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Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

QTpi

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Good to hear!

My christmas was good as well - i ate so much triple layer caramel cake it's ridiculous. And all the gifts i got were very practical, as i like them. Family relations are looking good, and just started a new job today :). Now i can collect 20 hrs a week on top of SSDI (the maximum hours without forfeiting social security) and be balling out with minimal commitment. I used to always wear gym shorts under my jeans (in case i needed to drop trou and ball) ;).

Anyway, looking forward to getting off of meth for the new years. I may end up substituting it, but i hope i don't. It almost feels out of my control. I just wish i had something to save my money for, but i have no SO, no bills to pay being homeless, and no license ever since mine got revoked. The hedonistic side of me really just wants to continue using. I wish i had better reasons not to. Maybe some day i'll grow up.
 

CoastTwoCoast

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YAY, congrats on landing the job! You should be really proud of yourself.

It sounds like you had a lovely Christmas too!
Yum, I love caramel. hehe

You'll be much better off in the longrun without meth in your life. Don't give up trying to quit. You can do it!

I'm so happy for your good news. Keep it up. :)
 

CoastTwoCoast

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I am so looking forward to payday next week.
Since quitting Adderall 5 months ago, I've been taking Adrafinil. It helps with motivation and suppresses my appetite really well.

Took a break from Adrafinil this entire month and I've been ravenous! Taking Kratom has been making me crave food too. I can't wait to get more Adrafinil next month to suppress my appetite again.

At least I'm done romanticizing the "good times" with Adderall. I know I can never go back, but it's been a helluva rollercoaster dealing with emotions and trying to find my identity again without it.

madness00, with the meth, I think you just have to get to the point where you are really fed up and want it out of your life for good. Hopefully it won't get to the point where it does a lot of damage. Don't substitute with amphetamines. That shit is evil and just as damaging.
 

QTpi

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:/ I didn't know you were going through something similar. But you seem to be recovering quite nicely, which is a blessing.

I am already getting tired of meth. I always over do it and get spun out and it's just not fun anymore. Nothing will compare to the first time I slammed and I need to accept that.

And now that I have a job, I can actually support more than just myself. I need to remember that i'm 27 and that is not so young anymore. A lot of growing up to do.

On another note, are you an avid traveler or have you lived on both coasts, of whatever country? Just curious as to if you're the type that likes short duration or more intimate commitment, because it sounds like your relationship with drugs has been short lived, which again is awesome.

Keep on keeping on.
 

CoastTwoCoast

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Yes, you're definitely ready to quit...you recognize it's not fulfilling anymore.
That's what happened to me with Adderall. It was prescribed for major depression/ADHD, but it still plays out the same way meth and coke does. I've never done meth or coke, but the description of the addiction is exactly the same. You feel on top of the world at first, then you keep overdoing it, trying to chase the feeling it used to give you. For me, Adderall made me feel normal and like I could accomplish anything I put my mind to.

I realized I was going through scripts too early. The crash was miserable and the drug changed my personality for the worst. I had to pull the plug and cancel scripts before I risked more psychosis or death.

It's a good time for you to quit. You seem pretty aware of what's going on. You're not in denial like many. Amphetamines are no different than coke or meth. The media and doctors/drug companies have people convinced it's safer because it's prescribed. Biggest joke ever.

Anyway, I haven't lived on both coasts, no. I don't know if you were referring to my username. It's an Elliott Smith song.
My relationship to drugs is a long one, prescription-wise since early 20s. I'm mid 30s now. Still hoping for something that makes me functional. Things are looking up for January though, got an appointment with a brand new psychiatrist at a great place.
 

QTpi

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Good doctors make all the difference.

I know i'm not supposed to recommend drugs, but there are some atypical antidepressants that act similarly to Adderall in regards to focus and energy, but not on steroids like Adderall is. Kill two birds with one stone (depression/ADHD) possibly. See what your doctor recommends :)

Good luck CTC!
 

CoastTwoCoast

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^ Thank you! If my psychiatrist allows me to start TMS (transcranial magnetic stimulation) treatments at the clinic, I won't need any medication. Good luck to you as well! You're on the right track with the new job.
 

invegauser

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not to interrupt the love fest -

@madness00: congratulations on the job.

@CoastTwoCoast: fingers crossed for the new treatment, let us know how it goes.
 

QTpi

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Thanks invegauser.

You guys really think that job is an important part. I'll make sure to remind myself of that and stay accountable.

