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Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

CondiNoble

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 30, 2021
Messages
4
I feel a bit more off than usual today. Am struggling a lot with social anxiety. Living in a sober house belonging to the rehab centre I spent 9 months in for addiction. I honestly don't know how to force myself to be around people (sober). everytime I am around people i get negative re-inforcement that 'yes it was as horrible as I expected and worse, I never even factored in this even more horrible part to this social interaction prior to it'..

Without a substance I just cannot do it. I am desperately trying to find a doctor that will prescribe me benzodiazepines, however they are rarely ever prescribed long term here and if they find out about previous addiction issues forget it. They are the only thing that allows me get past that barrier to being around people.

I found a box of tramadol xr that are 12 years past their expiry date. These are providing me some much needed relief from the constant ball of stress, worry and anxiety that seems to come with a life in sobriety (for me anyway).. I really dont want to become dependant on them as I was never a big opiate fan so having a day off them today. Fully sober is just how I remember it, fucking painfully tough going!!
 

LyricalSpace

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 10, 2021
Messages
2
Hi all,

This thread should be a safe haven for those with MI, where we can chat with each other and talk about how we are feeling for the day.

I have Bipolar Disorder, and today i feel pretty stable. I've been sober for a week now because i have a probation piss test coming up, but will soon do some meth. The thing is, i stay up all night when on it, so it could quite possibly make me hypomanic.

But what's wrong with a little hypomania when your on Lithium, Lamictal and Vraylar? Can't be that bad of a crash. I mean, i've done meth before on these meds and i was fine.. I obviously don't recommend it but self medication is such a big part of my life, unfortunately.

Anyway, hopefully i can get to know some of you and we can talk about problems, successes, and just anything that's on your mind.

:D
you're just like me but bro , remember bipolar disorder is a neurodegenerative disease that kills brain cells and reduce the level of antioxidants we have in our systems, every bipolar high is neurotoxic
 

AutoTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
6,998
Feel sad,anxious and frighten somehow.An extra 5mg valium+100 vodka.Many,many people dying around.Covid.First per mortality in the world.6miliion population every day over 300 dead.Cheers
That sounds very natural actually. But fear cannot be the focus.

Building trust with life and destiny has given me enormous coping strength.

It's hard as hell still, but I made it 7 days after breaking my back a week after fracturing a hand "with" Flu lol (and legit 14 Month Long Covid).

Just can focus on today and the now though. Don't let the fear dominate.

What will be will. I am preparing.
 

n3ophy7e

Moderator: TDS, H&R, MH
Staff member
Joined
Apr 30, 2006
Messages
31,997
Location
Dex's room
Feel sad,anxious and frighten somehow.An extra 5mg valium+100 vodka.Many,many people dying around.Covid.First per mortality in the world.6miliion population every day over 300 dead.Cheers
I feel like that sometimes too, for no reason at all. Usually when it's really bad it is completely debilitating and I have to hide away in bed for a whole day until the feeling goes away.
 

AutoTripper

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 28, 2019
Messages
6,998
Maybe I am slightly alone in the feeling that every time I feel anxious or worried or annoyed there is actually a specific cause or reason which is usually in my immediate surroundings and environment and often ceases to be a problem when I have basic control over my own personal space ideally I like to have my own space to retire to whenever I need but am certainly no recluse at heart.
 

RomanJ

Bluelighter
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
206
I feel a bit more off than usual today. Am struggling a lot with social anxiety. Living in a sober house belonging to the rehab centre I spent 9 months in for addiction. I honestly don't know how to force myself to be around people (sober). everytime I am around people i get negative re-inforcement that 'yes it was as horrible as I expected and worse, I never even factored in this even more horrible part to this social interaction prior to it'..

Without a substance I just cannot do it. I am desperately trying to find a doctor that will prescribe me benzodiazepines, however they are rarely ever prescribed long term here and if they find out about previous addiction issues forget it. They are the only thing that allows me get past that barrier to being around people.

I found a box of tramadol xr that are 12 years past their expiry date. These are providing me some much needed relief from the constant ball of stress, worry and anxiety that seems to come with a life in sobriety (for me anyway).. I really dont want to become dependant on them as I was never a big opiate fan so having a day off them today. Fully sober is just how I remember it, fucking painfully tough going!!
Well your doing awesome to be in a sober house.
Social anxiety is a bitch, but I have got over most of it the past few years. I can tell you what's helped me.

Meditation, it's easy just sit down or lie down and focus on breathing or heartbeat. Gradually over 20 minutes you anxiety will come down.

Anti depressants.

Forcing myself to take some classes around other people.

Any type of therapy.
 

on.my.way🌿

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 17, 2020
Messages
486
Im managing to do the bare minimum. Feed the cats, cuddle with them, feed me, put on makeup and some days go to the store. There is a heavy weight on my chest and whole body that makes everything so much harder. Maybe meeting a "customer" today since i've already taken a few bensos i've might as well do it. I think it ruins me a bit but being able to buy fucking conditioner, finer cat food and cleaning products makes a hell of a difference. Not having to collect bottles to buy cigarettes. Actually being able to buy the food my body needs.

