☮ Social ☮ PD Social Talk Thread: If 2020 Was the Dumpster, Can 2021 Be the Fire?

[cosmic charlie]

Having a amazing day on a 24hr pass from the halfway house with my girlfriend. We rented a room at this really fancy hotel with a swimming pool in this cute town. Gonna go out to eat and get something delicious, it cost us 160 bucks for the room but it's well worth it to spend a romantic night with my woman. After all this is why I work so hard all week to have these special times with my loved ones. Hope your all doing well also, love you Fam

 

[Xorkoth]

Dude I feel you… imagine being that worried on 750ug AL-LAD and knowing a tornado touched down nearby lol. My cat and I were running circles in our home in a panic. Thank god for diazepam.

Oh man, that sounds like a nightmare. My girl one time, pretty early on when we didn't live together or hang out every day, had told me she was going to call me later, after she drove home from my house. She had to take the highway so I always sort of worried. She didn't call and it wet straight to voice mail for a day and a half. By the end of that I was beside myself. was SURE she had gotten in a car accident and her phone was broke and that was why. Finally I called her at her work, I looked up the number. She answered, I was so relieved. She thought it was sweet but was a little taken aback by how worried I said I was. Her phone had died and she couldn't find her charger.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

Oh man, that sounds like a nightmare. My girl one time, pretty early on when we didn't live together or hang out every day, had told me she was going to call me later, after she drove home from my house. She had to take the highway so I always sort of worried. She didn't call and it wet straight to voice mail for a day and a half. By the end of that I was beside myself. was SURE she had gotten in a car accident and her phone was broke and that was why. Finally I called her at her work, I looked up the number. She answered, I was so relieved. She thought it was sweet but was a little taken aback by how worried I said I was. Her phone had died and she couldn't find her charger.

I think it’s reasonable to be worried in this day and age when someone, especially a loved one, doesn’t answer their phone for a whole day.

My wife acts like I’m crazy but my brain just starts shuffling through all the horrors she could have endured when I can’t reach her. It especially galls me that she won’t carry a small handgun in her purse but I got her to carry a can of pepper spray instead. Small victories.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

Dude I feel you… imagine being that worried on 750ug AL-LAD and knowing a tornado touched down nearby lol. My cat and I were running circles in our home in a panic. Thank god for diazepam.

Damn, actual anxiety on psychs concerning 'real' events must be grim af...poor cat must've been terrified too cos as we all know they're ultra sensitive to our mental states....one of the reasons I strive to ensure set and setting is as perfect as poss especially on high doses

The worst I've had was being chased by a 200 foot giant hedgehog down the beach!

 

[Dreamflyer]

Years ago my parents were out all day and I couldn't reach them by phone, then the cops came to my door (for an unrelated neighborhood matter). I almost had a heart attack!

 

[Chris Timothy]

Dude I feel you… imagine being that worried on 750ug AL-LAD and knowing a tornado touched down nearby lol. My cat and I were running circles in our home in a panic. Thank god for diazepam.

"Faster Felix FASTER we must cancel out the rotational energy before the vortex reaches us"



Not funny in the moment I'm sure.

 

[Xorkoth]

Was it a 200 foot Sonic the hedgehog?

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

Was it a 200 foot Sonic the hedgehog?

'fraid not - it was made of sand and a kinda hedgehog/guinea pig hybrid and it definitely meant business

probably the fastest I've ever run tbh

 

[cosmic charlie]

Well the trip with her went great aside from me having the worst sleep ever, I think it's absolutely related to me coming off the Zyprexa. It's causing me to have pretty bad insomnia I tried to drink this Bang Energy Drink when I woke up but it just could not touch it and I started to get really nauseated. Had to call out of work which I feel pretty guilty about, but I have never done that before at this job and it's not something I will be making a habit of for damn sure.

