Well, these two reactions were years ago. I was not using caffeine at the time in either case, I don't think I drank at all when I was 16 or 17, which was the first time I tried it. I may or may not have been on a medication prescribed to me for either anxiety or depression. Well, here's where things get tricky. I vaguely remember being on meds as a teenager, but what actually happened was I took one dose and apparently had a black-out/freak out episode and according to my mother (who witnessed the ordeal) I just kept yelling something about my head hurting.sounds like you had a mild psychotic reaction
do you use any other drugs (including caffeine)?
LOL you think to muchYa dude weed fucks me up too alot more then it does other people. I have done thizz shrooms along with drink alot too.I can tell you just cause you have gotten fucked up on other substances does not mean weed would do less to you. Thc is it's own substance. It's like saying " dude I drink everyday and I poped a thizz and rolled balls isn't that weird?"
You should feel lucky that you experience weed like that. You should try taking hit by hit. Take one hit and you should feel something without all that mind fuck paranoia shit. And if you do get that, it won't be as bad as it is after you have takin say 10 rips off your jay. Your thoughts would be very controllable,there for having a relaxed
So when you learn to do that take a hit so those feelings can come on without being so strong, then try and contoll them and tell yourself I'm just being paranoid, no need to do this to myself. And they should go away. So once thy go away you should take another hit if you want to keep your high goin and after the second rip you shouldent even be feeling any paranoia because you just got over it after the first rip. Hope that made since to you. That's what I do when weed seems to be doing that to me....and btw I smoke everyday so know that you don't get these feelings because you are an inexperienced toker(not saying you are because Idk if you are or not). All though I have heard that some people only gor paranoid when they first started there smoking habit.
I am looking for some answers about something that happened recently. I'll try to make the story short but there is a lot to explain.
A few nights ago after getting out of work, I met with someone I haven't seen in over two years and we smoked weed. The background: A few years ago, this person and I used to smoke every day. All day. There really wasn't a moment where I wasn't high. Eventually we stopped talking to each other and while I continued to smoke, my use gradually decreased. After about a year after our separation, I was pretty much done smoking for good. I would do it every now and then after long intervals of no usage, and it just didn't have the same effect. It always seemed to make me overthink things, versus making me think about nothing. It was no longer the therapeutic high that it used to be. Around 5 or 6 months ago I tried again and felt paranoid and just didn't enjoy it, and I decided that would be my last time. Well recently I thought about it again, thought maybe if I slowly started using again that it would eventually get me back to how I used to feel, when I enjoyed the high and felt relaxed.
Bad idea, apparently.
I met with my friend, we went to a park that we always used to smoke at, rolled up and smoked. We walked around while we smoked and after the blunt was done, we continued to walk further away from the car. At first I just felt physically high and wasn't paying attention to any mental changes, but soon I just started to freak. He was talking non-stop, about things I didn't want to hear about, and I just kept paying attention to how much further we were getting from the car. It was making me very uncomfortable to be that far away from my car while I was with him. Back in the day, he did fuck up with me so I did have reasons not to trust him but no reason to feel that he would physically or mentally harm me or intentionally upset me. I got to the point where I was so uncomfortable that I told him we needed to go back. As we were walking back, it continued to get worse, I just kept getting terrible feelings inside, terrible thoughts in my head. We walked by a pond and I just had the sickest feeling that he was going to kill me and that there was no way I'd be leaving that park alive; I was picturing myself dead inside of that pond. I started walking faster and faster but no matter how fast I walked, I felt like we were not getting any further. I just kept my head down and tried to keep quiet while he talked, I didn't want to give him any idea of what I was feeling because I was scared that if I said anything it would set him off. I kept my head down for what seemed forever, and when I looked back up and to my right, we were still walking right next to that pond and my car still looked incredibly far away. I did this about 5 or 6 times, it just felt like we were getting nowhere and I continued to freak more and more inside of my own head. Eventually we finally got to the car and I felt somewhat safe, in control.
