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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

seems i have stabalized over the years but never having child(ren) seems to keep me in a constantnstate of hating it and feeling blessed. wish a MF would try something if i am nearby.
i deal with several physical and mental stresses daily.but try to produce as less harm reduction as possible to function in this twisted villagenwe all share.
my biggest issue i think is when vampires are all aboutnand sucking the lfeblood from me... i feel it. not easy to deal with. my usual go to is fuckemup ondaspot but this hasnt worked so well in my experience.Getting better at diplomacy but rage is just beneath the surface.i must say that BL has made me a better person... bynfar.notmperfect andnwont claim it... unlessnone.wishes the bestnsex.ever. lol
said it before but comming with real people.online is.much preferred than the hundreds of plastic.ass zombies i gotta deal with daily. where two or more are gathered... and all that.
doing well today and like this thread as well as it's open OP. see yall round and think of me. :sus:
 
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I haven't really been sleeping much lately. Every 3rd or 4th night I don't sleep at all. I came really close to physically being dependent on Ativan when I cut my sub dose earlier this month. I had severe rebound anxiety after every dose and my tolerance went up to 2.5mg to feel anything at all. I need to back off but I have to spend 4 days in a house with my extended family starting on the 22nd and I'm a fucking mess. I don't know I'm feeling pretty screwed at the moment
 
madness00 said:
Thining of you PtahTek.

Just been stoned lately nothing new.

Until next time,

madness00
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Bout to get blowed myself. Day is done and want to get my head in an altered condition to distract from the daily daily.
Picked up a couple roxys and it's a shame a MFs gotta take a jewelers loop to what was once a fairy (used loosely) trustworthy business.
Anyway... my day went relatively well. Had to deal with public but just kinda ignored 'em. Put off shopping yesterday and got what we gonna need for christmas.
We both discussed the xmas thing and it is kinda losing it's luster as of course ignorance is bliss; right? I planted a small fir tree out front (will post pic at a later date) that may hold a bulb and light... not confident in a star. :) > think charlie brown xmas tree.
I am stressing about pharmacy, the so called "1%", psychology and our lives (recently). I know... "Don't worry about it"... how can i turn it off?
I am feeling helpless, incompetent, useless and basically all around loser for allowing injustice from greedy psychos. "Nothing can be done it's not your job to fix the world" i was told... why the f*** cant something be done? Seriously... I know I am not the man for the job so it'd have to be god? maybe? I know its been going on for eons but if you can conceive it you can achieve it, no?
Struggling with the inner conflict and looking for a peaceful solution.
Thanks for letting me vent, BL. WTF else even acts like they GAF with their cell phones and mobile devices "cant be bothered and cannot hold a conversation, either: sorry". this last was a stab at a joke so there you have it.
Again: Love you MFs.
Peace
 
Holidays is a stressful time.

Seeing family and sometimes even reexperiencing things that happened during childhood can sometimes be exhausting. I'm looking forward to Christmas because I think the relationship between me and my family can only get better. Especially when I tell them that I think I scored a job.. then they'll love me for sure. Lol. Didn't think i'd pass background. (I think my employment specialist had a word with them, not sure on the impact.)
 
^ Congrats on the good news! Your family better love you, job or not.

I'm not that excited about the holidays. My grandmother invited my lil' cousin over for a few days. She's stubborn and never listens. I imagine being very annoyed.

I'm still unmedicated because I don't see my new psychiatrist until January. I'll get through Christmas and NYE the best way I can.

Have a great holiday all!

Peace n' love.
 
PtahTek said:
seems i have stabalized over the years but never having child(ren) seems to keep me in a constantnstate of hating it and feeling blessed.
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Not having children was the best decision I ever made. I don't have any regrets about that.
Funny how I'm still burdened with other people's children at times...
 
I'm sure they do.

Yeah, people who don't listen are the worst. Especially when you really, really want something! :)

Happy holidays!
 
madness00 said:
I'm sure they do.

Yeah, people who don't listen are the worst. Especially when you really, really want something! :)

Happy holidays!
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Everything will be all right. Usually, it turns out better than expected. At least we have family and good food! <3
 
Keep the course my friends! In any large choice, maybe ask if its in line with your higher goals. Then act!