Pretty sure I have already gained a tolerance to the Diphenhydramine and I remember reading online in the past that it only truly works well for three days in a row and then after that point the body becomes immune to it. Feeling quite better now I was able to take a nap for hours and I'm gonna make myself something to eat in a bit and watch some more episodes of Soft White Underbelly on YouTube. Got my vial with 30mgs of DOC in my possession now so I'm contemplating going on a solo trip with that in a week or two and starting off pretty small maybe even 1mg -1.5mgs and feeling it out again I'm gonna have no tolerance at all.

My stash of 4-AcO-DMT has arrived also so grateful for that gem right there I left that and the 2C-B, 2C-E and aMT with my girlfriend so I don't gobble it up here and save them for special occasions, I'm doing pretty good psychedelic wise now, gonna take that one in a couple weeks with my girlfriend possibly on the next pass. I'm gonna be trying to not use the Diphenhydramine daily now tho and only take it certain times of the week like when I have an earlier shift at work and can't rest up in the afternoon etc. I will deff be staying off it the week I trip on the Psilacetin so after I come down and I'm at like the 8-10hr mark I can drop some and catch some Zzz's.

Thankfully I actually filled in one day this week when someone else called out so it will help me not fuck up my hours for the week and it makes me feel less guilty, I mean come on we all need a sick day once in awhile and add long as I do not make a habit out of this I'll be fine I'm sure. Tommorow I have a shift from four to close so I will come in and work my ass off and make it up to them. When I talked to the one manager he told me not to worry about it so I'm just not gonna be too hard on myself. Highly doubt the are gonna fire me over a single sick day I'm just being paranoid right now.

Was really amazing having the day and night with my girlfriend in the hotel like that, we got to make love in a King Size bed a couple times and snuggle and hold eachother close. Which is really special for us cuz alot of the times we spend the visits in the car which is pretty difficult from a romantic standpoint. Tell you what tho I will truly never take it for granted when the day comes down the line and we are able to live together and truly share our time. She is a really good woman and treats me so well I'm a very lucky guy.

<Manager text me back and said get some rest and I will see you tomorrow, so all is well and I can rest easy>

~Cosmic Charlie

 

[Chris Timothy]

Finally two complete days without weed, booze, caffeine or carbs. Especially the weed, for which I hadn't found a good reason not to have an evening puff of, was bringing back tinnitus in tonal form, as opposed to the soft CRT hiss. That was not exactly acceptable.

Now it's just a matter of repeating this one hundred times, and the two-year aural repair program will be complete.

 

[cosmic charlie]

Been thinking about this for the last day or so and planning on taking 1mg of DOC next week and popping my psychedelic cherry again after this haitus. That should be a really nice day I'm gonna take it very early in the morning like 7am, right after they give me my Methadone. Then I'm gonna lie back in bed for awhile, this will be on a day I have off from work.

Once it starts to develop I'm gonna put on my headphones and head outside and walk some laps around the compound here and enjoy the weather. Maybe bird watch while I'm listening to some music, it should be a really nice time. Contemplating taking a full 2mgs and going for a full on trip but for whatever reason I'm feeling like I should slowly reintroduce these compounds and treat them with alot of respect.

How do you guys feel about this should I just go for the full on trip at 2mgs or use it as a day enhancement moreso and take the 1mg and wait a few more weeks before I take a higher dose of the DOC?

it would deff not be a micro/macro dose cuz DOC is a powerful/potent drug and I would expect to develop into something meaningful even at that level...

Other alternative is waiting until me and my girlfriend are together on the next pass and taking a healthy dosage of 4-AcO-DMT simultaneously and having a union of our souls. This trip will still be happening if I take the DOC but if that be the case I'd be entering the evening with slight tolerance. But since they are from different classes phens/tryps and I haven't been using for so long I'd still have a powerful trip off 20mgs of Psilacetin I'm sure. Especially if I'm only using a 1mg "museum" dosage earlier in the week.