Even though my standards have drastically lowered since I got in trouble, I need to take it seriously.

Edit - I feel good coming in to it this Wednesay. If anything, a bit low from the meth binge, and a bit high from the weed smoke. So a solid fucked up baseline.
 
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QTpi

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Haven't slept for two days, almost got sectioned last night, but all in all feel a lot better even though my T thinks i'm hypomanic.

It could be from 1). coming off hard drugs 2). new job 3). new relationship of sorts or 4). just pure lack of sleep.

How's everyone else doing?
 

Melange 69

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just wonderin... has anyone read the book 'A mans search for meaning' by Dr. Victor Frankl?
 

CoastTwoCoast

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^ No. Never heard of that book. I'll look into it, thanks!

Haven't slept for two days, almost got sectioned last night, but all in all feel a lot better even though my T thinks i'm hypomanic.

It could be from 1). coming off hard drugs 2). new job 3). new relationship of sorts or 4). just pure lack of sleep.

How's everyone else doing?

Yes, lack of sleep and stress can throw us bipolar people out of wack. Coming off of hard drugs causes an emotional rollercoaster once you start going through PAWS. Insomnia is normal when coming off drugs. Do you have anything to help you sleep? Ashwagandha is great to help you relax. Google "Best Ashwagandha for 2019".
 

QTpi

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Feeling better today, now groggy from getting sleep -_-

I got Benadryl, was hoping for Seroquel but need to see psych for that one.

Ashwagandha sounds interesting. I'll check the supplement isle of Target. Was thinking about buying a shit load of dexedrine to make myself more productive at work but could easily abuse it.

I've tried 5-HTP but forget if it worked. Will definitely check out ashwagandha though sounds like it can boost cognitive function and energy on top of helping with stress and sleep - a cure all.

Enough about me!!

How's everyone's 2019 going??
 

AlphaMethylPhenyl

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5-HTP isn't good for the heart if taken medium-long term.

Not trying to bash ya, but it might be good to watch for the ol' upper-downer cycle. Like parting on stims then using a tranq to come down. Or worse so, using a tranq with a stimulant because with just a stimulant, things are scary and dysphoric. Just saying, it might be your brain/body telling you something.

Unfortunately, there is no "suboxone for stimulant". There's no approved stimulant replacement therapy as there is regarding opioids (and GABAergics, in a somewhat different manner).

Tulsi is known for healing the adrenal glands.

Every single more day that someone uses, they become more beholden to their substance. That's okay with me, because I take the same dose every day, taken as directed, get it from a guaranteed and legal supply, and don't lie to the doctor. I'm dependent. But addiction is somewhat of the opposite, thought in a certain way. It's taking more as time goes on, getting it by an illicit manner, and oftentimes involves lying and deceit, especially as one's habit grows.

Hell, I'm glad I stopped chipping with opioids soon enough. Didn't stop me from stealing in a horrible manner, but it could be way worse. I could be a heroin addict, but instead my issues that promoted my abuse are being taken care of, both by myself and the doc.

Do I like being on so much crap? No. But it's how things have to be for the time-being. I built up my trust with my provider, as well. No one lies. Everything is transparent. And I'm growing!
 

QTpi

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That's really valuable to have such a good relationship with your provider.

Habits can be tough to kick, but I'm happy to hear you have managed and are still growing with the help of your provider.

I can't say I necessarily take more doses as time goes on, quite the opposite actually. My usage is quite sporadic.

That said, it's still usage. Of illegal substances. And that, for the new year, has changed.
 

zagor11

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I haven't felt good for 2 years now. I am waiting to quit opioid and some other meds and hopefully I will get some relief for depression and anxiety
 

QTpi

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Hi zagor11. How long are you waiting to quit opioids? I hope you have a good doctor, it makes all the difference.
 

6am-64-14m

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Hi, Madness.
Not feeling bad but did get a little aggravated the last half hour at work this afternoon and told the GM to suck a dick. There was a lead up and he is very passive aggressive (i am opposite). He cannot fire me so I don't really GAF but not sure how I feel about it. One part is vindication: The other; I have to work with this idiot for a minute. I don't have to work with him (distant job offers) but the convenience wins out. Only issue is my consumption of more benzo to keep from bustin' off on his ass. Looking for the alternative to benzo use but my bus-off trigger is short in any situation (sadly; but still workin' on it....).
Needed to vent and thanks for any readers: No replies necessary.
Peace
 
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