After about a month, something becomes a habit. People don't recover overnight (usually, haha). But I'm sure that if the good intent is there, it will generally guide you. Cravings last for a few minutes. Distract yourself. Drink some water. Call a friend. Meet someone for lunch. Give to others, and they will remember (even subconsciously). Confidence can be found by asserting your right as a human, equal to right of happiness. Just the same value as any other person.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
Not having children was the best decision I ever made. I don't have any regrets about that.
Funny how I'm still burdened with other people's children at times...
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I feel you....
It is the lesser of two "evils" I suppose. Wat I mean to say is that if I were to have a kid and anything were to happen I would end up in prison for the rest of my life or broken beyond repair.
Not having one kinda leaves me feeling a bit "unfinished" at times (sorry; not sure how to describe it).
I absolutely love kids and have been around quite a few over the years and they tend to gravitate to me as well. It's a warm feeling that leaves me empty when they are gone (also a little relieved ;) ). I do not dwell or brood on the matter just would love to have a little girl so I can beat up on her boyfriends. LOL
Hope your holidays are special and memorable for you this year.
One

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madness00 said:
Yeah, people who don't listen are the worst. Especially when you really, really want something.
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LOL Thanks for the chuckle.
I have a little "thing":
I want what I want when I want it. If I cannot get what I want when I want it: Then I do not want it.
 
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"If you don't pay me your debt right now, then I NEVER WANT IT!" Lol.

AMP - (which is a cool acronym) thanks for the words and thought. For how much time I spend in my own head, I'm still fairly impulsive when it comes to basic needs. What I deem as basic needs. Though I'm great at dropping habits (hobbies and relationships too unfortunately) and plan on making some healthy and economic decisions for next year.

Happy holidays!
 
madness00 said:
"If you don't pay me your debt right now, then I NEVER WANT IT!" Lol.
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Nowadays that's about right, madnes000. I can no longer bonk a bitch in the head and expect a great outcome.
On the other hand: Not many can get in my pockets as I no longer wear pants (everyone can hopefully see that I am more needy than they) and people steer clear... wish this were possible.
Easy bro.
One
 
Hello,

I?m Anton. I haven?t been officially diagonsted for anything because I don?t have the money or suffiencient insurance to do anything about it at the moment. All I know is that I?ve been struggling with violent mood swings, for a lack of a better term, since I was very little.

I don?t feel like getting into an entire life story, but I?m on a coke comedown, which I never think about until the morning after. I feel like absolute shit. I do everyday, but it?s 10 times worse after coke. I?m at my boyfriend?s house for the holidays. Both of us work when we?re back home; I have a part time job. He?s a writer. So whenever I am home to spend time with him, he?s either working or sleeping. It?s rare that we get to lay and not do anything. Right now, he?s in the other room, most likely sleeping. He went to bed early last night and I stayed up with his friend?s brother chatting while trying to come down so I could sleep.

He?s never in a position to relax and when he does, he?s unconscious. I figured if I isolate myself, he?ll come look for me when he?s ready.

Sorry if none of this makes sense. Just venting.
 
Greetings Anton - Welcome to Bluelight!

That's often a good test to see who's important in your life - do your own thing and see if they come look for you. Although it could turn into a nasty game.. but i'm sure you wouldn't abuse the procedure if all your looking for is him to come when he's ready, as opposed to wanting a one sided relationship.

Anyway, I hope you can use BL as a place to vent like you are doing.

Someone will always listen.

madness00
 
glossier said:
Hello,

I?m Anton. I haven?t been officially diagonsted for anything because I don?t have the money or suffiencient insurance to do anything about it at the moment. All I know is that I?ve been struggling with violent mood swings, for a lack of a better term, since I was very little.

I don?t feel like getting into an entire life story, but I?m on a coke comedown, which I never think about until the morning after. I feel like absolute shit. I do everyday, but it?s 10 times worse after coke. I?m at my boyfriend?s house for the holidays. Both of us work when we?re back home; I have a part time job. He?s a writer. So whenever I am home to spend time with him, he?s either working or sleeping. It?s rare that we get to lay and not do anything. Right now, he?s in the other room, most likely sleeping. He went to bed early last night and I stayed up with his friend?s brother chatting while trying to come down so I could sleep.

He?s never in a position to relax and when he does, he?s unconscious. I figured if I isolate myself, he?ll come look for me when he?s ready.

Sorry if none of this makes sense. Just venting.
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Stay strong. Do you not live in the US? We have free or next to free health care options for low-income people here.
 
Yes, I hope Anton doesn't stop seeking help for mental health. Self-medicating with coke will keep making Anton feel bad.

Hopefully the boyfriend will be attentive and supportive. That's what you need right now.

Hang in there! This is only temporary. Keep reaching out for help. Your best days are still ahead of you! :)

I don't know if you're in the states, but see if NAMI is in your area. They could help:

https://www.nami.org/Find-Your-Local-NAMI
 
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Christmas was fantastic, much better than expected. My lil' cousin hasn't been here yet so that may have helped.
I helped make dinner and dessert, it all was very good. Thank you, Jesus!

I don't go out on NYE because of drunk drivers. It's best to lay low.

Stay safe every one!
 
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