Hey mate,
yes I was using it once or twice a month but last month I saw a spike in the frequency of use, 7 times in the last month, that's what is troubling me. I am able to control the urge for few days but then somehow I give in esp when the thoughts of playing porn and getting high come to my mind when I am alone. Of the points you mentioned above, 1,3 are applicable since last month and point 5 in general. What do you suggest ?
There is little doubt you are at the fork in the road where you need to put serious conscious effort into stoping meth use altogether or accepting that you are gping to be a regular user who is prepared to pay the price that involves even before you get to the serious costs that will come if your regular using grows into full-blown addiction.
I was a user who managed to limit my use to binges for a while, and I did not have to worry about working or family, but binges did not take long to go from 2 days to 2 weeks to 2 months before I could get a grip and stop for a while. At the end of each binge I was using 1g per day.
This pattern is extremely common.
Also, when I began using meth I loved a good 8 hour porn and fapfest. After about a year or so, that had turned into very expensive chemsex orgies involving 3 or 4 asian hookers and a couple of transexuals. Once even a very expensive midget dominatrix hooker - I kid you not. This also not uncommon amongst meth users. In fact it’s pretty tame compared to what some people here have confessed to.
Your real risks even at moderate but regular weekly usage are:
1. Making and keeping friends and having a decent social life not based on dealers and hookers.
2. Finding and keeping a decent job and advancing in your career whatever it may be.
3. Acquiring and developing new skills - through education, training, or experience that will help you move up in life.
4. An increasing lack of morivation towards just about everything normal people appreciate amd value (like in 1. 2. & 3. above)
5. Gradual health issues no matter how much you try and mitigatec them. Including internal cardio-vascular issues that you don’t feel now but that could take years off the end off your life.
6. Gradual but significant changes in your psychology, personality and character that are usually negative and that seem to get worse when you try and stop using or binging.
Lots of people accept all these things as a reasonable price to play for the pleasures of meth. Especially in a place like America where it is so cheap. It’s a bit more challenging here in Australia where meth costs 10x what it does in the US.
Though on the plus side we have much better welfare, free medicine, free education, and lots of state-funded resources to put fucked up drug-fiends back together again if they need it.
I don’t want to overplay things or scare you into stopping. I love meth, have used a tonne of it, am currently abstinent and want to stay that way for a long time, but I admit I’ll probably use it again some time.
Do note though, that the compulsions you feel to use are normal, that they will stop after a few weeks if you stop soon and lead a healthy fulfilling life, but they can be triggered again in the future by different things (like watching the same porn again when you are a bit depressed).
If you do quit soon you also need to be prepared for the possibility of a soul-destroying comedown if you have any kind of anxiety or depression issues already. Post again in that case for further advice on managing.