Driving was absolutely insane. As I said before, I used to get high all the time. This included while I was driving. It used to be a relaxing experience to just drive and listen to music while stoned, but this was completely different. The road looked very thin and felt as if it would go on forever. I was having difficulty driving straight, the wheel felt very heavy, I couldn't maintain my speed. We both got very weird in the car. Something was said and we both started laughing uncontrollably. Not very weird, this seemed pretty normal, it reminded me of the first time I ever got high. I just couldn't stop laughing to the point that it hurt. Eventually I started to get frustrated. He kept talking which caused me to keep laughing and was causing more pain in my face and stomach, it was literally uncontrollable. I told him to just stop talking. He did for a second and then just couldn't keep it in, he kept talking and laughing. After a point I just started yelling "Shut up! Just shut up! I'm going to need you to just stop talking right now because I can't control myself right now." and what normally would've been a good time just turned into a very serious situation for me. From what I can remember it never stopped. I started to feel very uncomfortable having him in my car and just needed to get rid of him. I finally got to his house and dropped him off, and drove back to my apartment.
Once I got inside, I just wanted to try to go to sleep, I couldn't relax and it just kept getting worse, I just wanted it to be over. I got into my room and continued to freak out on a level that I have never been on before. I turned on the light and did not recognize anything. I looked in the mirror and didn't know who I was. I saw my clothes, I was still in my work uniform, and just had a meltdown. I had no idea why I was wearing this uniform, I just was completely disassociated from my life and my surroundings. I tried to calm myself down but nothing I told myself would work. I would look at myself and I knew it was me but I did not know who "me" was. I was pacing around my room trying to get it together but I couldn't. My heart was racing and got faster and faster to the point where my chest started hurting. I wanted it to end. I got into my pajamas and thought I could try to go to sleep. Couldn't sleep. Laid there for what felt like hours but was really only minutes. I had the light off and got scared of the dark, I felt like I was buried underground. I turned the light on, which made everything worse because I did not recognize where I was. I didn't know where or who I was, literally. I tried to think back to recent events in my life and it made me feel physically sick, nothing felt familiar. My heart was beating so fast that I thought I was going to have a heart attack. My breathing was rapid and I couldn't stop pacing. I walked into my bathroom and saw scissors sitting on the counter and had visions of myself dead. I had to get out of my room, I was freaking out completely, so I walked into the kitchen. Again, nothing looked right. I looked at the knife holder on the counter and again just had sick pictures in my head of killing myself, which made me panic even more. Eventually I came to the realization (which obviously wasn't a REAL realization) that I was going to die. I had no doubt in my mind that no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I was going to die before the night was over. I thought that I was either going to die in my sleep (if I managed to get to sleep) from a heart attack, or my mind was going to go so crazy that I would get to the point of killing myself. I am not depressed, I have never had thoughts of suicide, and in that moment I was not depressed. I felt like I was fighting myself NOT to kill myself. I didn't want to die, but I just felt that it was an inevitability.
My mom was in the apartment sleeping, this was around 2:00am that all of this was happening. I fought with the thought of waking her up. I was scared that if I didn't wake her up, I would die, but I was also scared that if I did wake her up that I would end up hurting her. Again, not a violent person, and in this moment I was not angry at all, I was just scared of myself. I was scared that my mind would get so out of control that I would unintentionally do something horrible to myself or someone else. I was having very bad thoughts that were not my own. I eventually decided to wake her up. I told her I had smoked and was freaking out. She had just woken up so she didn't really understand the severity of it right away. I was pacing around the apartment flailing my arms and talking very loudly, I just kept saying "I don't understand why this is happening!" and "I need you to just explain to me why this is happening to me right now" multiple times. My skin started crawling, I was scratching all over my arms and my face and my legs and I just could not deal with myself. I knew I needed to go somewhere but at the same time I was too scared to go anywhere. I just knew something bad was going to happen in that apartment. My mom tried to sit me down and calm me down but I kept telling her I already tried and kept jumping up and pacing around even more and rambling about how I didn't understand. My chest hurt badly and kept getting worse. I could tell that I was scaring my mom but there was nothing I could do to control myself. Eventually she decided that I needed to go to the emergency room. I was scared but I got in the car. The whole way there I was making noises, rocking back and forth and continued to claw at myself. Nothing made sense at all. I needed to know who I was but I couldn't. I started yelling at her saying "Please just tell me that I am not normally like this, I need to know that this is not who I am". She said of course this wasn't who I was, but it did nothing to comfort me. Once we got there, I just kept repeating myself over and over, asking why this was happening, asking people to explain to me, crying hysterically. I kept saying I didn't understand where I was. I knew I was at the hospital but none of it looked right, I felt like I was being taken into an asylum. I felt absolutely crazy. I wouldn't stay still, they tried multiple times to get my blood pressure but I kept moving, kept clawing at myself and rubbing my face. I managed to pee in a cup after what again felt like hours, so they could do a drug test. Eventually they gave me an IV of Ativan. I physically calmed down but I was still incredibly scared. I just stared in front of me, dazed, crying, and mumbling "I just don't understand", and eventually fell asleep. While I was sleeping, the doctor told my mom and sister that there was a problem in the lab so it would take a while longer than usual for the drug test results. After a few hours, they said I could leave and said if we wanted the drug test results, to call my primary doctor to get that information. I didn't think about it at the time because I felt pretty out of it from the Ativan.
