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Mental Health Mental Illness Support Thread V. How do you feel?

Ive started writing a daily journal and tracking my moods to try and give my doctors a better idea of what's going on with me. Only been doing it for three days but I like it. I forgot how much I like journaling
 
^That's a technique that I completely forgot about but that can be really helpful to people. Journalling, even a bit, grants one comfort and provides valuable information to one's doctor and therapist.
 
Journaling is great. I use an online diary app.

I've been bummed out lately. Went to my new psychiatrist to ask about TMS treatments. He said insurance won't approve it because it's only for treatment-resistant major depression.
I was diagnosed with major depression in my early 20s, then a few years ago, bipolar was added and that's what fucked me. I guess they think the TMS treatments might make me manic. Mania is better than feeling miserable all the time.

Then he started rattling off all these lame ass antidepressants I've already tried; Prozac, Zoloft, etc. He wouldn't even give me a script for klonopin! Claiming it's "addictive and causes dementia". I felt my heart drop from disappointment.
It's not addictive for me, I take it as needed and I explained to him I've been anxiety-ridden and agoraphobic since quitting Adderall 6 months ago. He said we'll see about the klonopin next month.
He wrote a script for Cymbalta and Seroquel for sleep, that's it.
I have a friend who went through nightmare withdrawals while quitting Cymbalta so I don't know if I even want to start it at all.
I came home from my appointment and cried all night long. The TMS was like a last resort in my mind. I'm basically no better off than the last clinic I was at. I like my new therapist though.

Hypnotherapy is still an option at least. I'm just so disgusted with everything at this point. It's a joke. A lot more should be done for treatment-resistant cases and not just for major depression. Being bipolar feels absolutely hopeless.
 
That fucking sucks..

Is ECT an option?

He sees you took Adderall responsibly but can't trust you on klonopin? Maybe he just needs time to better know you, and understand that you are there to see him for legitamite purposes. I think saying "we'll see about klonopin next month" was just a test to gauge your abuse potential since he doesn't know you so well, but if I were you i'd remain hopeful that it's still an option.

It sounds like he needs to cover his own ass and say that you're resistant by his own standards before treating you effectively, which is annoying as fuck, but I guess it makes sense from the view of a hypervigilant, untrusting doctor. Anyway, that's the trouble with switching clinics I guess.

I think as long as you keep doing what you're doing - being open and honest with him - he will see in your eyes that you need help and are not trying to play the system and will in fact help you. He's just extra cautious for reasons we don't exactly know or understand.

I hope you get everything you need and more. You're a big support to others here and you need the same.

Don't back down.

madness00
 
Thank you for that. There's a 5 star hypnotherapy place in my area. When I save a couple hundred bucks, I could give that a try. He treats people with all kinds of problems: mental, weight, cigarettes...I've seen reviews from people saying they're cured.

I won't quit the new clinic to go to the hypnotherapist. It will just be something I try on the side to see if it helps.

I would never ever do ECT. I don't trust it. I've seen a lot of people say they lost a lot of their memories and the depression came back in the end anyway.

Hopefully you're right that my psychiatrist is just trying to get to know me first and hopefully you're doing well!
 
I've heard that too about weed. If you're already susceptible to a mental illness, weed or any substance abuse triggers it.

Weed tends to make me paranoid. I was watching a documentary tonight on Showtime about the sports announcer, Mauro Ranallo. It's called "Bipolar Rock N' Roller", it's worth a watch. It was quite comforting actually because the struggles are relatable.

Anyway, Mauro said weed is the only thing that helps him with his illness, not pharmaceuticals. I started thinking maybe I should give weed more of a try and maybe I haven't found the right strain. How convenient that my ex now sells it. He could hook me up if I wanted it. lol

Then again, treatment isn't one-size-fits-all. What works for one person, may not work for another just because you share the same illness.
 
Man, weed really does great things for me emotionally. I tend to not be in touch with my emotions until i take a hit of some dank ass buddings.

I have made some life changing decisions while high, and all for the better. When i sober up, i'm like "yeah, i totally needed to do that".

It's eye opening for me, similar to psychedelics. I live in my mind, and weed brings the most important things to the forefront.

CTC you're in my thoughts and i hope you get everything you deserve from your psych. Keep us updated
 
Last edited:
madness00 said:
Man, weed really does great things for me emotionally. I tend to not be in touch with my emotions until i take a hit of some dank ass buddings.

I have made some life changing decisions while high, and all for the better. When i sober up, i'm like "yeah, i totally needed to do that".

It's eye opening for me, similar to psychedelics. I live in my mind, and weed brings the most important things to the forefront.

CTC you're in my thoughts and i hope you get everything you deserve from your psych. Keep us updated
Click to expand...

Wow, that's awesome.