~Cosmic Charlie

 

[Mjäll]

Been thinking about this for the last day or so and planning on taking 1mg of DOC next week and popping my psychedelic cherry again after this haitus. That should be a really nice day I'm gonna take it very early in the morning like 7am, right after they give me my Methadone. Then I'm gonna lie back in bed for awhile, this will be on a day I have off from work.

Once it starts to develop I'm gonna put on my headphones and head outside and walk some laps around the compound here and enjoy the weather. Maybe bird watch while I'm listening to some music, it should be a really nice time. Contemplating taking a full 2mgs and going for a full on trip but for whatever reason I'm feeling like I should slowly reintroduce these compounds and treat them with alot of respect.

How do you guys feel about this should I just go for the full on trip at 2mgs or use it as a day enhancement moreso and take the 1mg and wait a few more weeks before I take a higher dose of the DOC?

it would deff not be a micro/macro dose cuz DOC is a powerful/potent drug and I would expect to develop into something meaningful even at that level...

Other alternative is waiting until me and my girlfriend are together on the next pass and taking a healthy dosage of 4-AcO-DMT simultaneously and having a union of our souls. This trip will still be happening if I take the DOC but if that be the case I'd be entering the evening with slight tolerance. But since they are from different classes phens/tryps and I haven't been using for so long I'd still have a powerful trip off 20mgs of Psilacetin I'm sure. Especially if I'm only using a 1mg "museum" dosage earlier in the week.

~Cosmic Charlie

Slow and steady to me is more compatible with the life- and mind-affirming wisdom related to psychedelics. It's the way of kindness and self-compassion.

I wish you a great time.

 

[Xorkoth]

How do you guys feel about this should I just go for the full on trip at 2mgs or use it as a day enhancement moreso and take the 1mg and wait a few more weeks before I take a higher dose of the DOC?

I think whatever you do, you should not let your excitement get the better of you, though I'm sure it's super excting to be able to trip again. You mentioned you want to trip with your girl on 4-AcO-DMT and you would have some tolerance from the DOC. My recommendation would be, if she is down to do the trip at that particular time, you should wait on the DOC, or else move the 4-AcO-DMT trip out a week or so. That way, you'll be sure to both get the most out of each trip, and not start to get habituated to dosing with increasing frequency. That would be good both because of keeping tripping down to a sustainable level that allows you to fully integrate each one and make your new stash last as long as you want it to, and also so that the people on your compound don't start to wonder why you've got saucer pupils. That would be really bad if people got suspicious and you had to deal with a bunch of nonsense, it might impact your ability to move on with your life and regain an independent living situation.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

It's so damned hard to get out of a rut of depression.

Yesterday the weather randomly cooled down into the 70s so I took some buprenorphine, and had a few brandies while smoking my tobacco pipe on the porch and chatting with my wife. And I exercised before, felt pretty good, had a good night. Had good food. Stayed up a little too late cause I started to nod on the couch and woke up at 1am and finally stumbled to bed.

Well anyways, I'm still feeling in the dumps, despite a good weekend where my wife and I reconnected a lot. I don't get it. I hope I can work my way out of this slump, I need to change things in my life. Obviously getting off dope would be a big help... but being on it is helpful too, just... differently. I guess I'm scared to face the music.

 

[Xorkoth]

Depression is weird. I think overall it definitely is primarily an indication from your brain/body that you need to make a change of some sort. Although it can also be neurochemical in origin and not be related to life changes, but generally that is in people who suffer from bipolar or other mood disorders, which it doesn't seem like is the case with you. Even people suffering from PTSD or other depression as a result of early life experiences can address it with therapy, though it's a lot more complicated than it is for someone just suffering from a situational thing.