I went home and didn't wake up til late in the afternoon. I was fine at first, still out of it but I felt ok. I called my friend who I was with that night, and he said he freaked out too but managed to keep himself under control long enough to go to sleep, and never got to the level that I did. Later in the night I felt very anxious and scared. I just had an immense fear inside of me that I couldn't explain. It wasn't anything like the night before; I finally knew who I was and where I was, but just thinking about everything that had happened freaked me out. Thinking about the fact that I actually thought I was going to die, scared the living shit out of me. It still continues to. I drove around trying to take my mind off of it but it wouldn't go away, I just kept crying and freaking myself out. My chest continued to hurt. I went to the doctor yesterday and explained everything that happened, he mentioned that maybe the weed was laced. He faxed the hospital to get the drug test results and said he'd call me later. I waited all day and he never called, and of course today is thanksgiving so I didn't get a call today either. He prescribed me Klonopin. I went to work shortly after that and took one once I got there. It made me feel weird, and I didn't feel like it was something I should be on while at work. I still felt somewhat anxious, and thinking or talking about the event just made me break down and freak out all over again. Like I was reliving it. In this state, I am not myself at all. At work I am normally a very happy, talkative, "bubbly" person, I guess you could say, but yesterday I was just out of it. I think it was a combination of the meds and my own thought process. I don't want to bring any attention to myself because I don't want to talk about it but people can see a change and were mentioning that they were worried, especially the couple people I told everything to. Obviously talking about it is something that triggers this so I'm trying to avoid it if I can, but people keep asking questions, and I keep thinking about it because it's still scaring me and I'm still wondering why this would happen. Today I am still feeling high anxiety. I just want this feeling to go away. I am feeling scared and depressed and very anxious. The fear is the worst of all. This fear inside just wont go away and I don't know why. I took another Klonopin today, but I am not feeling much from it and when I took it at work I felt like it made me somewhat depressed. My sister is prescribed xanax and before I got my meds, she gave me one because she was worried and said it would calm me down. It seemed to work much better for me, worked faster and made me feel better than Klonopin, the only downside was the drowsiness and also a slight intoxicated feeling. I would prefer to have this instead of Klonopin but am not sure how to approach my doctor with this. He is also my sister's doctor and I don't know what he would do if he knew she was giving her pills to me. I am not using it as a way to get fucked up, I'm trying to help myself and so is she, but I don't know how he'll look at it.
Sorry for turning this into a novel, I just wanted to explain the best I could and I didn't stop once I started. I'm sure most people don't want to read all of this shit, but if you do happen to, I just want some insight. I just want to know why this would happen, and even if it was just the drug, why it is still effecting me a few days later. I want this to go away. As much as I try to stop thinking about it, I can't stop going back to that moment. Obviously I am alive and nothing actually happened, but to be in that moment where I was frantically trying to resist what I thought was real life impending death, and having complete disassociation from myself, it was just the scariest thing I've ever felt and it's a thought I can't keep away.