Thank you and will do! :)
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
Journaling is great. I use an online diary app.

I've been bummed out lately. Went to my new psychiatrist to ask about TMS treatments. He said insurance won't approve it because it's only for treatment-resistant major depression.
I was diagnosed with major depression in my early 20s, then a few years ago, bipolar was added and that's what fucked me. I guess they think the TMS treatments might make me manic. Mania is better than feeling miserable all the time.

Then he started rattling off all these lame ass antidepressants I've already tried; Prozac, Zoloft, etc. He wouldn't even give me a script for klonopin! Claiming it's "addictive and causes dementia". I felt my heart drop from disappointment.
It's not addictive for me, I take it as needed and I explained to him I've been anxiety-ridden and agoraphobic since quitting Adderall 6 months ago. He said we'll see about the klonopin next month.
He wrote a script for Cymbalta and Seroquel for sleep, that's it.
I have a friend who went through nightmare withdrawals while quitting Cymbalta so I don't know if I even want to start it at all.
I came home from my appointment and cried all night long. The TMS was like a last resort in my mind. I'm basically no better off than the last clinic I was at. I like my new therapist though.

Hypnotherapy is still an option at least. I'm just so disgusted with everything at this point. It's a joke. A lot more should be done for treatment-resistant cases and not just for major depression. Being bipolar feels absolutely hopeless.
Click to expand...

Some doctors just don't write benzos as a policy. Dealing with phychiatrist can be so maddening
 
Ugh, I know! I was hoping with this new clinic, it would be a different situation with the benzos, but it's the same. To claim it's "addictive", but technically I'll be addicted to Cymbalta if I start it and end up going through nightmare withdrawals like my friend did. The klonopin would only be used as needed so that's actually less harmful to me.

It's just ridiculous, they're willing to prescribe what is essentially crystal meth (amphetamines), but oh no, benzos are not allowed.
 
CoastTwoCoast said:
... they're willing to prescribe what is essentially crystal meth (amphetamines), but oh no, benzos are not allowed.
Click to expand...
Seems everyone is on it, too (ads or the like). Bug out on ya when they run out... go figure. I spot it every-time: Seen it so much lately.
It has become a "thing" finding real benzos lately but stock 'em when they do pop up... just gotta employ self-control.
 
PtahTek said:
Seems everyone is on it, too (ads or the like). Bug out on ya when they run out... go figure. I spot it every-time: Seen it so much lately.
It has become a "thing" finding real benzos lately but stock 'em when they do pop up... just gotta employ self-control.
Click to expand...

Right. I wonder when they are going to realize amphetamines are the next epidemic, but they're probably making too much money to care. The absolute loss of willpower and motivation to do anything at all is still devastating after quitting. I decided I am not starting Cymbalta, just read even more nightmare withdrawal stories on reddit.

Next time, I'll mention Gabapentin to him. Maybe he'd be more willing to prescribe that for anxiety instead of klonopin. Gabapentin does actually help with my mood, tried it before.
 
If you remember meth was the "epidemic" that preceded opiates. It wasn't as media friendly though because suburban kids don't really like that stuff. And lower class rural whites losing their minds isn't as media friendly as the current heroin narrative.

I'm pretty lucky. I've got a doc willing to write Ativan. I can't really give you advice but I can say sometimes you have to be a detective to flip the odds in your favor
 
cj said:
If you remember meth was the "epidemic" that preceded opiates. It wasn't as media friendly though because suburban kids don't really like that stuff. And lower class rural whites losing their minds isn't as media friendly as the current heroin narrative.

I'm pretty lucky. I've got a doc willing to write Ativan. I can't really give you advice but I can say sometimes you have to be a detective to flip the odds in your favor
Click to expand...

Yes, you are lucky! I'm glad your doctor is helpful. I don't know if it's just my state or if it's harder for many people to be prescribed benzos nowadays. I was used to getting them for anxiety since my early 20s.

Everything will turn out all right though. Feeling more hopeful today. Got a few tricks up my sleeve. hehe
 
Ok, so today I tried some Lithium orotate I got from a store along with some phenibut and my mood is really bright! I feel upbeat and no anxiety. This is a great combo. I'm even motivated to run on the treadmill and I haven't felt like doing that in forever.
 
That's great news.

IME, like seroquel (and probably most psychotropics), you eventually get used to the lithium and the sedation just feels like you are maintaining normalcy.
 
madness00 said:
That's great news.

IME, like seroquel (and probably most psychotropics), you eventually get used to the lithium and the sedation just feels like you are maintaining normalcy.
Click to expand...

Right. What I like about Lithium Orotate is it's nowhere near as toxic as what is prescribed by doctors and a low dose works. It's a nice, normal feeling sedation. Your brain doesn't feel like soup as if you're taking Zyprexa or something like that.
 
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