar anymore, I haven't had a panic attack in years (I am plagued by constant anxiety, however, but that could be a consequence of being on benzos for so long), and my brain is finally de-clouding.
I just need to focus on not screwing it up again LOL
People that know me around here can attest to just how far I've gone with drugs... But when I started rolling, I pretty much dropped everything else. I tripped here and there but nothing like I used to. I was tripping at least 5 times a week at one point way before I started rolling. More than any other drug class, the amphetamines absolutely decimated me. The point is that I'm recovering and you can too.