Support Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

[aihfl]

I can't get ADD meds because i have a substance abuse history

CJ is correct. I have a long history of alcohol use disorder and I am prescribed up to 20mg Adderall (IR)/day, up to 2mg of Ativan/day and 10mg Ambien per night. If your ADHD has been documented by a clinical psychologist, there is no reason a caring doctor won't prescribe you what you need.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

The two main problems would be that 1). my ADD is not well documented, just sort of a side comment my therapist made one day, and 2). not only do i abuse illicit drugs, but also wellbutrin, which is an atypical antidepressant that increases dopmaine and norepinephrine.

So I tend to abuse the meds that I need, which is a big red flag. On top of underwhelming documentation of ADD? Forget it.

Who am I kidding though, i'd probably abuse ADD meds and I know it.

But what's better harm reduction, abusing Adderall or Meth?

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Meth can be cut and is expensive but a Rx is unlimited for the most part.

 

[Jeanpauldash]

Mental illness and mental health.

Lol.

My god.

 

[Mycophile]

Mental illness and mental health.

Lol.

My god.

Just curious what you are laughing about here?

The idea that someone can have mental illness is funny?

Cause it sure as fuck ain't funny if you are dealing with it...

 

[Jeanpauldash]

Just curious what you are laughing about here?

The idea that someone can have mental illness is funny?

Cause it sure as fuck ain't funny if you are dealing with it...

All of the things that are called mental illness but are something else shitty is so tragic you have to see the humor. father chicken fucking father fucking chicken, huh, daisy?

 

[Mycophile]

All of the things that are called mental illness but are something else shitty is so tragic you have to see the humor. father chicken fucking father fucking chicken, huh, daisy?

I have no idea what you are talking about, especially the part in italics is incomprehensible.

I mean yeah, people call certain things "mental illness" which might not be, then again, there's labels for everything.

In the end, who cares what the label is?

I think if you identify with having mental illness (and i wouldn't say that about myself, I'd probably call it "psychological problems" or some shit...), but one way or another, people who identify with any of it, generally, it means they feel like shit.

If they feel like shit, I kind of feel bad for them.

How's it so different with physical illness?

If you feel like shit cause you think you have Crohn's disease but it turns out it's just a real bad case of Colitis, either way, you're shitting non-stop and can't keep food down lol. Feeling bad is feeling bad.

Mental illness is a real thing though (schizophrenia, bipolar, etc), and I'm guessing you know it.

 

[Jeanpauldash]

I have both illnesses but i'm pretty sure a lot of it is just physical illness and just being an actual person surrounded by the sci fi movie where christian bale shoots himself in the neck every morning to kill emotion people. "Sci fi"

 

[Mycophile]

I have both illnesses but i'm pretty sure a lot of it is just physical illness and just being an actual person surrounded by the sci fi movie where christian bale shoots himself in the neck every morning to kill emotion people. "Sci fi"

Not sure what you mean or what movie that is, but Christian Bale is a pretty good actor.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Yeah Jean, not quite sure what you're saying, at all, but welcome to the thread. Maybe sometime in the near future you can constructively contribute.

 

[Vastness]

^^^ Pretty sure that movie is "Minority Report" but if so it's not Christian Bale, it's Tom Cruise.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

I love Minority Report. I think that's the one with the singing aliens that bathe together. Not a fan of Tom Cruise, love Bale though. Favorite is probably Jared Letto or Johnny Depp.

My day is going fine.. have a drug test next Tuesday and an interview on Monday. I'm way over qualified based on work experience and education level but i hope the background check holds up - i heard they are CORI friendly. Seasonal position but i plan on absolutely killing it.

In other news i did a shot of Tina last night around 8PM, which is exactly 4.5 days from the drug test. I think three days is the average time it takes to clean out, so just doing one measly shot shouldn't be too bad especially if i drink a lot of water this weekend. I just had to take a sample i couldn't wait. It's so hard to resist. Thankfully next check i am not spending on drugs and will be going to xmas gifts, hair cuts, proper food and maybe an escort, because the stash is full.

TBH, it's kind of losing it's charm on me. I'm running out of things to do when i'm high and alone, and it just gets less fun every time. I might switch up the drug type of consider going sober for a while/smoking weed only.

 

[Vastness]

Shit no, not Minority Report, Equilibrium! That's the one where everyone takes their anti-emotion meds every day! Maybe it is Christian Bale then haha... Minority Report is a great film too though, can't remember any singing aliens in it, but has been a while since I watched it.

 

[invegauser]

@Vastness: Equilibrium with Christian Bale. taking Prozium everyday keeps you from feeling. your not allowed to express yourself emotionally and creatively and your not allowed to be tempted by other people's as well (big brother hard at work). you like that gunkata in the movie?