At the same time, sometimes we just get in a rut, and it doesn't always make sense fully, to me anyway, in my own experiences with it, why it started or how to end it. A great example for me was the second half of this winter. I typically get seasonal affective disorder, and it gets more and more severe as I get older. Sometimes there is no reason for it other than the winter. The first half of this winter was pretty easy, but the second half, the half that is usually the easier one, was horrible for me this year. I was absolutely miserable, and it had a lot to do, intellectually anyway, with a large amount of dissatisfaction and even regret about my relationship. I had a couple of trips on 2C-N that helped me to say some stuff that I had been needing to say very badly, which helped, but the depression was still hanging on, almost like my mind was just used to those thought ruts. For whatever reason, I did a few doses of MXE which I managed to obtain, over a period of a couple of weeks, and the lingering depression was blasted away, as well as the lingering annoyance with my girlfriend. It was like a switch. So far it has not come back, although some days are better than others, and like you, I know getting off the opiates will make it a lot easier to feel stable (which I am working on). Also, the fact that winter is well over and we're gearing towards summer helps me a lot, I know.

What's my point? I kind of diverged a bit, but I guess my point is, cut yourself some slack and keep the hope that you'll kick out of this slump. But also, keep in mind that there are surely underlying reasons for why you slipped into this in the first place. If you can address it and make any sort of progress (and even acknowledging the reason(s), if you haven't already, is progress), that will help. Sometimes just a change in my daily life helps... start doing something else with your time sometimes, something new.

 

[cosmic charlie]

I think whatever you do, you should not let your excitement get the better of you, though I'm sure it's super excting to be able to trip again. You mentioned you want to trip with your girl on 4-AcO-DMT and you would have some tolerance from the DOC. My recommendation would be, if she is down to do the trip at that particular time, you should wait on the DOC, or else move the 4-AcO-DMT trip out a week or so. That way, you'll be sure to both get the most out of each trip, and not start to get habituated to dosing with increasing frequency. That would be good both because of keeping tripping down to a sustainable level that allows you to fully integrate each one and make your new stash last as long as you want it to, and also so that the people on your compound don't start to wonder why you've got saucer pupils. That would be really bad if people got suspicious and you had to deal with a bunch of nonsense, it might impact your ability to move on with your life and regain an independent living situation.

Yes, your totally right and I actually just found out some information about Zyprexa withdrawals and it is making me rethink tripping for awhile until I get better. As I've been speaking about this week I have had horrible insomnia since I stopped taking it. What also has been happening I didn't mention is I'm getting these terrible anxiety attacks especially after I drink caffeine which have been troubling.

The past two days I've had this nauseous feeling setting in after I had my coffee today I was forced to lay in bed for hours hiding under the covers before I had to get dressed now and walk to work.

Well I have all these symptoms so I decided to do research on Zyprexa Withdrawals and found troubling results it actually causes pretty severe withdrawal symptoms for four weeks after you discontinued the medication. Things like nausea, diarrhea, insomnia, muscle pain, anxiety, irritability, delusions...all sorts of lovely things and people have complications even weaning off. I went ahead and jumped off cold turkey at 10mgs so I may be in for a tough month. Well atleast I know what's going on with me now and that makes me feel a little better. I'm gonna try and cut caffeine out of my diet maybe have one cup of tea in the morning and that's it. But yeah I'm super excited to trip but thinking I should wait until I feel completely normal, it's deff a bad idea to dose something if I can't even tolerate a cup of fucking coffee properly.

I'm gonna get thru this tho and have off for the next three days so I'm just gonna eat bland foods and drink alot of water, rest as much as possible. Save the Diphenhydramine only for nights before I work the next day so I will deff get some sleep cuz some of these days the past week I have gotten like three hours and it's starting to wear on me. I'm about to walk into work in ten minutes and I feel better than I did this morning so I will be alright tonight I'm just gonna avoid the soda machine and eat like an egg sandwich when I get hungry later. But yeah I have to not rush things psychedelic wise and your right Xorky about how I wanna trip to soon together it's deff much better when you spread it out and it's best if I don't get into that pattern again and truly give things at least a two week break when I do start up. But yeah right now I'm just gonna focus on getting past these withdrawals and being in a state of normalcy. Some of the threads on Reddit we're pretty revealing about what this drug causes.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

Yes, your totally right and I actually just found out some information about Zyprexa withdrawals and it is making me rethink tripping for awhile until I get better. As I've been speaking about this week I have had horrible insomnia since I stopped taking it. What also has been happening I didn't mention is I'm getting these terrible anxiety attacks especially after I drink caffeine which have been troubling.