My stalker-ex gets out in 1,5 years. It feels like being on death row. Just waiting.. waiting.. time moves to fast I cant keep up

Re-watching True Blood and pretending that im not here right here right now its 8 years ago and nothing bad has happened yet
Im not doing great its not rock bottom but i can see it from here im falling
 

AlphaMethylPhenyl

Moderator: MH
Staff member
Joined
Jul 2, 2008
Messages
8,398
Location
Liminal
Im managing to do the bare minimum. Feed the cats, cuddle with them, feed me, put on makeup and some days go to the store. There is a heavy weight on my chest and whole body that makes everything so much harder. Maybe meeting a "customer" today since i've already taken a few bensos i've might as well do it. I think it ruins me a bit but being able to buy fucking conditioner, finer cat food and cleaning products makes a hell of a difference. Not having to collect bottles to buy cigarettes. Actually being able to buy the food my body needs.

My stalker-ex gets out in 1,5 years. It feels like being on death row. Just waiting.. waiting.. time moves to fast I cant keep up

Re-watching True Blood and pretending that im not here right here right now its 8 years ago and nothing bad has happened yet
Im not doing great its not rock bottom but i can see it from here im falling

Hey. I really empathize with what you've said. Doing just minor things can be so painful, and no one else can really feel you screaming on the inside, or at least they don't understand what it fully means. It's the worst kind of isolation. But, pressing on, corny as it sounds, really does put things into perspective.

I think that what you do is your own business, so long as it's not hurting anyone, but that includes you. It's hard to know just how to provide for oneself in a sustainable, healthy manner while living in the constrictive settings of the day.

I do think that you will press on and slowly reach a point that is not far from where you were, and may even be superior in some ways. I think that oftentimes the question becomes "why?", but that it can just as easily be "why not?", but I mean that in a healthful context. In my opinion, it is at least as logical to search for the good, as it is in recognizing the bad. And both can be of help. It's just so tricky sometimes.

Do you keep in touch with positive family members or friends? The true ones should allow you to lean on them in these troubling times.

We are, otherwise, hopefully goes without saying, here for you every step of the way. Truly.

Lastly for now I'd like to say that hindsight can really be 20/20. Maybe overall your issues were lesser eight years ago. But we humans easily discount the drawbacks of the past when we evaluate ourselves in the present. Nothing is ever the same. I think that you'll be better prepared for the future in ways that you couldn't have been in the past, by going through the trials of today.
 

PeterRog21

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 24, 2021
Messages
4
Hey, everyone. To start with, I want to say that it was a great idea to create such a thread, because for me it's better when I share my feeling, even with someone, who doesn't. even know me. It; is a way to drop down some pressure. My whole week has been awful, and I can't remember when I felt so bad. I can't sleep well, even with meds, and in the morning I can't leave my bed. I just lay and think that it's time to start a day, but I can't.
The worst things are evenings, after sunsets.
But I know, that it will be better, sooner or later, and it's the only thing which helps me to survive to the next day.
 

n3ophy7e

Moderator: TDS, H&R, MH
Staff member
Joined
Apr 30, 2006
Messages
31,997
Location
Dex's room
Hey, everyone. To start with, I want to say that it was a great idea to create such a thread, because for me it's better when I share my feeling, even with someone, who doesn't. even know me. It; is a way to drop down some pressure. My whole week has been awful, and I can't remember when I felt so bad. I can't sleep well, even with meds, and in the morning I can't leave my bed. I just lay and think that it's time to start a day, but I can't.
The worst things are evenings, after sunsets.
But I know, that it will be better, sooner or later, and it's the only thing which helps me to survive to the next day.
Hi and welcome to Bluelight! Thanks for sharing a bit of your story with us <3 Always hold on to that hope that things will get better, because they usually do. I'd love to hear more about your situation. (I'm about to go to bed though so I won't read it til the morning)
 

KnowledgeGainer

Greenlighter
Joined
Mar 1, 2016
Messages
9
Mental health vs how I’m feeling
Best advice? Detach from how you’re feeling and keep moving on. Ik that sounds wild, but recognize how you’re feeling, feel good or anxious or whatever and ignore the thoughts that come along with it. BAM now you’re meditating lol
 

hylite

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 23, 2021
Messages
4,097
I feel sad and depressed and just trying to get used to the feeling. Wow. 💕🌾
And of course add slow into the mix. Maybe I will, maybe I won't unless I have to kind of thing.
Nothing more or nothing less. Right now. But it's just sad enough.
Try to feel better always. ☺
 

ions

Bluelighter
Joined
Aug 29, 2019
Messages
7,561
Location
Pennsylvania
Ions will listen to your problems. Provide feedback, so and so, here. I'm addressing your problems, sticking points, setbacks, these things. Even better is a positive story or learning experience that you care to share. I give free consultations, so don't hesitate to PM @ions . Be aware as the day goes on, the drunker I get, and it can be alarming.

Has SHTF? Then spill your story here.

As always, it's safer to address some things in the public eye. Doctor-patient confidentiality bingo. We are very resourceful. PMs if you must.

I'm usually here 8a-6p daily.

So some of my problems. My backosaurus. Trash in throat. Ongoing interference at a psychiatric clinic for schizophrenia.

I trained at university and graduate school. You can hold me accountable. Then off to jails, the legal side. Then off to psych unit, the medical side. These are skills that are learnable in time.

Until we meet again.
The End.
 

Gdvffh

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 26, 2016
Messages
282
My problem is im diagnosed as schizophrenic. I got a drug induced psychosis from smoking weed daily. Now i hate being on meds because they make me feel like shit. Ive been on 3 abilify risperisone and flupenexiol. Sin e i keep getting off meds i got out on a community treatment order. Now im forced to get an injection once a month and i desperately wanna get off. Im 29 years old. You got any advice?
 
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