@madness00: agreed. minority report is a good movie but not a fan of tom cruise (lil piker). think there are the precogs in the water center (people might get those confused with aliens) and when he gets his eyes switched out there was a hallucination of some kind. though the rotten and moldy sandwich in the fridge was no hallucination. how can you not tell the texture of something mushy and fuzzy from something soft? it's not like a person has never touched a sandwich before. the smell alone would've been the warning factor one would think.

@Jeanpauldash: ya, with how many references and definitions there are today it's sickening isn't it. sorry to hear you have both. i think one is more of a matter of the mind and one is how the mind functions but that's generally speaking and i don't have both. i appreciate the humor (fine line between genius and insanity right!), liked how you let those here voice up for themselves and be heard so you could clarify they weren't being attacked.

it's hard to relate even though society views us all the same way. i don't have a mental illness but pretty sure my mental health has some underlying problem that's definitely not psychosomatic, so i try to relate the best i can even though i'm on the outside of those with mental illness and mental health problems as well as normies.

feel free to share your story here sometime if you would like, no pressure and no judging. (not everyone here visits TL btw so some don't know you like a few here do.)

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

I'm really curious to hear more from Jeanpauldash. I didn't mean to be off putting, just wanted to get down to business. Sometimes i forget that there are different ways of expression that are no less right or wrong than my own.

 

[6am-64-14m]

Always in some variable state of confusion for some reason: Could be blamed on a myriad of experiences but have learned to live with it.
Today things seem to be pretty chill but there is forever a dread cloud that blocks full sunshine. This cloud is the inevitable losing my friend/partner/loved-one. Seen a lot of death in my day from many causes but this "cloud" is with me all day every day.
Sometimes (rarely) I weep openly without control (just because of this mental issue)... bereavement before actual loss? No fooling myself it will never happen (not anymore, anyway).
Otherwise I will try to make our life as comfortable as posssible and cherish every moment.
Got real alpra so doing OK ATM.
Gonna puff for a sec..... hold please.

 

[mal3volent]

Last night one of the scarier shades of my anxiety reared it's head.

I have a pinched nerve or something in my neck I think. The pain radiates down under my left shoulder blade, and it's almost unbearable sometimes. I can't lay down, or sit, or anything really. There's no escape. but sometimes I can feel some numbness around my upper left thigh, and it also goes up around my chest around the general vicinity of my heart.

A while ago, probably a couple of years now, I worked myself into a full on panic attack thinking my heart was about to explode. I went to the emergency room. They did a bunch of tests, and an ekg...told me everything was fine. Just my mind playing tricks on me. My anxiety.

last night I was not having a good night at all. My shoulder was killing me. I have a liquor store I can walk to but once I give in to that, my life gets real fucked up. So instead of that, I caved and took some oxycodone I had stashed. So I sit there begging for it to stop, but all of a sudden I start have these sharp chest pains. They weren't constant, just like one every couple of minutes. But with my anxiety, I immediately thought, something's really wrong, what am I gonna do?

i just kept feeling worse and worse. My heart beating faster and faster. I knew I was gonna die. I was sure of it. I grabbed a notebook and started scribbling things down I wanted to tell my brother, and my mom and dad. And my baby niece. I fucking KNEW I was gone man...

i finally just laid down on my mattress and cried. I started thinking about who would find me. My brother. He's gonna think I od'd or something. Fuck. Finally I passed out.

woke up this morning, to my surprise. Feeling better. My next thought? I need some fucking booze.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

PtahTek - I'm glad you're trying to make the best of a gloomy situation. We're here to listen whenever you want to get something off your chest.

mal3volent - That sounds scary as fuck.. How much better are you feeling? What is the booze for, the residual anxiety? You're alive man and like you alluded to it was probably an anxiety attack. If you ever feel like your in danger like that though, go to the ER there's no harm in being surrounded my a bunch of MDs. No shame in that.

 

[mal3volent]

I think about getting alcohol every morning. I was just pointing out that even when I wake up after a (seemingly) near death experience, my first thought is how can I do more damage to myself.

 

[mtu mwendawazimu]

Oh, I didn't realize it was an ongoing problem.

Learning to cope without drugs is hard, but if we have a full heart and things to look forward to it makes it easier.

I am looking forward to seeing my family for Christmas, but I have an empty heart.

At least i'm part of the way there I guess.

Edit: But I too have self destructive, masochistic ways of being. Everything must be balance. Too much of anything and you'll start to feel like shit pretty soon, regardless if there are psychical side effects or not.