The past two days I've had this nauseous feeling setting in after I had my coffee today I was forced to lay in bed for hours hiding under the covers before I had to get dressed now and walk to work.

Well I have all these symptoms so I decided to do research on Zyprexa Withdrawals and found troubling results it actually causes pretty severe withdrawal symptoms for four weeks after you discontinued the medication. Things like nausea, diarrhea, insomnia, muscle pain, anxiety, irritability, delusions...all sorts of lovely things and people have complications even weaning off. I went ahead and jumped off cold turkey at 10mgs so I may be in for a tough month. Well atleast I know what's going on with me now and that makes me feel a little better. I'm gonna try and cut caffeine out of my diet maybe have one cup of tea in the morning and that's it. But yeah I'm super excited to trip but thinking I should wait until I feel completely normal, it's deff a bad idea to dose something if I can't even tolerate a cup of fucking coffee properly.

I'm gonna get thru this tho and have off for the next three days so I'm just gonna eat bland foods and drink alot of water, rest as much as possible. Save the Diphenhydramine only for nights before I work the next day so I will deff get some sleep cuz some of these days the past week I have gotten like three hours and it's starting to wear on me. I'm about to walk into work in ten minutes and I feel better than I did this morning so I will be alright tonight I'm just gonna avoid the soda machine and eat like an egg sandwich when I get hungry later. But yeah I have to not rush things psychedelic wise and your right Xorky about how I wanna trip to soon together it's deff much better when you spread it out and it's best if I don't get into that pattern again and truly give things at least a two week break when I do start up. But yeah right now I'm just gonna focus on getting past these withdrawals and being in a state of normalcy. Some of the threads on Reddit we're pretty revealing about what this drug causes.

Good luck dude. I was surprised you went cold turkey...
Someday this will be me too, I'm looking forward to it honestly. APs have a large impact on how someone behaves, thinks and experiences things.

I quit coffee as well only one half strength one in the morning, otherwise I end up yawning and wasting time before and when finally in the shower.

 

[Cream Gravy?]

But also, keep in mind that there are surely underlying reasons for why you slipped into this in the first place. If you can address it and make any sort of progress (and even acknowledging the reason(s), if you haven't already, is progress), that will help. Sometimes just a change in my daily life helps... start doing something else with your time sometimes, something new.

I do need to just force myself to be busy for a time. I have some lingering chores I need to address, and some general dietary/exercise habit changes I need to make.

But I think deep down, it's because I don't have any like... purpose in life. I don't have a career, not for lack of trying. I think that's a root issue. I can't seem to find gainful employment and when I do, it's often so miserable and divergent from what I want to actually do with my life that I barely make it three months before I quit or get fired. My resume is a long list of three month long low paying jobs. I wanted so badly for military service to work out but that is long gone for me now, can't even try for National Guard weekend warrior type stuff; I'm too old to go back and have too many health issues that would preclude service anyways.

I suppose I feel like I should be someone and do something, but I don't know what that is. And my lack of income really doesn't help because any of my hobbies require at least some amount of cash. My wife doesn't expect too much out of me and that helps me not feel like a sack of shit, but I guess lately I've been feeling down on myself because I'm arguably the poorest person I know IRL. All my friends found their way, and flourished. Sure I have the hottest wife out of anyone but that doesn't amount to a whole lot of self-esteem or pride, it's just a juvenile way for me to feel 'superior' in some manner.

I want to get off dope but I'm scared to; I think that's the best step I can make though. If I can clean up, I could see if family can help me find work. I love driving/operating machinery and my uncle knows lots of warehouses in need of forklift operators, which I am actually very skilled at... I just, I need to get clean. And get used to being clean.

I guess I know what I need to do, but I'm refusing to do it.

 

[Buzz Lightbeer]

All my friends found their way, and flourished. Sure I have the hottest wife out of anyone but that doesn't amount to a whole lot of self-esteem or pride, it's just a juvenile way for me to feel 'superior' in some manner.

Pick up the barbell dude, it'll help teach you how to not think so much and just do.
Everything in my life has always been a mess, it's too daunting and too much to tackle all at once, there's no one solution but the key is incremental improvements. There's still sooo much things I need to fix, but weights give some energy, some confidence and some goals. After a while... eh, why not clean up my diet, eh why not clean up my sleeping schedule, eh I have energy so why not do the dishes, and now... eh why not go all out on quitting smoking (still building up the courage because with ritalin and work it's gonna be tough).
It's probably not all applicable to you, but once you've taken some little steps to self improvement it gets easier and all the little things start adding up.

I don't know if these things apply with opioids in the mix, but the principle of cleaning up small bad habbits and getting into other small good ones works. I've actually got a book on it, Atomic Habbits (I think once recommended or mentioned by @Vastness ?), not that I've read it hah, for now it's still close to impossible for me to read after my meds stop working, but it's the principle of the book at least.
The big one still remains the big one though....

 

[Chris Timothy]

It's so damned hard to get out of a rut of depression.

Yesterday the weather randomly cooled down into the 70s so I took some buprenorphine, and had a few brandies while smoking my tobacco pipe on the porch and chatting with my wife. And I exercised before, felt pretty good, had a good night. Had good food. Stayed up a little too late cause I started to nod on the couch and woke up at 1am and finally stumbled to bed.

Well anyways, I'm still feeling in the dumps, despite a good weekend where my wife and I reconnected a lot. I don't get it. I hope I can work my way out of this slump, I need to change things in my life. Obviously getting off dope would be a big help... but being on it is helpful too, just... differently. I guess I'm scared to face the music.

Didn't have the greatest day either. Felt physically off, pinch of headache, probably the keto flu. Fleeing outside was hampered by the rainy weather, staying inside was disrupted by noisy neighbours, and my mood was shaken to begin with having tried facing some mental blocks, as seemed appropriate along with the other life changes but in retrospect was rushing things a bit. I should have skipped a meal for extra clarity at that point.. like, I felt miserable enough not to feel hungry in the first place, the clue was there in plain sight. But the energy provided by the scheduled nourishment made me very uneasy under the circumstance. I went looking for a way out.

I read that phenibut actually does some sort of calcium channel blocking, the same sort as some anticonvulsants which I would have tried out for the tinnitus if only the Russian pharmacy hadn't gotten Putined. Considering I didn't notice any sonic signature when I combined phenibut with acid, I thought I had an experiment with reasonable chances on my hands. Alas, even the threshold dose gave a high pitch.. so I guess it's one of those days again. I've grown some indifference to the tones over the many months, but it still fucking sucks to do anything productive on them. It's like working in a dirty office. It's humiliating.

With the internal silence bollocksed up I figured I could as well try out whether for some reason green tea would be kind on the ears. But caffeine is caffeine apparently.. which opened the floodgates for some cups of coffee. I've kept it black though, so at least I'll continue towards ketosis. As long as I don't have to repeat going through carbs withdrawal I'm making progress of some sort at least.

But yeah I'm super excited to trip but thinking I should wait until I feel completely normal, it's deff a bad idea to dose something if I can't even tolerate a cup of fucking coffee properly.

Relatable, heh.

FWIW, magnesium glycinate helps with tolerating caffeine too, I've noticed. Probably not strong enough an effect to tame coffee in your case, but it does feel like it amplifies theanine smoothness.